The Peng Challenge Thread: Still 100% Advertising Free!

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Sir 37mm, same for you.

snicker

He can't. The poor little nimrod's computer was turned into a smoking pile of clinkers when he tried downloading too many Donny and Marie videos. Other than one time when he went to the library to use one of their computers to post, no one's heard from him in a month. It's been... loverly!

[v42below]

The Irony - I finally find a job that has no internet blocking of any kind, but it keeps me too busy to post! At least this job will mean the end of anal-yst jokes.

NG, Welcome back! Funnily enough, I'm heading out that way in October. Two weeks in Azerbajan for work, right on the border with Iran (aren't I the lucky one - if you're out that way "dismantling" enrichment facilities, do pop in).

Almost forgot, Sir Sir 37mm- you are a pansy. If your computer melted down, you should simply stick one finger down the broadband socket and the other down the power one - you'll be up and running in no time.

[dalem]

Seanachai.

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Hey Nidan 1, if you can send your last turn for our game, we can continue.

Errr... makes little circles in the dust with foot, head down, hands thrust into pockets.... I think I may have deleted the folder.

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Nidan1:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Hey Nidan 1, if you can send your last turn for our game, we can continue.

Errr... makes little circles in the dust with foot, head down, hands thrust into pockets.... I think I may have deleted the folder. </font>

[stikkypixie]

Originally posted by v42below:

The Irony - I finally find a job that has no internet blocking of any kind, but it keeps me too busy to post! At least this job will mean the end of anal-yst jokes.

NG, Welcome back! Funnily enough, I'm heading out that way in October. Two weeks in Azerbajan for work, right on the border with Iran (aren't I the lucky one - if you're out that way "dismantling" enrichment facilities, do pop in).

Almost forgot, Sir Sir 37mm- you are a pansy. If your computer melted down, you should simply stick one finger down the broadband socket and the other down the power one - you'll be up and running in no time.

Ha! You still have the nerve to show yourself around here, while you still owe me a setup. Last time you were no match for my Italians and I generously gave you the chance to get your ass kicked all the way back to wherever it is that you from. As I knight of the sacred MBT demand satifaction. And now if you'll excuse I have an angry email to send to my local newspaper.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Nidan1:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Hey Nidan 1, if you can send your last turn for our game, we can continue.

Errr... makes little circles in the dust with foot, head down, hands thrust into pockets.... I think I may have deleted the folder. </font>

[stikkypixie]

You don't go for self-destruction attemping to destroy the person who annoys you the most?

[Boo Radley]

Why do you ask? Are you getting worried?

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by dalem:

Seanachai.

Yes?

You are never alone, Dalem. We are always with you.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Nidan1:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Hey Nidan 1, if you can send your last turn for our game, we can continue.

Errr... makes little circles in the dust with foot, head down, hands thrust into pockets.... I think I may have deleted the folder. </font>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by J Ruddy:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by The Mummer's Arse:

'Graphics Animation Inserts' are the last resort of people for whom the alternative, when trying to introduce themselves, is to pull out their genitals and attempt to perform a puppet show version of 'Macbeth'.

:mad:

A cracking response from spunky, but anyone worth the spit they're made of knows HMS Pinafore is the genetalia pièce de jour.

:mad: </font>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by **YK2**:

Here's something that is true about me..

I kicked Seanacoochies arse...

And yet, you still owe me a kiss...

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Stuka:

For once, (and this would be the first and only time) I must agree with Monsieur Emrys.

For I, too have felt the icy chill of ignore emanating from my in-tray after a nice, cheery email to Seanachai goes unanswered.

One who expects and does not give is merely an..... expecter.

Or sumfink.

Well, there is something in what you say. Oftentimes I must make hard choices. Do I reply to emails, or post on the Peng Challenge Thread? Do I reply to X's post, or do I reply to Y? Do I JUMP UP ON A GODDAMN OVERTURNED PISS BUCKET LIKE A FECKING POODLE AND GO "ARF, ARF, OH, LOOK! STUKA'S BACK AGAIN AFTER ANOTHER 2 YEAR PERIOD OF PISSING HIMSELF IN THE WILDERNESS WITHOUT A THOUGHT TO ANYONE ON THE PENG CHALLENGE, HOW LOVELY THIS OPPORTUNITY TO BLOW KISSES AT HIM AND CALL HIM 'ME OLD CHINA' THE ROTTEN SON-OF-A-BITCH", or should I make a measured, thoughtful response to some complete and utter trouser piddler who could one day turn into a Tower Killer because his post begging for acceptance and understanding was pissed upon from a considerable height on the Peng Challenge Thread?

Stuka, me Old China! It's good to see you back!

