Nestor Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Malapropski – Act 1, Scene 1 Seanachai: This new one interests me – I like a nice tanned philosopher. Berli: Yes he displays a certain amount of promise. Perhaps I’ll take him to the underworld and show him the real meaning of the word tanning. Seanachai: No, no, he should be left in the light with me where we can trade witty epithets and frolic incessantly. Berli: I’m afraid I’ll have to insist – dark-side it is. He’ll be happier there, more like home. Seanachai: (becoming agitated - belly reddening) I saw him first! Berli: (calmly, but with menace and his beard is starting to curl) I’m the Prince of darkness. Seanachai: (Jumping angrily, trying to reach Berli’s beard for a swing) This is just so unfair – you always do this. (Lights fade) Gentlemen, this is unseemly. A new arrival with a book-club bargain bundle of dictionary, thesaurus and quotations under his arm arrives at the door and a pair of Olde Ones immediately start fawning in his general direction, thus neutering the <big>SOD OFF!!</big> efforts of minor ‘poolers (which were, admittedly, pitiful). Get a grip! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noba Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Get a grip! Well spoken Young Nestling. These two are prancing around like star crusted lovers... swooning like young sweetlings in flimsy garments, trying ever so hard (Down Bauhas ) to attract attention. Feh ! It's not for the likes of old farts such as themselves to -prostate- themselves before such a nuisance of an SSN ! Get thee back to your drunken stupors, you old Ignominious Olde Ones. Noba. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Seanachai: You're as weak as water, you oaf! Water is fluid and formless... Pour water into a bowl, it becomes the bowl... Pour water into a cup, it becomes the cup... Pour water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot... Water can flow, and it can crash... Become the water Boo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchy Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Seanachai: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by PondScum: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai: Where would I be if I could only achieve a great taunt if given great subjects, eh Boo? In a room, alone, muttering to myself, that's where.I'm failing to spot the difference here. You ARE alone in a room, muttering to yourself.</font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Seanachai: (I snipped huge tracts of what Seanachai said, because it was fairly redundant and after all, he does go on doesn't he? I mean, I thought my boss was verbally narcissistic, but he's a shrinking violet compared to Ol' Stinky-cheese. Mainly, his dime novel rant can be condensed down to this paragraph: I own you now, Boo. You've surrendered all the power to me, do you see? It lies with me, for you have nothing. You're as weak as water, you oaf! Yes, yes, yes, you tower over me with your inherent greatness like a mountain. I lap against your mighty rock-like feet whilst I dwell entirely in your shadow. But like the water and the mountain, year after year, encounter following encounter, I shall wear away at you. I will erode you, Olde man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noba Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Dear Persephone ; how you taunt us with your skills... How you blast our eyes with obsenities ! Arrgh. My Lady , have mercy on us - make it go away ! (I shall not place the abomination in repeatus) Noba. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchy Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by dalem: A brief haiku. Ahem. Seanachai droned on On and on and on he droned Droned on, that he did Thank you!That was beautiful Dalem. *sniff* Persephone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Apparently Dorosh thinks I'm a hottie. Could it be the wax-like flesh? The 50 yr old linen undergarments and worsted wool trousers? Or perhaps it's my ability to stand perfectly still for hours on end? Ahh, I know, it's the pink piping! Gaylord me leetle squirrel, I have a task. Find this Dorosh in whichever thread he is hiding. Give him a smack-down of such EPIC proportions that he will be forced to come here, to our house, to defend himself. Oh, and do it in rhyme. You will probably be subjected to some ASL conversion tripe, but as long as you make sure Mrspkr is not the author, you should be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Panzer Leader: I'd like to take this opportunity to mention that I would be more than happy to take the lad under me wing so to speak. He needs mentoring, he needs a Big Brother, so to speak.Then take him. Take him now. Give him a taste of rum, sodomy and the lash. Be the Big Brother to him that always ends up in the police reports. You two would make a lovely couple. In short, pretend you found your yarbles. And it will really make the Justicar's day. SSN Hint Of The Day: Fire people by phone. Now sod off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Malakovski: Now, not only is it possible to quote things of greater significance than a line from Star Trek, even if it is the best Star Trek, you can either a) indicate the source to show what a big brain you have and what big books you've read, or employ it as the equivalent of a secret handshake, a code if you will, understood by like thinkers, and resented by morons. What quote? I made that up myself, years ago, and have been horribly and unjustly plagiarized for years now... And if you're going to be hanging around the Cesspool, we will have to find sumfink for you to do. Aah yes, we have just the place... A little manual labor might do you some good, occupying that brilliant mind of yours with some more practical matters... remember <table width="100%"><tr><td width="100%" align="center">ARBEIT MACHT FREI</td></tr></table> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Oberst, I really liked you're edited version (didn't see it until this morning) "You didn't pull out?!? Asshole!!!" Ha ha! Ho ho ho! Eh, hee hee, whooo, that's rich. Oh that was good. You're almost as funny as MarkIV was. Almost. Not quite. Well, not even quite really. Instead of the mother part though, I might have sad something like, "Did you ever wonder why all your 'long-term' relationships have ended something like..." That would've got 'im! [ October 04, 2002, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Herr Oberst: If you really want to know the 'deep foundation of every tragic crisis', look no further than the events that caused your mother to say "You didn't pull out?!? Asshole!!!"That's going to leave a Existential mark. