37mm

I thought you'd chucked yourself into the sea or sumfink... it's just as well that nobody put a bet on you kicking your own bucket

First... Don't EVER talk to me as if we're equals we ain't you are a cowardly, plimsoll sniffing mousehole digger and... err I'm not Second... The thread you helped close (perhaps the ONLY example of an interesting thing that you've done) was the second thread that I've had closed (and therefore I didn't really care... you get used to these things after a while)... I'm still pissed about the FIRST thread that I've had closed...

MADE ME! I am forged by none other than Peng MADE ME! The revolting twerp has denied my ascension at every opportunity (I still boil with rage at the thought of the first thread closing incident). He is gone, ended, a whelk in shallow water... I suppose he could be rejuvenated but it'd require a swallowing of pride that I doubt the fool is capable of... He must ACCEPT me as HIS Messiah... he must take his place by my side as the first & the GREATEST of my disciples;then & ONLY then will he have life reborn Otherwise he is best forgotten

HE said he was gone not I... for what it is worth I'll be glad to see the back of the thread closing, rewardless challenge giving, Ozzie level pissed false gawd… what has he done for me?

feck

Just feck off already!

Is it not kinda sad to see this? The last Neanderthal looking sorrowfully at the sea as a HUMAN tribe approaches... Oh well now that he's gone it's time for the new generation to come upto the front & start kicking ass... let's remember Seanachai for what he was... somebody who wasn't Peng but just as old

THIS is hardly the place for such a discussion...

Battle 2 AAR Okay… it was time to try this again. Twas once again a no holds barred contest for ‘the key village’ hidden deep within the woods. Maybe the Nu-Yoika will put up a tougher fight the second time around? I decided to pretty much repeat my 'tactics'… I would run two platoons up the roads as fast as possible then occupy as much of the village as possible, then the rest of my troops will move into the village as casually as they like. I decided to advance slightly less ambitiously on my right flank this time… okay it’s a basic flag rush so sue me! I would have a company in reserve plus a couple of vehicles (including a ISU 152). Nidan’s advance seemed even more cautious & slow than last time… a scattering of squads finally arrived & were dealt with in a most unfair fashion. Enemy vehicles began to move up & my lead squads started to take fire. I withdrew several squads & brought up the ISU 152 to the east of the village… scratch one Fritz tank! The west of the village was treated to a spectacular bonfire... which must have played havoc with the eyes of my assault gun as they missed a sitting target at 50m… result scratch one Commie The battle was now raging... but Nidan1 was helping me out greatly by bringing his vehicles closer & closer to my infantry… …and to the east of the village my flamethrowers! To the west of the village a poor decision to advance on my part meant I lost an entire platoon In the actual village itself Nidan’s vehicles seemed to be getting lost & confused… my Soviets at least helped end the confusion! And then we had to stop playing, the file was eaten by zombified geese or somefink (or at least that's what he told me) & that was that. A bit of an anti-climax really [ February 28, 2005, 01:35 PM: Message edited by: Sir 37mm ]

