37mm

Don’t be ridiculous he doesn’t have what it takes to be one of MY legs! Anyway is it just me or does everything he posts in the MBT revolve around legs or thighs or feets?

Look not only have I been busted down several times now (and so it barely registers as a threat) you’ve got to understand it’s demeaning just being busted down… I mean could you imagine reading this… And then Peng sent forth his Messiah who suffered repeated demotions for our lack of sins Could you? I couldn’t… If I’m to be punished make it a PROPER punishment (my own personal preference is for a good old burning at the stake). In addition I want to be punished by the PROPER authorities’ & not simply by those standing in for a while… I refuse to accept the secular authority of this female coup de tat… but enough of this chatter here’s a couple of bottles of red I happen to posses. I personally couldn’t drink them for they’re far too rich & flavoursome for me (I’m on a strict diet of gruel & tequila until Peng speaks to me again)… is there any way you could keep an eye on them?

Well, well, well a heretical thread title leads to a heretical thread full of heretical posts written by heretical heretics… why does that… err this not surprise me? This is just plain disappointing the last ‘official’ thread turned into a running weather report (the half arsed Waffles seem to be copying EVEN that as well!!) only spiced up by my miracles and as for this, this, ‘thread’… *that last word is spat out of the Messiahs mouth with pure venom & contempt* Oh I can see the future now… The Peng Poem Thread The Most Beautiful Thread in the World The One True Thread (ahh but what is truth?) Dear Peng if this is what you’re all like AFTER I arrive (whom apparently you don’t need… HAH!) Peng only knows what you were like BEFORE! And as for this heretical edict I don’t bow to secular authoritiesesses especially twisted cowa… nice pleasant ladies who won’t send me my turn [ March 25, 2005, 07:26 AM: Message edited by: Sir 37mm ]

Oh dear fecking Peng *gets on his knees and prostrates himself before his spiritual lord* This is the worst Peng challenge title I’ve EVER seen and I remind you I rejuvenated this place around the time of that Peng forsaken ‘ozzie trifecta’ thread! This thread title has gotten me finking that even OLDE FOUL JOE, the twisted despoiler of (sigh) JD Morse (sigh) has his advantages! This ‘thread’ is nothing more than blatant Pengless sacrilegious heresy... it’s enough to call back the bizzaro justicar!!! And for fecks sake who the feck is this fecking Ales fecking Doorwhack? What the feck am I fecking asking? I don’t care who the feck, fecking Doorwhack is… all I care about is this despicable title. You know technically my Pengful ‘Crazy idea in Re: Peng Challenges thread’ is still open… we should restart that thread & not this… this… thing

When ‘dealing’ with anyone loony enough to marry Lars isn’t half the problem getting them to forget? I.e. No love you're not Napoleon Bonaparte’s first uncle nor are you an inflatable shark and I can quite honestly say that you ain’t being persecuted by ‘flamboyant Jews’ etc, etc...

That just seems wrong on so many levels. Do you mean real French, juggling snails, hissing and slurping his words like an angry goose and muttering that maybe Le Pen isn't all wrong? Or simply of French extraction? </font>

Get a turn out of you? You mean I’m trying to get THE turn out of you? It’s been several hundred days now… has my tactical wizardry proven so difficult to fathom?

Complacency is a crime I’d expect from Old Foul Joe & not from your good self (actually it’s probably the only crime that the senile buggar is still capable of). The demographics of the Cesspool make Europe look positively Indian. Look at this representation of a normal, healthy society And this here is the One Thread Terrifying proof of the coming apocalypso if ever I do see… err have seen

And?

The Notorious ‘Three shandy’s Seanachai', immune? Pull the other one!

