Yeknodathon

I just wanted to say that if yer looking for yer first gnome, one can't go wrong with a rubber one. Good for home defence or recreational use it is very accurate for plinking beer cans. Cheap too. Has the original 1911 hand grip and normal options for barrel extension. Washable; which is just as well, 'cause they get very dirty and require meticulous cleaning to prevent jamming. And at this time of year, one has to mention that a rubber gnome is for life, not just for Christmas. Yeknod

I demand the absence of bubble wrap in the packaging. I eat the packaging and bubble wrap makes me gassy. Please reduce the bubble wrap or sumfink... foam is too chewy, polystyrine flakes too flakey, shreaded cardboard too fibrous. Jiffy bags count as bubble wrap. Please pack product with thistles. Yeknod [ November 15, 2003, 12:16 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

The metaphorical imagery here is clearly of the highest quality. </font>

[And as the November mists swirl to the muffled sounds of fat hunting owls slamming into leafless trees the paddock is holding a gala tea-party... and today's guest is a rubber gnome] *sniff* Oh, Mr Gnome, perhaps a nice juicy sandwich? Some tea Mr Gnome? One lump or two? Owl pellet? Perhaps another slice of fruit cake, Mr Gnome? It's very nice buttered. Very good with rubber. No? But we insist! One cannot have enough fruit cake! Or another owl pellet, perhaps? *hoot* *hoot*? No? Too full? No, no, no... one can't be too full. One must shed the pounds, Mr Gnome, with exertion and martial discipline or strenuous exercise of a bracing and thoroughly sweaty kind. *sniff* [Thinks a bit about all of these possibilities] Okay... we'll just go for the discipline... *thwack* *smack* *thwack* *thwack* Yeknod [ November 14, 2003, 03:41 PM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[... and as the dismal day crawls forward towards another non-event something grey and heavy takes a jaunty trot towards the paddock stable]. *slam* [.. and shuts the door. And from inside certain muffled noises can be heard...] *bang* *crash* *scrape* *crash* *bang* [... suggesting a desperate search for something lost] Chucky? Honey-bunch? Me little Titan? Yer little donkey-wonkey has returned... Come here yer little begger... *crash* *bang*... stop trying to hide from the hungry donkey-wonkey. Yeknod [ November 09, 2003, 10:07 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

Eh? [looks glumly at the rubber gnome... and with head askew considers the possibilities] *sniff* Bugger. Very bothersome. [shuffles uneasily and prods the mighty rubber Titan with a tentative hoof] ... but which one? *prod* *prod* ... it ain't a Cyclopes nor *prod* a Hecatonchires, unless another 49 noggins are under the pointy hat and that would be a tight fit... [twirls the tale] ... body building chest expander I should think... [twirls again] *sniff* its yer Atlas, yer Charles Atlas. Marvellous. [carefully picks up the rubber Atlas by a leg and with a winsome toss flings it across the paddock into the stable] ... off to Tartarus yer go. Yeknod [ November 08, 2003, 03:39 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[flings the rubber gnome around the paddock] *sniff* airborne Marine gnome assault [drags the rubber gnome through the paddock pond] *sniff* amphibious Marine gnome landing [hides the rubber gnome under the rhubard bucket] *sniff* special forces Marine gnome covert operations... ... pathetic Yeknod

[... and as the wane November day peeks from behind listless, laden clouds, something grey and heavy is spotted atop the paddock shed, shimmering and resplendent as the sun reflects congealed butter; tail to snout. And with consummate ease, the distant beast dives gracefully over the edge hurtling towards a carefully situated, over-inflated rubber gnome lavishly applied with butter and rhubarb sticks] *hhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooooooooooonk* Yeknod [ November 06, 2003, 07:11 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

Oh, thank you. An inflatable gnome. Just what I've always wanted to inflate and deflate and inflate again for endless amusement and pleasure. Oh... it comes with a special valve for precision inflation of stomach and pointy hat rigidity control. *sniff*. Marvellous. One can do so many things with rubber these days. And a bucket of rhubarb.... [twirls the tail of thinking, twice, because its winter] ... to give it good a thrashing *whack* *whack* *smack* *whack* *smack* *smack* Yeknod

I just wanted to say that I'm feeling a bit bereft. Yeknod

[lumbers forward to the Paddock fence] I know, I know, its me charisma and stud qualities but one shouldn't be two forward and I'm only one rather than two. I always say military-types should have a good MOUNT... with ostrich feathers and polished riding boots and breeches a size too short. *sniff* ... makes 'em walk funny. Oh, well... if yer insist. Please retire to behind the shed and prepare for fitment. We must compare pumps. *squimp* Yeknod [ November 04, 2003, 01:33 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

