Speedbump Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: I'd like to register a complaint about Spudbump Speedydump has actually stated that he has pegged out sheep in our current game to distract me. Sheep are cute and oh so fluffy, to have them treated this way is barbaric. I must henceforth declare both as being Gamey Bastiches, and I must ask that this gamey tactic cease forthwith! Thankewe, Mace <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It is so rare in life that a cliche actually provides the perfect answer: "All is fair in Love and War" In this case, both elements of said cliche are extremely appropriate! Speedbump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedbump Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow: All updates will now include a Suckatude rating for quick reference<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> While an interesting concept, I am not sure it has been fully developed yet. It is clear to me that we need an objective, measurable system of rating our opponents, which everyone understands. Not being one to complain without offering alternatives, I offer you the Gamey Bastiche Quotient or the GBQ. The GBQ is scaled from 0 to 100 as follows: 0 - True grog, historical mix using, War College Graduate. Able to discuss the muzzle velocity of the mythical Maus, citing documentation and Aberdeen Proving Ground tests. 50 – The average Pool player, one who will occasionally select a Super Pershing to support his British Paratroops, but realizes that this is a non-historical use of forces. 100- An edge-hugging, jeep rushing, sturmkompanie defending player whose idea of a good game is to crack code and give his opponent a battalion’s worth of prime movers and a sharpshooter. To provide a working example I will rate the players I am currently playing: dalem is a self-avowed 75. He has claimed that he likes to “experiment” (down bauhaus, I think he means in the game!). Our current game is a computer generated OOB, but he clearly maintains his high GBQ as illustrated by his complete disregard for my impenetrable (bauhaus, this is twice in one paragraph!) chain of mines, roadblocks and barbed wire. By penetrating (okay, bauhaus, I give up…) these obstacles he has actually had the nerve to flank me! Mace is a 60. He has informed me that his forces remain in the city, inside of his setup zone, preferring to spend time at the local pub, rather than come out and attack my Tigers. Then he complains about the use of sheep as a standard defensive measure. This is a good example of how a GBQ can increase by avoiding proper use of forces. Pawbroon is an 80. Again, an example that proves a negative. Because the French are culturally incapable of being effective warriors, by default they are gamey. MrSpkr is a 68. While claiming that the purchase of Hetzers and PzIV’s was not gamey, it in fact provided an unfair numerical advantage in a short-range ubertank slug-fest. By being forced to deal with these clearly gamey units, my American ubertanks (actually an oxymoron) were distracted and eventually defeated. Now he sends me a setup that includes a requirement for a defense in depth, on a large map, with Green and Conscript volksgrenadiers!! His rating will climb if I see a large contingent of Elite and Veteran paratroops! As you can see, this system provides a higher level of flexibility than a suckatude range of 1-10. I am now available to answer any questions from the audience. Speedbump [ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Speedbump ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OGSF Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem: Okay, I've been wanting to ask this for a long time - do Irish people really talk like that? Enquiring minds want to know.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ye're a complete an' utter bastaarrrd. Ye'll be weepin' wi' frustration an' rrrrage bah tha teem Ah've finished wi' ye bumblin' hordes, laddie. "Irish people" as at? Ye're on mah "nae prisoners" list noo. SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally whined by Speedbump: MrSpkr is a 68. Now he sends me a setup that includes a requirement for a defense in depth, on a large map, with Green and Conscript volksgrenadiers!! His rating will climb if I see a large contingent of Elite and Veteran paratroops!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> My poor, deluded Speedbump. Can't you smell the bit o' brimstone in the air. This setup is not my doing -- but thanks for letting me know your force composition. MrSpkr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskander Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 Lorak! Please do not scribe thusly: As a result of the use of the following two items, namely... ([) Selecting a huge and confusing Operation; (Miss) An ale-swilling keyboard; (]) A physical co-ordination worthy of me at 0100 Sunday mornings; and, (*ahem*) RealLife demands coupled to mind-altering drugs... Seanachai has finally had a lucid moment and pulled the plug on our game. Thusly, your Lorakitude is to scribe nothing at all at this present time... Emma's honor will remain up in the air -- for all to admire -- until Seananatter and I resume with something along the lines of a 300 pt ME at some point in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedy Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 Mace You are a gamey, cheating bastage. And I hate you lots and lots. [ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Speedy ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phillies Phan Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 Something I found: A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was hopping up and down with rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeeemer!!”, he shrieked. “You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!! Retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!” “Oh my Gaaad….” Replied the lawyer, looking down and noticing for the first time the bloody stump where his left arm had once been. “Where’s my Rolex????!!!” