Marlow

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by YK2: I DEMAND to have my right as the "LADY OF THE CESSPOOL" made official ... more feminine rantings … Fear me, I have ovaries … <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Sniff, Sniff … I smell estrogen … Aren’t any of you brave Kniggets going to slap down this uppity squire that makes demands!?! For a title no less!!! Have you all been Bobbitted? The shame knows no bounds. Make her grovel. Woman, take yourself back into the kitchen, gravid and sans footwear. ------------------ ... but he does have possibilities as the Western Marketing Manager of Evil. - Rune

You power hungry Kniggets are grabbing titles like weasels on speed. You make the Oklahoma land rush look a stately procession. Some process please. I can't believe I'm saying this, but we need a parliamentarian to oversee the process. I propose our resident charlatan … er, lawyer. Also, one has not been mentioned in this disgusting display of greed due to a serious violation of protocol. Lorak, fix the glaring oversight, and add Rune to the list of Kniggets. Then I propose that the impending cage match between JDmorse and Rune be for one of the Lordly Titles. ------------------ ... but he does have possibilities as the Western Marketing Manager of Evil. - Rune

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Croda: Blah, Blah, Blah, The Morsian Triumvirate shall slay you thricelywise. More verbal Diarrhea <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Toada, Do you really think that is has gone unnoticed in the pool that the Morsian Mental Midgets have piled on this newcomer like Grateful Dead groupies stealing Cheetos at a 7-11 with a AWOL cashier? Your pathetic attempt to better your less than stellar martial accomplishments will not go unpunished. After I dispatch Morse's mongrel Cerberus, I will sacrifice its body on the alter of my blackhearted master in the faint hope that he will throw some crumbs of acknowledgement to his humble, but sharp-toothed servant. With regards to (cast eyes to the floor to show proper respect) the most high of all pseudowords, "Topplement" (And now for a prayer: "Topplement, Topplement, we love you, we love you, Amen."), I am giddy in anticipation of yours. Although a young in the thread, I am well aware of the long and glorious history of topplement, in fact, The intent of the "etymological orthodoxy" post was to cause Herr Meeks(AKA Small Furry Insignificant Rodent) much cerebral pain and righteous fury; to incite the Lord High Keeper of the Cesspoolian Lexicon, into such a state that his eyeballs burst forth from his head, and the green bile that passes for his blood smolders in his veins. ------------------ ... but he does have possibilities as the Western Marketing Manager of Evil. - Rune [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-15-2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks: You dare tarnish the glorious history of topplement by mentioning it in the same post as, as synaptical?!?!?! ... Some other long and tedious drivel. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Meeks, I nail this thesis to the door of your etymological orthodoxy. may it cause your centers of higher reasoning much pain: In defense of agrammatical inaccuracers*, I state the proposition that any compilement of alphabetics than can be conceptualated by synaptical mentalations that does not meet the standards of established word usage is as valid as your beloved “topplement.” Your are no more the authoritizer on grammaticallity than any other inmate of this asylum known as the Cesspool. Take your little pseudoword, off of its pedestal and stop your silly little argumenting about its superiorisity to others. It is time to cease your useless bickerment. *acknowledgement to PushBroom for this gem. ------------------ ... but he does have possibilities as the Western Marketing Manager of Evil. - Rune [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-15-2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by rune: As one of the beta gods, and the true evil, i hereby sponser Marlow. I can see black in his soul....he will never be a Berli...but he does have possibilities as the Western Marketing Manager of Evil. hencefore....marlow is now sponsered...anyone silly enough to argue the point with me, will face Berli in my newest evil creation, battle of the bulge. As further punishment, anyone who dare oppose me will not learn how tcp/ip works with Roger Wilco. Rune Commander Army of the Darkne...err i slipped again...Porcupines <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh, happy day. Oh, rejoice my soul. Brave Sir Rune, Lord of Darkishness, Primordial Evil, The Greatest of all Kniggets of the CessPool, Unsurpassed Master of all things CMian, I prostrate (no, not prostate, sit down Bauhaus) myself in your general direction. I most humbly accept the commission as your Bitch … I mean Squire (not that I have any choice). I shall make your every whim my command. Thy causes shall be my Jihad. Thy enemies shall feel my pointy sticks upon their dangly bits. Already I have taken up your cause, as I currently face in mortal combat not only your arch nemesis, the Sir. JDMorse, but also his toady, PeterNZ. I shall deliver their scalps up to you as a burnt offering forthwith. And should the Council of Knights for some reason decide that your day has past, that you are nothing more than a foul vaporous spirit that occasionally wafts through the pit, and that you no longer grace the hallowed list of Knighthood, well then, Sod Off. [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-15-2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jdmorse: and on further consideration, let's see if your military abilities are as lame as your literary pretensions, so if you dare, send me a setup at your convenience, say 1500-2000 QB your choice of variables, self select units...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> JDMorse, Esq Office above the adult theater Cesspool Counselor, This letter is sent on behalf of the party known as Marlow (AKA that newbie git) in response to the challenge contained in your letter of November 14, 2000. We also reference our client's previous communications with your agent/squire PeterNZ, for no other purpose than to annoy you, and point out his failing to respond to the battle contained therein, as a reflection on your lack of leadership, oversight, and training for said agent/squire. In the November 14 letter, you outline conditions under which you have agreed to meet our client on the ignoble field of battle. Therefore, this letter shall serve as notice that on this day, a file will be sent to you, containing a battle that meets said conditions. This letter shall also provide notice that such battle will provide for your undoing. Respectfully Submitted, Huey L. Deuy, Esq. Deuy, Cheatem, & Howe, L.L.P.

