Welcome to Peng Challengeville!

[dalem]

Hey Filly Fandance, seeing as it's not your birthday an' all, howsabout forking over a setup. That "why Peng?" thread on the main board got me so pissed that I was reduced to using Jargon in a PBEM reply to Joe Flaw (who is almost not beating me now). For penance I figure I need another whuppin, and since PantyPeeks is busy and MarLowBrow is, well, MarLowBrow, I figger you're just the man to do it.

So send me a setup, and put some English on it!

[rleete]

Ah, Yes. Joe Schmegma. Another one of those "My number is lower than yours" egotists. I shall endevor to enlighten you:

1. I am a CM player. Recently regestered, as you so graciously pointed out. Owner of 'The One True Game' for over a year. Lurker of the God given thread for even longer.

2. Yes, it is true. I never thought of signing up, until I had read all the past threads. Newbie I may be, but foolish I am not. As you might have guessed (I am assuming basic animal intelligence here), this took a while. Between Real Life and playing The Game, it has taken until quite recently.

3. That you should care, I give not a whit. Go bugger yourself, if it pleases you. if not, I am sure Bauhaus would be happy to oblige.

4. Frying would hinder my continued education in and of The Game. I have recently graduated to TCP/IP (once again, refer to #3), and as such, am intentionally invading the 'pool in search of higher learning.

As to the last question, I am simply responding to the dubious intellegence of several of the cess posters, based on some of their previous posts.

I hope this clears up any confusion you may have had. If I need to repeat myself using smaller words so you may understand, please feel free to reply.

[Moriarty]

Alrighty then, what follows is a communique from Guano-boy, er, Goanna, El Lizardo, Scales R Us:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well, it has been about a week since I could even access the bbs so I was forced to read through an unmitigated pile of ****e (plus a few unpolished gems from PawBroon) in order to find out who is doing what to whom and who might have had a chance to tell their tale before me. I note that Agua didn't miss his chance to promptly notify Lorak of his gamey, cheating scurrilous win over me, so it should come as no surprise that a certain someone forgot to post his complete disembowelment. Time to correct that with an ‹berLizard Update!

When my company of green feildgrau took to the sodden field in the pouring rain with the task of rooting out a similar-sized unit of poms led by Elvis I was less than confident given his prior touting of his prowess and my previous mixed experience against him. Officers and non-coms applied the lash heavily to get the men forward, FORWARD you Schweinhund! Even my platoon of armoured pioneers was forced into the mud when all but one of my halftracks became helplessly bogged.

Fortunately, my crazed use of the IG on the attack worked beautifully and he exposed himself to deal with the guns, suffering the fate of those identified at the hands of some poorly placed 240mm Nebelwerfers and well placed 105 mm shells. The rest of my attack went almost perfectly to design. Taking the small flags first, I cleared my left then rolled right while he focused his attention on the feint toward a major VL there. The result:

Axis (Goanna) 79 casualty (17 KIA) 3 guns and four AFV lost - 81 pts

Allies (Elvis) 123 casualty (26 KIA) 6 mortars and three AFV - lost 19 pt pts

MAJOR AXIS VICTORY

Mentioned in dispatches: A golden claw with single gum leaf cluster is awarded to Unt Lambert who is also promoted to Regular status as he showed the patience of a saint (while acting for the forces of darkness) in keeping the high ground and applying accurate fire to knock out a Wolverine, a Sherman III, and a vile Churchill AVRE that would have otherwise decimated my infantry.

Today is doubly good, since I can also report the third, in what is becoming quite a trend, of my wins over the despicable Berlichtingen. For a change of pace, I took the yanks in a random 1500 pt attack on his village. The burg was held by a plethora of vermin with volks attached to their name (some of which looked like close relatives). Fortunately my cunning plan once again worked marvellously. After several hundred tons of direct and indirect fired Lend Lease ordinance were applied to every known or suspected hidey hole, my infantry was able to advance through only light resistance. My plan was assisted to some infinitesimal degree due to the selection of green and conscript troops on his side. By the numbers:

Axis (Berlichtingen) 208 casualty (58 KIA) 2 guns and six pillbox lost - 10 pts

Allies (Goanna) 81 casualty (23 KIA) one halftrack and one HMC lost - 90 pts

ALLIED TOTAL VICTORY

One more consecutive loss and Berli will be proclaimed my bunny.

Lorak please scribe it so and continue your own noisy death in our match.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That is all. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by R_Leet:

As to the last question, I am simply responding to the dubious intellegence of several of the cess posters, based on some of their previous posts.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ditto!

