Here's a PENNY NOW GO AWAY... A PANTIELESS PENG CHALLENGE THREAD.?

[Panzer Leader]

And so it continues...

...the small statured man steps forward. Down his barrel chest sweeps a curled and knotted beard. His body, garbed in the traditional loin cloths is also covered with a fine matte of the same hair. Over his shoulder he has thrown a bone club and he saunters beside The Historian with a look of animal satisfaction. His bone club, fashioned with a rare iron spike through the end, drips with blood from the hard fought morning batle. He is the warrior Berlichtingen.

Seanachai dips his rod in deference to the merchant] Pawbroon while the dwarf eyes the woman. The Merchant returns the courtesy with an askance glance that tells the charlatan much. "We have been at this crossroads before, you and I" the glance seems to say.

"Well met, Merchant. We are grateful for the favor you have done our royal house. When we regain the palace, you will be paid handsomely from its treasure vaults."

At this the crowd gasped as one. The Champion leapt from his altar and striding unimpeded through the agape crowd, came to stand between Seanachai and Pawbroon. Emma, kneeling beside her master, skittered behind him, peering warily between the gnarled sticks of his legs.

"Wise one," he began, being politic. "The tribe has spoken as one! I was to be flayed, my bones left to scorch on the Lamenter's Stone. I have no wish to die this ignoble death, but rather that than to lead an army of cowards and backwards-glancing infidels to their deaths against a disciplined foe."

A moment of silence enveloped the crowd and its principle speakers. Suddenly, from out the covered wagon, an item flashed though the air.

It was silver and it caught the sun's red rays as it arced and landed between the three arguing. Pawbroon reached down and gingerly grasped the circlet, crafted of the rarest minerals, and by the finest artisans.

As he held up the dead king's crown a voice cut through the thick silence as the howling wind slashes apart the night. His voice brought a cold, steely darkness into the air, and though the heat continued to blister the crowd, their sweat was suddenly cold.

"The king is dead, his throne pushed from its ivory plinth by the Outlanders." It was Peng half brother to the King and sire to the Virgins of Goanna. "I call upon this convergance to name our new lord, as is my right."

Seanachai bowed in supplication. It was well known that Peng with a free run in the helot capital city of Crodaburg, had since his youth become dissolute. He imbibed in every pleasure modern man had known, and rumours spoke of his opening the vaults to the ancient's Factories of Sin. This proclivity for the coarse had marred his visage as much as the sun. He was tall, overly so, with long ape-like arms, and a thin gangling neck. His eyes were wide but sunken, giving him an owlish appearance, and his skin, the mark by which every man was measured under the Red Sun, showed worst of all his fall from Crodaburg.

Once milky white, such a treat to the Eternal Virgins, now, after weeks on he scrub road, had gone from red to charred brown. His cheeks bled, his hands cracked, and his legs were singed. He had the look of a newborn babe, recently taken from the womb, though he didn't show the fortitude and will to survive that a babe was so imbued with.

The Historian leapt into action. "Send our runners to the four winds. Tell the tribes that a council will take place four days hence, here at Lamenter's Rock. Go north, to the Cyclop's lair, and fetch Mace. Go east, into the mountains, and tell the Cave-dwellers a new King must be chosen. Send a man into the brothels of the fallen city. Their search for the traitors, Lawyer and jdmorse and bring them to the Roack. Though they opened the gates to the enemy, they are the ones to sit in judgement, as written by law.

"To the west be thre men, a recluse a hermit, and an exile. Bring to Lamenter's Rock Joe Shaw, David Aitkin amd Iskander. Go now, all of you."

Setting off at a trot, went Phillies Phan to the west, Speedbump to the east, and Mrspkr bounded away to the lair of the Cyclops. With a pat on the shoulder, stout Berlichtingen moved down the scrub path, to return once again to the fell city of Crodaburg...

[PawBroon]

It looks suspiciously not like Neverwhere or Good Omen.

Does "Ye shallst readth Neverwhere and upon completionth doth a briefth of saidth booke" ring a bell?

[Lars]

Stevetherat,

Get pre-approved.

Get a fixed rate.

Buy the house you can SELL, not the house you WANT (unless retiring).

I have been a landlord for many years (as such, my soul will most likely end up belonging to Berli) and have seen all the property woes there are.

Now I must go and reset the timer on the coin-op dryer from 15 minutes to 10. Need the quarters for the weekend poker game.

[Panzer Leader]

"What are we going to do tonight, Brain?"

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky - TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"

It looks suspiciously like you need to shut the Hell up Pa pa.