River Runts EPISODE II Back on board PBR meat-thang (AKA PT 212) our hero peers through the low mists of the River. Ever prepared to protect the weak, and fight for justice (the opening theme of appropriately martial music plays) … Fade to black … (and now a word from our sponsor, McDonalds, proud ambassador of American culture, and irritator of the French … Make sure you try our new Chicken McKniggets, with a hot and spicy sweet and squire sauce …) Back to our show … Cpt. Cruda, vessel sighted three points off the port bow. It appears to be a yellow rubber dingy powered by what sounds like the engine from an old DeSoto. Very well Shandorfff. Ahead two thirds. Bring us along side. *Its that Marlow again. Crafty devil, have to watch out for him.* I thought I told him to stay off the Schloss. Aye sir, you did, but you can't tell these young whippersnappers anything. It wasn't like that in my day, why I remember when I first … Shut up, before I use your balls for fishbait. *Why can't these imbecile children realize that I am just trying to protect them from the lurking dangers of the pool.* Ahoy, Marlow, prepare to be boarded. Capt. Cruda, to what do I owe the honor of this visit *Go away you hairy backed simian* Marlow, you wet behind the ears idiot, where the hell do you think your going. I told you that the Schloss Peng was no place for newbie whelps. I thought I told you to shack up with Here-I-Am-Hurt-Me. You did, but BleaterNZ challenged me to a game. I sent a setup, but haven't seen a reply, I thought I'd go looking for him. (looking closely at Marlow) At least the wool sweater is gone, but he's dangerous, watch out for his favorite tactic, an assault from … Yeh, Yeh, already heard that one. Not to worry, I've locked my chastity belt. Well, I'll tell you what. Why don't you just mosey your little Newbie ass back to the Island, and I'll see if I can't find old Peter. He's probably at home with the Ms. and all their little lambs. You mean his kids? No his lambs. I don't understand … you mean that PeterNZ … and sheep … how disgusting. Didn't you notice his cowboy boots? That’s where he sticks their back legs to keep them from getting away. Anyhow, are you getting along with Hiram? Just fine, we've started a nice friendly little game designed by Satan's own henchman, Chucucacu. It will be a good warm up for my ultimate target. Which would be? His Knight, Kurtz-a-achai. Excuse me, are you insane? He'll kill you, skin you, use your sinews to restring his tennis racket, and your skull for a codpiece! You don't know what you are saying, he is strong with the dark side of the Force. I know the dangers, but I have no choice. My fate is set. I journeyed to this place to seek some reason for my being. The search did not take long, as, like a latter day Tocqueville, Sir PawBroom plumed the depths of my shallow American soul, and enlightened my on the ultimate purpose for my existence: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PawBroon: Marlow is the buggering newbie who's charged to find Kurtz (IE you) to kill him because you (IE Kurtz) are now a ravening lunatic. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This is madness! But I must get on with my mission. *go the hell away, you knuckle dragging, eunuch* My feeble minded, idiot child, you would go after a full fledged knigget, without having proved yourself in the pool, you don’t even have a champion here. These knights may be old, senile, lazy, ugly, of the lowest breading … I get the picture. Nevertheless, they have made a pact with powers far more evil than Berli. They have actually harnessed the dark power of the pool for their own foul purposes. You don't stand the chance of Ned Beatty in Attica … you must submit to the kniggets or be destroyed. No, I will not submit. (in a Churchillian voice) I will never surrender. I will submit to none in this pool (aside from the one that may eventually call me squire. Only for that one I will grovel, snivel, and generally abase myself. Moreover, I will make my future sponsor the envy of all other kniggets with my kowtowing, bootlicking and other assorted acts of demeaning subjection. The other knights with their surly, disrespectful squires, squires that dare to best them in battle, and taunt them publicly on the thread. Seems most unbecoming …) Moron, get back to the island before I hurt you. Yes sir Ssquire Ccaptain Choada, thank you for your kind advice … *I'll kill you slowly for this later* ------------------ The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis. - Anon. German General [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-14-2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Chupacabana: The map is quick and dirty and most likely unbalanced, the force mix is probably wildly unrealistic, and the briefings are a snotty attempt to be semi-humorous. It is the best my feeble mind could come up with. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You are indeed a sick and twisted individual. There is a special place reserved for you in a very dark and humid corner of hell, where demons resembling Maggie Thatcher and Prince Charles in thong bikinis will bite your nipples, play paddleball with your testicles, and make you listen ABBA 24 hours a day. The abortion of a scenario you provided for my tilt with Hiram sickens me. My understrength, exhausted companies of nazi war criminals to face the entire army of corned beef and bad dentistry. Not cricket. My poor spent troopers should be happily tucked in their bunks smoking their nasty ersatz cigarettes after their night of cavorting on the town, but no, instead they are dragged out into the cold night by heartless jackbooted officers wickedly wielding their swagger sticks (sit down Bauhaus). No matter, my men will soon be brewing up Hiram's Earl Gray over the flames of smoking British Panzers. "Mach schnell. Ze Englisch panzzies haf been zited. Ve must break zem into little bitty bits and zend zem postage due back to zer puny island."

