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The Laying of the King Before the Altar: The Peng Challenge Sinks Gracefully Backward


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Originally posted by Vadr:

Lars trumpeted:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr /> I have retained the Pet Rock of the Pool, Gaylord Focker, as a bounty hunter and set him on the Outlaw Justicar's trail.

Bah, I can handle that Git, no need for the hairy...err..fleet-footed Justicar to be bothered. </font>
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What a maroon.

I mean, crikey, the guy can't even string together a half-dozen interesting sentences before he's crying in his milk. Look, Shaw, it's over, a'right? You lost, I win, it's a grand illustration of a fundamental aspect of life. You're a boob, I'm gifted. Guys like you always end up washing the jock of guys like me. Even a neanderthal like you should be able to understand. Get with it, buddy.

Oh, since whatshisname who I invested with the office of Justicar previously has disappeared, I now assign the post of Revolving Justicar to Marlow. Abuse it as you see fit, lad, as it'll be handed over to someone else soon enough.

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Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

What a maroon.

I mean, crikey, the guy can't even string together a half-dozen interesting sentences before he's crying in his milk. Look, Shaw, it's over, a'right? You lost, I win, it's a grand illustration of a fundamental aspect of life. You're a boob, I'm gifted. Guys like you always end up washing the jock of guys like me. Even a neanderthal like you should be able to understand. Get with it, buddy.

Oh, since whatshisname who I invested with the office of Justicar previously has disappeared, I now assign the post of Revolving Justicar to Marlow. Abuse it as you see fit, lad, as it'll be handed over to someone else soon enough.

I rest my case ... not only is he an idiot (witness the above nonsense which addresses NONE of my brilliant analysis of his FAILED reign but merely announces yet AGAIN ... that he's in charge! Refer, if you will, to my previous post comparing him to Mussolini and see if I'm not right on the mark.

But not only is he still an idiot but ... and note this CRITICAL point of analysis ... HE USES "crikey" IN HIS POST! Knights and Squires of the CessPool ... SHALL WE STAND IDLY BY WHILE AN ADMITTED AUSTRALIAN FANCIER TAKES THE REINS OF THE CESSPOOL? Is NOTHING sacred?

Seanachai, as the pre-eminent Australian basher of the MBT, WILL YOU NOT NOW STAND AND DELIVER US FROM THE YOKE OF Meeks (nb)?

The Outlaw Justicar Strikes Again!

Justicar, Justicar, "crikey" says the Meeks,

Justicar, Justicar, Must we stand for "Aussiespeak"

True colors we have seen, It's downright obscene,

Justicar, Justicar, Justicar.

I STAND FOR THE CESSPOOL!

Joe

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Oh, Squire-O'-Mine,

If you knew your Cesspool's history as well as you say you do then you'd be reconsidering your current campaigning.

Back in my days of patrolling the Cesspool in my faithful PT boat, I had many unpleasant experiences. While run-ins with that scamp Marlow kept my days interesting, it was the morning ritual of exhuming Shaw's rancid and festering corpse from the shallow end of the Pool which made me ponder a change in my chosen vocation.

Harken back with me now, and I'll Larn you a Lessin:

An overcast and drizzly dawn opens another stolid day in the CessPool. Captain Croda and the stalwart crew of his PT Boat scour the outlying areas of the Cess - a morning ritual as repugnant as Mace is Australian. An object floats in the water to port.

Croda: (Poking the object with a cattle prod) Wake up. Wake up Shaw. Time to start the day.

Shaw: I stand for the...

Croda: Save it.

Shaw: Is it time for my pudding?

Croda: It's time for work. Let's go.

Shaw: But I can't find my teeth. I think an eel took them.

Croda: I doubt the Mormon wives will notice.

Shaw: Give us a ride to Schloss Peng, will you lad?

Croda: It's going to cost you. The normal fee.

The acrid stench of rank and stagnant Cess mixed with Boone's Apple Wine formed a cologne most knew only as The Justicar.

Croda: We're here. Get out.

Shaw: Thank you again, dearest Croda. You are certainly kind to...

Croda: Remember my fee. Speeds off into the distance. Shaw last sees an earless dog chuckling at him from the back of the boat.

Shaw: Ah yes, the fee...Must pay Charon, afterall...

To be continued...

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Originally posted by Elijah Meeks:

Oh, since whatshisname who I invested with the office of Justicar previously has disappeared...

