Peng Challenge Telethon a Success – Australia Saved

[SirReal]

Originally posted by Lars:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

I want to read something that will make me clutch my Donavan McNabb doll and want my mommy.

You have a girlfriend now, time to let the Donavan McNabb doll go... </font>

[Joe Shaw]

Gimme some rage, gentlemen.

Now Hiram ... was that NICE? Is that the lovable, "kick me please even though I'm not good enough to deserve it" Hiram that I knew in the olde days? Is that the "everything about me is worthless and I can't imagine you swell fellows letting me hang around YOU who I consider to be GAWDS." Hiram that followed us around, posted and was given the back of our hand when he piddled on the floor?

I feel no rage Hiram ... of course I'm not FROM Noo Joysee and IN JawJuh so perhaps ...

Joe

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

There is entirely too much Joe Shaw (Spelt, bolded, and you can shove it up your arse) and Boo Radley (Oh, my computer confuses me, me not understand new fangled tek-now-oh-gee)in this Peng thread. I want to see some nekkid women doing those things that nekkid women do with their pajama parties and...uh

Just realized where I am. This is where certain geriatric gentlemen feel that they are royalty.

Gimme some rage, gentlemen. Show a reason why you hate. Can you feel the burning deep down inside? I don't want friggen banter. I want to read something that will make me clutch my Donavan McNabb doll and want my mommy. Impress me once.

You outdated container of cottage cheese bloating in the sun. You want Hate? You can’t have it, for you are not worthy of the fire that seethes and roils in my soul. My banked ire is not worth fanning into the torrents of flame over something as insignificant as you and your insipid little 'call for hate.' You are naught but the poor rotten peanut that you hope some one will find and eat, only to die anyway, die anyway, die annnnyyyyway just now. That is your hope and the sum of your desires, to be mistaken for something good, yet carry a treacherously mild effect, for though you quest and yearn to be as feared as that rotten peanut, you are merely a shelled nut of a man in the birdseed bag of life.

You braying breath of nutria crap, my hate is not brought forth at the beck and call of freakishly big headed fur carpets such as yourself.

[dalem]

Last weekend I was in Stillwater, MN (touristy place) and I got to see a B-17 fly over. Pretty cool.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by dalem:

Last weekend I was in Stillwater, MN (touristy place) and I got to see a B-17 fly over. Pretty cool.

Which one?

Oh, and Hiram? May I call you that? Instead of vile, cheese exuding mass of cellular dandruff, that is. Don't you have some cotton to pick, or peanuts to boil, or julep to mint? Remember, Idle hands are stupid hands.

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

I want to read something that will make me clutch my Donavan McNabb doll and want my mommy. Impress me once.

... I think I want me mommy too... Baseball, pathetic.

Yeknod

[Hiram Sedai]

Donkey Kong, it's "Football", idiot

Dalem, you made my nipples hard. Rock my world, big daddy!!

[ng cavscout]

Well, the battle is over, SirReal and I battled to a draw. It was a allied probe, I have noticed that the Swedes have an affinity for "probes". I went with three platoons of panzergrenadiers and one of pioneers. I bought some supplementary HMG's, 50mm mortars, 2 Pzr III's, and 3 50mm AT guns.

SirReal, through treacherous use of the Swedish Topless Bikini team, distracted me in the opening phases of the battle and caused me to use most of my mortar ammo for a few squads of infantry.

I had placed my two AFV's in a copse of woods, not realizing that the thermal sensors on the KV-1's and T-70's (or were they T-72's?) would pinpoint them. Well, there were some dirty shorts on those panzer jockeys at this moment.

(serious) I don't know how to put photos that aren't hosted on the WWW here. Can you? If so, please tell me so I can post screen shots. (/serious)

Well after some mysteriously straight shooting russkies cored my hapless little Pzr-III like a granny smith apple, I scooted it's wingmate back out of sight.

That was when one of two high points for my forces hit. My sniper(did I forget to tell you I like snipers?)put a 7.92 round through the throats of both TC's of the KV-1's.

Well, feeling cocky, I decided to trundle my last PzrIII out to take out an AC or 3, well, that didn't work out very well, as the enraged Red KV-1's avenged their TC's by promptly turning it into a smoldering wreck.

At some point during that blur, before dying, the Pzr-III took out a truck towing a 76mm field piece.

Taking advantage of the Teutonic tendency towards logic, and straight lines, the devious Swede infiltrated his SMG infantry into the woods I had set my pioneers up in. I really need some more practice with FlameThrowers

Attacking from the flank, maybe they had been told there were either easy Nordic women hiding in the woods or cases of Vodka, either way, they were very energetic in turning my German Infantry into sausage.