Mace

[rleete]

Mace, you are one of the ones I was replying to. Ah, well. [shakes head and turns away] Ignorance really is bliss, I suppose.

[FriendlyFire]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>[shakes head and turns away]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

As many sheep have found to their cost, you should never, EVER turn your back on Mace.

[ 05-06-2001: Message edited by: FriendlyFire ]

[Mark IV]

We have learned to our distress that Peng Thread posters are not among the elite of CM fans. Further, we are informed that <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>true-blue grogs do not taunt, they play... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, something's been bothering me for a long time, and to redeem this lowly pool of cess I have decided to speak out, here.

I speak to you of the M25 Tracer Round modeling fiasco, and the cover-up around it.

I'm sure that even non-elite CMers are aware that the M25 tracer was the Ami .30-06 round with the red tip. It causes the trace thingies that represents bullets flying around.

A true blue grog would surely know that the tracer does not ignite until about 50m down range, and burns out around 1000m. Yet CMBO shows tracers at ALL ranges.

The next time you're in a firefight at 25m and tracers come hurtling your way, you are witnessing an ERROR and a BUG and your immersion will be DESTROYED. Ditto when those little points of light come sailing in from 1000m+ (don't get me started on Jabos). Yet grogdom sits idly by and says nothing.

It doesn't stop there. As every schoolchild knows, the tracer round has a somewhat lower muzzle velocity than the ball and AP rounds, so the main stream of MG bullets is actually striking above the visible tracers; the greater the range, the greater the disparity. Further, there has been no attempt to distinguish between the M25 and the M14 Armor Piercing Incendiary round; they are lumped together under another "abstraction". WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS HAS BEEN IGNORED. But true blue grogs turn their backs.

This is only the tip of the iceberg. We are blithely informed that German pistols are abstracted, so no distinction has been made between the Luger P-08 and the Walther P-38. Thus, the tendency of the P-08 to jam in foul weather conditions (due to high tolerance critical bearing surfaces and the exposed nature of the toggle-action design) has been swept under the carpet, with the tacit approval of our groggy mentors. Remember this, the next time your sturmcrews swarm those concrete pillboxes, and you never get a "Jam" message. It's all based on a lie.

There's plenty more... the magazine capacity issue between the Enfields and the Mausers... the transistion from clockwise to counterclockwise azimuth indicator dials in the Shermans... the inclusion of night illumination devices in late war Allied tank periscopes... the Peng Thread rips the cloak of silence aside, one by one.

Peng Thread Death Sentence: Fred.

This has been one of my more elaborate bumps, but it needed to be said. Thank you for your attention. This has been a public service message from the Save the Bandwidth Foundation.

[ 05-06-2001: Message edited by: Mark IV ]

[Guest Babra]

And that American robin. Don't forget the American robin...

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Grog stuff

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh god nooooo!

Don't say its true!

[PawBroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Oh god nooooo!

Don't say its true!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Of course tis true.

The American Robin is merely abstracted on the European front.

And we are not even talking about the different speed at which those sparrows are flying.

And, and, there's no black!!!

There is not even the slightest afro american.

And nobody has tatoo or prophylactic listed when you hit the Enter key.

That's an obvious conspiracy since a simple batch file could allow for some black GIs while showing tatooed blood rhesus on SS forearms.

There is an obvious white and tatooless bias in that game.

I mean, come on! In Warcraft some of the guys were green and you're telling me you can't abstract black?!

And, and, and my member number is lower than most of yours since I registered in the days of Eniac and hadn't post a thing because I was happily playing something else like all good Grogs would have done.

And I am NOT a long standing idiot, I've been known to sit from time to time...

[Joe Shaw]

I've said it before, I'll say it again, I'm just too kind. These scum sucking newbies wander by on a lark (not to be confused with the American Robin referred to above in one of the exposes of the failings of BTS) and think "Hi ho, here's the Peng thread then, perhaps I'll pop in and see if the chaps are about, what?" I then, out of kindness, attempt to set them straight and direct them back to where they belong (i.e. somewhere other than HERE). Recently they seem to be taking this as an invitation to CHAT, as if this was the CM Lonely Chaps Club or something. It doesn't help when we are forced to defend ourselves in public and give these clowns the impression that we WANT scum sucking newbies!

THEREFORE ...

