Bill Paxton as patron saint of the Peng Challenge Thread

[Goanna]

Yeah, yeah all my e-mail is getting through ya mooks. The problem was I gave my faithful manservant the day off so he didnt d/load it all a couple of days ago.

I could give a fat rats whether we take on Simontha Fox or not. He certainly is bitter enough.

Now, I need more turns. Chop chop.

[Goanna]

BTW #159, untermensch didn't send me a map to look at either, only some drivel about picking troops without one. If I don't see anything from him by the end of the arvo here I will just send him my purchases according to Satan on a blank map.

[Joe Shaw]

Goanna, turn RE-SENT, if you don't get it IT AIN'T MY FAULT.

Joe

[BFCElvis]

Lizardgirl, I have already sent in my units.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Each and every one of you are simply figments of our warped (and heavily lubricated) minds. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OK...

Since I'm a figment of your imagination, can you please imagine me with a $1m per annum salary, a selection of beautiful women that want to meet my every desire, and a better ratio of CMBO wins to losses.

Thankewe.

Mace

[ 07-28-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

[Speedy]

What happened to the brand new flock?

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace:

Since I'm a figment of your imagination, can you please imagine me with a $1m per annum salary, a selection of beautiful women that want to meet my every desire, and a better ratio of CMBO wins to losses.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sorry, but our collective imaginations require at least some small bit of reality

[Berlichtingen]

Peng!

take something for that indigestion... Shaw is starting to think it has free will

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Sorry, but our collective imaginations require at least some small bit of reality<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ok, I'll settle for the better ratio of CMBO wins to losses then. =/

Mace

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mace:

Ok, I'll settle for the better ratio of CMBO wins to losses then. =/<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sorry again... we are quite incapable of imagining talent. Btw, I think you can thank seanachai for the sheep

[Geier]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Did you chip your new PC from raw flint, or what?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I used to run on W2K. There is no DOS mode available in it.

Great links, thanks!

[**YK2**]

Once in Persia reigned a king

Who, upon his signet ring,

Graved a maxim true and wise

Which, if held before his eyes,

Gave him counsel at a glance,

Fit for every change and chance,

Solemn words, and these are they:

"Even this shall pass away."

Then one day he upt and died,

Just as we found he had lied,

True and wise was not quite fitting,

As on his throne he wasn't sitting,

Instead he had this large recliner,

None of which you could find finer.

Every day he sat and pondered about that signet ring,

And of course his dark haired Lover who had given it to him.

The ring would make him true and wise,

As long as he would tell no lies,

But then one day he met his fate while bathing in the pool,

For he came across another guy who was also said to rule.

Peng was the name that led to fame in that putrid pool of cess,

Along with Sean and Berli they sure did stir some mess,

They had some rules, but not carved in stone, which has now become quite clear,

Simon Fox to be a Knight has filled Joe Shaw with fear.

Now everyone knows that Mr Fox was there at the beginning,

So no point arguing Mr Shaw the guy will come out winning.

Is that fair I hear you ask?

Well NO I think it's not,

Cos he might play but rarely posts,

While many posts I can boast.

I guess what I am trying to say,

In a long and kinda roundabout way,

If Simon is to become a Knight,

Then why can't I without a fight?

What has all this got to do with that guy and his signet ring?

Nothing really, I just did as I must to rhyme the bloody thing.

So surely that alone should class,

A Kighthood for this Scottish Lass,

I leave it for the mass to ponder

while I go and sit just over yonder.

How do I wind this bloody thing up?

I'm running out of steam.

Just STOP NOW I HEAR YOU SCREAM.

That's good enough for me.

P.S

Hope I haven't offended Babra by using that Sig as a starter.

[ 07-29-2001: Message edited by: YK2 ]

[Mace]

*thunderous applause*

Struth, you're a bonza shiela, YK2, not as bonza as the feline one mind you, but that's just because I'm strongly biased!

anyhoo, if we can make a kinniget of Fimon Sox, we can bloody well make you a dame since you've been contributing to this pool for as long as I can remember (which in this alcoholic haze is about 3 hours ago).

I for one vote for the daming of YK2!

now how about sing-a-long!

OOOOoooooooOOOOOOOOOoooooooh!

There ain't nothing like a dame!

...nothing like a dame!

There ain't nothing like a dame!

lah blurble waffle *forget words* blah!!!!!!