Given that American gunners can't seem to part with their tungsten, (at least until they part with their flaming Sherman altogether), I wonder if the tungsten rounds are stored in a glass case labeled "in case of emergency, break glass." Or maybe it’s a bit more ritualistic: TC to crew: Hark, a Tiger approacheth. TC to loader: Bring out the Holy Tungsten Round. Loader to TC: Here it is my liege. TC to loader: Place the Round into the breach without delay. Loader to TC: it is done. TC to gunner: On the count of three, thou shalt fire the Holy Tungsten Round. Not Four, Not Two, but Three is the number thou shalt count …. ------------------ The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis. - Anon. German General

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> I'm ready to battle any other Knight or Squire if you want an apathetic opponent. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Squire or Knight I am not; however, as Cpt. Crawdad has seen fit to drop me on this desolate Island with you, perhaps we could pass the time with a little tilt. Send a setup. ------------------ The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis. - Anon. German General

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer: Baaa Baaaa Beat me like a redheaded stepchild. Send me a setup. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> (I Quickly remove my lamb's wool sweater...) It will be on its way this very evening. ------------------ The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis. - Anon. German General [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-13-2000).]

While we are talking about adding mythological beasts, how about one for the Americans: T-28 95 tons and 105mm main gun. [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-13-2000).] [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-13-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-13-2000).]

United States Army Reserve from 84 to 98 Signal Company, 11th SFG(Abn) 84-91 Signal Company, 12th SFG(Abn) 91-95 3/335th, 85th Div(EXERCISE) 95-98 ------------------ The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis. - Anon. German General [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-13-2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sean-feng-shui: Be careful, in your journey upriver. Should you actually arrive at your destination in the heart of Schloss Peng, it will be you brokenly crying 'the horror, the horror!'. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I have come to this Cesspool, and journeyed up the Schloss Peng under the apparently mistaken impression that this was a challenge thread. Instead I find much contemplation of navel lint, dissertations on sheep buggary, and God help, us the Philadelphia Eagles; but not a game to be found. Could it be that in the depths of ennui you have lost that spark that once made this former of pit death and destruction into Romper Room? As originator of the thread, you should be ashamed. Nevertheless, I will continue on, as to leave for the rest of the forum is to be consigned to topics such as "how do I do that reply with quote thingy" and "CM sucks because game does not correctly model the penetration of the German Big Ass Gun Mk. XXIX. I demand that this be corrected immediately, so that I can shoot through 5 Shermans with one round rather than 4." No, I will not retire to the realm of Rob and Lewis, and my journey to the source of the Schloss Peng will not be swayed by incompetent provincials or surly natives. [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-13-2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PigGroom: The Croda in me always thought Conrad was a former federal agent who ducked it out with the Japs in a flying metal horse named Corsair. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> At last your true self is revealed, and you sir are no Frenchman. Leaving aside the question of why anyone would impersonate the French, no true Gaul would ever admit to even a passing knowledge of that piece of Americana known as "Baa Baa Blacksheep." Even your pungent aroma is false, and was probably obtained during a long sweaty night of rubbing against some coffee shop artist. If you are truly French, prove yourself. Go loot a McDonalds. ------------------ The reason that the American Army does so well in wartime, is that war is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis. - Anon. German General

