Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

[Herr Oberst]

All of the sudden (that would be tout d'un coup for you Pushbroom) a jarring chord sounds and the courtroom doors fly open. In stride Cardinals Herr Oberst, Agua Perdido, and Mace.

Herr Oberst : NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise...and ruthless efficiency.... Our three weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency...and an almost fanatical devotion to the Cesspool.... Our four...no... Amongst our weapons.... Amongst our weaponry...are such elements as fear, surprise.... oh damn, we'll come in again.

The trio exit the courtroom...

The JARRING CHORD sounds again, and the trio bursts into the courtroom again.

Herr Oberst : NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Cesspool, and nice red uniforms - Oh damn! I can't say it - you'll have to say it.

Agua Perdido: What?

Herr Oberst : You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are ...'

Agua Perdido: (looking horrified): I couldn't do that...

Herr Oberst rushes the three outside the courtroom again.

The JARRING CHORD sounds again, and the trio bursts into the courtroom again.

Herr Oberst : Er.... Nobody...um....

Agua Perdido: Expects...

Herr Oberst : Expects... Nobody expects the...um...the Spanish...um...

Agua Perdido: Inquisition.

Herr Oberst : I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect -

Agua Perdido: Our chief weapons are...

Herr Oberst : Our chief weapons are...um...er...

Agua Perdido: Surprise...

Herr Oberst : Surprise and --

Agua Perdido: Okay, stop. Stop. Stop there - stop there. Stop. Phew! Ah! ...our chief weapons are surprise...blah blah blah. Mace, read the charges.

Mace : Seanachu, You are hereby charged that you did on diverse dates commit heresy against the Cesspool. (looking at the other Cardinals) Did I do good?

Herr Oberst : That's enough. Yes Mace, don't strain your brain. Now, how does the defendant plead?

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Herr Oberst ]

[Terence]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Herr Oberst:

[QB] Another tepid Monty Python knockoff. Exceeded only in its utter lameness by its tedious length.[QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Jeeziz. Seanawhatever was right.

The chittering ground squirrels of the Peng thread have utterly lost their edge.

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Terence ]

[rune]

As a Elder of the Mutha Beautiful Thread, I put Seanachai on the stand. He promptly breaks into song....

Too late,My time has come,

Sends shivers down my spine-

Body's aching all the time,

Goodbye everybody-I've got to go-

Gotta leave you all behind and face the Kniggets-

Peng one- (any way the game plays)

I don't want to QB,

I sometimes wish I'd never played CM at all-

I see a little silhouetto of Seanachai,

Seanachai,Seanachai,

will you apologize to THE Thread?

Bauhaus and lightning-very very frightening me-

Oh Peng person,Oh Peng person,

Oh Peng person Oh Peng person

Oh Pod person why aren't you helping me?

But I'm just a piss boy and nobody loves me-

He's just a piss boy from a piss family-

Spare him his Bold from this monstrosity-

Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-

Oh Hell no! No-,we will not let you go-let him go-

Oh Hell no! We will not let you go-let him go

Oh Hell no! We will not let you go-let me go

Will not let you go-let me go

Will not let you go let me go

No,no,no,no,no,no,no-

Peng person,Peng person,Peng person let me go-

Berli has a devil put aside for me,for me,for me-

[He starts head banging-literally- his head banging into the stand]

So you think you can unbold me and spit in my eye-

So you think you can love me [Down Bauhaus] and leave me to die-

Oh Macey-Can't do this to me Macey-

Just gotta get out-just gotta get out of this sheep costume

Nothing really matters,

Even a SSN can see,

Nothing really matters-,nothing really matters to me,

Any way the game plays....

Rune

[Mark IV]

Well, his doggerel's improving, anyway. And that's a mean guitar riff.

It further occurs to me, that during the dark days of the Meeksian Heresy, 'twas the accused guilty bastard that saved the 'pool from schism and the horrors of civil war (to be replaced with the even more horrible fruits of Cesspulian "peace").

I think the head-banging was a nice act of contrition.