And it also looks suspiciously like SIR Seanachai's request will go unheeded due to my reticence to imbibe what he seems to consider a delicacy, namely TRIPE.

I am giving you something far greater in quality than a simple book report on a bland novel. I am giving you War, Adventure, Heroism, Beauty, and Death. But if you would prefer to revert back into your Frenchiness than so be it. Go read the outerboards, for in here we are climbing the escarpments of High Fantasy.

[ 06-22-2001: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mouse:

"The tribe has spoken as one! I was to be flayed, my bones left to scorch...."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The tribe has spoken: call Jeff Probst and have 'em ship Mouse's skinny ass the hell outta here. A triumph for mob rule! Who wants a rat-kebab?

Agua Perdido

[bauhaus]

Lorak

Here's one more for you from the Day of the Lizard

Goanna:cheated like the big girl's blouse he is (thanks to help from Berli)

Bauhaus:swindled (thanks to the evil Berli)

I hate them all and they all suck.

Final tally:

Goanna: 3-0

Bauhaus: 2-1

Berli: 1-2 (and yes, one of those losses was at my hands)

Moriarty: 0-3

[MrSpkr]

***The Four descending the stairs , their shadows dancing on the walls as their torches flicker. Suddenly, a screeching HOWL emanates from the inky darkness below.***

MrSpkr: "It grows delusional in its self-importance. We must hurry."

***They continue their descent.***

to be continued

[ 06-23-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[dalem]

Pooligans: "dalem, don't look at the threads on the Outerboards."

dalem: "I'll just take a peek to see if anyone's posting something worth--AAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!!"

Pooligans: "We told you so, toad."

dalem: "AAAGGHHH!! My eyes!"

[Lars]

Game Update:

Have applied Kitty’s hamster face mod to set the mood.

Have placed “The Nutcracker Suite” in the CD player with “The Battle of the Rat King” set on infinite loop to increase the effect.

Have placed large quantities of small bits of poisoned cheese in all forward areas.

Have in my GAMEY, CHEATING BASTARD way positioned all troops wherever the computer originally placed them.

Have passed out bourbon and cigars to all troops. Moral is high.

Have 10 to 15 turns to wait while Mouse tries to convince his littermates to follow him out of the Habi-Trail.

Went fishing.

[Mace]

After just seeing Pearl Harbour, can I make a suggestion to my North American collegues, especially those who have something to do with the movie industry.

Can you please, please not let Days of our lives script writers any where near a war movie?!

Thankewe,

Mace

PS Can I mention a special you're a particularly gamey bastich to MrSpkr, who has somehow purchased a Bundeswehr 2000 battlegroup and fielded them on the battlefield....my Bolt action tommies just cant compete!

[Joe Shaw]

Lawyer you idiot, you ... uh ... actually that covers it pretty well I think, I could go on but idiot seems appropriate.

I made NO claim for the presence of nor the existence of SSNs in our midst. If you can manage to pry your nose from the latest issue of Rubber Suit and Whip magazine (glad your lifetime subscription came through, btw, I'm sure you'll save money that way), you MIGHT note that my claim was ONLY for the TERM SSN, not for the noxious creatures themselves. To this point you, to no one's surprise, have failed to address yourself.

As to my intellect ... I'M not a member of the legal profession ... 'nuff said.

Joe

[dalem]

Golly, I sure hope CM2: Beyond the Graphics Cards Most of Us Own includes realistic Pore Mapping. I get on my knees every night and pray for realistic Cast Hull Texture resolution. And sometimes I start speaking in tongues when I think of the calculations of true Molar Weight that desparately need to be included for me to enjoy the game.

[OGSF]

Ah feel tha need tae remind all an' sundry, (mainly tha sundry aroond here), tha Nijis as a bastaard an' has gamey rubble huggin' bastaard pixel troops tha can kill a thousand brave Germans' wi' a shattered two man infantry team armed wi' a single musket 'atween thaim. Oh, an' he's a right bastaard as well. Sae are has pixel troops.

Ah think Mace as a gamey artillery usin' bastaard also. An' Marlow as a gamey flankin' bastaaarrrrd, wi' has gamey historical unit selection.

Everywun ailse as dyin' nicely, more or laiss - except Goanna tha gamey rune map playin' bastaaard.

Mensch ye babblin' loon - where's mah turn? Ah need cheerin' oop.

Sod off tha lot' o' ye.

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCD

[MrSpkr]

***Walking down the narrow stairway by the light of their flickering torch proves difficult, but the Four eventually manage their way to a small room with a single wooden door hanging on one hinge.

Our adventurers pass through the door . . .