Emrys, the most philosophical of the Horsemen, I never got that email about...whatever it was. Resend.

For the rest of you...'I wish ah could quit you, Peng Challenge...'

[Seanachai]

Do you know what I love? I love it when little children take the things that we adults tell them, say to them, and teach them, and turn them back on us.

The beauty of it is that they do it without irony, without mockery and without any particular agenda.

My friend, Small Emma, does this to me all the time. Mind you, she is almost never feeding me back my own Adultspeak, because I do not usually deal with her as an Adult. I deal with her as a large, odd, and rather ungainly child.

So, when she asks me to 'Sit down here by me, Grandma Steve', and pats a patch of floor between couch, coffee table, end table and chair that you might be able to shoe-horn an anorexic super-model into, and I tell her 'Oh, Emma, I cannot sit there, because I am too large', she tells me:

"You can do it, Grandma Steve! I know you can!"

Well, I displace hips joints, knees, and seriously affront my ancient arse to somehow attempt to squat next to her.

But that, of course, is not enough.

"No, Grandma Steve! Sit on your bottom!" And then, in a wonderfully sadistic replay of what They tell her at Day Care, she pats the rug and says 'Criss-cross, Applesauce'.

This means, of course, that I not only have to wedge my creaky old self into a space barely big enough for someone who isn't fat and broken down, but I have to cross my fecking legs and assume the posture of the Buddha!!!

So I do it. Or at least, I did it tonight.

Of course, when she jumps up onto her twinkly little feet and speeds out of the room shouting 'Follow me, Grandma Steve! We have to go fight with Medusa!', I need to ask her Dad to give me an arm up, and every joint cracks when he hauls me up on to my feet. Also, I usually knock over some glasses. I get dirty looks from her Mom.

Then we go fight Medusa.

I know, I know. You're asking yourself: Medusa?

Look, the kid saw "Clash of the Titans" one night on cable with her folks, and she loved it. So I went out and bought her the DVD. For her recent birthday, I gave her a copy of "Jason and the Argonauts". I told her real grandparents "I skip right past the kid's movies and get them invested in Greek Mythology".

So she and I then go off to battle Medusa.

Recently, this took a particularly demeaning turn. She had decided that we should play 'Dress up'. She had an entire box filled with 'kids dress up stuff'. I was forced to put on a frilly purple headband, a woven red hat that looked like something Julie Andrews wore as Maria in the 'Sound of Music' when she went to be a governess, and I had to carry a very, very small purple purse.

So, when we went into the living room, and were confronted with a 'naughty, mean Medusa', she asked me "Grandma Steve, what should we do?"

Without thinking about it, and relying upon my extensive knowledge of Classical Mythology, I told her: 'Well, we need to avoid her gaze, and then cut her head off!'

So, this tiny, blonde-haired little cherub looks up at me, raptly, then turns to the 'Medusa' (actually, a vase filled with dried flowers sitting on a pedestal which, oddly, does look a bit 'medusa' like), and wildly waves her arm shouting "Cut, cut, Medusa, we've cut your head off!"

And I have a 'Bad Grandma Steve' moment. I realize that, whatever the literary roots of what we're doing, teaching a three year old to cut off the heads of her enemies may not be the best message.

As Firesign Theater said: "And after all, eating the heart of a dead Indian isn't the sort of thing that Christ would have done."

So I went into the kitchen and told her Mom the situation. And her Mom told me "No. That is not a good lesson. You should say 'No thank you, please, Medusa'.

But I am a vile and unrepentant Grandma Steve. This did not strike me as the proper approach to dealing with a vicious mythological creature with snakes for hair that turned people into stone. But I tried.

Small Emma and I went back into the living room, and once again confronted a 'naughty, bad Medusa'. And I tried. I said:

"No, no, naughty Medusa! We do not want you to be mean to us. No thank you, please!"

And then I asked Emma: "Is she being good, now?"

And Emma, with a sudden gasping intake of breath (this kid is one dramatic little bugger) told me: "NO! She is being even WORSE now! Should we cut off her head?"

And I compromised.

I told her: "No, Emma. We will...we will WHACK HER WITH OUR PURPLE PURSE! NO, NO, NAUGHTY MEDUSA! IF YOU ARE BAD, WE WILL FIGHT YOU! WE WILL WHACK YOU WITH OUR PURSE!"

And then I pretended to whack the 'dried flowers in a vase on a pedestal representation of Medusa' with my small purple purse.

This was, without question, the Best Thing I Had Ever Done, as far as Small Emma was concerned. She laughed, she giggled, she went ape-****. We had to do it something like 37 more times.

I will never be remembered as Perseus was.