The twin battles for the woods of hell AAR… A Messianic production Glory ‘it is he!’ Peng appointed, blessed, disowned, tolerated & tested OFFICIAL Messiah of the Peng Challenge thread, Lord Protector of the Holy Sheep of Peng, Stopped Clock of the Apocalypso & MBT 'expert' on treacherous Yankee beetles Sir 37mm Versus that most whipped of thread whipping boys the terrible Nu-Yoika himself Nidan1! Well I know there’ll be a lot of HOME support for me out there but let’s see if this PEASANT can do any better than in his previous disastrous outing shall we? Before the battle could begin decisions had to be made on the type of battle to be fought. Now we wanted it to be interesting and yet not too complex (I think the advanced tactical manoeuvres inherent in a mobile battle would stretch the abilities of Nidan1 when he's only just getting a hang of the move command) so it had to be infantry only (or at least mostly) but then that opens up the problem of infantry being cut down in the open… There was only one option we’d play at night, in a blizzard, in a village surrounded by thick forests! Even Nidan1 can’t mess this one up… surely? So how do you write up a totally one sided turkey shoot? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself for some time… I’m going to try & look at this from the perspective of the poor buggars under Nidan1’s command. Battle 1 My name is Franz grubben-Halter & I’m a stormentroopen of the tiger-SS sturm brigade PanzerKauphufmannShuglotten. The most famous battle we were involved in (our regiment only lasted two months) was the bloody meat grinder known as the ‘battle for hell wood’. Our battalion was ordered to move out & take a ‘key village’ hidden deep within the woods. The weather was terrible, we couldn’t see but more than a few yards in front of us & our commanding officer Nidanvon was terribly mistrusted… we didn’t want to go. My good friend Hanz Deiter told me that he intended to marry his girlfriend when the unit returned to Germany for leave… I told my friend to not to worry. Nidanvon eventually led us to the village but our scouts reported it occupied… I say reported in actual fact a hail of enemy bullets & the resulting screams of agony were the actual format of the ‘report’. Nidanvon then ordered us to outflank the village to the east… I was worried by this decision our maps showed large patches of open ground in this locality. It could be murder to cross them especially if the Russians were prepared for us… I hoped we’d stick to the safety of the woods. It was a forlorn hope Sure enough the lead platoons ‘met’ enemy resistance. Nidanvon then demanded that we start crossing the open ground so as to 'take the fight to the enemy', the terrain here was hidden under deep drifts of snow. It was less like walking & more like swimming, it was impossible to run… which was quite the shame really what with the relentless hail of incoming lead. The lead platoons had been wiped out but Nidanvon ordered yet more forward. Incredibly our men started reaching the enemy occupied woods I myself took part in one such assault. The wood was alive with terrible noise a cacophony of wretched screams, thunderous explosions & the vicious crack of automatic fire. It was dark I tried firing at enemy flashpoints but was soon struck in the shoulder… I crawled up to Hanz, he was dead. I could barely see his face, then there was light… a beautiful light streaming down towards I & Hanz

err... drumroll [ February 28, 2005, 12:33 PM: Message edited by: Sir 37mm ]

Oh just feck off ya disgusting little twerp... I’ll fight the AI instead. I suppose it'll be able to put up just as 'tough' a fight as a limp salad like you would've done

No... as in no... as in not yes... I have to say that this is as disappointing as Joe shmoe ignoring my former liege’s blood hamster. Since when, I ask, has the cesspool been a haven for yellow livered scaredy cats? A crying shame… Oh and dear lady I feel it hardly necessary to use fantasy to pull the wool over Joe’s eyes… speaking faster than a few words a minutes is more than enough to confuse the old fool

http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/state/monarchs_leaders/robin_03.shtml

Coventry for the young boot licker? I think we've too many yanks anyway (If indeed Ninny is a part of America).

Oh good… perhaps you can keep Nidan1 company… he seems lonely… good

Look pal it’s all very nice watching you & the ‘lads’ rollicking around in the hay, pulling each others hair, comparing… ‘things’… but this here is a CHALLENGE thread Either get a PROPER location, an email address & a pair OR go hang out with the waffles or sumfink

And where the feck is NYNY... is that pronounced Ninny? Is he European? Look Warty you may as well SOD OFF back to Ninny & wrap yourself, all snug as a bug like, up in your mommies skirt before the scary people 'come & get you' ... I can’t believe I’m going to write this... stickypiss is out of your league... squire and all, he is

I'm waiting for YOU to send me a turn... eighth wit

You know there is something about v41belowpar that I truly don’t like… I can’t quite put my finger on it. Is it the inane, mind numbingly pointless comments? The COMPLETE absence of anything even resembling a pair… heck I don’t even detect a shrivelled up single never mind a pair? Perhaps its the ridiculous job title of ‘regulatory analyst’ which I don’t know about you makes me think… unemployed loser, but can count (barely)? The whole thing about you having been an illegitimate squire (and from there an illegitimate knight)? Is it that fecking website on your profile? Could it just be the simple fact that you’re a contemptible kiwi? I don’t know. But I do know that I’ve all but ANHIALATED that Noba fellow which means I’ll soon require a new ‘challenge’ (especially when taking into account a certain Ladies terrible rate of turn sendingness). Am I, the glorious Messiah of the thread, blessing you, a half baked, mono-testicular girlie-buffoon, with a challenge? No… well not as you understand the concept. You see princess I’m not just going to beat you, I’m going to CRUSH you, I’m going to humiliate you, ruin you, I’m gonna rub your face into the steaming pile of crap your forces will be reduced to. Your tank crews will all be cooked alive, each and everyone screaming “why am I being led by a skirt wearing feckwit’, I’m gonna stake EVERY last one of your stinking men … You’re going to pull out your hair (or at least try to anyhows), you’ll scream in your eunuch like manner “that’s not fair”! You’ll probably file a lawsuit, or ring your mommy or call up a ‘tell us about your problem’ radio show… you’ll do anything but take it like a man. And why? Why will I do this to you? Because feckwit I’m going to advertise your destruction to every Tom, Dick & Harry sober enough to listen. Your pansy like tactics will haunt you everywhere you go, people will say, as you go by, “she was BRUTALISED by the Messiah”. You’ll for a while try to come back to the thread, but it just wont feel the same, people will ignore you as they do now of course but it’ll FEEL colder… and then one day it’ll hit you, EVEN the Belgian is laughing at you. Soon afterwards you’ll stop posting, occasionally you’ll lurk, but for all intents and purposes you’ll vanish, you’ll be forgotten. People wont say “Do you remember 42vblow?”… This simple goal is the reason I’ve blessed you with my presence It’s already determined that all this will occur. I have foreseen it… all that is left is for you to merely accept your… fate

Err rightio… doesn’t that mean you'll start fainting like a little pansy? Oh no I remember, the universe will implode… I always knew I heralded great events

What d’ya mean inexcusable? Have I broken some kind of bizarre Belgian taboo?

What does ANY of this mean? I CANNOT SPEAK BELGIAN, I SPEAKEE ENGLISHEY, UNDRESTANDIO? Stickypiss I demand you translate this most UNENGLISH noise?

PTO-Dien Bien Phu AAR A messianic production Leading Light of the House of (sigh) JD MORSE (sigh), official Peng blessed, disowned, tolerated and then mocked Messiah of the Peng Challenge thread, master of the holy sheep of Peng and blessed stopped clock of the apocalypso Sir 37mm Versus Boo Radley the liege to said 37mm Well, well, well this was the big one. I was fighting MY liege & such a duel would require a suitably great scenario, I found it in the stinking jungles of Vietnam. I would be the deranged hordes of commie Vietnamese. Boo would be the French (try not to snicker). I would all in all control three battalions of troops & about a million artillery shells, Boo would have defences that’d make Verdun look like an easy nut to crack. Initially I had several assault companies in trenches which zigzagged towards the French positions, my assault companies moved off ignoring the HUNDREDS of French machine guns that began cutting into them. In return my own machine guns began to spew out lead, followed by my many AT-rifles. The rifles quickly put several pillboxes out of action but after that I don’t think they knocked out another pillbox during the entire battle. Then the barrage began! Which I quickly cancelled as it didn’t seem to be doing buggar all (after the battle I discovered I’d knocked out some mortars but that is hardly worth the hundreds of shells which I’d fired). My artillery was not powerful enough to do much to Boo’s Frenchies so I’d have to smoke ‘em out instead. I began the first assault on my right flank… after several turns of smoke the first assault platoons went over the top! And were promptly cut down, the smoke dissipated as soon as the men had reached the gaps in the wire; all in all rather poor timing on my part… sorry commies. It was now that another battalion arrived to the ‘rear’ of Boo’s positions… actually what they found was a powerful defence network of trenches, pillboxes & HUGE artillery shells. A lot of commies died here. Still I had an ace in the hole… tunnelling commies! The crafty buggars had been digging for days & now they were ready to strike into the heart of Boo’s forces. Unfortunately I wasn’t ready for them… if I’d have known when they were meant to arrive maybe I could have dropped smoke for them. As it was the surprise attack was surrounded on all sides by superior firepower & shot to pieces. A lot of commies died here, though they did manage to take out some pillboxes. My next attack was going to be a central ‘push’ supported by as much smoke as I could raise (or drop). The lead units hurtled through the gaps in the wire & ran up to the enemy trenches, as they neared Boo’s men began to fire & a lot of commies started to buy it. But I had more commies than Boo had bullets! The men kept on coming through the smoke & began reaching the trenches, grenades were hurled, SMG’s ripped open guts, bayonets were thrust into painful orifices & still my men poured forth! Boo’s front line had been pierced… but the smoke began to clear & then the commies started dying! It became apparent now that Boo’s defences were far, far deeper than I’d realised. I’d broken through one set of trenches just to encounter another PLUS a whole bunch of extra bunkers! I ordered my troops in the centre to engage enemy targets in firefights, and with the aid of a few surviving tunnellers these troops did manage to take out several MG’s & a bunker. This however was a side show as I’d already ordered my next ‘big push’. It was to be a right flank attack on not one but two trench systems! Once again the smoke rounds flew, this time half the battlefield was covered in a thick concealing fog. Several assault companies went over the top & headed for the wire. A lot of commies died! The experiences of one squad exemplify the ‘fighting’ on this sector. Commissar Franz (which we always though was a very un-Vietnamese name) drove us forward with words of courage & bravery & initially it seemed like it’d be easy to achieve what he asked. But then the capitalist, imperialist dogs began firing and our men began falling. But we had sworn to all of us take