Jim Boggs Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Aces_and_8's Whoa!!!!! I thought that was a dead man's hand. You know Berli personally then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Aces_and_8's: Well...I just flew in from California, and boy are my arms tired *snicker, guffaw, snort* There's nothing like those old classic comedy one-liners, told over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Boo Radley: Is that a euphenism?!?! I'll not have any gratuitous euphenisms on my watch, by gawd! You take that back right now, dalem! Your watch? YOUR watch? Who do you think you are, Joe Shaw? Sir, I know Joe Shaw. I've designed scenarios with Joe Shaw. You, sir, are no Joe Shaw. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiny_tanker Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Well Aches and Pains I've been sitting here waiting for my bloody glowing portal of joy, but I still got nothin. They seem to want to taunt me by not actually delivering it within the 5 to 7 business days, silly bastages! Don't worry I will be raining death on your head soon enough, so you might as well enjoy the wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by MrSpkr: You, sir, are no Joe Shaw. Steve Yes, that sort of talk should properly put him in his place and make him realize the error of... Well, at least something's been said to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noba Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Meanwhile, down by the paddock, a few hungover but inquisitive souls are leaning on the rails listening to the squishy noises emanating from the dilapidated barn. Normally these sorts of things go unremarked in their daily drudgery, when you view life mostly through the bottom of a glass anything will enliven your existence, and so it has. Of late some of the noises have been, well…INTERESTING! Muffled as much by dust and hay bales as by the oft repaired wooden walls, the sounds occasionally reach a high pitch, followed by a heavy thud then silence. This silence is short-lived giving the audience no time to think of moving on. Looking across the (lately) unused paddock overgrown by thistles and weeds, theories are passed too and fro about the lack of sightings of the owner. The bedraggled four legged bovine wannabe has not been to see the vet for over a year and many feel the regular injections that kept it under some semblance of control have worn off. They worry that a stampede through town may be the result! Others think that the Queen's carriage will have to be pulled by a real horse in the coming ceremonies, and who will pay for that ? Still more worry about garden ornaments vanishing in the night. Is that a link to the mysterious disappearance of the small, red hatted caitiff that is missing from the wastelands? So often taken for granted with his regular supply of cheap booze left on the edge of town. (This fact is noted and commented by many a traveller to and from other more salubrious regions). Still they stand and wait. Noba. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yeknodathon Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 I just wanted to say that if yer looking for yer first gnome, one can't go wrong with a rubber one. Good for home defence or recreational use it is very accurate for plinking beer cans. Cheap too. Has the original 1911 hand grip and normal options for barrel extension. Washable; which is just as well, 'cause they get very dirty and require meticulous cleaning to prevent jamming. And at this time of year, one has to mention that a rubber gnome is for life, not just for Christmas. Yeknod Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yeknodathon Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 ... of course, when one gets used to yer rubber gnome, yer might like to try one of the big boom calibres... *sniff*... but they're expensive. Watch yer ammunition. Yeknod Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Lads, things have gotten serious. There is an emergency within the Thread. Our Queen, the gracious, fair, and much beloved Queen Emma, has gone missing. We not only suspect foul play, we demand it. Nothing else except the intervention of scum could take our Fair Queen from us. Our enemies are legion. Our foes our multitude. Any of them would like to see us bereft of all good government, and the care of a fair and just Monarch. Leave no stone unturned to return our Queen to us. Her formal coronation awaits. Who do we suspect? Everyone. The goddamn Goodalers...the Grogs...halfwits of every stripe... Any or all of them might have had a hand in the fact that our Queen is missing. And that bastard Mr. Tittles. Does anyone know where he's been posting lately? Rest not, leave no leaf unturned, in the search for our Queen. If you offend, if you presume, if you go way over the top and start threatening people in other threads with acetylene torches, burning off eyebrows and the occasional nose while screaming 'where is she, where is she, you f*cker', know that we, the Olde Ones of the Peng Challenge Thread, shall answer for all. Find our Queen. Punish the wrongdoers. Go out there, and make some people suffer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yeknodathon Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 ... yer gnome is such a personal thing so choose 'em carefully to match yer individual needs. I'd very much advise that yer try yer local gnome range or yer local sheriff. Rent a couple of 'em from the gnome racks and try 'em out. Such establishments will be able to advise on stance, grip etc and, more importantly, safety. Many nasty things have been known to happen with an "unloaded" gnome. Yeknod [ November 15, 2003, 03:17 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Yeknodathon: ... yer gnome is such a personal thing so choose 'em carefully to match yer individual needs. I'd very much advise that yer try yer local gnome range or yer local sheriff. Rent a couple of 'em from the gnome racks and try 'em out. Such establishments will be able to advise on stance, grip etc and, more importantly, safety. Many nasty things have been known to happen with an "unloaded" gnome. Yeknod Shut up, shut up, shut up! Seek the Queen! Are you a donkey with no Monarchical spirit?! No sense of Rightness?! And what's that hanging from your...Dear God, have you been doing something unnatural with an inflated garden gnome, you bugger?