I would like to be a Warriour Hero, decapitating monsters left and right with a magical sword. Instead, I will be remembered as Grandma Steve: Wearing the oddments of children's 'dress up' clothes, and whacking mythological monsters with a small purple purse.

But I can't complain. There's not a one of you feckers that could slay a snake-haired mythological monster with an AK-47, let alone a small purple purse.

Before I go home, I get hugs.

You lot are lucky to to avoid a case of crabs.

-Grandma Seanachai, Chastiser of Monsters

[Mace]

Grandma Steve? Did you get "fixed" recently?

[SturmSebber]

Maybe he's somekind of freaky conjoined twins.

[37mm]

I have returned!

Well not returned properly … but I have been allowed back into the library!

Well not my local library, of course… but I have managed to get into another less suspecting one (it's only about 50 miles away as well!)

So I’ve been out of the Cesspool for over two weeks now & life just cannot get any better than that… no longer do the birds growl or the children spit at me & very few old crones flee before me wailing “It’s the popgun!”

I feel almost normal again

But despite the fresh air & clean living I still had the perverse urge to dip my toe back into this foetid place, to check in & see what’s up.

I see my serf has been neglected… the sodden rat has clearly been playing in the piss bucket again; he’s been half-starved, beaten & deprived of any show of affection

That is all good & as exactly as it should be but some of his welts are starting to heal & he no longer instinctively flinches when he spots movement… most disturbing.

Nidan1 I count you as a kind of expert on these 'orrid Belgians* so I would appreciate if you looked after Sturmsebber for me… here’s the carrot

*Sir 37mm hands Nidan1 a parsnip*

I also see that v42below has shown up again… did I ever tell anyone how much I truly despised that sod?

I don’t mean the two young, lithesome, busty, catholic schoolgirls pulling at each others pigtails as they roll around in the hay kinda play-hate which is all that most of you lot can be bothered to summon up, I mean true-blue, I need to go to the toilet, expel my bowels & have a shower when I read his posts, point me in the direction of the nearest kipper so I can flay that cowardly little sod alive whilst forcing mushy peas down his throat kinda hate.

As for the turns they shall arrive when Pengs 40 days & 40 nights is up

* How you (of all folk) managed to get one of those fey, pointless buggars to tie its own shoe laces never mind get one to Knighthood is beyond me.

[SturmSebber]

IIEEIEIeeeuuuwww Nidan1 ...

[ng cavscout]

v42, good to be back, as for any future trips to the sandbox, only virtually if I can help it. about a year and a half left and I will be able to retire, and I don't want to miss another 14 months of my kids' lives.

Seanachai, glad to see that Small Emma is still keeping you on your toes (if you stand up on tip toe you might be able to see over the counter). My Anna likes to say "Sorry Daddy, So Sorry Daddy}, and then cheerfully run off to commit whatever offense again. Of course, her favorite movie is also Dawn of the Dead, so, she is already on a strange path.

Thanks Speedy, and I am worried too, but then again, better interest in my bits than some poor sheep right?

Mace, 'ello mate! How are things going down there? Glad you are still in the MBT, place just wouldn't smell the same without you.

Stuka, hope things are going well for you. Still in Qatar? I still have that pin for your better half, I will try and get it sent off soon.

Did the Justicar retire during my absence? Or has he just forgotten the way to the keyboard? Senility is such a tragedy, except when it strikes the already mentally enfeebled, then it is just funny.

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by SturmSebber:

IIEEIEIeeeuuuwww Nidan1 ...

You'll be singing a different tune when you see what's in store for you, laddie.

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by Boo Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Nidan1:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Hey Nidan 1, if you can send your last turn for our game, we can continue.

Errr... makes little circles in the dust with foot, head down, hands thrust into pockets.... I think I may have deleted the folder. </font>

[Lars]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I look forward to your 'One Man/Penis' performance of Lady Macbeth's 'Will these little hands never come clean' soliloquy.

I'm more worried about the Witches scene.

There's only one cauldron he can make bubble.

[J Ruddy]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by J Ruddy:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by The Mummer's Arse:

'Graphics Animation Inserts' are the last resort of people for whom the alternative, when trying to introduce themselves, is to pull out their genitals and attempt to perform a puppet show version of 'Macbeth'.

:mad:

A cracking response from spunky, but anyone worth the spit they're made of knows HMS Pinafore is the genetalia pièce de jour.

:mad: </font>

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I would like to be a Warriour Hero, decapitating monsters left and right with a magical sword. Instead, I will be remembered as Grandma Steve: Wearing the oddments of children's 'dress up' clothes, and whacking mythological monsters with a small purple purse.

LOL. Congratulations. You have found your true niche in life. There are worse.

Michael