[Iskander]

And y'all thought my stuff was bad!?!?

[rune]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander:

And y'all thought my stuff was bad!?!?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Call out the Guards!!! I think he is sober!!!! Why aren't you playing Seanachai in the scenario I sent you? To the bar with him!!!!!

Rune

[MrSpkr]

Your honor, I present the following evidence and move for Summary Judgment in favor of the Defendant, Seanachai, on the merits.

Let us review the charges:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Joe Shaw spewed:

Conduct Unbecoming A Knight of the CessPool:

(1) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did enter the OUTER BOARD and posted thereon a message inviting OUTER BOARDERS into the CessPool. This was and is in clear violation of the long standing agreement that OUTER BOARDERS shall not be solicited to join the CessPool.

(2) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did offer to said OUTER BOARDERS the opportunity to enter the CessPool without being considered Scum Sucking Newbies and, therefore, without being subject to the ministrations of the CessPool. This act was in clear violation of the rules of the CessPool in effect at that time.

(3) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did offer to said OUTER BOARDERS the elevation of one of their group to the rank of Seniour Knight without said OUTER BOARDER having posted even one message to the Mutha Beautiful Thread. This is in clear violation of "the way things are done" as evidenced by the CURRENT set of rules to the CessPool, to wit,

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*/3) Senior members of the Cesspool tend to make up rules as we go along, so do try to keep up and feel free to send any complaints about your treatment here to Lorak for summary dismissal.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(4) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did compound his crime by inviting not just ANY OUTER BOARDERS but OUTER BOARDERS who were acknowledged Grogs AND PARTICIPATING IN A TOURNEY TO DETERMINE WHO WAS THE BEST AT CM! This flies in the face of ... everything that is near and dear to the CessPool.

(5) That subsequent to the date aforementioned, the defendant did NOT offer a reasonable explanation of his actions but rather wandered off to listen to folk music in the hinterlands of Canada. This ... is just sick.

Submitted to the Justice of His Lordship Lorak on this 17th day of July, in the Year of our Peng 2001.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Your honor, I present this sworn statement by the Old One Himself, MrPeng:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>MrPeng

Member

Member # 1019

posted 10-12-2000 12:15 PM

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hamsters/Meeks(!) you are all very silly. There is no Cesspool anymore. It is gone. It can never come back.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You see, your honor! Seanachai cannot be found guilty of the heresy charged against him, namely of inviting the grogly ones into the Cesspool because, the words of MrPeng himself, THERE IS NO CESSPOOL ANYMORE! IT IS GONE! It can NEVER come back.

Clearly this is all a conspiracy by MR. SHAW to deflect the judgment of the Law upon his activities.

Is it not Joe Shaw who disappeared for nearly a month earlier this summer?

Is it not Joe Shaw who has been taking on squires faster than Representative Condit has been taking on mistresses?

I ask you, Judge Lorak, is it not Joe Shaw who has called the name of, dare I say it -- yes, I do -- Professor Doktor Hamster X?

Did not the heretic Elijah Meeks return shortly after Joe Shaw's mysterious disappearance?

It is. Clearly, the Prosecutor is not only falsely accusing the noble Seanachai -- indeed, the Prosecutor appears to be, nay, IS in league with Professor Doktor Hamster X HIMSELF!

What say you Sir Joe? I DARE you to reply.

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Joe Shaw]

Scene: A tense courtroom somewhere in the bowels of the CessPool, okay TENSE may be a slight exaggeration considering that most of the jury is WELL and truly buzzed. Suddenly, the Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool, Sir Joe Shaw stands before the multitude. His bearing is erect, his eyes flash defiance, he is, clearly, a snappy dresser.

Onlooker: Ohhhh, look Maude, isn't he a snappy dresser then.

Joe Shaw: May it please Your Lordship and this Dishonorable Court. It brings me no pleasure to be here in this role today Your Lordship. Seanachai was my friend, but when a friend is in need, it becomes the duty of a friend to reach out and help.