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMplayer Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Yeknodathon: And at this time of year, one has to mention that a rubber gnome is for life, not just for Christmas. I find it tragic and appalling that so many families don't seem to understand this. How many gnomes find themselves abandoned — the novelty worn off — and must eke out a living scavenging at the city dump? How many are left with no greater dream than being accepted to one of the coveted (and all too few) spots at an abandoned gnome shelter? How many people walk by a little gnome, holding its hat out begging for a few pennies, and just harden their hearts or even kick it out into the street? Scenes like these are all too common across America, Europe and Australia! How can we have gone so astray? Do us all a favor, and before you purchase your gnome, attend a gnome care and safety course. Not only will this help prevent tragic accidents (the kind where a family members' brains slide slowly down the wall) but the modest cost and investment of time will help insure that you are prepared to care for your rubber gnome from the day you place him — dapper, perky and bright coloured — in your garden, to the autumn of his life (even if his paint flakes, his pointy hat goes flaccid, yes even if he gets brittle and smells of an old tire swing and spouts incomprehensible poetry while chatting up preteens of both sexes). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yeknodathon Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Yer larger calibres can be a bit fugly. Reminds of the time when it was raining and I had to pour water out of the gnome to get 'im going. Uphill, both ways by the way. Me treasured and ultra reliable ceramic gnome stove piped on me and then went into terminal meltdown with three double feeds. Only me trusty backup rubber gnome functioned that night. Ever tried to lob a rubber gnome at 25 meters in response to a double failure of your primary gnome and hit the broad side of a barn? No, exactly... it just bounces. *sniff* and it had trigicoms. Yeknod [ November 15, 2003, 05:18 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMplayer Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Animals'll eat the darndest things. And they'll go around with stuff hanging off 'em. They simply have no shame. tsk. tsk. It's charming though, in a South Sea Pacific islander kind of way I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noba Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 The most important thing is to keep the gnome supple. If it goes all hard, you can't do anything with it. Now forget those expensive silicon sprays, just go for the old and tried baby oil. Put in on real thick like, and make sure you rub it into the gnome real well. Don't forget to cover the whole of it, can't have bits going hard now, can we... GUARANTEED to keep the little bugger in tip top condition. Noba. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Noba: The most important thing is to keep the gnome supple. If it goes all hard, you can't do anything with it. Now forget those expensive silicon sprays, just go for the old and tried baby oil. Put in on real thick like, and make sure you rub it into the gnome real well. Don't forget to cover the whole of it, can't have bits going hard now, can we... GUARANTEED to keep the little bugger in tip top condition. Should I be disturbed that you know such things? Mace Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athkatla Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Aussie Tossers!! This is your 'D Day', hehehe!! 'D Day' = Defeat Day (That's for all the thick Aussies.........oh sorry, thats all of you, hehehehehe!! [ November 15, 2003, 06:36 AM: Message edited by: athkatla ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SirReal Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Mace: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Noba: The most important thing is to keep the gnome supple. If it goes all hard, you can't do anything with it. Now forget those expensive silicon sprays, just go for the old and tried baby oil. Put in on real thick like, and make sure you rub it into the gnome real well. Don't forget to cover the whole of it, can't have bits going hard now, can we... GUARANTEED to keep the little bugger in tip top condition. Should I be disturbed that you know such things? Mace </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMplayer Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by SirReal: Why, did you consider it a trade secret? Mace's trade secrets have more to do with shampoos and how to tie ribbons. (not to mention countermeasures against ticks) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noba Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Mace: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Noba: The most important thing is to keep the gnome supple. If it goes all hard, you can't do anything with it. Now forget those expensive silicon sprays, just go for the old and tried baby oil. Put in on real thick like, and make sure you rub it into the gnome real well. Don't forget to cover the whole of it, can't have bits going hard now, can we... GUARANTEED to keep the little bugger in tip top condition. Should I be disturbed that you know such things? Mace </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Noba Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by athkatla: Aussie Tossers!! This is your 'D Day', hehehe!! 'D Day' = Defeat Day (That's for all the thick Aussies.........oh sorry, thats all of you, hehehehehe!! Are you from another time line ? Or have you just been returned from your 'abduction' ?? Noba. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athkatla Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by Noba: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by athkatla: Aussie Tossers!! This is your 'D Day', hehehe!! 'D Day' = Defeat Day (That's for all the thick Aussies.........oh sorry, thats all of you, hehehehehe!! Are you from another time line ? Or have you just been returned from your 'abduction' ?? Noba. </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by CMplayer: Do us all a favor, and before you purchase your gnome, attend a gnome care and safety course.And of course, don't forget to spay or neuter your garden gnome. It's for the best, really. Now, what's all this rubbish about a Queen? Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aces_and_8's Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by MrSpkr: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by CMplayer: Do us all a favor, and before you purchase your gnome, attend a gnome care and safety course.And of course, don't forget to spay or neuter your garden gnome. It's for the best, really. Now, what's all this rubbish about a Queen? Steve </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted November 15, 2003 Share Posted November 15, 2003 Originally posted by MrSpkr: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Boo Radley: Is that a euphenism?!?! I'll not have any gratuitous euphenisms on my watch, by gawd! You take that back right now, dalem! Your watch? YOUR watch? Who do you think you are, Joe Shaw? Sir, I know Joe Shaw. I've designed scenarios with Joe Shaw. You, sir, are no Joe Shaw. Steve </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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