[CRUNCH]

[CRUNCH]

[CRUNCH]

***

Speedbump: (lowering his torch closer to the ground) "What the heck is this stuff?

**As he lowers his torch, Speedbump sees small white granules as far as the dancing circle of torchlight allows his vision to penetrate in to the inky blackness. He stands up and sees MrSpkr walking around what appears to be the room's perimeter, lighting torches on the wall as he goes.

Soon, the whole room is dimly lit. The room is vaguely rectangular and covered with small white granules, with an occasional green granule mixed in. The floor is lumpy in places, and slightly discolored in others.***

MrSpkr: To answer your question, it is a rather large . . .

Leeo: "Litterbox!" (Leeo moves closer to YK2 and Speedbump)

MrSpkr: "Yes. Careful of the lumps and dark spots, eh?"

YK2: "Ewww!"

MrSpkr: We'll be out soon."

YK2: "NO, its not that. Leeo, get your hands off me or I'm gonna cram this Panzerfaust down your throat."

Speedbump: "Where did you get a Panzerfaust?"

YK2: (eyes glazing over) "Pawbroon gave it to me! He even kissed my hand -- I haven't washed it since! See?" (holds out hand towards Speedbump's nose)

Speedbump: "No, that's okay -- really. I believe you."

MrSpkr: "C'mon. Our surrogate is over here."

***MrSpkr leads the Four too a particularly large lump in the litterbox. He kicks it HARD, and it rolls over to reveal . . .***

Speedbump: (gasping) "Rommel22!"

Rommel22: (weakly) "Poop. Crap. Poop."

YK2: "What is he doing down here?"

Speedbump: "It probably has something to do with the content of his posts around here."

MrSpkr: "Yes, that's it. I overheard Seanachai one night discussing an appropriate prison for young Rommel22, and, given his verbal defecatory tendencies, this seemed like a logical place."

***MrSpkr bends over and lifts one of Rommel22's eyelids. After peering for a moment, MrSpkr stands up and kicks Rommel22 in the forehead as hard as he can, then bends over and quickly re-examines Rommel22's eye.***

MrSpkr: "Drat! It's no good! We can't use him!"

Speedbump: "Why not? What's wrong?"

MrSpkr: "Two reasons. First, there is no sign of intelligence whatsoever. Now, that in and of itself is not a disqualifier - look at dalem or jshandorf. However, there is no hatred of this creature -- only pity. For the majiks to work, we need a creature reviled by the Pool, that the bilious hate of the combined Pool denizens can renew the eternal spell. I tried to generate that hate by kickstarting him, but alas, it was not enough. I cannot do it alone."

Speedbump: (eagerly) "What if we all kicked him?"

MrSpkr: "No, it would not be enough. It would take everyone in the Pool, and I am afraid most could not be bothered for Rommel22."

YK2: "So we are finished, then?"

MrSpkr: "No -- there is one other."

***MrSpkr turns and kicks Rommel22 in the gut, then turns and begins to walk away.***

Leeo: "I thought you said kickstarting him would not work."

MrSpkr: "I did -- I kicked him just then because, well, just because."

***The Four turn and start down a long tunnel. On the way, Speedbump, laughing maniacally, runs over and boots Rommel22 one last time, then hurries to catch up. They pass another large lump in the box.***

YK2: "Is this it?"

MrSpkr: "No, that's just makhno. If anything, he's even more pitiful than Rommel22. Let's go, guys."

***The Four disappear down the tunnel.***

to be concluded?

[ 06-23-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

to be concluded?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Jeez I hope so...soon, preferably with a bullet through the squeaker's hands so he can't type any more of this dibble.

I would have suggested the head, but as a wise old crone once told me.."Non-vital hit area"!

[ 06-23-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[Joe Shaw]

I am pleased, indeed, thrilled, to report to the CessPool that my games are going swimmingly. Specifically, the ones that I thought were going to be a victory now appear likely to end in defeat and those that looked to be defeats are turning into unmitigated disasters. Hah! I love it when a plan comes together. Now my record of only two wins (and one of those a Jabo!fest against my loyal and trusty squire Speedbump) will NOT be sullied by further gratuitous and unsightly wins. While foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds (coujshandorfgh), HONEST consistency is the stuff of legend.

Dalem troubles me ... well, yes, in THAT way too, but I was referring to our game. Unless he does something ... I don't know ... TACTICAL ... in the next few turns I could actually win this group grope in the dark we're playing. {shudder} But I have confidence that I'll pull something out of the hat (out of the HAT, the HAT Bauhaus) and lose this one too.