2-pounders and Tigers AAR (aka ‘mystical freak-out of carnage’): A Messianic production Sir 37mm Leading light of the House of (sigh) JDMorse (sigh) Official Peng blessed, disowned, tolerated & tested Messiah of the Peng Challenge thread Official Idjit & Primus Village Idjit Maximus Official Potential probationary Justicar to be Official Creator of miraculous AAR Official Thrice disowned one Doorknocker extraordinaire Official ‘Angel of Peng' appointed ‘Renowned Expert on North American Beetles from err America'. And much, much more… Versus Noba … An Oddstralian … … Oh & a knight or some such Prologue Well it wasn’t much of a challenge if I recall… just a basic what’ ho to them on the WRONG side of the world… but that’s just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes here in the Cesspool. One thing is sure though… no matter how savage the challenge, no matter how painful the taunting or how brutal the battle the most important thing is the gloat. But first… A low growl reverberates through the ground, the sun beats down & what little shade the orchard provides is inadequate to cool the men down. Sweat trickles from hundreds of foreheads, flies pester, ammo is checked & prayers are said. The dust haze reaches hundreds of feet into the air & appears to be about a kilometre away. Some of the young lads hope that it keeps that far away, the ‘veterans’ have the same hopes of course but know better. The thunderous roar of revving engines sounds across the desert… it is time. The enemy sends forth their armoured cars… all come under fire from multiple AT rifles many are hit but all seem to safely reach dips in the ground several hundred meters in front of our far right position (a small ‘bowl’ isolated from the rest of the force). Enemy infantry are spotted moving on our left & right they come under sporadic artillery fire but to little effect. Oh what I’d give for some HMG’s… Then they’re spotted, a murmur ripples through the Battalion, ‘how many?’ they ask, ‘are you sure?’ others practically scream… yes I am sure. Hesitant soldier by hesitant soldier it is slowly confirmed… multiple enemy Tiger tanks approach. These frightful & near indestructible foes are not alone, they are escorted by a veritable horde of smaller PzIII’s & halftracks… there is nothing left to do but to hunker down & await the onslaught. It begin on our left… the enemy had infiltrated into a ravine & prepared to cross the open ground into OUR orchard. Yet our new & mysterious commander (just arrived yesterday… some say he’s a secret weapon, some say he’s been sent by ‘higher powers’ & others say he’s stolen their beer) had fully expected this move & desperate for MG’s he’d ordered bren carriers to the edge of the Orchard. These helped the defending platoon from breaking under the relentless pressure. However the hideous foe was not done, for his tanks now flung high explosive shells across the battlefield onto our valiant defenders… yet despite the terrible toll they took on our platoon, these shells could not reach the hidden bren carriers. Next our mystery commander ordered concentrated mortar fire on the enemy occupied ravine… it couldn’t possibly do much harm but surely it would by us time. But time for what? Still it didn’t take long for the ammo to run out & for the enemy to unleash their most foul attack yet… The ENORMOUS artillery shells pounded the whole of my far left platoon… it was brutally savaged but worse was to befall the bren carriers. Driven mad by the enemy fire they drove OUT of the orchard & into view of the enemy… those that weren’t torn apart by AP rounds were obliterated by the shelling as they reversed back into the orchard. Buoyed by their success the enemy launched another assault to crush my leftmost platoon… they seemed to pour out of the ravine like, like ant’s… but not just ordinary ants… err… no, not at all. They swarmed out of the ravine like a mindless, cold blooded, relentless eruption of pure cruelty. Nothing could stop them surely? Oh but my men tried… MG’s, rifles, grenades even bayonets were used but still they came. My men prepared for the final sacrifice… and yet…. “Is it not strange how the Earth trembles Egbert?” “Tis the enemy sire, they rend the air with their foul oaths” “Eye, I can well believe that… but doth that not seem so strangely queer to thee?” “Now that thy mention it *Egbert at this moment is removing an appendix from a disgusting German* it does seem to be coming from behi…” And the Orchard was ripped asunder by three great Goliaths, their machine guns blazed & the brave Brit’s prepared for destruction but the unwavering hail tore not into them but instead into the despicable German’s. HE shells drove back the Germans into their ravine & for the rest of the battle they (being reinforcing M3 Lee’s) kept up their fire… still safe within the orchard. Oh but if only that was the end of the story & not just the beginning! You see the enemy were not content with their lamentable plot to take my left flank for they had yet another force & it bared down on my right flank with naught but evil intentions. My far right position was isolated but it was… err… not alone for many AT rifles now sounded out & enemy half tracks began to break down. And then the heavy guns from afar boomed & the Germans were wreathed in fire & iron… all were driven into the ground by the rain of 25 pound shells. And yet our mystery commander was not done for he ordered three more reinforcing Lee’s to the forward lines of the central orchard sector. From here they could fire remorselessly on enemy vehicles & yet they were protected from return fire by their own armour & from the dreaded 88’s of the Tigers by the Orchard… praise be! In an act of incredible folly the enemy Tigers now changed direction. Instead of driving towards my far right objective they would drive parallel to the orchard line & engage the central Lee’s… the fool. Of course, the Lee’s reversed back into the orchard leaving the Tigers stranded… sure they occupied themselves by firing high explosive at any AT rifle or AT gun they saw (one little 2-pounder managed to penetrate a Tiger five times, but to little effect) but in the meantime, in a move worthy of Caesar, the commander brought forth his third & final platoon of Lee’s this time on the right flank of the Orchard. They & the AT rifles poured fire into the enemy, many Panzers were slain & half tracks abandoned but the price was heavy. Two of my Goliaths were ruined by return fire & this allowed more insidious panzers & their demented escorts to attack the ‘bowl’. The enemy were dealt with however by AT guns, very close artillery fire & mortar fire… the attack on the far right was over. Desperate & outmanoeuvred the enemy should perhaps have withdrawn to lick their wounds but this was no ordinary foe… possessed with a malicious & deranged will he called forth yet more demons… sorry Germans. This time their intention was to attack the rightmost corner of the orchard, for it had been weakened by Tiger fire. They were met, of course, by the fire of select units of the British Battalion (which was still mostly intact) as well as the third Lee on our right flank and quickly driven back. The Tigers began to withdraw & the battle ceased to be called such. Epilogue And so a major victory for the forces of me against the forces of others… Hip, Hip Hooray! Still I suspect the CM engine may have been tampered with by Noba for the game miscalculated our end forces to make it look like the defenders outnumbered the attackers! A ridiculous suggestion and a very low trick indeed (praise be!). Some here may ask how any one man can lose the same scenario fourteen times in a row & yet Noba has managed just such a feat (apparently he’s also losing on attempts 15 & 16)… this is an act of considerable & glorious folly… I would be proud to take Noba as a disciple for such unrelenting numbskullery is surely Pengful. Praise be! Noba of the wrong side… just take a piece of my red string and I’ll anoint you with the holy water forthwith!

