Joe Shaw Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 Blast, damn and hell, we're two posts from the second page! I blame Lawyer ... of course I ALWAYS blame Lawyer so ... Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan: Its spelled armor on this side of the Atlantic. Really. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I was born with the heart of an English Gentleman, but at a young age was kidnapped by a band of vagabond Minnesotans. They raised me as their own, and instilled in me a deep love, not only for our own beloved state, but for Canada as well, with whom we share the longest, unguarded border in the world. Working through the sometimes conflicting inclinations of my persona has led me to hit upon the spelling which you (foolishly) object to. Moreover, as I so often play the Brits, I find that my orders suffer less liklihood of misinterpretation if I conform to the spelling expectations of those under my command. In all, I find your objection presumptuous, proceeding as it does from a resident of New Jersey, which has never bothered to develop a written language of its own, but simply uses that of the rest of the nation out of sheer laziness, indifference, and ineptitude. Finally, I think that 'armour' makes for a nice distinction with 'armor', donned by the Knights of the Cesspool on ceremonial occassions, as opposed to the former, which we lead into battle; when against inhabitants of New Jersey, most often victoriously. In summation, then: Bah! I wave my hand at you. [ 06-26-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer: We need a new term such as "Victory Challenged" to describe those who fail to accrue sufficient points in a game to be "Winning Advantaged". The touchy-feely Pool of the modern era should embrace the politically correct way to deal with Joe and others of his ilk. They aren't "losers"; they just look, talk, and act like them. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'm afraid I must object to your use of the term "Winning Advantaged". The use of the word "advantaged" imbues a derogatory sense to the word "challenged" as used in your aforementioned statement "Victory Challenged". To avoid any further semantic entanglements, and to continue to bestow a sense of well-being and harmony amongst all interested parties, I suggest altering the meaning of the word "loser": I hereby propose that the definition of the verb "to lose" be changed to "to engage in a non-competitive and mutually uplifting for all participants creative play session, the outcome of which shall be neither defined nor determined for any purposes whatsoever." I also propose that the verb "to win" be stricken from the English language. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem: I'm afraid I must object to your use of the term "Winning Advantaged". The use of the word "advantaged" imbues a derogatory sense to the word "challenged" as used in your aforementioned statement "Victory Challenged". To avoid any further semantic entanglements, and to continue to bestow a sense of well-being and harmony amongst all interested parties, I suggest altering the meaning of the word "loser": I hereby propose that the definition of the verb "to lose" be changed to "to engage in a non-competitive and mutually uplifting for all participants creative play session, the outcome of which shall be neither defined nor determined for any purposes whatsoever." I also propose that the verb "to win" be stricken from the English language.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ENOUGH OF THIS POLITICALLY CORRECT BS!!!! The correct expressions are: Kicked his ass up between his ears Got bitch slapped like an unwanted stepchild Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>ENOUGH OF THIS POLITICALLY CORRECT BS!!!! The correct expressions are: Kicked his ass up between his ears Got bitch slapped like an unwanted stepchild <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Sheesh! Talk about your bad attitudes. I think SOME evil force is a little cranky today. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Josie and the Shawcats: Sheesh! Talk about your bad attitudes. I think SOME evil force is a little cranky today. Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I think that Mister Horns 'n Tail got frustrated with some of the big words, that's all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marlow Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 The scene opens with a wide angle shot of a dilapidated two story farmhouse sitting among barren trees and dry cracked ground. A sign is bolted on a rusted gate that hangs forlornly from one hinge. The barely legible text on the sign bears words that strike horror into the hearts of a nubile newbie pool dipper in his prime: "Old CessPooler's Home - Abandon all hope all ye who enter these grounds." On the weather-beaten front porch, which lists 10 degrees to the right, sit two craggy and gaunt figures in broken rocking chairs, the floorboards creaking rhythmically with their slow rocking. Marlow pulls his teeth out of his shirt pocket, and places them in his mouth This all your fault you know. Senilitea Slowely turns towards the noise, blinking his rheumy eyes Eh, what was that? Marlow I said its all your fault. This mess that the 'Pool is in. If you hadn't been constantly encouraging the morons that wander in here, we might not be where we are today. But Nooooo, its always "good effort, try again" or "you show some promise," or "for my money he can stay." What crap. What you needed to do was give them all a swift kick in the ass and tell them to get the hell out. Even the best of the bunch, that protolawyer MrSprinkler is a halfwit wanker, the rest are completely useless. Sean-a-chiapet Piss off. Marlow No, I'm serious. Take for example this latest bit with your pageboy pamper leaker. First, he disses the One True MuthaBeautifulThread on the outerboards, and then he wades in here seeking absolution and acceptance. Pissant. And instead of giving him a good swift kick in the nads, you and PatBoon accept him with open arms. "Oh, I've had a road to Damascus moment" Well, we should have done to him what was done to Winston Smith once he saw the light. Kurtz-a-chai Oh, come on, things aren't that bad, Hiram's still funny, and Shandork is still full of himself, and … Marlow Bah! This current bunch of idiots can't do anything right. When Panty Sniffer started a version of the thread, and another useless git Leoo hijacked it, what happened? "Oh, you are soooo mean to panties" and "Lets all give each other a big group hug." With YK2's little mother hen act, and all the other 'Pooligans playing psyco-anal-yst (down …), I thought this was an Oprah episode (or maybe "Hiram and Aubrey's warm and fuzzy challenge thread"). Why back in the day … why is it that we old farts always say "back in the day" … when we had a split in the Cesspool, we had a real split. We had a schism with heretics and inquisitions and blood and excommunications. There was bile, and hatred aplenty, carnage across the forum. Now we get take a prozac and call me in the morning. Its all your fault. Seanachai sigh, your right. Well, I suppose there is only one thing to do to atone for this mess. pulls out his old luger, and takes the honorable way out [ 06-26-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 Scene - A dilapidated sitting room filled with threadbare, second hand furniture and reeking of cigarettes. A faded, framed needlepoint design reading 'Cess, sweet Cess' hangs among yellowed photographs on one wall. Light filters in through a yellowed window coated with dust and grime from years of neglect. The window itself looks out over a ramshackle, weatherbeaten porch. Two people in white uniforms stand near the center of the room, gazing intently through the window. One, apparently female, is grotesquely obese. Her dark, beady inset eyes flicker across the window as she inhales another lungful of nicotine and scratches her buttocks reflectively. A faded tattoo of a rose and an anchor peeks out from under her sleeve. As you watch, she scratches the a hairy mole on her left cheek. Her name tag is partially coated with dried food, the remnants of lunch, but you can just make out the name 'Bertha'. The man stands in what was once a white coat that countless stains have mottled to an ochre - cream mix. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small round tin. Opening it, he stuffs a wad of tobacco into his mouth. His name tag reads 'Tim'. The pair observe Marlow sitting next to Seanachai. Marlow appears quite animated. Tim: "Wha's goin' on out thar, Bertha?" Bertha: "Not sure, but it looks like Marlow is getting snotty again. I thought we took care of this last time." Tim: "Shoot." Tim turns and launches his brownish sputum towards the far corner of the room. As he turns back, an orphaned strand falls on his coat, melding with the other stains. Tim: "Ya'll know Marlow. He ain't never happy 'less he's pickin' on some'un." As the pair look on, Seanachai pulls a water gun shaped like a Luger and begins squirting himself in the ear. Bertha: "Dang it, he's gonna get an infection again. Everytime he does this, he gets sicker than a dog and has a fever and the runs for a week." Tim: "So?" Bertha: "So I hate cleaning out his bedpan when he gets like that!" Tim: "So don't. Leave 'em for the night shift - that's what I do." Bertha: "Well, I guess that would work. But what are we gonna do about this little situation?" Tim: "Well, Marlow shore does look lahk he could use one o' yer speshul baths . . ." Bertha: "That's just mean. . . I like it! I even have a bikini here at work I can change into! " (Bertha laughs, her gut rippling from