The Imperial Peng Challenge Thread OR Seanachai's Finest Hour

[Jim Boggs]

Lady Moraine & NG cavscout

My apologies, but I will be away from the Board and our games for a while.

You may save or scrap them at your discretion.

[Moraine Sedai]

Originally posted by Jim Boggs:

Lady Moraine & NG cavscout

My apologies, but I will be away from the Board and our games for a while.

You may save or scrap them at your discretion.

So noted. I'll opt for the saving for now in the hopes you will be able to get back to the game later. If so, just let me know when you are ready to take it up again and I'll dust off the last turn and send it to you then...

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

<font size=-1>Oh, and in an interesting karmic turn, I just wailed on SirReal to the tune of 84-16 and PondScum wailed on me to the tune of 84-16.

The difference being that MY win was accomplished by wit and guile and moral perseverance, whereas PondScum's lackluster, tawdry little victory was done with smoke and mirrors.</font>

Smoke, mirrors, and SMG-toting landscape gardeners. If only the computer hadn't auto-surrendered your troops - I was so enjoying our little game of hunt-the-StuGs...

PS Anyone looking for a nice QB map could do worse than dalem's "Badlands" map. Not a lot worse, mind, but he's really tried hard with his crayons on this one.

[ng cavscout]

Originally posted by Jim Boggs:

Lady Moraine & NG cavscout

My apologies, but I will be away from the Board and our games for a while.

You may save or scrap them at your discretion.

You flee too soon sir, I haven't even drowned your troops in their own blood yet!!!

[serious] I hope everything is alright, and I look forward to your return. I will save the game.[serious/]

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by PondScum:

Anyone looking for a nice QB map could do worse than dalem's "Badlands" map. Not a lot worse, mind, but he's really tried hard with his crayons on this one.

I was quite pleasantly surprised by the three dalem designed maps that I used in some recent games. So, pleasantly surprised that I think he must have stolen them from some young, up and coming artist. Perhaps he got the artist drunk or explained that since he had such a low member number, it would look better if he signed his name to the maps. I don't think he actually would have killed the true designer, because that's too much like killing the golden goose...which is actually fairly good work if you can get it. No, dalem would have left open the oportunity to revisit the well.

Does dalem have the ability to cloud men's minds? Besides his own, I mean.

[Auggy]

I've just gotten back from sweltering in the heat at Football practice and no one has yet to challenge me? Cripes, is it too difficult for you vagrants to load up a hastily made CMBB qb?

I guess the choice of my victim is up to me now, as none of you whipper thuders have got the intestinale fortitude. Thus, I challenge NG cavscout to a rousing qb. Check your inbox.

[SirReal]

Originally posted by Sir Augustus:

Thus, I challenge NG cavscout to a rousing qb. Check your inbox.

That was the lamest, most ignorable, boring, mind-numbing stupid challenge I've ever seen. It was even worse than my own first attempt at a challenge to Sir Nidan. And that says a lot. But then it's only a SSN. With a burned sponge for brains, I guess one can't expect a lot.

You don't seem to have what it takes, SSN. So why don't you try sodding off?

/SirReal

[Auggy]

Originally posted by SirReal:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Sir Augustus:

Thus, I challenge NG cavscout to a rousing qb. Check your inbox.

That was the lamest, most ignorable, boring, mind-numbing stupid challenge I've ever seen. It was even worse than my own first attempt at a challenge to Sir Nidan. And that says a lot. But then it's only a SSN. With a burned sponge for brains, I guess one can't expect a lot.

You don't seem to have what it takes, SSN. So why don't you try sodding off?

/SirReal </font>

[SirReal]

Originally posted by Sir Augustus:

I've heard better comebacks from turkey sandwiches.

Oooh! Identifiable humor. Nice. Now try combining that attitude with a challenge. Then add some panache, and some balls. See if that might get you somewhere. Besides Coventry, I mean.

/SirReal

[Leeo]

I would like to take this moment to rub MrSpkr's nose into his 14 to 86 loss at the hands of Moi.

Sure, I had a KVI and a T34, but he had hordes of second-rate armor. He surrendered with most of his infantry squads intact. Methinks he lost interest in getting his arse kicked up about his neck. As a lawyer, he at least ought to be able to accurately identify with the outcome.

So, this might not make any sense, but what do you expect from someone who's loopy on Malt Liquor, eh?

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Leeo:

I would like to take this moment to rub MrSpkr's nose into his 14 to 86 loss at the hands of Moi.