You mean you HAVEN’T been keeping track of the whole riveting blood hamster, bizarro witchery, absent Justicar & Female coup de’ tat nonsense? Where have you been? Oh... Belgium

For the love of Peng! Will you 'people' give it up! What the feck is this? The Peng forsaken ‘hug a gnome’ thread? I’d blame the Justicar… but as he’s not around and the thread is in anarchy I’ll just have to blame Nidan1 (default setting).

Heck... do you mind if I put your revelation in my 'dull **** that I don't need to know' file... ... not that I have such a file

Mystically… I like that. From now on all my AAR will be called ‘mysticical freak outs of carnage’ … No, perhaps not

You know? The forum looks quite decent at the moment, what with three Peng threads, it’s kind of like a vision of what the forum could be if they all stopped weighing AP rounds or measuring the width of Tiger tank testicles or whatever they all do & instead started being Pengful… My what a glorious vision EDITED to note: The Oddstralian Noba has finished providing me with a LOT of material for my next AAR, I thank him for his sterling efforts

… yeah but what about that old adage about ‘confronting problems head on’ (and buggar the torpedoes) Your plan seems a little… cowardly

Look I took liberties with the EXACT historical lineage I admit… but still the underlying meaning is there & righteous

Crossbow bolt’s, BBQ’s (again) & big butt’s (no V42below this ain’t about you)… Is that all this crowd has got? I repeat… I demand a Trial by combat or at the very least a PROPER executioner

The Messiah is staggered by yet another crushing betrayal by his troublesome flock… Stunned, he looks around at the baying crowds & shakes his head… “Is this what’s it come to Peng?” he calls out to the ground The crowd parts to reveal a stand, a chopping block & a… The Messiah rubs his eyes & looks again “You can’t be serious!” I’m going to be executed by a… and I quote… a ‘Computer aided designer from Nu-Yoik’? The Messiah rises to his full height, looks down at the deranged crowd & bellows in a powerful voice… “This is ridiculous, I challenge the right of this individual to execute me… either get someone PROPER to do it or I demand a trial by combat!”

Yes, be glad

Three times... three fecking times

This way folk's... http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=30&t=003731

Book of T-34 1. And the newbies came from the desert into the forum where the Grog’s ruled and the newbies asked ‘where are we?’ 2. And the Grog’s sneered and said “don’t you know the weight in tonnes of HE per battery per hour of an average Lithuanian bombardment in 1956?” 3. And the newbies said “err well not really… but those German’s ey? Got to respect their superior bloodlines ain’t ya?” 4. And the newbies were driven from the outer boards and ended up in the realm of Peng and Peng said unto them SOD OFF!. 5. And the newbies said “why oh Great lord shall we SOD OFF?” 6. And Peng said to the newbies that they must proudly show that they have an email address & location 7. And the newbies did as Peng asked and made homes in the Pool of Cess & they tried to act as if they had a pair & used wit & style & panache 8. Yet Peng grew angry and said upon the newbies “why are you not CHALLENGING?” 9. And the newbies again did as Peng asked & they joined with the other Children of Peng & all fought bitterly. Peng became dormant 10. And then the Waffles came and begged for respect… and some of thy Children of Peng gave the Waffles this respect and Peng sent forth wild bears to slay the traitors 11. And then the Knights came & required respect… some of the Children of Peng ignored thy knights & all were smitten 12. And then the Ladies came & demanded respect… again some of the Children of Peng ignored thy ladies & again all were smitten 13. And then some of the Children of Peng became sinful & spoke bigotry to one another & the Justicar came & he banished them all to Coventry 14. And few remained of the Children of Peng, who then awoke & became angered 15. And the Children of Peng and the Knights and the Ladies and the Justicar did much to try & please Peng 16. But Peng said unto them all that they had displeased him & that he would punish them ALL for 10,000 years 17. And then the Messiah arrived with his Holy Red String of Peng & his Holy Water of Peng and he said 18. “Children of Peng… FECK OFF”