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedbump: MrSpkr Now he sends me a setup that includes a requirement for a defense in depth, on a large map, with Green and Conscript volksgrenadiers!! His rating will climb if I see a large contingent of Elite and Veteran paratroops!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah! Speedhump! It is unfortunate that you are such a gamey bastich that you cannot recognize historical forces. You must be one of those that wouldn't mind a Starcraft mod for CM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Goanna admitted: You may reach us in the land-o-sand, or as always at the address listed in our profile.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Right then, you're all witnesses (fat lot of good THAT will do me in a court of law, half of you are likely under indictment now and the other half will be so drunk you'll give the baliff your drink orders), Goanna has admitted that EITHER of his email addresses will be adequate for sending a turn. I mention this because, depend upon it, he WILL complain at one point or another about (a) NOT getting the turn at all when sent to: goanna@jihadallahahkbar.com OR ( cluttering up his home ISP account with duplicate emails. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen: You must be one of those that wouldn't mind a Starcraft mod for CM.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually, the "Command & Conquer" mod is the most popular addition. You get an M69 AutoErotica (Allies) or a GrossTrinken mit Vomiterrung (Germans) that harvests the wooded areas while you play, so you can build more units to defeat your opponent. Mace has used this mod in the privacy of his own home for the past six months, since producing more units during the game is the only way he has a chance of winning. Unfortunately, he has already had to replace his keyboard twice after the keys got too sticky. Also, I believe mensch is working on a hi-res Hemp Mod that replaces the trees with marijuana plants to give the player a double bonus score for taking a "hit". The "grass" tiles will have triple scores and "higher" the longer you just have your troops breathe deeply while standing in them. Smoke and fire will further enhance the effects, meaning that flame throwers will now be the most desired units. Ronson's and the legendary "Zippo" will rule the battlefield. Iskander is working up a similar type of mod for booze hounds that turns the wheat fields and grass tiles into active ingredients for the new "Stillrunner" unit that produces fine liquors. Speedy jeeps and Stuarts will give the Allied side an edge over the Germans as road runners, while tommy guns will be the preferred sidearm. Mark IV is working on a potato(e) patch mod to simulate his fondness for GIN. We all owe a lot to these dedicated mod makers. [ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Lawyer ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>We all owe a lot to these dedicated mod makers.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I wish to thank the distinguished member of the CessPool for his thoughtful and informed opinion and ... whoa ... damn, sorry, been watching CSPAN too much I guess. What in the HELL are you blathering on about Lawyer? Dedicated mod makers? Have you seen even ONE naked babe mod? Dedicated indeed, these clowns are out there making all their fancy-shmancy Fallschmirjager uniforms and putting more mud on M3-A1s ... as if they needed any more mud, but do they handle the TOUGH jobs, Bah! Now The Sims wasn't out for a week when someone came out with a naked babe mod, don't talk to ME about dedication until the CM modders match THAT level of dedication. Joe [ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen: Imagine spending an eternity stuck in a room with Maximus2k<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh my. And I thought the whole "Evil One" thing was just a gimmick. Now I see that they aren't kidding. But at least you didn't say "Maximus2k and losername". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 Game Updates: Iskander The beer goggle game continues. My besotted armored car driver decided to moon Iskander’s AT team and received a zook enema for his troubles. Not a good idea. Apparently he never heard of the “Arrive Alive” ad campaign. Designated drivers now being sought. Mouse Has decided not to attack through the obvious route because it was, well, obvious. Obviously, the obvious can escape him (obviously). Seems his field mice prefer to attack across open ground instead. Not a good idea. Most field mice can withstand impacts of up to .30 cal, but there's no way to be sure without extensive testing. Testing now in progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka: You may change your name to 'Dueteronomy of Gath', for that will please me. Although I have grave reservations concerning your ability to recognise the religious significance of such a name. Would anyone care to offer this, this 'Commie Boner' a hint as to the origin of his new tital?