As they were rolling squad after squad up in the right hand woods, I got my second high point of the game.

Thinking I had fixated on the big flag he was moving on, SirReal sent an infantry company thrusting for the two small flags in center sector, well they advanced through smoke, and when the smoke cleared, there were about 6 dead squads in front of the Panzergrenadier platoon with HMG team I had dug into the woodline.

I had one of my 50mm AT guns set up in the "woods of screaming Russian death" that served as a graveyard for my Pioneers, and that took out a T-70 before it died. My other AT guns were across the map, guarding the avenue of approach that the IceMan didn't decide to use. They did, however, manage to thread the needle and take out a T-70 each.

Long story short, I didn't count on the underhanded play of the sweaty swede. I must really protest, Frontal Assault is the rule for the Russians isn't it? I could of sworn I read somewhere that the Soviets were prohibited from rolling up the flanks, wasn't that one of Tukachevsky's prohibited doctrines?

Who is next? Who wants some of my 50mm death raining down on their heads?

[ July 18, 2003, 09:29 PM: Message edited by: NG cavscout ]

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Dalem, you made my nipples hard.

In cases like that, you might want to consider a training bra, you girlified toe-dancer. Either that, or try softening them by repeatedly mashing them with a meat tenderizer. I'd be more than willing to help.

[SirReal]

Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Who is next? Who wants some of my 50mm death raining down on their heads?

Silly boy, 50mm is high velocity. It goes up the nose, not down on the heads.

Anyway, I don't know how you manage to cheat me out of my rightful victory, it probably had something to do with those two 5cm PaK that managed to hit a small tank moving at 800m. Through a treeline!. Twice!! Obviously he should be disqualified for drugging his pixeltruppen.

Need more data?

/SirReal

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Lars:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

I want to read something that will make me clutch my Donavan McNabb doll and want my mommy.

You have a girlfriend now, time to let the Donavan McNabb doll go... </font>

[ng cavscout]

Originally posted by SirReal:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Who is next? Who wants some of my 50mm death raining down on their heads?

Silly boy, 50mm is high velocity. It goes up the nose, not down on the heads.

Anyway, I don't know how you manage to cheat me out of my rightful victory, it probably had something to do with those two 5cm PaK that managed to hit a small tank moving at 800m. Through a treeline!. Twice!! Obviously he should be disqualified for drugging his pixeltruppen.

Need more data?

/SirReal </font>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

Speaking of which, where the feck's Seanachai? I feel the need to point and laugh at him in a public spirited sort of way. You know. The way you might if you were to see a parade coming down the street and you suddenly felt compelled to shout, "Huzzah!" in a stupid, 19th century sort of way.

Barrel-house kings, with feet unstable,

Sagged and reeled and pounded on the table,

Pounded on the table,

Beat an empty barrel with the handle of a broom,         

Hard as they were able,

Boom, boom, BOOM,

With a silk umbrella and the handle of a broom,

Boomlay, boomlay, boomlay, BOOM.

THEN I had religion, THEN I had a vision.         

I could not turn from their revel in derision

-Vachel Lindsay

Never fear, Boo. I am always with you, you are never alone.

A little parade, is it, Boo?

clap hands, here comes the Lindbergh baby...

Well, when the ÜberGnome goes for a stroll, Boo, all the world pauses, and flocks to line his route, and pass some unkind, cutting remark. My due, as it were. The accolades that I have earned by dint of much application. Let them strew petals before the chariot of Caesar, but make my passage smooth with the abrasive power of their hate.

Although the hate, of late, has been rather second rate. Boomlay, boomlay, boomlay, Boo.

But I am heartened beyond the ability of all but myself to describe (most of you lot can't describe anything other than defecation in a moving way...) by the recent reappearances of Geier and Goanna, to name but two. And the Fair Emma at least peeked in to help one of the lads get in touch with his 'inner interior designer'. Such gentleness, such goodness. And such a dab hand with a Glasgow Kiss.

Of course, I see Hiram skulking about, demanding hatred. More like 'begging' for hatred, really. It's sad.

Hiram, you get great hatred, significant hatred, lad, by earning it. You have, to this point, and especially of late, managed to rack up some mild disdain.

I look at your posts, and think to myself:

Aha, yes, there's young Hiram. And, oh, look, he's happy. How nice. He's taken a break from his busy schedule of attempting to silt up the gene pool to let us know that he'd "like a bit more hatred, please, sirs", like some sort of feckless, trailer park dwelling Oliver Twist. Well, well. Who'd have thought that leaving New Jersey could actually turn out to be a descent? Possibly the first man in America to make what would, in any other case, be a hands and knees climb to betterment into a skateboard plunge to idiocy.