the effort. Small beads of sweat begin to appear across her brow.) Bertha: "But what about Seanachai?" Tim: "Well, he does have a gun. It couldn't hurt to have Bruce do one o' them thar full body cavity searches." Bertha: "You know Bruce enjoys those FAR too much." Tim: "Yeah. That's why we should do it. Jes' protectin' Mr. Seanachai from himself, ya' know. Now, y'all go get ready -- and don' let me see you this time! I'll go tell the boys how they're gonna spend their afternoon." Bertha skips off stage left, the pictures on the wall rattling with every step. Tim goes to the front door. Through the window, you can see him talking to Marlow and Seanachai. As the camera pans left to the faded needlepoint design, hysterical screams not unlike the words "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" erupt from the direction of the porch. Fade to black. [ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stalin's Organ Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Phillies Phan: Its spelled armor on this side of the Atlantic. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Of course it is. That's because "this side of the Atlantic" means the good ol' USA, where they have forgotten to spell. They've also forgotten what food is, and that there is a part of hte world beyond their borders. No matter - we're all better off if you stay over there anyway, and using correct spelling to confuse you when you visit is just one of our subtle ploys to keep you at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agua Perdido Posted June 26, 2001 Share Posted June 26, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ: the good ol' USA, where they have forgotten ... what food is,... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> This from some Brit, pretending to be a Russian? Why, just last weekend I had the pleasure of attending the National Capitol Barbecue Festival. They closed down four blocks of Pennsylvania Avenue just east of the White House, and it was meat, fire, and beer as far as the eye could see (which wasn't far, given all the smoke). Put down your foo-foo Welsh rarebit and steak-and-BSE pie and get a real native cuisine! In the meantime, I'll save you some deep-fried Oreos. Agua Perdido [Edited because remembering the fried Oreos gave me an attack of angina. (Down, Bauhaus--it's a heart condition.)] [ 06-26-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mace Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido: This from some Brit<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmm, I wonder if calling a Kiwi a Pom is as offensive to a Kiwi as it is to an Aussie? btw, have I noticed an absence of a certain JDHorse? Is there some inbuilt Lawyer instinct to battle with one another over territory with the loser banquished? Did Lawyer win? Does anyone care? Mace [ 06-26-2001: Message edited by: Mace ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace: Hmmm, I wonder if calling a Kiwi a Pom is as offensive to a Kiwi as it is to an Aussie? btw, have I noticed an absence of a certain JDHorse? Is there some inbuilt Lawyer instinct to battle with one another over territory with the loser banquished? Did Lawyer win? Does anyone care? Mace [ 06-26-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> War between lawyers isn't pretty. I won our first match (my first ever PBEM), and jd "won" the second match where I tried to attack in the snow for the first time. He chose all MG teams and some amazing skidding armor, plus a VERY healthy dose of AI luck to pull out a "victory" in that one. I challenged him again, and he has been running ever since. Get the picture?? Now I'm reduced to beating the likes of you whenever I get my Summer Offensive in order. Now go evict somebody from their gub'ment hovel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Trotsky's Piano: Of course it is. That's because "this side of the Atlantic" means the good ol' USA, where they have forgotten to spell. They've also forgotten what food is, and that there is a part of hte world beyond their borders. No matter - we're all better off if you stay over there anyway, and using correct spelling to confuse you when you visit is just one of our subtle ploys to keep you at home.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> We have borders? I thought all those other places were just the end of the queues of folks waiting to get over here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 Go on, tell 'em Speedyhump, tell 'em. WHO'S YOUR DADDY??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Stale Rim spewed: Go on, tell 'em, Speedyhump, tell 'em. WHO'S YOUR DADDY???