Notice to Scum Sucking Newbies

Go Away! Go Far Away and Go Now! We like the group that's here ... for the most part ... individually they're swine but the sum of the parts, etc. We did not ask you to drop by and we'd frankly prefer that you drop dead. If you DO decide that you MUST stick around ... Have A Reason! Are Geek apparently didn't get the drift of my message and responded with chapter and verse ... as if we care ... of his life and times {gag}. So lad, without getting into YOUR missive (reading it again is more than my digestive tract can handle right now) ... IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU OR WERE YOU JUST VISITING? If the later (please, please, PLEASE ... let him just be visiting) your VISA is revoked and you have been PNGed ... not to be confused with being PENGed, which is, frankly, much worse. Stand not upon the order of your going, etc. If the former ... go away anyway, we're not in the mood right now.

Joe

[ 05-06-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Notice to Scum Sucking Newbies

Go Away! Go Far Away and Go Now! We like the group that's here ... for the most part ... individually they're swine but the sum of the parts, etc. We did not ask you to drop by and we'd frankly prefer that you drop dead. If you DO decide that you MUST stick around ... Have A Reason! Basically - IS THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO FOR YOU OR WERE YOU JUST VISITING? If the latter (please, please, PLEASE ... just be visiting) your VISA is revoked and you have been PNGed ... not to be confused with being PENGed, which is, frankly, much worse. Stand not upon the order of your going, etc. If the former ... go away anyway, we're not in the mood right now.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

My word, an epiphany. Sir Joe Shaw has had a brilliant idea (calm down Joe - it could happen to anyone. A thousand monkeys typing for a thousand years and all that).

I humbly (no wait, this is me talking) - I arrogantly propose that this little missive allegedly created by Sir Shaw become part of the initial post of all new Peng threads (along with the instructions to bugger off and - no wait, those are Mace's instructions -- umm, oh yeah, insult, challenge, and sound off like you got a pair {stop trying to hump the couch, Bauhaus!}).

Update -

Speedbuggy says his forces are out for some sort of early morning jog. Evil bastards need to die for promoting such a worthless form of exercise.

Mace and I are jumping in mud puddles and singing in the rain - or the shower, whichever you prefer (back off Bauhaus).

Harlequin-poontang has gamily proposed a battle with so few points that the first side to suffer a hangnail will lose - fortunately, I brought my trusty nail clippers.

The rest of you can join Arg_Leech's self-help group - "Touching Yourself for Fun and Profit."

MrSpkr

[ 05-06-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Many many words.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Why that's simply....

grogalicious.

I find myself strangely aroused.

[Mark IV]

Lorak!

The armed IVces have scored their latest triumph at the conclusion of a long night/fog battle against Americans under French command (thus, the conclusion was foregone).

MarkIV: 67 solid points of Victory, albeit tactical,

Pawbroon: 29 ill-gotten points mainly from sneaking around in the dark with his customary but lemming-like elan.

This is now the longest-lasting game in the history of CMBO, even surpassing the epic struggle with the now-defunct Hakko Ichiu.

The battle waged as 2 separate mini-engagements, where on my left matters were settled shortly after the opening turns, but on the right ebbed and waned as this blatant maneuverist attempted encirclements, enslitherations, and a triple lutz in the impenetrable gloom (vis. 52m). This resulted in a couple of tank battles at handgun ranges, the results of which provided illumination for my brave volks.

Sadly, a pair of PzIVH frog blenders contributed to the night fires, but not without exacting a fearful price, etc.

Incredibly, M. P'broon had forgotten about an 81mm FO who finished the game with 199 rounds of ammunition still in pocket, so to speak. He noticed this fellow standing around with his thumb up his fred on turn 29 or 30. I actually did that myself, once, though not quite to the same extreme... does anyone think the game needs a roster? Perhaps we should put it to the outer Board....

A good show, all in all, with a happy ending.

[Guest Babra]

Mr. Spkr,

Thank you for the lovely gift. As I have no children, I've forwarded it to Mace.

[ 05-06-2001: Message edited by: Babra ]

[Guest Babra]

Mace has such cute kids. Here's a nice letter one of his daughters wrote.

[Joe Shaw]

Hmmm, a couple of thoughts occur (I know, it's awfully early for me to have reached my quota for the day).

MrSpkr, when the thread was going through it's dark days (i.e. limits were placed on our posts before we had to start a new thread), the opening post of the new thread was usually a sort of warning/FAQ. I'm not sure how we would do that now with our new, virile, thread length. Perhaps we could shorten our rules to a variant of that used by the US Sports Commentator, Jim Rome, when he admonishes his listeners "Have A Take, Don't Suck!"