Sure, I had a KVI and a T34, but he had hordes of second-rate armor. He surrendered with most of his infantry squads intact. Methinks he lost interest in getting his arse kicked up about his neck. As a lawyer, he at least ought to be able to accurately identify with the outcome.

You had a feckin' KV-Too, you lying bastiche. And on top of that, you stuck me with Somoas!

Yes, you heard me correctly -- he had a stankin' KV-Too (he referred to it as "his little tu-tu, whatever that means), and stuck me WITH FRENCH TANKS! Feckin FRENCH!

What the heck am I supposed to do with THOSE?

Evil little bastiche. We will have our revenge, yes, we wills.

Steve

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by MrSpkr:

<font size=-1>Yes, you heard me correctly -- he had a stankin' KV-Too (he referred to it as "his little tu-tu, whatever that means), and stuck me WITH FRENCH TANKS! Feckin FRENCH!

What the heck am I supposed to do with THOSE?</font>

Die-A-Lot Now, just like the French did.

In other news, although my badlandification of Boo would normally be enough unbounded joy for one 24-hour period, let me just dance a little jig in happy anticipation of two further whuppins:

Noba has returned from his long walkabout, and celebrated by sending the finest products of Russia's factories "over the top" against the waiting guns of 27 Panthers (or so... I lose count...). No prizes for predicting the final score in this one.

Papa Kahn is dragging out his death at the hands of the Glorious Red Army Air Force (And Assorted T-34 Shells), but by my reckoning has only one turn left. Or fewer. Even at his current Seanachai-like speeds, this game is DEFINITELY going to be over before the next ice age. Maybe. With a following wind.

I'd dance on Mouse too, but it's only turn ten and he doesn't know he's dead yet.

[ng cavscout]

Originally posted by Sir Augustus:

I've just gotten back from sweltering in the heat at Football practice and no one has yet to challenge me? Cripes, is it too difficult for you vagrants to load up a hastily made CMBB qb?

I guess the choice of my victim is up to me now, as none of you whipper thuders have got the intestinale fortitude. Thus, I challenge NG cavscout to a rousing qb. Check your inbox.

As much as I detest the Swede, I must agree with him, your challenge was as the howler monkey passing gas, but without the drama or human interest, you simply must try harder lad, you don't mind if I call you lad do you?

Ahhh, I remember when I was a feeb such as you, well, not quite that bad, but not quite as awe inspiring as I am now, flailing about, demanding someone notice me. Go now, wipe your nose, and try again little fellow, you don't mind if I call you little fellow do you?

And the icing on the cake is that here it is FOUR AND A HALF HOURS LATER and my mail box is as empty of a scenario as the new Ben Affleck/J-Lo movie is of ticket sales, as empty as, come on, you knew it was coming, Spire of Goose Toes head is of anything resembling intelligence, or originality.

[ August 04, 2003, 11:33 PM: Message edited by: NG cavscout ]

[Joe Shaw]

What the heck am I supposed to do with THOSE?

The CMBB Martha Stewart Show

As I write this from within the cozy turret of my rustic French Somoa tank rumbling through the quaint Russian steppes I'm constantly considering how best to make the right impression on those seeing our armored fighting vehicle for the first time.

Whilst entertaining friends as they pop into view from a hull down position, my crew and I assemble in our intimate mobile abode and celebrate the joy of communal, gracious living, whilst sparing the odd glance through viewslit for more neighbors come calling.

Spurning the traditional leaf green and earth brown motif, we've gone daring and created our own special creation using a dear taupe tone with a hint of summer olive. That special touch of camo is created with an ensemble of oak and pine leaves dried atop the engine compartment and draped artlessly about the turret and hull. Of course the running gear isn't ignored with applique of zimmerit tinted to just the right shade of Springtime mud and the track links alternately scrubbed to a bright polish and painted with gloss black for the dramatic accent.

We've discovered that even the cannon can be used to liven the scene with the addition of just a touch of purple powder to the shells, thus ensuring a memorable view of our lovely little vehicle.

Give it a try with YOUR AFV ... this is Martha Stewart wishing you successful entertainment.

Joe

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />What the heck am I supposed to do with THOSE?

The CMBB Martha Stewart Show

As I write this from within the cozy turret of my rustic French Somoa tank rumbling through the quaint Russian steppes I'm constantly considering how best to make the right impression on those seeing our armored fighting vehicle for the first time.

Whilst entertaining friends as they pop into view from a hull down position, my crew and I assemble in our intimate mobile abode and celebrate the joy of communal, gracious living, whilst sparing the odd glance through viewslit for more neighbors come calling.