In light of this dictum, I have noticed that the Jury is having difficulty taking notes on the procedings, especially since it's hard to write while holding beverage containers. It is therefore the pleasure of the CessPool, which I represent as Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool to provide, at no extra charge, stenographers for each juror ...

The doors to the courtroom squeak open and the crowd bursts into excited murmurs as the crew of stenographers sashay in. There is at least one stenographer per juror, each stenographer is wearing very abbreviated, very tight shorts and a tight, thin Tee Shirt emblazoned with the logo "Guilty Your Honor". There is an ample mix of blondes, brunettes and redheads as well as the odd well muscled and Greek God handsome young man ... just in case you understand. The stenographers each have a dictating machine slung on straps that cut deeply into the fabric of the Tee shirt ... pretty much right in the middle of the Tee shirt. The stenographers amble to the Jury box and take their places on the laps of the jurors, there is a bit of jostling and exchanging but soon each juror seems comfortable with the arrangement ... well ... COMFORTABLE may be a slight exaggeration but no complaints are heard.

Mr. Spkr: Your Honor, I must object to this blatant attempt to influence the jury on the part of the CessPool.

Lord Lorak: Hmmmm, grave charges there Sir Joe, what say you to this?

Joe Shaw: Your Lordship, the CessPool is stunned, stunned I say, that the Defense could object to this assistance. But I do have to apologize to the Court, I see that our primary mode of assistance has only JUST arrived. I have noted with concern, Your Lordship, that your hands are becoming worn and your wrists sore from the labor of note taking and the CessPool has taken it as our task to make your onerous duties less taxing. Your Lordship, allow me to present YOUR PERSONAL STENOGRAPHER ... Miss Dixie LeBloeu.

The doors to the courtroom squeal in protest as they open again, but this time the crowd is stunned to silence as Miss Dixie walks in ... but to suggest that she merely WALKS is to deny a primal force of nature. Her shorts threaten to surrender to the forces of physics at any moment and her Tee shirt appears to be painted on ... and with just one coat at that. Written upon her shirt are the words "You Have Been Judged GUILTY" ... the words "Have" and "Been" are difficult to read, however, distorted as they are. Miss Dixie mounts the podium and takes her place on the lap of Lord Lorak.

Dixie ... in a high quivering voice: Is there ANYTHING I can do for you Lord Lorak, Sir Joe has told me SO much about you, he says you're the most POWERFUL man in the CessPool.

Lord Lorak: OBJECTION OVERRULED and the Court wishes to thank Sir Joe Shaw for his assistance in ... uh ... this stuff. Continue Sir Joe.

Joe Shaw: Thank you Your Lordship, any thing we can do, Your Lordship has only to ask. Joe turns to the Jury And is the Jury comfortable? With this the Stenographers all cross their legs and shift about to be ready for transcription ... the jury sits with eyes unfocused.

Joe Shaw: I'll take that as a YES ... May it please Your Lordship ... the CessPool has accused Seanachai of Conduct Unbecoming a Knight ... {to be continued}

Joe

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[MrSpkr]

MrSpkr: (leaning over to whisper to his client, Seanachai, and taking great care not to awaken the slumbering Lawyer) "Ohh. This guy is good.

This is going to take a little more work than I thought. Have you considered taking out a second mortgage on your home? Just wondering -- I mean, it is only YOUR life, freedom, and right to be bolded we are talking about here.

You'll do it?

Splendid. Let me think about this for a minute."

(MrSpkr leans back and gets that glazed look that strikes all who hear Joe Shaw speak).

--------------------------------------

Do you remember?

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

enough material to insure not only the conviction, but also crucifixion of Seanachai...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

juror Iskander adjusts stenographer slightly, mumbling something that sounds like "how did he get you here from Wooster so quickly?... wow... been doing your Kegel exercises I see!..."

[Joe Shaw]

The Courtroom of The One The True CessPool is abuzz at the allegations of MrSpkr. It looks bad for the Prosecution, surely this stunning revelation will put paid the prosecution of Seanachai. But Joe Shaw appears unfazed, indeed a small smile hovers over his well chiseled and handsome visage, a lovely young lady in the gallery looks at Joe and ... swoons with a small sigh of satisfaction. Joe Shaw stands, adjusts his suit to perfection and ...