<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> That would be ME, you disgusting sample from a proctologist's lab test! LORAK, scribe thusly - In the battle of the übertanks, Speedbuggy proved as inept as his lineage would suggest. He bravely (?) tried operating single Allied Tanks against my übertank hunting packs and had his head handed to him. MrSpkr: Another GLORIOUS win Speedbump: Another HUMILIATING defeat. [ 06-26-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 Dalem ... DAMN YOU SIR! I had my record, sir, and one to be proud of. A record that said in bold letters writ high on a cliff that Wins In CM Mean Nothing! Oh sure, I had the one win against Meeks but that was the exception that proved the rule. The other win was my duty as a liege lord to instruct my squire and was, after all, a Jabo! win as the Allies. But then YOU had to come along, you with your mealy mouth challenge and your insistence on trying lousy weather and nighttime. Oh you sucked me in all right, like a cutthroat rising to a Royal Wulff on a light tippet. AND THEN YOU LOST! How dare you! You've ruined my image damn you ... I'll not forget this boyo, not for a long, LONG while. Lorak: Joe Shaw - Win ... damn it. Dalem - Loss ... damn him. I think I need a drink. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Misspeaker: Stale Rim spewed <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> "Stale Rim"? "Stale Rim"? What the hell is that, a cry for help? Using "Stale Rim" in place of "dalem" isn't clever, isn't insulting, hell, it isn't even possible. You, sir, are obviously a closet taint-fondler who envies those who read without moving their lips. Your pathetic attempt at "wit" has demonstrated not only your weakness, but the weakness of whatever drunken knob-polisher let you follow him in here. Alas, since the past cannot be re-written I will merely poke some airholes into your skull so that shrivelled raisin you use as a brain can get some raspy and fetid Pool air. While I'm doing that, send me a setup. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stalin's Organ Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido: This from some Brit, pretending to be a Russian? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No. It isn't. But hey, what else can we expect from a Yank pertending to be a human! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Dalem stated, with some justification: "Stale Rim"? "Stale Rim"? What the hell is that, a cry for help? Using "Stale Rim" in place of "dalem" isn't clever, isn't insulting, hell, it isn't even possible.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> As disgusting as I find this, I must agree with Dalem. MrSpkr must have O.D.ed on fried okra if the best he could come up with was Stale Rim. I am not an advocate of the "change the name" school of taunting ... except for SSNs, of course. But if one MUST attempt it, at least do it right. For shame MrSpkr. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw: [Joe Shaw - Win ... damn it. Dalem - Loss ... damn him. Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Dear Cesspool Forum- I never thought I'd be writing to a thread like yours, but tonight something happened to me that made me finally realize that at least some of your posts must be true! I'm a fairly-skilled CMer and had been wallowing happily in the Cesspool for a few months, exchanging turns just like any normal healthy CMer would. I can't say that I had ever done any really "weird" battles before but my play had always been deemed at least 'fair and adequate' by my select few partners. Then one day a gruff little billy goat of a man approached me and laid the glove of a challenge at the feet of guess who? That's right, Yours Truly! I was pretty stoked at first - after all, it's not often that a pooligan with webbed eyelashes and terminal halitosis offers himself up to little ole me. So of course I immediately accepted. I was a little worried at first that he wouldn't be interested in playing me all that much - I told him I had never done it in the rain at night on a really small map before, but he assured me it would be okay. (In fact, I kind of think my inexperience made him play all the harder!) Things progressed kind of slowly at first, and I was pretty proud to see that I advanced my Regular Morale U.S. Rifle troops with a platoon of Regular Engineers for support up through the rain toward the single Victory Location without much incident. Then things got serious. When our troops finally met each other at first they mostly just spewed flame at each other and set the central houses on fire. It sure was hot in there! But the curious thing was that, the more I got into the game and tried all the little tricks I've learned, like flanking, supporting fire, suppressive fire, and then finally, desparate, short rushes, the more my opponent seemed to just lie back and do nothing. And it seemed that every time my poor squads poked their little pixellated heads out into the rain, they would disintegrate instantly. Now, I may not have done any rainy night