Kinophile Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) Round 2 between myself and that puppy killing, rodent bedding, badger fiddling@TheForwardObserver. In honour of the current mutual genital snogfest going on between the Russian and Russian elected American President, this thread shall be a nice* polite** running discourse*** on our battle. MAP: A modified 'Outskirts' map, ripped from the second mission in US campaign, converted to a ME. Pic later when I get home. FORCES: YUGE. Standard rarity. No Tunguska, No Abrams, No Fixed Wing CAS, No Zalas. Inf/Mech Inf only, both sides. CONDITIONS: 2 hours. Day, Clear, Dry, Light Wind, No EW. MISSION: A US Army Mech Inf brigade has outflanked Russian forces arrayed around Donetsk city, striking into a gap from the south west. Reserve Russian Mech Inf scramble to meet them and form a defense. STATUS: I've selected my force, The Flabby One has his sweaty sausage fingers on the helpless game file now. *no it won't **like hell I will ***Twitter level "analysis" mixed with raw lies, braggadaccio and outright propaganda. Edited January 3, 2017 by kinophile 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheForwardObserver Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 Okay for the record though I'm not flabby. I was a little bigger for about a year in the mid '00s (200lbs on a 6 foot frame) but I'd eaten too many MREs for such a young age and probably too many trips to MIDRATS. Lot's of Otis Spunkmeyer muffins and ketchup flavored chips (crisps). I don't know, maybe I was comfort eating, calling in artillery on people in their home countries because why not can be pretty mentally taxing unless you're an absolutely mindless empty vessel. I write poetry now instead of eating. Poetry about flowers mostly. Here's one; "Kino's Army is as a garden of flowers, soaring up from their genesis in the dust of earth, reaching always for the stars, powered by the water of the earth the love of the bee and the warmth of the sun, and pounded back into the rotting earth by the dirty naked awesomeness of american firepower, moral superiority, and towering intellectual prowess, yeah git 'er done, get some, suck 155mm HE communists!" Point is I lost the weight-- I like to say I'm twice the man I was then, and half the size. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sburke Posted January 3, 2017 Share Posted January 3, 2017 I always love poetry sessions on this forum. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinophile Posted January 3, 2017 Author Share Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) They drift across the sky In graceful arcs and curves; Amerikanski Bradley tracks. Edited January 3, 2017 by kinophile 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheForwardObserver Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) "The 25 mike mike declareth the glory of the Bradley and the TOW missile sheweth his handiwork." A shopping bag floats into view, it dances elegantly across the ground, blown by the wind, moved by the same forces that spreadeth the seeds of the great forests, and the grass of the great savannahs, defiant and ignorant of the curse of declination which condemneth man to circles. A BTR bursts into flames in the foreground, the crew emerges stunned, mildly discontent, cursing the lowest bidders. The driver runs back to the blazing BTR, he's forgotten his cell phone-- he braves fire and destruction to retrieve it. He succeeds, and without hesitation takes a selfie to prove it-- moving with a purpose he updates his instagram-- 12 likes in 3 minutes-- today has been a good day, he mutters to himself. He joins the rest of his crew. They move on, they will subsist on mushrooms and berries from the forest until their column has caught up. They will tweet until help arrives. An FO slips away into the shadows, he seeks a larger target. He will wait. A darkness gathers in the East as Kinoron once again sits atop mount doom, casting his thermal-less gaze upon the landscape, he sees nothing. He will wait. Edited January 4, 2017 by TheForwardObserver 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IICptMillerII Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 The back and forth between you two is hilarious. Much more entertaining that a regular DAR. Looking forward more to the banter than the AARs. Should be good! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinophile Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) @TheForwardObserver Edited January 4, 2017 by kinophile 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheForwardObserver Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I know you're thirsty for payback but we're on a 1 km by 1 km map with not exactly massive starting zones and I could be facing 20+ batteries of 152 on this opening barrage so I'm going to be taking my time with this one. I might even just bring 1 unit, an FO, and use the rest of my points for artillery. Haven't decided yet. Still working out the details in my head. You should be thankful for this calm before the storm. Have you worked out your surrender speech yet? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinophile Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Im not going bananas with arty. Fairly realistic OOB. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheForwardObserver Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 "I'm not going bananas with arty." He says. Typical Russian dodging of the issue. You know full well that Americans don't understand the metric system-- I'm not going to sit here converting bananas to inches like some stooge while you smugly sit atop your missile gap. How about we do a trade-- you post your OOB, then I'll think about posting mine. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gnarly Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) WOOT! Bring on the trash-talk (and poetry???)! Clever tactics and success are merely secondary objectives to the mission.... Is it a double negative or just re-stating/reinforcing the obvious for both players: 'no Abrams' and 'Mech only'? Edited January 4, 2017 by gnarly 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinophile Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) Just clarity. Heres my OOB, grapjically: Edited January 4, 2017 by kinophile 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Artemis258 Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Popcorn anyone? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheForwardObserver Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 I've measured how far you can drive in 1 minute. I know the timing of the initial rounds. I've measured exactly how much arty I need to bring down every building on your half of the map, how I need to place the missions in order to achieve maximum economy of force, and how long it will take to do the job. If I think for a moment that you're ahead of me on the missile gap, and I already do-- I will not hesitate to bring a force designed to flatten the city and everything in it rather than seize a worthless bit of Donetsk in an action that will inevitably cause more casualties than the American people are ready to accept. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinophile Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) Your mission is penetration of the Donetsk defenses ASAP, not a grinding Stalingrad. If you get into a Fallujah style ass-to-mouth parade then you can probably expect relief. And I don't mean the liquid petroleum type. Conversely my mission is to stop and roll back your attack. As stated, I'm not going cray-cray on arty. But hey, mole people always get nervous outside anything wider than their burrows, so I do understand your misplaced trepidation. And STILL no turn. Edited January 4, 2017 by kinophile 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheForwardObserver Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 My mission is to win the war! Here's my OOB, now your turn. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinophile Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) A healthy fear of the Russian sky god. Mmmm yes. This fabled 'turn' you speak of...is it perhaps inserted up a particular binoculared subterranean-dwelling rodent's sphincter, mm? Cos it ain't in the Dropbox. Edited January 4, 2017 by kinophile 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinophile Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 Map Pics: 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HerrTom Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Beautiful map. I know I'm looking forward to this! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheForwardObserver Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Probably won't be done picking my troops till tomorrow evening. I'm still visualizing my strategy right now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chudacabra Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 This looks great, but shouldn't your opponent be forbidden from viewing this thread? Is it an open PBEM relationship? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Canadian Cat Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 19 hours ago, IICptMillerII said: The back and forth between you two is hilarious. Much more entertaining that a regular DAR. Looking forward more to the banter than the AARs. Should be good! Agreed - as long as the poetry keeps coming. I nearly spat out my coffee when I read @ForwardObserver's then the next one was nearly as good but I was ready by then. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinophile Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, Chudacabra said: This looks great, but shouldn't your opponent be forbidden from viewing this thread? Is it an open PBEM relationship? If by 'open' you mean car-keys-in-the-bowl... Then no. Well.. Maybe. Buy me a nice dinner* first, then we'll talk**. . Its more to encourage TFO along his journey of self discovery as he learns that his irrational fear of open spaces on a map is driven by his mole-man ancestors and does not reflect reality, his existential dread of my drones is overblown and his faith in the power of numbers is outdated. Let's make this a communal effort and help our pseudo-REMF friend overcome his own fears and, y'know, SEND HIS TURN. :-) *Wine helps. **Skip the steak, just get me drunk. Edited January 4, 2017 by kinophile 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheForwardObserver Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Alright Kino-- How about this, the number of batteries of howitzers that you brought will be the Russian cap, and the blue cap will be two batteries less than that. You don't have to include your mortar numbers in that, I'm not concerned about your pebble slingers. After which I will legitimately post my OOB for all to see, and we will move on. Won't find a fairer deal on the North American land mass. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kinophile Posted January 4, 2017 Author Share Posted January 4, 2017 (edited) i think it was 5 batts. 6x 5, 30 tubes. But...I don't fear your arty.... Edited January 4, 2017 by kinophile 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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