Hakko Ichiu and I continue the game that never ends. I'm firmly convinced that when we get to turn 30 or 40 or 70freaking5 or whatever it's going to give me a reinforcement announcement telling me that I have an additional 25 turns to play. I've pushed him back atop his VL and our reinforcements are duking it out now.

Mace and I continue our View One match. I'm in the lead currently but something will happen to change that ... something always does.

Mensch has prevailed in his devious Let's play a REALLY small game in the fog so I might get lucky and nail your guys before you nail mine. Needless to say ... it worked for him.

Bauhaus continues to revel in the fruits of the single worst (for me) / best (for him) turn of CM I've ever seen. I admit with no small degree of pride to an unparalled ability to turn victory into defeat ... what can I say ... it's a gift.

Seanachai managed to turn my unexpected streak of luck (I killed half of his HTs and Tanks without losing a single one of mine) into HIS unexpected streak of luck (his remaining half killed the BETTER half of my vehicles) and now my lads, having failed in a brave but forlorn charge into the teeth of his defense, are broken and bleeding and {Sob} I ... I can't take it ... Oh the humanity.

I owe victories to Goanna, jd and probably a few others ... note that I did NOT say games, I'm getting more practical in my old age.

Joe

[David Aitken]

Does anyone else get the impression that Colonel_Braindead has been playing a different game than the rest of us for the past year and a half? Living (arguably) proof, if we needed it, that being a long-standing member is not by definition exclusive from being a witless newbie.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Does anyone else get the impression that Colonel_Braindead has been playing a different game than the rest of us for the past year and a half? Living (arguably) proof, if we needed it, that being a long-standing member is not by definition exclusive from being a witless newbie.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I hate agreeing with someone as rank and poopy-headed as you, Dame Achin', but I was thinking the very same thing. See the cauterized sockets where my eyes used to be?

[PawBroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Does anyone else get the impression that *** has been playing a different game than the rest of us for the past year and a half?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Speaking of which.

In here Team Rumble II Tauntings I said I was given the command of a TRP.

Having nothing much to do, I'll try to use an Unbutton order on the next turn just to see above grass.

I had actually received eMails asking me what kind of AFVs was supposed to be that TRP I was given in that particular game...

Just to quote the Anonymous:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I was looking in the armor units and nothing was even close to TRP.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I demand that most Boardees check that their CMBO CD is PRINTED SIDE UP in their drive.

Some of them had seen Vietcongs also I've been told...

[ 06-23-2001: Message edited by: PawBroon ]

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>PawBroon wrote:

In here Team Rumble II Tauntings I said I was given the command of a TRP.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hang on, is that the one which fires high-explosive or hollow-charge? I swear BTS have undermodelled its destructive power. I like how you can secrete it underground though, and then it lashes out and zaps nearby enemy units with big explosions.

[PawBroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

I like how you can secrete it underground though, and then it lashes out and zaps nearby enemy units with big explosions.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Naaah.

That's an Easter Egg.

If you want your TRP to do that you have edit the EXE file via an hexa editor and move to the offset 2326 and put FFFFFFEB instead of what was in it.

Then in game type into the Console SAPPER and only then the power of the TRP is unleashed from underground.

I've been told you can reach the same level of excitement through the use of Extasy pills.

Unless they were bunks...

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

I like how you can secrete it underground<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

No doubt he uses some sort of proboscis to do this - being a blood sucking insect who's main function in life is to live in a cesspit!

Anyway - enough of this rubbish - time to crack another beer & watch the All Blacks thrash the Argies......

[ 06-23-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[**YK2**]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

to be concluded?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Waiting with baited breath......

Poor Rommel22, do you really have to kick him so hard when he's already down?

I hope he has plenty fresh water and food.

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Stalin Orgasmed:

time to crack another beer & watch the All Blacks thrash the Argies......<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sounds fun, but I'll keep my probiscis and my cesspit if it's all the same to you.

[Stalin's Organ]

WHAAAAATTTTTT?????????

What sort of ignorant low-life scum stupid dork equates the god-like All Blacks with his probiscis and a cess pit??!!

Probably some American twit who thinks that a New York team playing another New York team constitutes a world series or something!

But what's this - no - it has an address in the old country - the United Kingdom...so it's ignorance is not forgivable as it would be from an ignorant American twit!

It comes from the land that gave us (kneel as you read the words all ye foreign twerps) Rugby and Cricket, but can't play them if it's life depended on it, and therefore has no excuse at all.

It is a person of The Book (being Wisdon's of course), and also the ruck, the bails, the wicket and silly backward short mid square leg.

So, Mr David Itchin' - give yourself a slap on each check, and a rake across the back with a 3/4" studded boot - the challenge is in the mail.