And speaking of takes, I must task Lorak with adding MrSpkr to the list of Serfs from whence he can aspire to the rank of Squire and then ... one day in the future with hard work on his part ... perhaps even Knight of the CessPool. I ask this because he, MrSpkr, has shown fortitude and sticktoitiveness (hmmmm). Furthermore, he likes fried okra and is a Texan, both sterling qualities in my book.

Mark IV I was shocked, shocked I say to hear of the fumbles and missteps rampant, rampant I say, in the community of True Blue Grogs (or Sacre Bleu Grognards for PawBroon). How could such blatant, blatant I say, oversights have been ... uh ... oversighted? I have done some research and was stunned, stunned I say, to see that the referenced True Blue Grog has been a member since July of 1999 and in that time he has managed to post a grand total of 360 some odd times. Clearly the fault is with BTS in not encouraging him to provide full input.

Joe

[Abbott]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Abbott:

Gyrene has agreed to a Blood Hamster feud. The victorious player will write the defeated player’s sig. file that will be attached to the defeated player’s posts for one week.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen: The official Blood Hamster rules call for one month<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Woe is me. It 'tis a struggle being lower then the lowest newbie of Pengville, Pond Scum . In Pengville the rukes are never explained to pond scum. Pond scum just lies floating until a gem or two is let slip by unwary inhabitants of the Pool .

(I left the typo “rukes” in the above post. It seems to me it is quiet fitting to be unable to spell rules at this time of day. It is but Noon and I have only awakened a few moments ago. Quiet fitting is much nicer then loudly fitting).

I also am in need of another game. My pool record now stands at 1 win and 1 opponent scared into “Stress disappearance” just before loss, Meeks .

In the interest of playing another game in this despicable place I call you out Agua Perdido . As I am sure you already know, I do not posses the ability (yet) to write to you a fitting “Peng” challenge. However I do say sir that I would enjoy very much adding you to my growing list of helpless victims.

[ 05-06-2001: Message edited by: Abbott ]

[Moriarty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Babra:

And that American robin. Don't forget the American robin...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Gee, and I always thought they were swallows, English or African, I can't remember which.

[Iskander]

I see that Abbott has wandered off the reservation again... wont someone rid us of this turbulent man?

Oh and as for jd's very, VERY minor upset over the forces of, well, forces, let it be known that the losses of 125 (him) to 129 (me) and 17 vehicles (him) to my 4 HT's and 6 guns (that's ten for those of you playing along at home) is not exactly what a real man would be interested in crowing to the heights...

...hmmmm. So I guess he's not.... oh, that's right, he's a lawyer. I think I'd better scan and defrag the slimed HDD now. Ta.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by R_Leet:

you are one of the ones I was replying to. Ah, well. [shakes head and turns away] Ignorance really is bliss, I suppose.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, and that Ditto was in sole response to you, R_soles.

[ 05-06-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Abbott:

[QB]

I'm a lamer and can't even insult Aqua Velva man effectively<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Abbot. Abbot. I don't know what to say to you. Sure, you've been around a while, and may even be a reliable opponent. You might even play well with others. This is a problem-- if you play well with others you clearly don't belong here. I don't particularly like it that AquaFresh keeps hanging around here, but at least he's annoying. You're just some main board wanker who got burned out on the ladders and came slumming in here for a rest. You're way too bland, and not in a "I'm a polite little Hiram but WHOOOSH I can cut loose with the flamethrower more viciously than Peng when you least expect it" kind of way. I demand that Aquaman not sent you a setup until you can at least be a little abrasive.

[jd]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Iskander:

Oh and as for jd's very, VERY minor upset over the forces of, well, forces, let it be known that the losses of 125 (him) to 129 (me) and 17 vehicles (him) to my 4 HT's and 6 guns (that's ten for those of you playing along at home) is not exactly what a real man would be interested in crowing to the heights... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> True that is the measure of loss but methinks that for some one who.......SURRENDERED...your losses were about to be even greater......

[Abbott]

I demand that Aquaman not sent you a setup until you can at least be a little abrasive.- chrisl

Being abrasive intentionally is very difficult, not to mention keeping up with the well-educated and literate members of this thread, which some of us are intelligent enough to not try and do chrisl . The only real course of action open to one such as myself is to play well in the battle, enjoy reading the thread and not take anyone to seriously, especially myself.

So unless you want to get your well-educated ASS whooped playing a GAME by a “Main Board Wanker” I suggest you bugger off.

[ 05-06-2001: Message edited by: Abbott ]

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Abbott:

ook ook ook<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That was a little better, but you still need some work.

Try again. Put a little more feeling into it.