Mace

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Now everyone knows that Mr Fox was there at the beginning,

So no point arguing Mr Shaw the guy will come out winning.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Far be it from me contradict the fair YK2, but he was NOT there at the beginning. I have perused the threads from their inception and HE IS NOT THERE. Now he and Seanachai or Peng or Berli, etc, MAY have had some communication, but that does NOT mean that he was a founder of the MBT. I stand by my suggestion that he be made Grog To The CessPool.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Is that fair I hear you ask?

Well NO I think it's not,

Cos he might play but rarely posts,

While many posts I can boast.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And damn fine ones too ... furthermore I suspect that you SMELL better than he does.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I guess what I am trying to say,

In a long and kinda roundabout way,

If Simon is to become a Knight,

Then why can't I without a fight?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I am shocked, shocked to learn that you have yet to be elevated to the rank you deserve. If it can be debated that this Fox chap be GIVEN a Knighthood, without any fighting OR posting requirement, then I say we OWE it to YK2 to make her Dame YK2 based upon the excellence of her posts ... and the fact that she's actually HERE ... what say you CessPoolers?

Joe

[MrPeng]

I am not about to go using the search malfunction "utility" on this thing, but I bet you a nickle that somewhere at some time Emma was already made a Dame of the 'pool.

almost positive. lorak would probably know, the pointy eared twit. anyway Pshaw shut your effing face you uncle effer. I am sick of your blowhard bs and am prepared to beat you senseless with a sac full of your own fetid bottom burps. by gawd you drone on and on about the same bloody topics "do you think the girls will like it?" and "is it big enough?" and "why do they all point and giggle?" endlessly endlessly endlessly passing out your feeble plaintive gasses. Just have a big mug of shut the frig up you insufferable swine. You are as bad as mouse with your "look at me! I'm Pretty and I Try Hard!" poster-boy wind.

Feh, I have wasted too many keystrokes on you already. and we are talking laptop keystrokes, which for men with man-sized hands such as myself, are appallingly annoying to do, the keyboards of laptops being manufactured for girly hands and elves and children. Feh again.

Peng

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You are as bad as mouse with your "look at me! I'm Pretty and I Try Hard!" poster-boy wind.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> That's IT! I've put up with your "Oh me, the thread has MY name on it so I MUST be important and EVERYONE has to do what I say" crap for as long as I can. I've not raised my voice before (well on THIS issue anyway) out of some misplaced sense of propriety but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. To have YOU of all people compare me to Mouse is beyond the Pale and you SHALL PAY!

Lars, Lars I say!

{Lars rushes in from the stables with currycomb in one hand and textbook "Peng, The Ultimate Blowhard", in the other.} Yes, Sir Joe, I was currying your horse Sir, what may I do for you?

{Joe looks confused for a moment} I ... I don't have a horse, we're mechanized you know.

Really? Oh ... well what was I currying then?

Hmmmm, well no matter, take out your book Lars.

{Lars blanches in terror} Not ... not THE BOOK Sir Joe? Who can have offended you so much as to warrant the ultimate punishment?

Stand to your duty lad, these are hard times. Write this name down, lad ... MrPeng.

Oh ... oh no Sir, I dare not write down HIS name in ... THE BOOK.

Do as I say lad, write it down ... MR PENG.

{With trembling fingers and knotted brow, Lars pens the name MR PENG in the Book} Will that be all Sir Joe?

No lad, it is NOT all ... STRIKE HIS NAME OUT.

{Lars dissolves into tears but knows better than to debate further. With a firm stroke he crosses out the name he has just written.}

There lad, that should teach the SWINE.

{looking up at Joe with admiring eyes} Begging you pardon Sir Joe, but I ain't never seen nobody could dish out the punishment the way you can.

{Joe heaves a large sigh} It's a gift lad, it's a gift.

Joe

[ 07-29-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Guest Babra]

One thing we don't gotz enough of around dis joint is dames.

[MrPeng]

Ok, Pshaw that just rips it, You hyphenated, micro-cephalic, macro-caudal, intestinal parasite-breeding pile of wombat nipples.

A Map! a map! my kingdom for a map! Berli would you be so kind as to provide me with a map upon which I can place units for the pupose of fulfilling a BLOOD HAMSTER against the force of malodorous wind known as Pshaw ?