Still, treat it as the right one, as it were. I suppose I could spare him a quick slap from the backs of the tips of my fingers.

Now, then. For the rest of you, there's been an almost astonishing fall-off on standards, lately. Oh, I hear the windy grumblings of the Justicar, and of course we all delight in the endless need of you lot to chatter on like a lot of teen girls who've retired together to the bathroom to discuss boys, but the taunts, of late...

Well, they've been pathetic. Posting in general has been a bit anemic.

In fact, reading the Thread lately has been like holding an empty spam can up to your ear in hopes of hearing the sound of the sea.

Do you realize that I did not have to abuse Australia or Australians in any way whatsoever in the previous Telethon thread?! There simply wasn't a taunt worth the investment of time.

But I know this is about to change. I know this because it's clear that I am going to have to post a lot more. At least for the next week or so, when there might be a brief interruption. There's a very good chance that I might be returning to the cabin in Canada for another glorious week by myself. That depends, though, on whether certain disturbing and upsetting circumstances here in town are resolved. I shall say no more about it for now.

[ July 18, 2003, 10:43 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Joe Shaw]

That depends, though, on whether certain disturbing and upsetting circumstances here in town are resolved. I shall say no more about it for now.

Oh dear, dalem's not stalking again is he? I'd have thought that the last bout would have taught him that stalking in general is a bad idea and stalking Jesse Ventura is just crazy.

Joe

[Goanna]

Oh, goody, time for a patented Bard rant then is it? Well, then let me be the first to say:

Put a porcelain sock in it, ya decrepid old gas bag before I have to open you up like a cheap tacky matrioska doll just to see how many personalities are buried inside!

[MrSpkr]

Turns are out to all of you who deserve them.

Everyone else will have to wait.

So there.

Steve

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Hiram Sedai:

Donkey Kong, it's "Football", idiot

Oh, look, a second twin Donovan McNabb... this Football thing is very exciting. Is nodding part of the game?

Yeknod

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Goanna:

Oh, goody, time for a patented Bard rant then is it? Well, then let me be the first to say:

Put a porcelain sock in it, ya decrepid old gas bag before I have to open you up like a cheap tacky matrioska doll just to see how many personalities are buried inside!

Thank you. I was trying to remember what those bloody things were called just the other day.

The answer, by the way, is 13.

And now, a DAR (no, not 'Daughters of the American Revolution'; that is, not 'prissy upper-class matrons unwholesomely longed for by such East Coast drongos as Nidan)', but rather, 'Durable Action Report'.

It is part of the ongoing saga that is this place. It is going out in a style to acknowledge and honour an event that occured on this day in 1939. See if any of you small dying creatures can sort out what that might have been:

Seanachai pried his eyelids open with difficulty. His cheek was lying in a puddle of something that reeked of fermentation, and the rough grain of the table top stretched out before him like some hideous appalachian landscape of clear-cut ridges receding into a polluted distance of unknowable horror.

Someone was shaking his shoulder insistently, repeating over and over 'Comrade Commander, Comrade Commander' in a voice that said 'lickspittle' in 9 languages.

He got one arm under him and pushed off from the tabletop, lashing out with the other to knock aside the hand on his shoulder.

"What is it?" he snarled. "Stop touching me, you f'ing idiot! Did I give you permission to touch me?!" The last in a sort of barely coherent scream.

The pasty faced young man in front of him recoiled in horror.

"NO, Comrade Commander! I humbly beg your pardon! But I have news! And I wasn't sure you were breathing!"

He tried to focus. "Where's my goddamn drink? Did you take it, you puffy faced little streak of piss?!"

"NO, Comrade Commander! I...you spilled it, I think. It's..."

"Stop gibbering, you swine, and fetch me another bottle of vodka! Fast up with it!" he snarled.

"YES, Comrade Commander!" The little toad scurried off, mumbling and wringing his hands. Bloody fools, that's what you got on the Front these days. He laughed harshly. Nothing but bloody fools, and righted his glass. He tried to focus on tangibles like 'time' and 'day'. The junior officer scurried back, bottle in hand.

"Drink!" he shouted at the stooge, who stopped, frozen in horror, looking at him like a poodle caught in the headlights.

"I have it right here, Comrade Commander!" he quavered.

"No, Drink! DRINK! Drink up, you peasant! Drink until this whole stinking war makes sense!"

"But...I...Comrade Commander, I..." His eyes were rolling, and Seanachai hoped he wasn't about to watch the world's first epileptic seizure brought on by the advent of manhood.