Even his toadies are hopping away! Is this the man(?) you would have as your leader? He inspires as much faith as a common snake oil salesman! Less even, because at least you may find a snake oil salesman mildly amusing, or you could have a sick snake, I suppose and maybe have some use for some oil, but this <small>king</small> they would have you follow is about as desirable as a proctologist with poor depth perception!

I snicker at his antics. I KittKat at his frippery. I Almond Joy at his chicanery.

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Originally posted by MrSpkr:

**Looks up from sharpening various pointy sticks towards the foul blathering in the distance.

MrSpkr: "Shaw approaches. I must ready the fires."

exeunt

Hah HA! Well done MrSpkr, I see the signal fire lit by you and will take appropriate precautions. Take care that youknowwho doesn't suspect your TRUE affiliation. We'll topple this false king yet.

Joe

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Originally posted by Croda:

Oh, Squire-O'-Mine,

I'm sorry, are you referring to me? If so, then to be more correct, you should call me something along the lines of former squire, perhaps, for I was knighted almost a year ago. Wonderful ceremony it was, too. Streamers, confetti, someone ordered a party sub and someone brought really, really good beer. But of course, you weren't there, were you? No...big important knight couldn't be bothered attending his old former squire's investiture. Nope. Just pretty much cast me adrift. No real formal training at all. I had to learn the ropes as I went along. Of course you did allow me to play Crodaburg and I'll admit that taught me to hate quite well. But other than that, I was a latch-key squire.

But you're here now, aren't you. Yep, just strutted your big, bad self in here and started instructing your squire, didn't you?

Well, it won't wash, Sparky! It just won't wash!

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I remember the good old days when Joe ranted endlessly, but at least stopped at making no sense.

This feed the rich and eat the poor thing is quite tiring.

As for my "Squire:"

Just because you leaped from my teat (figure of speech everyone, just a figure of speeech) before you could wash your own ass, much less string together a caustic remark or twelve does not mean that you shouldn't still take direction from your Pappy.

Shaw, as I have eloquently displayed, is a booger-brained goof-ball who tends to pee-pee himself every time he gets his blood up - roughly 3 times per posting.

Meeks, on the other hand dates a cantonese girl who actualy knows what bukake is and at which public functions it is not appropriate. His twisted soul is more twisted than a twisted oak, or a twisty straw, or even Hiram's putrescent visage.

To back Shaw is to back a guy from Utah.

To back Meeks sucks as well, but at least it's better than backing Shaw.

Didn't we ever have the Lesser of Two Evils talk? Oh yes, you preferred the stories about the birds and the other birds...never were much for the bees, young Boo - not that there's anything wrong with that.

{Edited to ensure that many animals were harmed in the creation of this post.}

[ February 03, 2003, 05:24 PM: Message edited by: Croda ]

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thus sprach Joe Shaw

... words are my weapons now. As the Outlaw Justicar I am forced to strike and retreat, hit and run, attack and withdraw ...

I take it this means you have withdrawn, quit or surrendered ignominiously from our contest?

Send a turn or surrender, Outlaw Joe Shaw

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Originally posted by Moriarty:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr /> thus sprach Joe Shaw

... words are my weapons now. As the Outlaw Justicar I am forced to strike and retreat, hit and run, attack and withdraw ...

I take it this means you have withdrawn, quit or surrendered ignominiously from our contest?

Send a turn or surrender, Outlaw Joe Shaw </font>

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Why all this King / Justicar fuss? Meeks did not officially go through the ceremony, and as such is still a pretender to the title. When did he lie flat on pimpled cushions? Or was it he pimpled lies on flat cushions?

No one paraded his Royal Sceptre about, and an abbott could not be found. No words did he utter in ceremony.

A tourney is called for, with individual combat to decide the issue! Let God sort this out. The Justicar vs Meeks in a battle on the field of honor! Loser is a right proper pillock and swears fealty or admits no right to the crown, as necessary.

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Originally posted by Croda:

As for my "Squire:"

(Self important blatherings SNIPPED because I was too filled with ennui the first time I read them)

Yeah, well M'Lud, talk is cheap. I guess that's why you excell at it.

I would spew supremely caustic venom at you right now, but the House of Boo is feeling a bit emotionally drained right now. We had to have a much loved pet of 19 years put to sleep this evening and it's taken a lot of the vinegar out of me.

But not to worry. I'll be back to my old self in a day or two and verbally drop kick your flacid arse into next week. So hold your breath, starting...