Into the darkness a faint, flicking light shines, the dying beam of the intrepid explorer's flashlight. Before a great expanse of dark and malodorous water. It is the cesspool. Legendary home of the Great Knights of the Peng Thread. The explorer has come to seek the wise counsel on the holy game. The Distant shores invisible in the cold mists. The explorer climbs into a weather-beaten old craft that has been left partially beached in the decaying mud of the shore. He pushes off. Silence and the mist enshroud the craft, and lazy bubbles rise from the depths below. What form of foul and monstrous beast lurks in that abyss? After hours that seem like days, the far shore is reached. The ruins of a once great castle loom in the mists. As the explorer approaches the crumbling gates, strange and disturbing sounds fill the air. Out of the shadows lurches a hunched figure. A wizened old man leaning heavily on a crooked staff. In a wavering voice, he addresses the explorer "Who approaches this damned and accursed place?" "It is Marlow." "Marlow, Marlow … A noble name. Why do you venture to these dark lands brave explorer?" "To seek the guidance of the wise ones: the Knights of the Cesspool." "Gahh, wise ones indeed! (he totters precariously in his rage) A bunch of self important fools who couldn't find their ass with two hands and a compass is more like it!" "Calm down old timer, tell me about it. But first, what shall I call you?" "I am known as Seanachai, Knight of the Cesspool, for the little that is worth." "I know that name, a Knight of razor wit, but limited military prowess." "LIMITED MILITARY PROWNESS!!! WHY YOU YOUNG …" (he loses his balance and topples to the ground, then slowly rises and dusts off his shabby clothes) "If I could, I'd kill you for that remark." "But you did lose to Peng after all." "(sigh) alas, you speak the truth, I can deny it no more." "But why do you look so old? you have only been in the pool for a year or so." "It is the dark energy of the pool. I have become complacent, and have not the strength to resist its power." "Your strength is gone then; however, you can still advise this young seeker of the true way of CM." "Alas, young Marlow, I cannot. You see my mind has become as week as my body. I fear that I can be no use to anyone. But my friend, perhaps you could offer me some assistance. I see that you are well provisioned. I would be most greatful for whatever crumbs you could offer." "I don't think so (he kicks the old man's staff out from under him. The Knight crumples to the ground in a heap) Your feeble mind and body are of no use to me. I can now see the my journey for knowledge must become a quest to cleanse the pool of the old and lame. We need some fresh blood in this place." The explorer starts towards the castle gate, stepping on the fallen body of the Knight, and walks on without looking back … ------------------ I have no need for decency, so go bugger a sheep - Herr Oberst [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 11-10-2000).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst: How dare you insinuate that I would aspire to so low a level as that, crawling about limbless among the filth and decay of the Pool. ... we peasants of the pool have no work. That all falls to the lowest of the low, the Kanniggetts, and what-so-ever unfortunate Squirrels they deign to have battle. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Herr OpenSore, I now see the error of my ways. My grievous insult was not intentional. Since you are not of the rank of kanniggett, I no longer consider you beneath my contempt, merely worthy of it. ------------------ If its stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: [Not sure if he was pretending to be Christopher or Philip; in either case, he forgot the final 'e'. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Seanachai-a-pet, You illiterate baboon. There is not "e" in the Marlow in question. Dig a little deeper. ------------------ If its stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PatBoone: We don't need Grog! We are fierce historical inaccuracers. Go out of this Thread, prove your worth by posted non sense and abuse people and come back. Do somefink!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Arghhh!! You discovered my darkest secret. I have repented. The other post was the evil grog part of my personality (the anti-Marlow) that I am trying desperately to exercise. I posted, but I didn't inhale. It was a youthful indiscretion... Nevertheless, I'm not going anywhere. You think it is that easy to get rid of me? I can smell your fear (among other things). Well as the French say, "onward to victory!" No, that’s not right… <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Her Ovaries: Help! Help! Somebody do something about the outsider. I'm so scared I pissed my panties <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You worthless piece of bat guano. Are you so little of a man that you must send others in your place to face a challenge. You fancy yourself a Knight of the Pool; however, you seem to me like a (particularly ugly) princess in a tower who must find a champion to do her bidding. A coward who is afraid of the pain and humiliation of being bested by a junior member. "Oh please don't hurt me Marlow, or if you do, please don't leave any marks, Bauhaus doesn't like to share his toys." Dare to tilt with me personally, and I will go through your pathetic forces faster than ice tea through Al Gore. Nevertheless, if you must, in your cowardice, send another do your work. I will grind that squirrel's liver into a fine paste, spread it thickly on your buttocks and let loose a pack of ravenous wolverines. With regards to your proposed battle, The squires of this pool are so inept that they require Armor to defeat the Sunnyside retirement home shuffleboard team? For shame. It is obvious that your sense of decency is as shriveled and unused as your manhood. I will fight under any conditions, including the sick and twisted battles you proposed; however, I shall not go down quietly. I will slowly torture the unfortunate squire who is hapless enough to draw the short straw and stand in your stead. My old men will die in the longest, most painful, and excruciatingly drawn out manner imaginable. I shall never surrender. Upon seeing my file appear in the inbox, there will be much weeping and gnashing of teeth. Senility, I have no time for you. If I wanted any crap from you I would squeeze your head. ------------------ If its stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Ah, I see the cowards remark struck home. Did it wrong, I think not oh yea of little deodorant I may be new, but I know the rule of the pool. The weak sink to the bottom to provide food for the bottom dwellers (yes you JDmorose, and all of your slicked back tort wielding kind), who will eventually be caught, cooked on a stick over an open fire, and used to provide nourishment for the young and the strong. I renew my challenge!