Spurning the traditional leaf green and earth brown motif, we've gone daring and created our own special creation using a dear taupe tone with a hint of summer olive. That special touch of camo is created with an ensemble of oak and pine leaves dried atop the engine compartment and draped artlessly about the turret and hull. Of course the running gear isn't ignored with applique of zimmerit tinted to just the right shade of Springtime mud and the track links alternately scrubbed to a bright polish and painted with gloss black for the dramatic accent.

We've discovered that even the cannon can be used to liven the scene with the addition of just a touch of purple powder to the shells, thus ensuring a memorable view of our lovely little vehicle.

Give it a try with YOUR AFV ... this is Martha Stewart wishing you successful entertainment.

Joe </font>

[Seanachai]

Sunday, August 3rd, 1:45 PM

American Customs station, Baudette, Minnesota

Our scene opens at the interface between two worlds: The World of 'Authority, Duty, and Responsibility', and the ' World of Poor Bastards Who Just Want to Be Getting On With It'.

Before us, we see a window, set into the wall of a building, that slides aside so that the bright-eyed, well-groomed, impeccably uniformed, twenty-something Customs Officer can speak to the rather distressingly unkempt and untidy older man who is sitting at the wheel of the Honda Civic that has just erratically pulled up.

Customs Officer Hello, sir. Where are you coming from?

Seanachai A lot of people have asked me that, you know. I like to think that, although I may not be mainstream in my thinking, I represent a subconscious ethic that all Americans share, and speak to their hearts, although sometimes our heads might clash.

Customs Officer What?

Seanachai Ah, you want to know where I just spent the last nine days?

Customs Officer Yes, sir, that's what I asked you.

Seanachai Miles Bay, Lake of the Woods. My family has a cabin on an island there.

Customs Officer And where do you live, sir?

Seanachai South Minneapolis.

Customs Officer Are you bringing back anything from Canada?

Seanachai Yes, I bring a message of peace and brotherhood to all mankind. Cast away your hatreds and your prejudices, and join hands in a circle in which the shock of recognition shall run the whole circle round, to tell Boo Radley that he is the wind beneath our wings!

Customs Officer Sir, are you bringing any drugs back from Canada?

Seanachai Back? No.

Customs Officer Are you bringing any alcohol back?

Seanachai What?

Customs Officer Are you bringing back any alcohol from Canada, any beer or liquor?

Seanachai Beer? Oh, yeah, the whole car's full of it. Do you want one?

Customs Officer How much beer do you have in the car, sir?

Seanachai How old are you? I don't have any bloody beer in the car. I'm coming back from a cabin in the middle of nowhere. How could I possibly have beer to bring back? We are talking about un-drunk alcohol here, aren't we?

Customs Officer Sir, are you bringing any weapons in from Canada?

Seanachai Why, have we run out? My God, this war is having an effect!

Customs Officer Could I see your ID, sir?

Seanachai Certainly. Although I warn you, that picture makes me look much thinner without the pointy red hat.

Customs Officer Sir, could you pull over under the canopy and get out of your car and come back into the building this is not, technically, phrased as a question. We'll try and get you back on your way as quick as we can.

Seanachai I have to pull over?

Customs Officer Yes, sir.

Seanachai I have to come in?

Customs Officer Yes, sir.

Seanachai Look I brushed my teeth and shaved, and everything. I'm an old man. Are you checking me because I don't have any alcohol, tobacco, or weapons? Because I can go back and try and load-up.

Customs Officer Just pull your car over under the canopy, sir, and come into the building.

Seanachai Mind, it would be a tough row to hoe, given that it's Sunday. I mean, I might be able to buy cigarettes or something, but there's no place I'm going to get any beer short of pitching a cinder block through the window of the OLCB shop back up the way. And I don't even know how the Canadians can get weapons.

Customs Officer Sir, please pull over to the canopy, and get out of your car. Now.

The Officer, wearing rubber gloves, and carrying a variety of tools, passes the old man as he heads into the building

Seanachai muttering Sure, first they take our freedoms, then they try and seduce our cars away from us.

Inside, everything is clean, and fresh, and wonderfully institutional. Another young, bright, firm-jawed Officer with a 'surprisingly well-styled haircut given that it's just slightly beyond a crew-cut' asks the old man to fill out a 'customs declaration form'. He takes some time filling in the one page sheet. There seems to be several pages, but he concentrates on the cover page. Eventually, the Customs Officer comes over to look over his answers.