"Drink, or I'll send you up to oversee the battle with Peng's troops, you fool!" The terrified junior stuck the bottle in his mouth and began to suck on it like a sailor too long at sea. "Good! We'll get drunk together!" The poor fool desperately nodded his head, still drinking.

"Peng! That bastard!" He could barely focus. His head felt like it was going to explode. He jerked the bottle out of the hands of the junior officer and finished it off. Suddenly he felt a wonderful clarity. He didn't understand why he'd ever been worried. It was all so simple.

"I'll simply challenge him," he mumbled to himself. "I'll challenge him, and I'll do it publicly, and I'll start a new topic about it. And I'll name it after the swine, and I'll make sure it never, ever dies!" Suddenly he felt like a god. "And at first, he'll be flattered, and make the mistake of participating. And soon his name will be everywhere, and he'll be a goddamn legend, and no one will even remember why, but he'll have to be 'on', day after day, trying to cope with being Peng! And he'll destroy himself, trying to live up to the ongoing nightmare of meeting the expectations of a bunch of waterheads who can't count up to 21 without removing their shoes and undoing their fly!

And he'll have followers. Create him, and they will come! Mock him, and they will laugh! Praise him, and they will mock! But attack him, and they will defend. Defend him, and they will follow. Question him, and they will cast you into the Outer Boards."

He smiled at the junior officer, who was now crouched in a corner, whimpering.

"And I'll be his friend and confidante. I'll create an entire mythology surrounding his horrifying plunge into the maw of public expectations and private envy. I'll be the Apostle Peter and Judas Iscariot bound up in one, long-winded, seemingly senile and smilingly doddering old fool." His grin was now beyond simply demented, and well on its way to 'barking mad'.

The cowering officer whispered "You're insane! And vile!"

And Seanachai, smiled, and responded, "Don't be silly, lad. I'm the Nice One..."

[Guest konrad]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I'm the Nice One...

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by lenakonrad:

Silence, you East European refugee!

Er...that is...

Be less visual, you pillock!

[Hiram Sedai]

nevermind...yet again, victim of forgetting to log one person off before posting...

nothing to see here...move along...

[ July 19, 2003, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: Hiram Sedai ]

[Moraine Sedai]

Originally posted by rune:

{respectfully snipped things not pertaining to my own post}

Secondly, You much find Lady Moraine, and after a decent taunt [but be careful, Ladies of the Pool are to be respected, even those that FAIL to post AARs of their battles. Play her in....hmmmm....Cossack Carnage.

Rune

Begging your pardon, Sir Rune, but in case you haven't been kept abreast of things, I have no AARs to post as of yet.

Games still under way with Elvis and Lurkur.

Game suspended with konrad until he gets settled again.

Game in limbo with MrSpkr as neither side seems able to open the official v1.03 moves and until we figure out what's up with that, this game is on hold.

And BooBoo Bear is having issues still with his computer, so unless and until those can get sorted, that game is on hold or forfeited.

Still...if the Little BoyScout wants to play, let him do his best to gain my attention and I will consider it...

Yours faithfully,

Moraine

[GJK]

PENG;

P****** Engaged iN Gossip?

Edited because Joe Shaw asked so nicely.

[ July 19, 2003, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: GJK ]

[Moraine Sedai]

Originally posted by Jim Boggs:

{snipped tripe and drivel}

Well, lad, as long as you are not from Georgia there should be no problem. We have our own Georgia here, and the Great State of Florida has been in steady conflict since the days of *yore and yon. Each year there is a large outdoor cocktail party held in Jacksonville in which our beloved Gators apply a firm, but kindly, can of whoop arse on the poor Bulldogs.

[/QB]

Jim Boob, you Floridiot, you have been trying to subtly bait me for some time now. You are a sandflea-infested gator-smelling bit of offal. I smell your bait and it stinks. Rotten, putrid piles of fish entrails, seagull droppings and cockroaches bigger than a three year old child.

That rips it. I'm now going to put together a coalition to rid my glorious state of all of your brethren who come up here and drive 20 miles under the speed limit, make lane changes without blinkers and just generally annoy me no end. We will once again have a pure Georgia devoid of your sun-baked, Tropical Sun-smelling, orange-eating lot of bastiches.

Viva le Georgia! (or summat like that).

And in the long run, we'll see who's got the better team...GO DAWGS!

[Jim Boggs]

Originally posted by GJK:

PENG;

P****** Engaged iN Gossip?

Dear Girly Jo Krackhead

I am really disappointed in your feeble offering. Genitalia humor is for lackwits/halfwits/nowits (all three would apply in your case so take your pick).

Please feel free to go away and NOT come back!

[ July 19, 2003, 01:31 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ]