37mm

I’ve stopped all that nonsense for awhile… it really hurt (and the cave stinks to high heaven).

You planned for shmuckface to embarrass himself? What next?

The blessed angel/witch of Peng wrote... Much better than your last thread title... I applaud you Seanachai, black smoke… what’s happened?

A guy with over 14,000 worthless posts is telling me that... I feel kind of proud Thanks Mikey

AAR of a very troubled liege: A Messianic production Sir 37mm the Peng blessed, disowned, tested, tolerated, mocked, belittled & forsaken Messiah of the Peng Challenge Thread, Leading light of the House of (sigh) JDMORSE (sigh) and owner of all the other titles & privileges bestowed upon his heavenly shoulders Versus Boo (Former liege to said Messiah) Well after the last ridiculously huge blood bath we decided to play two smaller battles consecti… conseqtue… at the same time. This was the smaller of the two; a tiny allied assault in muddy conditions, I took the few German defenders. Now I’ve played some one sided scenarios in my time but this was something special; to face off against a large force of Canadian tanks, vehicles, infantry & artillery I had under my command… One Gun of some description A few men of some description An MG bunker A Minefield containing one mine (and that’s probably a dud) Still I did have the weather on my side… sigh I deployed my scant forces around the objectives & decided to place the gun at the end of the main road. Boo’s forces arrived onto the map; a platoon of Sherman’s along the road & I think a company of infantry in the scattered trees & vineyards beside that road. My bunkers and a few other MG’s began firing… nobody was hit, but the Canadians became pinned. Boo brought up one of his Sherman’s and began firing at the pillbox… I decided now was the time to strike! The Gun didn’t take long to score a blazing success. The remaining tanks began to panic & dropped smoke rounds all over the place. As the smoke dissipated my Gun engaged in duels with the Sherman’s and appeared to score another success. Meanwhile MG’s continued to rip into the Canadian infantry. However it didn’t take long for artillery to begin to fall around my gun. I’m pretty certain that it was the spotting round which knocked out the damned thing, Boo didn’t know this & continued to pummel the entire area for many turns (even retargeting a few times). Boo’s infantry played a deceitful little trick & dropped smoke shells infront of the MG bunker but it bought the Canadians only a few turns of peace. Well I fully expected Boo to come out with his last Sherman (it was quivering in a ditch at this point) & blow that bunker away however the first rule of playing CM is expect the unexpected… Boo ignored the MG spitting lead into his men (as they continued struggling to advance) and began to make his way down the road. Oh but his lone tank was no longer alone… a veritable horde of vehicles had also joined the battle (indeed initially thanks to fog of war they looked like other Sherman’s it soon became clear they were just MG carriers & the like). Well Boo now proceeded to launch the most cautious advance in history, at one point I thought he was even ‘advancing to the rear’ (I knew Yankee’s often did such things around Canadians) but it turned out I was rewinding the movie. It was incredible, truly breathtaking to watch indeed I watched & re-watched the action movies again & again just to make sure that what my eyes were telling me was actually happening. I suppose it was inevitable really but the incredible pace of Boo’s attack was bound to put incalculable stress on the men. I told them before this had all begun… “Stay down until you see the whites of their eyes lads!” “Err Sir?” “What is it Lad?” “Err what if ‘they’ are a tank & we can’t see their eyes?” “Do you expect me to repeat all of my orders Lad?” “Err… no Sir!” After 19 minutes of this relentless pressure it finally happened to a young Panzerfausterer. “Oh for fecks sake why the feck aren’t they fecking getting any fecking closer I can’t fecking fire this thing if he’s all the fecking way over their?” “But Franz they’re being cautious” “Cautious! Cautious! He’s ******* his pants at the very idea of MG bullets scratching the paint of his tank! I’ve had enough, I can’t stand it!” The brave, foolish & now stark raving mad Panzerfausterer got out of his foxhole against my orders & levelled his deadly tube (calm down Emrys) towards the American vehicles (still well over 130m away) & fired. His rocket smacked into the last Sherman & that was that. The enemy vehicles responded like a swarm of angry wasps, the sting of their bullets quickly slaying the brave Panzerfausterer but this blow must've pretty much disheartened Boo. His rampaging advance slowed yet further (incredible) and five minutes of intensive MG fire later the battle thankfully ended. [ April 12, 2005, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: Sir 37mm ]

Well I have to say I didn’t know this Boggs character but I’ve been studying him in the way that seems most appropriate… by reading his posts to the One Thread (this despite some Pengless idiots rather lame-ass attempt to strangle me with a kind of pigeon) and I can conclude that they’re rather marvellous if often too short. My rough survey also suggests that approximately 70% of all his posts mocked or belittled Seanachai in some way; this is a truly startling achievement and should shame us all for not doing more on that front. However I thought I’d show you a simple little exchange between Boo & Boggs over some kind of Blood hamster challenge… Boo; “We find this acceptable.” NOTE: (that which is being acceptabled is some kind of challenge) Boggs; “Excellent! By the way, I have good news! McDonald's is doing away with Super Size meals. Maybe by this time next year, you can refer to yourself in the singular!”

*A slightly manic voice echoes out of the cave* Strangely enough I agree! We’ve seen how the ‘standards’ for all the ‘Justicars’ have plummeted as well… apacolypso beckons

Whilst you foreigners are busy crying over the unique tragedy of an old man dying we civilised folk are preparing for an election! My vote’s going for mad Queen Bess (Peng save the Queen)… why? A strong foreign policy towards the hell bound Catholic Spaniards! Strong domestic policy concerning hell bound Catholics! Strong ‘defence’ policy towards hell bound Catholic shipping! Strong opinions on law & order… especially if the criminals are hell bound Catholics! Strong opinions on hearts & stomachs… presumably because they’re much stronger than any of those hell bound Catholic hearts or stomachs

What on earth is going on here? A Pope doesn’t get crucified upside down or not… that is reserved for better men (or bog standard criminals)… now I (& Peng) have no problem with Seanachai becoming Pope to this false religion (quite fitting really the false gawd becoming head of a false religion, I mean those Catholics don’t even have a moral stance on Canadians!) but as to getting crucified! I’ve said it before & I’ll say it again if anyone is going to get horribly butchered & killed around here it’ll be me & no-one bloody else!

Who the feck do you think I am? Peng's bloody essay writer? I'm YOUR fecking Messiah... I teach err stuff to err people (or in some cases cacti) and that’s about all I do, want to do or indeed is capable of doing However it just so happens that I have a spare morning or two & the cave is looking rather bare so I might & I mean I might, look up your rather suspicious sounding words written by that ‘blessed George from Mars’ fellow… but don’t expect it in any haste. Sheesh what happened to all the ‘good’ deities who stay the feck away except to forsake ME every once & awhile?

*The Messiah crawls out of his (now stinking) cave* Behold yi Saviour oh craven fools for I’ve had yet another revelation! The glorious Peng himself has spoken to me or at least somebody has spoken to me… I suppose it could be the radio or something but I did tell the disciples (well disciple really) not to turn the bloody thing on; that, the TV & the CM machine (otherwise known by fools as a ‘kompewta’) and seeing as a potted cactus is unlikely to disobey me I think I’ll stay my whipping hand from Harold’s thorny flesh & just assume it was Peng… anyway what was I saying… err yes that was it… something about a revelation… Yes a revelation! I’ve realised that I need to do more to… What’s that? Is that me dear OLD Justicar? *The Messiah staggers towards the blinking fool (and literally blinking, tis the aura of light you see… either that or the lab ethanol)* You’ve fecking returned I see… left US all alone with a danglyless false Justicaress who’s done nought but show YOU & I mean YOU in a good light! I don’t know who’s more contemptible the Heretical witch (who I was thinking of making an angel of Peng), YOU or that fecking gutless Kiwi… … … No it probably is the kiwi who’s the most contemptible… yes definitely the kiwi… anyways err… what am I doing here again? Ahh yes the revelation… Okay roight I’ve realised in my infinite wisdom (or more correctly infinitely forgivable wisdom… actually more correctly than that would be my wisdom that is infinitely forgiven by me) that I need, if I’m to save the One Thread, to produce not more miracles but better miracles! I realise I need miracles within miracles wrapped up in miracles with a hidden miracle near the end… Miracle number 1 … I call on Noba to play me Miracle number 2… in a game of CM which ISN’T 2pounders & tigers Miracle number 3… and to help me produce the greatest AAR ever produced! Miracle number 4... it will be released... ou... outsi... it will be released in another thread My reasoning? I’m thinking it’s downright bloody disgusting that those faux Cesspooler-lites, the wafflers, have a better AAR than us (that damned Parabellum versus Mastergoodale thing) and even more vile than that is the fact that the grogs have those Ron versus Priest things… No it is an insult too far… Peng knows how many lost sheep (confused by the endless statistical accuracy of Italian sniper threads) have been snatched away from us (calm down Mace) by lesser threads having better AAR’s? Dear Peng the numbers are perhaps incalculable but I’d guess they're in the dozen range! That is my revelation… I thank Peng (or the radio) for it. *The Messiah steps back into his dark abyss*

Well that’s good because we all know just how much pleasure is lacking in the ‘life’ of a little piss drenched, skirt wearing, girlie freak like yourself… any good that the cesspool can provide… is err… good that should’ve been provided by someone else so SOD OFF!!!

Only that you’ve shot my fecking cilice belt! I expect either a new one OR a damn good thrashing soon!

Finally a PROPER job for you

You know I’ve been reading many, many posts from MBT’s past (indeed I may write a history on the Civil war [which one you all ask] for the TRUE Justicar’s [when will the feckwit return? A justicar without danglies has been a most terrible departure from good form] righteous & Messiah blessed website) and I’ve been wondering what if they’re all lost? Should we not try to archive them ALL?

Now what the feck is happening err NOW? From Peng’s Poem Thread to Pengs imperial versus metric debate? Here’s a fecking measurement for you all… I’ve had enough of ‘sod all, shandy drinking, cherry boy Seanachai’ getting all the limelight in this old Commonwealth nonsense… who does he think he bloody well is? We ALL fecking hate Commonwealthers! This here bloody thread began because of some fecking tish tosh over whether 'treacherous not proper brits' were any better than 'stupidly loyal not proper brits'! Why is any other thread needed? [ March 29, 2005, 11:01 AM: Message edited by: Sir 37mm ]

He tests us with theological riddles, but to me the meaning is clear… I’ve been blessed yet again… I thank thee oh mighty (and crazy) Lord!

ahhhhhh shaddap!!!! </font>

I think dollop brain that was implied by the remark…

*looks at card* It's a beer mat?

He's sold me

Plum loco as they say in France (hey maybe I AM French), Plum loco

The desire for martyrdom goes without saying (although timing is important not too early, not too late that kind of thing… it’s kind of like comedy) however I’ve already implied you’ve reached the final stage of Justicariness… irrelevance my dear not power is what you've attained. You’ve certainly reached madness I offered a bribe of wine and you ignored it! Think back my Dear Lady* to the days before you were a Justicar (heck it was only a week ago!)… could you imagine yourself or indeed any sane(ish) Cesspoolers ignoring a bribe of alcohol. Think! * Hopes the name triggers past memories

It’s sad to see really… I may write a chapter in my Book (the Dogma of Peng) about it... The natural history of a Justicar From Honour to Pride then Arrogance through Tyranny to Madness and then finally Irrelevance At least the old one took several years to get through all the stages… it must be the lack of danglie bits that speeds up the process. Perhaps a future rule is that all Justicar’s should have danglies… For the good of the Pool you understand

$? What is that like a Euro or somefink?