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidan1 Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Herr Oberst: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai: You're as weak as water, you oaf! Water is fluid and formless... Pour water into a bowl, it becomes the bowl... Pour water into a cup, it becomes the cup... Pour water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot... Water can flow, and it can crash... Become the water Boo.</font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malakovski Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Herr Oberst: Um...that's all very nice, but aren't you supposed to be taunting me, or giving me the courtesy of a "sod off", or, if you're really just going to roll over like that, at least sending me a game? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaylord Focker Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Persephone: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by PondScum: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai: Where would I be if I could only achieve a great taunt if given great subjects, eh Boo? In a room, alone, muttering to myself, that's where.I'm failing to spot the difference here. You ARE alone in a room, muttering to yourself.</font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchy Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Nestor: Malapropski... Act 1, Scene 1 Seanachai: This new one interests me... I like a nice tanned philosopher. Berli: Yes he displays a certain amount of promise. Perhaps I'll take him to the underworld and show him the real meaning of the word tanning. Seanachai: No, no, he should be left in the light with me where we can trade witty epithets and frolic incessantly. Berli: I'm afraid I'll have to insist...dark-side it is. He'll be happier there, more like home. Seanachai: (becoming agitated - belly reddening) I saw him first! Berli: (calmly, but with menace and his beard is starting to curl) I'm the Prince of darkness. Seanachai: (Jumping angrily, trying to reach Berli's beard for a swing) This is just so unfair ...you always do this. (Lights fade) The struggle between Gnome and Evil. or The Good, the Bad and the Gnomely? Persephone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Persephone: The Good, the Bad and the Gnomely? PersephoneA Fistful of Gnomes? Yuck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herr Oberst Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Malakovski: ... aren't you supposed to be taunting me, or giving me the courtesy of a "sod off", ...Let's walk this through once more... from the orifice of the Bard himself: "So, if you're here, it's because you've come to share with us your wit, your cleverness, by taunting someone here to a game. Try to show some imagination. Impress us with your badinage." and "So pick out an individual, and challenge them, cleverly, to a game. If they think your challenge has any merit, they will give you a game. Otherwise, they will probably tell you to, yes, you guessed it, Sod Off!" You, the newcomer, are supposed to issue the taunt for a game. Cesspool tradition has it that Kanniggets do not accept challenges from SSNs, and they certainly don't issue them to SSNs. It simply isn't done! And, unless the tenor of an SSN's taunt resonates with the tauntee, the taunt will in all likelihood receive the brush-off... So far, you haven't gotten to my "Sod Off! point yet. You may well have potential. It's just that it's all twisted up with that philosophical mumbo-jumbo you've been filling your brain with for the past 4+ years. So first, an exercise. Do this well, and I shall make you my Squirrel, to be raised in House... House... er, umm... House sumfink... That's it!!! House Sumfink. Your task, proto-squirrel, is to post to the MBT an exposition of length between 175 and 200 words, on the topic "Kant or can't: Why ignoring Aussies doesn't make them go away." I await your masterpiece. [ October 04, 2002, 01:28 PM: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaylord Focker Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Well since i've been here long enough and no one wants me as a squire or whatever it is, i'm outa here. The Pbem's are fun but the ICS backlash is obvious, no biggie, later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by dalem: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Persephone: The Good, the Bad and the Gnomely? PersephoneA Fistful of Gnomes? Yuck.</font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rune Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 We can always cook the Gnome, You know.... Gnome, Gnome on the Range? No singing Mace. You will scare Harv's sheep again. Off to referee soccer in the remains of Hurricane Lili. It is raining sideways here... Rune Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Gaylord Focker: Well since i've been here long enough and no one wants me as a squire or whatever it is, i'm outa here. The Pbem's are fun but the ICS backlash is obvious, no biggie, later.What? What?!? I have been fighting for you tooth and nail, little chef, and now, NOW, after all my plans are about to come to fruition, you brush my off like the little vixen who never finished her Screwdriver?!? This will not do, this simply WILL NOT DO! You are mine now, MINE do you hear? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchy Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Gaylord Focker: Well since i've been here long enough and no one wants me as a squire or whatever it is, i'm outa here. The Pbem's are fun but the ICS backlash is obvious, no biggie, later.Little lost Gay Focker...I believe Panting Lecher took you on as his trusty Squirrel or Quire or somefink like that. Persephone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leeo Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Persephone: Are you sure that's his stomach showing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agua Perdido Posted October 4, 2002 Share Posted October 4, 2002 Originally posted by Lars: "The Gnome with No Name".Gnome with no Tongue would be better, then maybe he'd shut up from time to time. Guy Fokker, remember that hate sustains from within, and requires only that you keep on hating. You worthless git. (I say make it a serf on the merits of the "over-40 divorced chat room" riff, poorly spelled as it was.) Speaking of which, where's my feckin' turn, Lars? And where the feck are your units? We are in the same game, right? That goes for you, too, jdmorse. Stop resending your last move and answer the turn I just re-sent you! Or do you check your email? Punters. Agua Perdido Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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