Onlooker: Ohhh look Maude, doesn't his suit fit to perfection then?

Joe Shaw: May it please Your Lordship, the CessPool would suggest that the allegations of MrSpkr are false on their face. Have we not incarnated SEVERAL versions of the CessPool since the date indicated? And as proof of that, Your Lordship, the CessPool calls as it's first witness ... MrSpkr!

There is an audible gasp of surprise and shock as the gallery realizes that Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool, has called A MEMBER OF THE DEFENSE to the stand. MrSpkr pales suddenly, and beads of sweat break out upon his brow. But he rises unsteadily to his feet, his shabby, law student, polyster suit gleaming in the flickering torchlight. He makes his way to the witness stand.

Onlooker: Ohhh, look Maude, the poor lad is all pale ... and that suit?

Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you Peng?

MrSpkr: Uh I guess so.

Joe Shaw: MrSpkr, do you recognize THIS?

Joe Shaw flashes a transcript of a post to the message board in front of MrSpkr. MrSpkr blanches, his tongue emerges like a fat pink worm from it's burrow to moisten suddenly dry lips. He searches frantically for an escape but, finding none, is forced to reply in a soft, defeated voice ...

MrSpkr: Yes, yes I do, that's a post I made to the CessPool on July 3rd of this year.

Joe Shaw: I'm sorry, a post YOU made to where?

MrSpkr: Why to the CessPo ... too late, MrSpkr realizes his error, he has been caught out.

Joe Shaw With a benevolent smile on his face: Why of course, MrSpkr, to the CessPool you were going to say I believe. Therefore you acknowledge the existence of the CessPool THIS VERY MONTH. But I digress, please read the transcript MrSpkr ... I refer the Court to page 5, Lines 20-21, please MrSpkr ... we are all waiting.

MrSpkr in a trembling voice he reads from the official transcript: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>... This Center focuses on this, THE MUTHA BEAUTIFUL THREAD, THE PENG CHALLENGE THREAD, THE ONE TRUE CESSPOOL.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Joe Shaw: Ah yes, The One True CessPool MrSpkr ... and when was that written BY YOU MrSpkr?

MrSpkr utterly defeated and just wanted to get it over with: On ... on July 3rd, 2001.

Joe Shaw: Your Lordship, the CessPool has no further questions AT THIS TIME for MrSpkr ... but we shall have later, My Lord Lorak ... oh yes ... we shall have MANY questions for this ... legal person.

Joe

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[jdmorse]

jd nudges Mr Spkr while using his fan to hide his words "Watch this. They don't teach it in law school!"

Arising, and bearing a remarkable resemblance to Clarence Darrow, and adjusting his suspenders......addresses the court.

"Your honor, point of Order. While the esteemed pim.... er prosecutor has procured certain assistance to the jury, he fails to note that we have waived a trial by jury, and have instead granted leave whereby your Lordship may hear the case and rule appropriately. We have every confidence that you will find our "brief" pesuasive. A private copy has of course been deliverd to a certain shall we say, middleman at the Credit Suisse?

Of course, far be it from me to point out that Miss Dixie LeBloeu, is in fact that well known female inpersonator, RuPaul! (the courtroon erupts in excited tittering and gasps as jd, counsel for the defense of the noble Seanachai strides forth and tears the wig from the Steno's head.

(Pointing at Pros. Shaw)

J'accuse Monsieur Shaw of attempting to perpetrate a fraud unpon this august court. Time and time again, Shaw has revealed himself as the vile and malcious slime in the pool. Even now he has sought to prey upon another young member of the unwashed. I submit his deposition wherein he admidts... <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Hah! Well done lad, well done indeed. While it's not my policy to encourage Serfs I must make an exception and offer to take Lards to squire. I like the cut of his gibe. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And you yourself m'lord have been made aware of it

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> I have infact noticed that [deleted to protect the innocent] has been taken by Joe Shaw.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

There you have it further evidence of his predatory and questionable habits. I assert your honor, Shaw cannot not allowed to prevail. He has after all seen your face. I call upon this court to cast him down into the ranks of unboldened as he sought to do to Sir Seanachai

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: jdmorse ]

[jshandorf]

As JD stands quietly waiting for his LordShip reply he looks helpless and weak. The sweat beeds on his forehead as he stand petrified like a deer caught in headlights.

jshandorf leans forward from his spot in the crowd and whispers almost inaudibly in Croda's ear.

jshandorf: Damn, I'm sure glad I am not on trial here.