Of course, one cannot ignore the sublime harmonies that drift towards us to talk about our ruddy condition while hurtling us, upwards, towards the celestial spheres of angelic voices and the odd groaning deity to provide a measure of relief from the humdrum and messy burdens that could drag us down to the pits of despair and dissolution... *sniff* indeed, this is the Showaddywaddy experience that brings us mere mortal beings to a closer state of... of... errrr... unconsciousness.... ...bother Yeknod [ November 01, 2003, 05:40 PM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

Phlegm tripod thread.... *haaaaaacup*

Bugger. Someone's dropped an alter ego *sniff*. Oh, I suppose this will mean we'll have tag-team Freudian gnome wrestling... *sniff* marvellous. Erudite little bugger as well and one just can't pass by on quality gnomes for replacement horsemen, should one become unseated or the odd brain explodes... and this bugger is very likely to attract a mortal enemy as well and keep 'em because... [waving a lofty fore-limb] ... to lose one mortal enemy may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose two would look like carelessness. Yeknod [ October 25, 2003, 02:46 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[stares glumly at a frosty patch of half frozen earth] I just wanted to point out that I'm not happy. Never have been and, doubtless, never will be. Not that I'm complaining. One just has to ask every now and again, "Is this it?". And one gets the reply, "Yes". *sniff* Well, that was unexpected. "Oh", I say to meself ('cause no one really cares), "wouldn't that be exciting in a strange sort of way considering yer current abode and yer artistic sensibilities yearning to be unleashed from a locked, hulking mass of fungal-encrusted donkey?". "No, not really, its not exciting at all but I'd thought I might be a tease". Multiple personalities, pathetic. Yeknod [ October 22, 2003, 01:08 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

What next? "It's Raining Gnomes"? </font>

What next? "It's Raining Gnomes"? </font>

[... and from the Paddock something gray and heavy boogies on down to a snappy 70s pop classic] Yea-a-a-ah! Yeah! All night long, you've been looking at me. Well you know you're the dance hall cutie that you longed to be. Oh well now, you've been laying it down, You've got your hip swinging out of bounds, And I like the way you do what you're doin' to me Alright. That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right I really love your tiger light. That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat, I really love your tiger feet. I really love your tiger feet. Your tiger feet. Your tiger feet Your tiger feet. Well alright Well flash your warning lights just as long as you like. I know you're aching to be making me tonight. I've got a feeling in my knees, It's a feeling only you can please, There ain't no way I'm gonna let you outta my sight . Alright. That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right I really love your tiger light. That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat, I really love your tiger feet. I really love your tiger feet. Your tiger feet. Your tiger feet Your tiger feet. Well alright Yeknod [ October 19, 2003, 01:30 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

[... and from the Paddock something gray and heavy boogies on down to a snappy 70s pop classic] Yea-a-a-ah! Yeah! All night long, you've been looking at me. Well you know you're the dance hall cutie that you longed to be. Oh well now, you've been laying it down, You've got your hip swinging out of bounds, And I like the way you do what you're doin' to me Alright. That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right I really love your tiger light. That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat, I really love your tiger feet. I really love your tiger feet. Your tiger feet. Your tiger feet Your tiger feet. Well alright Well flash your warning lights just as long as you like. I know you're aching to be making me tonight. I've got a feeling in my knees, It's a feeling only you can please, There ain't no way I'm gonna let you outta my sight . Alright. That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right I really love your tiger light. That's neat, that's neat, that's neat, that's neat, I really love your tiger feet. I really love your tiger feet. Your tiger feet. Your tiger feet Your tiger feet. Well alright Yeknod [ October 19, 2003, 01:30 AM: Message edited by: Yeknodathon ]

Here, here, here, dammit! We'll have none of that sex club fetishism in this Thread! Take that sort of thing over to www.zoophilistgolf.com, thank you very much. Sodding Justicar is so absorbed in denying my godhood that he's letting the place become a horrible den of perversity, that he is. </font>

Here, here, here, dammit! We'll have none of that sex club fetishism in this Thread! Take that sort of thing over to www.zoophilistgolf.com, thank you very much. Sodding Justicar is so absorbed in denying my godhood that he's letting the place become a horrible den of perversity, that he is. </font>

That's a nasty lie. Three step rule? </font>

That's a nasty lie. Three step rule? </font>

*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr* *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr* [squeeze] *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr* *plop* *honk* I just wanted to say that passing Boo's golf ball was quite an effort. Play on. Yeknod

*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrr* *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr* [squeeze] *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr* *plop* *honk* I just wanted to say that passing Boo's golf ball was quite an effort. Play on. Yeknod