the objectives or none of us to take them. We picked up the bodies of our fallen comrades & dragged them forward. When one of us fell, another immediately picked us up & together, ALL of us together we dove into the enemy trenches Boo’s forward defences over most of the battlefield had now been breached but this didn't seem to have diminished his firepower! Gun fights now raged on every sector, I let this continue with no further assaults ordered. Why? I wasn’t losing that many casualties & it seemed an easy way of 'spending' Boo’s ammo (including mortar ammo)… During these turns further battalions were brought up the assault trenches… in particular an infiltrating assault company sneaked up to the enemy left flank. My probes on the ‘rear’ were also pressed more aggressively, these often engaged Boo’s reinforcements including an enemy light tank (a Chafee). Boo lost a whole bunch of mortars & MG’s here, but I lost more. With only a few turns left to go I ordered the final push to total victory! I personally spoke to every man, wished them well, gave them a little red commie flag (who needed bullets if you had flags!) and a manly slap on the back. A lot of men were thirsty, I told them that French blood would have to suffice! The remaining artillery batteries opened fire, once more smoke enveloped the battlefield and once more men left the safety of their trenches! And once more a lot of commies began to die! My first attack was going to be on the WHOLE of the enemy left & centre-left sectors however I needed more men so I decided on a risky plan. I’d ordered two whole platoons to move from one side of the battlefield to the other… over open ground! The good news is that many men made it, the bad news is that many didn’t (primarily thanks to Boo’s own artillery) & those that did were so delayed they played no further part in the battle anyway. Despite this set back the attack on the left went almost completely to plan, Boo’s remaining front line was totally wiped out & once again large numbers of firefights raged with the second echelon defenders. The centre-left attack met much more intense resistance, few troops reached the trenches & as the smoke cleared an intense short range fire fight developed (luckily the attackers could take cover in shell holes & amongst large patches of scrubland)… many commies died but eventually the defenders were driven off. Meanwhile I had ordered an attack on the right most sector. Under cover of a huge smoke blanket several shattered platoons went over the top. They reached the trenches and received little flanking fire (the advance route bypassed an enemy position) but once the smoke cleared the men were met with a vicious circle of fire, still the men drove out the equally shattered defenders, took the objective & attacked the last remaining bunker… or did they take the objective? No and thanks to that fecking bunker… the Frenchies wouldn’t surrender (who’s ever heard of such a thing?) & that was enough to make the objective contested DAMN! As the right most objective was taken (or not), the enemy left flank broke apart. An avalanche of Vietnamese protected by the last dregs of smoke took all objectives, bagged large numbers of prisoners & finally defeated the last stubborn remnants of fight. Advances were made on all sectors including a successful attack on the enemies ‘rear’ (although it was also on the left) apart from the dead centre in which the enemy Chafee proved to be a painful thorn in my plans. The battle ended with me suffering the staggering total of 863 casualties… this was way more casualties than Boo had amassed and was enough to grant me the moral victory. Still I suppose Boo’s forces (not thanks to any great help from him, of course) had managed to get their secular 'victory' but only because of that damned French bunker which just wouldn’t surrender (I mean who’s ever heard of cheese-eating ‘fight to the death’ monkeys?). This was a most Pengful scenario & I recommend it to anyone (except the false gawd Seanachai he can go feck himself & play his rune 'scenarios' instead) [ February 23, 2005, 09:40 AM: Message edited by: 37mm ]

Hah ha ha I have a brand spanking new USB pen & as I speak I’m packing it full of JPEG’s. That means you people can be treated tomorrow by AAR of the battles that raged against my former liege & that pitiful Nu-Yoika. Of course this is dependent on me finding the time amongst all the bone marrow experiments I’m up to. My I’m too good to you lot… ya don’t deserve me