Croda solemnly shakes his head in agreement.

jshandorf: and damn if Shaw's suit doesn't just fit to perfection.

Like a drooling retard Croda's head continues to sway in a forward and reverse motion. Like a hypnotized cobra, Croda looks on with fascination. One has to wonder, is it the trial, or Shaw's suit?

Suddenly a loud banging is heard from the bench as his Lordship pounds his gavel repeatedly down

His Lordship: Silence! I will have silence in my court room! If I cannot have silence from you cesspool baboons, I will have you cleared out!

He scans the crowd closely and then without effort speaks once more in a calm authoritive voice.

His LordShip: Well, Mr. Morse, that was a pretty little speach, but I must tell you to shut yer stinkin' pie hole and sit down! It is the prosecution's turn! You will get your turn in due time!

With that Morse plants himself firmly and quietly into his chair. As if his ass was made of steel and his chair was a magnet.

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: jshandorf ]

[imported_Wildman]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Specifications of Charges

The CessPool vs. Sir Seanachai

CessPool Case #1

Conduct Unbecoming A Knight of the CessPool:

(3) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did offer to said OUTER BOARDERS the elevation of one of their group to the rank of Seniour Knight without said OUTER BOARDER having posted even one message to the Mutha Beautiful Thread. This is in clear violation of "the way things are done" as evidenced by the CURRENT set of rules to the CessPool, to wit,

(4) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did compound his crime by inviting not just ANY OUTER BOARDERS but OUTER BOARDERS who were acknowledged Grogs AND PARTICIPATING IN A TOURNEY TO DETERMINE WHO WAS THE BEST AT CM! This flies in the face of ... everything that is near and dear to the CessPool.

(5) That subsequent to the date aforementioned, the defendant did NOT offer a reasonable explanation of his actions but rather wandered off to listen to folk music in the hinterlands of Canada. This ... is just sick.

Submitted to the Justice of His Lordship Lorak on this 17th day of July, in the Year of our Peng 2001.

Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

-----

Wildman walks in and hands JDMorse a quick legal brief. He quickly scans it and stands to address the court

JDMorse: Your Lordship, there are several points that need address, specifically 2b, 3, 4, 5, well actually almost every point the layman (down bauhaus) from Utah has made. Young lady if you wouldn't mind delivering this to his lordship.

JDMorse hands the slip of paper to none other than the famed St. Paulie's girl. She saunters over with laced breastworks and two beers in hand. Lord Lorak quickly pushes the southern tramp off of his lap and reached for the beer with its VERY robust cup holders.

First, in point three, Sir Shaw pointed out that my client invited said tournament stars in violation of the CURRENT threads rules. I would like to point out that the alledged action took place before this incarnation of the thread and as such current rules may not apply.

Second, in response to the invitees supposed "groginess" I point out that current Kniggets have also been pulled from groggy shores. I submit these reports of Berli, Shanadorf, Mark IV, and Mace in numourous grog thread, including, but not limited to "Pentetration, SMG GAP, The T-34 and you, and finally IS-2 Ubertank or dandy". If you wouldn't mind taking this to his lordship.

JDMorse hands the paper to the three Budwiser girs. Who do NOT bring their piss water, but clutchintg the paper to their ample bosums rush to Lorak and immediately begin a "MAASAGE"

Last and finally least, as posted and acknoledged by my insignificant opponent Joe

Senior members of the Cesspool tend to make up rules as we go along, so do try to keep up and feel free to send any complaints about your treatment here to Lorak for summary dismissal. There have has been no agruement that

a. Seanachai was an OLD ONE at the time of the alleged invitaiton, and

b. OLD ONES make up their own rules.