Dive into darkness Surface, What floats towards me? Not a Baby Ruth!!! Hello Cesspool scum, I think it is time for me to take a dip in the pool. Dip in my toe… Waters a little cold… oh well jump in. Here comes one of the deformed and crazed inhabitants, By the stench it must be a Frenchman. Hey, the waters getting warmer!!! And I think someone turned on the Jacuzzi. What a welcoming bunch. Anyway, I have been playing my first few PBEM games, and my opponents have been far to polite. I figured a game with one of you fine Cesspoolians would liven things up a bit. Accordingly… I demand a game from one of you sniveling cowards. I care nothing for your manby-pamby protocols and kniggetly ways. Squire or Knight, it makes no difference, I will crush your dangly bits, flay your little digital minions alive, and sell their children off to medical science. Who dares answer? ------------------ If its stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.

Thanks for the quick answer.

Can anyone provide any technical details on U.S. gyrostabilizers? I did a search, and only came up with why they are either overrepresented (i.e. on every Sherman), or undermodeled (not as effective as they should be), but nothing about how they worked. Also, if they were effective, why did the tankers allegedly disconnect them? If I was facing German heavies, I would want any advantage I could get. Could it have something to do with inexperienced crews and a lack of familiarity with new technology? Did the percentage of tankers using gyros increase as the war went on?

Its been a while, so forgive me if some of the details are wrong; however, I don't think that a blanket statement that U.S. tactics would not provide for recon at the CM scale is accurate. IRRC, U.S. tactics call for a recon from the objective rally point (ORP) to the target area so that the leader of element that will be doing the assault has a chance to lay eyes on the target, rather than just to rely upon maps and intel from higher up. This would often be done more or less within the timeframe of a CM game (e.g. 30 minutes prior to leaving the ORP for the assault). Think about the advantages of this recon in the context of what you have learned playing CM. For example, does a flat map adequately show you that fold in the land that would hide your approach to the target? What about that platoon of tanks that moved in since HQ intel issued its report? This type of recon is often done out of the range of friendly support. One important caveat, this would be a very careful recon from a well covered position, and not the mad dash across and open field that all to often occurs in the game.