Another Customs Officer (they're all the same, at this age, like chinchillas, it's a wonder they have names; later on, they develop some personality) Sir, you state here on the declaration that you're bringing back 'fruits and vegetables'?

Seanachai Yes?

Customs Officer Where did you get them, sir?

Seanachai Er...well, the broccoli is from Cub Foods, down on Nicollet Avenue...I think I bought the apples from the Cub Foods in Edina, though.

Customs Officer But you purchased them in the US, sir?

Seanachai Oh, yeah. Wait, do I get points for that?!

Customs Officer And you also state that you're bringing back 'meat'?

Seanachai Whoa. Yeah. Does that negate my 'fruit and vegetable' coup?

Customs Officer What kind of meat, sir?

Seanachai Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

Customs Officer Was it purchased in the US, sir?

Seanachai Yeah, of course. I suppose Canadians can buy it too, though. Aren't we supposed to have some sort of Free Trade agreement?

Customs Officer Sir, currently, because of 'mad cow disease' you cannot bring meat products back from Canada.

Seanachai Really? That would explain why they are currently embargoing our potatoes*. I mean, how can you be a 'meat and potatoes' man on the border these days, when you can't bring meat in from one side, nor potatoes from the other? Can't we all just get along?

Customs Officer Sir, here where you're asked if you're bringing any 'disease agents' into the country, you've written a question mark. Why?

Seanachai Okay, look. Are you telling me that enough people with a legitimate reason to do so are transporting 'disease agents' across the border to make it necessary to ask about them? I mean, why isn't there a bloody follow-up question about 'weapons grade plutonium', or 'reservoir poisoning compounds'? I just want to make sure I understand the question.

Customs Officer Sir, we want to know if you are transporting any means by which the health and general welfare of the United States might be compromised or endangered.

Seanachai Nope, just me. No children in the car.

Customs Officer Sir, we do not regard these things as 'joking matters'.

Seanachai What about that load of Wisconsites that were through here about 15 minutes ago? They were joking about 'disease agents' all over the place.

Customs Officer Sir, they are from Wisconsin steely gaze does battle with sheepish look. They think that 'disease agent' means 'hookers'.

Seanachai Pull the other one, that one's got bells on it.

Customs Officer Strong Catholic Church in Wisconsin, sir.

Seanachai True enough. Roight, then! I'm not carrying any disease agents, the only products I'm bringing back from Canada are what I brought in with me, I haven't any drugs, alcohol, or tobacco products, mores the pity, and although I despise the current Administration, I represent about as much threat to it as a neutered terrier. I can still recite the Pledge of Allegiance after all these years, and I know how to sing that one tune as either 'My Country 'Tis of Thee' or 'God Save the Queen', which makes me very contemporary. I registered for the draft back in 1974, and, if asked to serve, I will certainly say 'what?'

The First Customs Officer Sir, we're done checking your car. Did they give you your ID back? You can be on your way.

Alright, gentle readers, the above was a descent into fantasy. For one thing, you cannot joke with these lads. They are extremely earnest, and humourless. If they even suspect that you are joking about them, rather than with them, you will be held at the Border for untold hours, and, in most cases, you will have to try and re-assemble your car without the benefit of any of the tools that were used to disassemble it. Even the Canadians have gotten heavy. Their Customs Officers now wear flak jackets.

For Godssakes, when was the last time anyone wanted to shoot a Canadian? I mean, Dorosh aside, it's simply ridiculous.

*No Joke: the Canadians are not allowing Americans to bring in potatoes. Supposedly, somewhere, there is a 'potato fungus' that they are concerned about. It is simply not possible that the American decision to ban Canadian beef because of concerns about mad cow disease are in any way affecting the decision of Canadian Customs to confiscate American grown potatoes. The price of potatoes on the Canadian side of the border was about 2-3 times that of what the tubers would cost on the American side of the border.

[SirReal]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

The Officer, wearing rubber gloves, and carrying a variety of tools, passes the old man as he heads into the building

That passage had my hopes up for half of it. But I guess his meek looks fooled them, and they only went over the car.

/SirReal

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Sir Augustus:

I've just gotten back from sweltering in the heat at Football practice and no one has yet to challenge me?

Ah, yes, I see. Now we're supposed to challenge you. I understand that, having found life, reality, the ability to read instructions, and shoes with laces, as opposed to velcro straps, a challenge, that you would want, nay, even demand, a break from all the day to day challenges.