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(Wait for it...)

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NOW!

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Originally posted by Snarker:

Why all this King / Justicar fuss? Meeks did not officially go through the ceremony, and as such is still a pretender to the title. When did he lie flat on pimpled cushions? Or was it he pimpled lies on flat cushions?

No one paraded his Royal Sceptre about, and an abbott could not be found. No words did he utter in ceremony.

A tourney is called for, with individual combat to decide the issue! Let God sort this out. The Justicar vs Meeks in a battle on the field of honor! Loser is a right proper pillock and swears fealty or admits no right to the crown, as necessary.

Sneaker brings up one good point and one bad one. IIRC (or perhaps Earrick) Meeks (nb) never DID get formally crowned but just grabbed the thing and attempted to wedge it atop his greasy. lice infested scalp.

That being said, however, I could never condescend to actually playing someone who was a Pretender AND and an unrepentent Apostate. Now perhaps if he renounced the crown and all claims to the throne ...

Joe

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Originally posted by Snarker:

No one paraded his Royal Sceptre about, and an abbott could not be found. No words did he utter in ceremony.

I was appointed Abbot of the Drains, you sniveling toad. Quit whining appeasment, and go back to your place. The ceremony is sure to start any moment. Why don't you hold your fowl breath, and count down (from one million, by prime numbers should do it), hmm?

You'll note that the drains are flowing quite freely now, Joe. Apart from all that "outlaw" crap you keep tossing in. As befits a tosser of your stature, I imagine.

Boo's lend-lease clankys are making gooey piles of my men. Too bad all the russian armor is smoking on the other flank. I hold the flags, come and get them, Sasquach.

[serious]P.S. Sorry about the kitty. Believe me, I know how that sucks.[/serious]

MrSpkr's hampstertrupen rush in like the crazed SS of yore. Better call up the 16-year-old reserves, you're gonna need 'em. Anyone know how to use that "sewer movement" thingie?

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Originally posted by R_Leete:

Pfftt! What? Purchased your ecclesiastical noggin at a Sale of Indulgences outlet, eh? A genuine Abbott of Drains would not ask such a question. The answer is large heavy building to large heavy building only if sewer movement is enabled. Regular or better, cannot be previously panicked. Stealth leaders help survivability.

*Sweeping bow* But you knew that, Your M&Ms.

Malakas.

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Originally posted by Croda:

Meeks, on the other hand dates a cantonese girl who actualy knows what bukake is and at which public functions it is not appropriate.

Months that end in 'y'.

Never on a holy day.

Not while I'm giving a speech. Before or after is OK but not both.

How kind of you to remember, Revolving Justicar Croda.

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Seanachai you blithering old fool. I see that you've lost yourself in the rancid, porn based Harry Potter stars.

I once looked up your visage with awe. Ok, not really, but at least with some respect...No? Well, I didn't think of you as a Minnesota coward now, eh?

You who desire hatred, yet return none. You who wish personalized letters of bile, yet do not deign to return files. FIE, I say you, FIE!

Stop that meaninless, meandering of the internet and start to return files. The Cossacks are at the crossing and your impalements await. Strap on your curiass and charge, lad. This pussyfooting about files is unseemly.

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Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Blah blah blah *belch* blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah *burp* blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah *fart* blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah *scratch* blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ....

Silly little song again!

Yawn, Yawn, ZZZZzzzzzzzzzz

I STAND IN THE CESSPOOL!

Joe

For someone not talking to me, you sure do use a lot of words
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Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Sneaker brings up one good point and one bad one. IIRC (or perhaps Earrick) Meeks (nb) never DID get formally crowned but just grabbed the thing and attempted to wedge it atop his greasy. lice infested scalp.

That being said, however, I could never condescend to actually playing someone who was a Pretender AND and an unrepentent Apostate. Now perhaps if he renounced the crown and all claims to the throne ...

Joe

Dear OJ,

Have you lost your mind?

Where is your "battle cry" ...

Your .... {snicker}.. ditty?

No doubt gone where your Pixeltruppen are now congegating. OFF THE FRIGGIN' MAP! If nothing happens from YOUR side of the frozen wasteland in that goddam game of ours within the next ... err ... say 25 turns, I WIN BY DEFAULT!!

k?

Love,

AJ

Champion of the UnderDog

[ February 03, 2003, 11:36 PM: Message edited by: AussieJeff ]

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