Henceforth and furthermore, there has been no crime as Seanachai has the ability to alter the damn rule anyway. So lets grab the girls and drink copious amount of alcohal.

Everyone else in the court room: HERE, HERE. Pass the booze.

JDMorse looks around has the courtroom explodes into choas as Poolers chase both the girls and the booze around the room. Finding Sir Wildman he walks over and shakes his hand. Nice work Sir, I still hate you but extraordinary work.

[MrSpkr]

(MrSpkr turns to go to his chair, pauses, then turns to face Judge Lorak. As he turns, it is apparent the former law student has done well for himself, for what appeared to the ancient, rheumy eyes of the Prosecutor to be a (shudder) polyester suit is actually a rather wrinkled Italian silk suit. Obviously, MrSpkr is doing well enough not to worry about wrinkling the jacket to a $2400 suit.)

MrSpkr: "Your honor, I object to the admission of my post of July 3, 2001 on the grounds it is Hearsay and therefore inadmissible. Let me explain.

According to the Pengian Rules of Evidence (the PRE), and more specifically PRE 801, Hearsay is a statement offered in evidence to prove the truth of the matter asserted therein."

(MrSpkr reaches into his coat pocket and removes a wallet with a drivers license containing a visage suspiciously similar to that of the dozing Lawyer. MrSpkr removes a large wad of hundred dollar bills and places them on the desk in front of the judge.)

"For example, were I to place a large wad of cash, say, some unmarked hundred dollar bills with random serial numbers, on the bench in front of you, and that cash were to disappear . . ."

(The wad of cash disappears in a blur.).

"And, say, I talked about it with my secretary, noting how astonishing it was that such a large amount of money had disappeared. And let's say my secretary went home and told her husband that I said I had lost the money. Mr. Shaw could not call my secretary's husband to the stand to testify that 'MrSpkr said he lost the money' because that testimony would be hearsay. It is only being offered to prove that I lost the money -- but the only proof it offers is the statement itself. It is hearsay, and inadmissible.

Similarly, simply because I stated that this was the Cesspool does not MEAN it IS The Cesspool, or even A cesspool. Mr. Shaw knows full well that simply because I claim something to be a certain thing does not MAKE it a certain thing. The statement is hearsay, and inadmissible."

Joe Shaw: "But, but, but . . ."

Judge Lorak: "Could you repeat that for me, sirrah?"

MrSpkr: Of course. According to the Pengian Rules of Evidence . . ."

Judge Lorak: "Skip ahead to the money bit, counselor. That part seemed particularly . . . interesting to me."

MrSpkr: "Of course, your honor."

(MrSpkr pulls the last of Lawyer's cash out on places it on the bench before Judge Lorak. Once more, the money disappears in a blur.)

Judge Lorak: "Point well taken, counselor. The jury will disregard ALL of MrSpkr's testimony relating to whether this is really the Cesspool at all. Mr. Shaw, call your next witness."

(MrSpkr returns to the defense table, triumphant. jdmorse leans over and whispers to him).

jdmorse: "Good work, lad, between us, we're gonna slaughter than Mormon-wife loving hypocrite. You did make one mistake, however."

MrSpkr: "What was that?"

jdmorse: "You used the last of Lawyer's cash. Now how are we gonna buy lunch?"

MrSpkr: Relax -- its taken care of -- see?

(MrSpkr reaches into Lawyer's wallet and pulls out two VISA gold cards, a MasterCard Platinum, and an American Excess Gold Card. He then removes an ATM card, and a deposit slip dated 07/17/01 for $8,500,762.18 and the notation "I LOVE tobacco suits!" on the side. Scrawled on the back of the ATM card in a child-like hand are four numbers - 1111, along with instructiojns on how to use them at a cash machine. Lawyer apparently is rather well off, but not all that bright.)

jdmorse: "Ahhh. I see. Good job. Carry on, then."