battles before, but some of my friends and fellow pooligans had, and they never told me it would be like that! Finally I was reduced to just surging forward and back, forward and back, basically just desperate to finish the whole thing off. Mercifully it did end (apparently my opponent isn't known for his long games, if you know what I mean) and when I finally got a good look at what I had been up against, I almost fainted! Veteran Sturmgruppen and SMG troops against my poor unsuspecting troops. No wonder I felt like you could drive a Duece and a Half right through my forces when we were done! As I think back on the experience, I can't say I regret it. I'm not saying I would want to do that again, but something similar, well, who knows! Name and address withheld Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Leader Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 Where's the pictures?? Where's the pictures?!?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 Dear Dr. Ruth: I recently had a PBEM game with someone that I'll call Mister D cause I'm pretty sure he'd be embarrassed to have his name made public. I have to admit that when he said he wanted to try it in the dark and the rain I was hesitant, I mean, I'm not that kind of player, but he was insistent so I figured what the heck, ya know? I figured, hey, let's make it special so I went and bought the best I could afford, Veterans ya know. Of course I couldn't buy a LOT but I figured that he'd appreciate the quality more than the quantity. Anyway, he wasn't real impressive, he stumbled around, first here, then there, making a lot of noise but not really accomplishing much. His troops would rush my position but then evacuate as soon as I fired. Many times they'd get into range and START to direct fire on my troops but they'd stop firing when I fired at them. I was REALLY surprised when the game ended and he started complaining about my equipment. Turns out that he just bought REGULARS, sheesh, like I'm some kind of cheap and easy player who's not WORTH better than regulars. So he goes and COMPLAINS about my guys being better than his, like that was what made the difference! So anyway, Dr. Ruth, is he some kind of schmuck or what? Saltlaker Dear Saltlaker: It certainly sounds that way to me. Your Mister D likely suffers from what we call "premature evacuation" which is normally caused by having inferior troops try to assault better troops. His problem with his troops not being able to keep their fire up is a tragic illness known as "direct-fire dysfunction". Such a man is to be pitied and not ridiculed ... on the other hand it IS kind of funny. Dr. Ruth [ 06-27-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 MrSpkr stretches and sighs. Oh my. I seem to have upset both Dalem and Joe Shaw at once. Whatever I did, I must do it more often. Dalem, I find the moniker Stale Rim appropriate for you. Every time I see one of your posts, I am reminded of a toilet seat in a public restroom -- stained, disease ridden, and worn. Expect a setup, punk, and prepare to die. Joe, you worthless pathetic windbag. I have crushed your squire not once, but twice -- and yet the brainless prat keeps coming back for more. Must run in the family, considering the mindnumbingly moronic posts you toss around here. Either shut up (please, Please, PLEASE SHUT UP) or send me a setup, you pompous, overbearing, nekkid-Mormon-wife-fantasizing voyeur. [ 06-27-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 Shaw and Dalem. Thank you for one of the most...disturbing exchanges in some time. Now, I want both of you to go sit somewhere quiet, and contemplate just what kind of horror your immortal souls are going to endure in eternity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted June 27, 2001 Share Posted June 27, 2001 Hiram, send me a file, you burbling pile of slack-jawed xenophobia. bauhaus what the hell are you doing? Still trying to get my sticky fingerprints off your video cassettes and that drool stain out of the pillow I borrowed? When are you going to send me the new map? It's been so long, I can't even remeber under what conditions I was going to hand you your severed arse in our next match. I will have an UberLizard Update! for you all in good time once OGSF and a couple others complete their pending death rattles. On a final note, I would like to thank the academy of late for the invective directed toward me. It isn't that wins and losses matter much JoeSlovenly and if I could inspire as much hate with losses as wins, I would surely change my playing style or join you all in the University of the Tactically Inept. PS: Moriarty is on hols in Canadonia, so let's all slag him off while he is away and put the boot in the Molson crew while we're at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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