That's right PShaw you bilious bloated ungulate carcass on the side of the road. By erasing and WRITING my name in that book of yours you have called down the Army of Peng upon your fat ugly head. It is a blood hamster at 50 paces. A texas chainlinked-buzzsawcagedanimal-deathmatchfromhell. You are a raw dog stuffed with bugs and I am a hungry vulture. Select a third party to purchase our troops, maggot-boy. I await your cowardly response.

Peng

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>That's right PShaw you bilious bloated ungulate carcass on the side of the road. By erasing and WRITING my name in that book of yours you have called down the Army of Peng upon your fat ugly head.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> HAH! A lot YOU know. I had your name WRIT and THEN STRUCK THROUGH which, I might point out, is a sight worse than whatever it was that YOU said that frankly didn't make any sense not that we ever EXPECT you to make sense. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It is a blood hamster at 50 paces.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> OH IS IT INDEED? I refer you to rule 14(a/50X)+\*5 where it clearly states that as the Challenged party I choose the weapon and YOU, as the Challenger, choose the conditions. Therefore, just to annoy you, I reject your Blood Hamster and choose a Standard Game instead. Let that be a lesson to you. NOW you may name your conditions. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>A texas chainlinked-buzzsawcagedanimal-deathmatchfromhell.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> TEXAS needs to be capitalized. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You are a raw dog stuffed with bugs and I am a hungry vulture. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>A hungry vulture? Hah! More like the little chicken hawk in the Foghorn Leghorn cartoons and like the dog in those cartoons I shall prevail. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Select a third party to purchase our troops, maggot-boy. I await your cowardly response.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Very well, I appoint Mensch as my second and ask that he select the forces which shall seal your doom!

Whichever map Berli creates can't be worse than the monstrosity you inflicted upon us.

Allow me also to advise Lorak that the aforementioned Mensch has aided my quest to prove that competence in CM is meaningless. It was not, again, easy. He created a very small, fog bound ME and almost immediately destroyed one of my TDs and ruined the gun on the other. I was about ready to surrender when the church that sheltered most of his infantry inexplicably burst into flames and gave me the town though not the VL. I bravely attempted to close assault his two Hetzers guarding the VL but was prevented by some trivial morale problems. My gun damaged TD tried to distract his Hetzers from the infantry assault and paid the price. At the end of the game, he had two Hetzers, one with a damaged gun and one with only AP left and ... wait for it ... ONE infantryman holding the VL. HIS global morale broke, the game ended and the game was awarded ... TO HIM on the basis of points. While I am thrilled at the loss I am at a loss (you should excuse the pun) to explain why his morale failed and he won the game. Strange and wonderous are the ways of BTS.

Mensch: Win

Joe Shaw: Loss

Joe

[MrPeng]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Very well, I appoint Mensch as my second and ask that he select the forces which shall seal your doom!

Whichever map Berli creates can't be worse than the monstrosity you inflicted upon us.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OK, Two things:

47. That is a mother beautiful map I made, and I am glad it is you who is in the gorge. I hope you are 'sploded lots with lots of 'splodey things, and I'm glad you find it to be a monstrosity.

//5.*/2II.IV/ii.2.42-11). I choose Icky as my second.

11. 1500 points - combined arms - random time of day and weather. all other parameters to me are immaterial. you may choose your nationality- you may mix and match Polish trucks with French tanks, or Gerbiljaegers with Volksturm, however I will be sticking with one force type and going about this in a manly and non-gasbaggy way.

B. texas should be made to join mexico, not capitalized.

Peng

[**YK2**]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

I am not about to go using the search malfunction "utility" on this thing, but I bet you a nickle that somewhere at some time Emma was already made a Dame of the 'pool.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

YK2 walks into the main court and Kneels graciously before Sir Peng

"Of course you are right M'Lord"

Sir Seanacoochie did indeed bestow upon myself the right to be a "Dame of the pool"

But I want to see it up in *LIGHTS* *TWINKLING* amongst all those other Knights and Indeed next to the most sparkling Knight of all the one and only Sir PawBroon *SIGH*

Brushing away the dust from her Long Golden Dress YK2 stands up and composes herself before the court.

Ahem..... where was I? oh yeah, call me spoilt if you wish (for I have been) but that's what I am asking, to see my name in "Black and White" although "Technicolour" would be more acceptable...... On Sir Loraks Cesspool.

BTW Sir Joe don't mind if I drop the Shaw do you?

I swear I remember that Fox guys name from the first "PENG THREAD" but guess I was mistaken, so apologies to everyone for that error. *Bats Eyelashes*

Anyway, all in all thanks for allowing me my 2cents worth, tis appreciated.