(to be continued)

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[MrSpkr]

(MrSpkr surreptitiously slides a note to juror Iskander, who goes pale as he reads it.)

Dear Iskander:

In light of recent revelations about Joe Shaw's 'women', are you quite certain those were Kegel exercises you, umm, ENCOUNTERED earlier? Just trying to help.

MrSpkr

[message edited to bold the worthy]

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wildman:

Second, in response to the invitees supposed "groginess" I point out that current Kniggets have also been pulled from groggy shores. I submit these reports of Berli, Shanadorf, Mark IV, and Mace in numourous grog thread, including, but not limited to "Pentetration, SMG GAP, The T-34 and you, and finally IS-2 Ubertank or dandy". If you wouldn't mind taking this to his lordship.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

True, true, but that is not what seanachai (lower case and unbolded) is guilty of (he has already been convicted in a higher {or perhaps I should say lower} court). Unlike seanachai, we DO NOT invite grogs back to the Mutha Beautiful Thread.

Btw, why are we bothering to question his guilt? Why haven't we gotten to the judgement yet? In case it has slipped your attentions, HE IS GUILTY! THERE IS NO APPEAL!

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Btw, why are we bothering to question his guilt? Why haven't we gotten to the judgement yet? In case it has slipped your attentions, HE IS GUILTY! THERE IS NO APPEAL!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Primarily for the booze and women!

Speedbump

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

Primarily for the booze and women!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well said, Sir Speedbump, well said.

Also, for the defense team, there is the matter of our hourly billing rate . . .

[Berlichtingen]

Speedbump, Speedbump... Ah, here it is... your name is on the list. Carry on

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

The Dread Lord Protector of the MBT, the esteemed Joe Shaw:

Yes Lars but you must remember that lawyers do that ALL THE TIME. THEY call it using "precedents" ... we know that it's just because they are too lazy and stupid to come up with something original.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Quite right, my Liege, it does seem lawyers enjoy quotations and precedent. It must save so much original thought. And to think that they double bill the hours for it too. Pray continue with your brilliant opening arguments.

Anyone in the peanut gallery needing a swift kick in the butt from the bailiff, Sir Joe? Oh, I see. Well, let me assist you then with the yapping curs.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

pansywoofer42:

I am infinitely more capable of passing horribly wretched gas.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Born and bred to it, eh? Is the 42 your smokehole bore size? *KICK*

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

Stained tinkler:

I am completely bewildered by a low life dung beetle perusing my fine offering.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Try washing it first. Even the dung beetle will thank you. *KICK*

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>

Terrified:

I am the chittering ground squirrel of the Peng thread.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

We could tell by your own oh-so-imaginative post. Borrow a pair since you don’t have a pair of your own. *KICK*

Roight then, you SSN’s, quit disturbing these already quite disturbed proceedings. Now sit in the back of the courtroom and shut your pie holes or I shall taunt you a second time.

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Speedbump, Speedbump... Ah, here it is... your name is on the list. Carry on<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Threaten me all you want, oh evil one. But I am already in your playground; defending as conscript Germans in A Long, Bloody Mile or somesuch. After this, I no longer fear you...

Speedbump

edited for Berli inspired UBB issues...

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ]

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

I am already in your playground; defending as conscript Germans in A Long, Bloody Mile or somesuch.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Defending? So that's what you call it. Funny, around these parts, we always called that, umm, what was it now, oh yes, "Runnin' Home to Mama Lahk Ah Skeered Leetle Girl."

Thanks for explaining your take on things.

MrSpkr

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump:

Threaten me all you want, oh evil one. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That was not a threat...

Btw, learn to capitalize proper nouns... it is Evil One

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>But I am already in your playground; defending as conscript Germans in A Long, Bloody Mile or somesuch. After this, I no longer fear you...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Having problems with your defense? Let me know when you are done so i can make fun of your incompetence

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

[Speedbump]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Having problems with your defense? Let me know when you are done so i can make fun of your incompetence

[ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well you can start now, because as fast as those squads are running, it ain't gonna get any better!

Speedbump