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Only if someone gives me a piece of halibut that is good enough for Jehovah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bauhaus Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goanna: Also, remind me how many points I am buying and which side I have as my brain isn’t working to well in the heat here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I believe you are attacking with 100 pts and I'm defending with 5,000. Sound fair? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ: And you, you cranky winged aussie git, may kiss my organ!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Don't do it, Stuka, 'cause then he'll want to kiss yours. Once you get slobber on the keyboard, it usually stops working. [ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: Don't do it, Stuka, 'cause then he'll want to kiss yours. Once you get slobber on the keyboard, it usually stops working.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh, so that's why you had to replace your keyboard. Listen to the voice of experience, Stuka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 Goanna I am a prophet. Actually I've known it for a long time, witness a few of my many predictions that came true: I'm gonna get yelled at. I bet I lost it. She's gonna say NO. Damn, I'm gonna lose this game. So I was not at all surprised when I emailed my turn to your Omani ISP and was rewarded with ... Undeliverable Mail. So I sent it to your home ISP ... deal with it. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander: Lorak! Please do not scribe thusly: As a result of the use of the following two items, namely... ([) Selecting a huge and confusing Operation; (Miss) An ale-swilling keyboard; (]) A physical co-ordination worthy of me at 0100 Sunday mornings; and, (*ahem*) RealLife demands coupled to mind-altering drugs... Seanachai has finally had a lucid moment and pulled the plug on our game. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now that was nobly done. Especially for this place. I told Iskander he could have the victory as I'd wasted his time for ten turns in which his main option was to offer colour commentary on the erratic advance of my troops. Sir Iskander, I could easily handle a QB up to 1500 points. I don't know what the point total on that operation was, but trying to find all my troops amidst all those buildings, and trying to keep units moving forward with any hope at CoC was breaking my spirit. I actually contemplated calling in my own artillery on my positions to eliminate units and make plotting turns easier. Now, having acknowledged this most worthy action, which undoubtedly was carried out dead drunk and will cause consternation later when the 'lost time' incident is over, I return to calling my opponent by his Greek moniker (which if translated correctly from it's original, Macedonian roots, means 'setting the ferret to graze beneath the tunic'), and telling him that a dog-walker specializing in pugs, yorkies and toy poodles would handle troops with more elan and authority than he shows himself capable of. [ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 Hmmm... should I allow The Thread to slip off onto page two? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stalin's Organ Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: Don't do it, Stuka, 'cause then he'll want to kiss yours. Once you get slobber on the keyboard, it usually stops working. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> thanks for the tip. It's good that the older and crankier members of the pool are willing to share their grossness with us mere sub-SSN's. It means I can go and make a whole new set of disgusting mistakes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stalin's Organ Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 I like the next one better [ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stalin's Organ Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: Don't do it, Stuka, 'cause then he'll want to kiss yours. Once you get slobber on the keyboard, it usually stops working. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> thanks for the tip. It's good that the older and crankier members of the pool are willing to share the results of their favourite activities with us sub-SSN's. It truely shows the caring and nuturing nature of this organically rich soup we call the pool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorak Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 ah, don't worry horny little head about it, mr satan sir. I'll keep the thread alive. Tome update: Beri-win Pawbroon-loss Lorak the loathed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorak Posted June 28, 2001 Share Posted June 28, 2001 Oh, A public service announcemnt. We are now at about 275 post. Can we actualy start a new thread this time without mucking it up? Lorak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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