Curtsies Gracefully to Sir Peng Turns and Smiles sweetly at the court

[Exits]

YK2 walks towards the Tall dark stranger standing in the shadows and whispers....

" Tis done oh wise one did I please you"?

[ 07-29-2001: Message edited by: YK2 ]

[Iskander]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrPeng:

OK,...

//5.*/2II.IV/ii.2.42-11). I choose Icky as my second.

Peng<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

sitting quietly at his computer, carefully balancing a highball glass filled with something mildly unhealthly on his all-too-quickly expanding tummy, idly beating a non-Pooler by moving one Sherman in circles and pressing "GO", Iskander decided to check in on the Holy Mother Thread...

... and damn near spills his drink!!

Peng, you doof! How can you forget that MrHappy is your Second! However, in the unlikely event that the faux-Texan, Pshaw is not losing, I shall act as your Third and sneak (well, wobble, really) over to his side of the field, distract Johnnymensch with what looks like a tray of prescription bottles of Paxil & Quaaludes, and pull Uncle Joe's 10-gallon bowler hat (you know the one: it's got the "I (heart) Texas!" on it) down over his tiny knoggin.

Then we'll call bauhaus.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>OK, Two things:

47. That is a mother beautiful map I made,<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Is NOT and neither are you. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>//5.*/2II.IV/ii.2.42-11). I choose Icky as my second.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh ... good choice {snicker}, no really, I was thinking of choosing him {snort}, the very man for the job {smothers laughter}.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>11. 1500 points - combined arms - random time of day and weather. all other parameters to me are immaterial. you may choose your nationality- you may mix and match Polish trucks with French tanks, or Gerbiljaegers with Volksturm, however I will be sticking with one force type and going

about this in a manly and non-gasbaggy way.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Fine, I will take Americans and trust that Mensch will choose a well balanced and effective force. If BTS had included troops of Girl Scouts I could beat you with THEM.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>B. texas should be made to join mexico, not capitalized.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Mexico should be capitalized too, what, did you skip fourth grade English or something?

This should be a real test for me, on the one hand my hatred for you and all you stand for is so intense that I REALLY want to bash your alleged brains against a rock. On the other hand I am committed to showing the way of the CessPool in that wins and losses are immaterial and what better way to do that than to lose to Peng ... of course I'll have to lose DELIBERATELY for that to happen ... what a choice.

Joe

[Buzzsaw]

MrSpkr

Thank you for so eloquently refuting all my points. Now, if you will kindly turn around so I can remove that stick from your arse and beat you senseless with the dirty end.

Such airs! Such bombast! And from such a lowly wretch. The other knights obviously only tolerate you because they can throw you at newcomers and watch with amusement as their servile vassal plays and being lord. Well, it won’t work with me. I recognize you for what you are: a freakish, disfigured court jester. Step aside; I have maters to discuss with your masters.

[Lawyer]

NEW TITLE FOR JOE SHAW

CessGits:

I have just returned from viewing a children's movie named "Cats and Dogs" with my kid. She thought it was funny, like a nine year old should. I thought it was only mildly amusing, but I was spellbound throughout the movie by the performance and personal attributes of the white Persian cat who is the chief villain in the movie.

The cat's name is Mr. Tinkles. I swear by all that is Holy Unto Peng that Mr. Tinkles is really Joe Shaw. He is pompous. He is evil. He is silly. He fights dirty. He is a megalomaniac. He laughs like Charlton Heston. He is a blowhard who bosses everyone around. He is also a loser who wears sissy outfits at movie's end.

I sat there dumbfounded thinking: "I can't believe they made a Hollywood movie about Joe Shaw. And I didn't even know Joe had sent his life story and picture to Tinseltown.

So I propose that we bestow upon Sir Joe a better and more accurate title than those several misnomers he has bestowed upon himself.

From henceforth, Joe Shaw shall be known as Mr. Tinkles, or MT for short, which he is from what I observe.

Those of you who have kids should really go see "Cats and Dogs" just to experience the whole "Joe Shaw" experience when viewing Mr. Tinkles. It's well worth the price of admission, and you will surely join me in bestowing upon our very own Mr. Tinkles all the bile he so richly deserves.

Here's to ya, Mr. Tinkles!

[ 07-29-2001: Message edited by: Lawyer ]