That you would shuffle in here like some impossibly testosterone poisoned teenager and require that, against all the expectations of rational folk who can actually use utensils like knives and forks, you would actually be greeted with a witty challenge, or challenges, from which you might take your pick.

How sad for you. How truly heroic, though, that idiocy springs eternal from such an otherwise barren field.

What is this, only your second visit here? I distinctly remember your first attempt to get a game here. It lacked.

You take as your starting point insufferable pride. You seem not to realize that that is where you end up, not where you begin.

Where you begin, is by coming in here and amusing us all by challenging someone to a game. We all deride you. We might some day hate you, should you prove to be worth the effort.

Right now, you're making me think I should simply watch where I walk. Right now, I would throw away the pair of shoes that tread on you, rather than bothering to simply clean them.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by SirReal:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

The Officer, wearing rubber gloves, and carrying a variety of tools, passes the old man as he heads into the building

That passage had my hopes up for half of it. But I guess his meek looks fooled them, and they only went over the car.

SirReal </font>

[SirReal]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Until you can stand before me, unashamed, and not wince at the snapping of a rubber glove, I shall take no notice of you.

Well, since I've never had to undergo a body cavity search, I don't flinch at the snapping of a rubber glove. Don't worry though, I'm hardly going to the states just to stand before you, unashamed or not.

Yeah, good old Gustav II Adolf. Now, that was a good king, capable of some real international butt-kicking. The ones we get nowadays just do PR.

/SirReal

[Seanachai]

And now, an address to Leeo.

Ah, Leeo! How well I remember when you first shuffled in here, soggy, as all you Northwest Coasters are, from your own inability to figure out which way the wind is blowing when you go to relieve yourselves.

I challenge you to a game, my dear Leeo. You have, in private email passed amongst only 15 or so truly utterly vulgar and useless human beings, impugned my courage.

As I now recall your 'remarks', you stated that I was 'afraid' to meet you on the Field of Honour. I took this to mean that I had not spent enough time calling into question every aspect of your person, abilities, and intelligence here in the Peng Challenge Thread. There was simply no possibility of a game of CM with you ending in anything less than the sort of humiliation for you that even the most anxious halfwit would struggle to reject before taking his own life.

How glad I am to find that, after all this time of allowing you to flop about on the shore of the Peng Challenge Thread like some sort of gill-netted trash fish stripped out and heaped up to rot, you're now anxious to prove your unworthiness of anything other than scorn by back-handing a challenge to me.

You tit. You very small puddle of poodle urine. What's next for you, Leeo? A full episode interview with Nicole Smith?

Send me a setup.

For all that you might have been, I will grant you the grace of dispatching you myself.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

If they even suspect that you are joking about them, rather than with them, you will be held at the Border for untold hours, and, in most cases, you will have to try and re-assemble your car without the benefit of any of the tools that were used to disassemble it.

I didn't see any mention of the Customs agent's ultimate weapon, the 'full body cavity search using cold utensils'.

Mace

[Nidan1]

Originally posted by Mace:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

If they even suspect that you are joking about them, rather than with them, you will be held at the Border for untold hours, and, in most cases, you will have to try and re-assemble your car without the benefit of any of the tools that were used to disassemble it.

I didn't see any mention of the Customs agent's ultimate weapon, the 'full body cavity search using cold utensils'.

Mace </font>

[Boo Radley]

Someone put the chastity belt back on the dachshund, Seanachai's back in town.

So, have fun pissing off the Canadians, did we? I was under the impression, Grog Dorosh notwithstanding, that was something of an impossibility. Leave it to The Bard to go in fighting. Eyes squeezed shut, arms flailing about like a windmill in a hurricane, making that high keening noise we all associate with small animals in terror and steam kettles left on far too long.

Oh, and I thought I had warned you about that whole "Wind beneath my wings" ****e. You realize that now I'll have to hurt you.

[Lars]

“It’s just been an outstanding week. We’ve met and exceeded everyone’s expectations,” EAA President and AirVenture Chairman Tom Poberezny told AirVenture Today Sunday morning. “The aircraft—both in terms of quality and quantity—I’ve never seen so many parked at the airport, from the south end all the way to the northeast corner, and from all segments of the organization. If anybody took the effort and walked from the last row of aircraft on the southern edge of the airport to the northeast corner, that’s 5.2 miles of airplanes parked here. People can’t believe it.”

Holds hand up. Yep, I did it. Thank Berli my cousin has a hot tub. Oooh, my aching knees....

Very cool, saw FIVE tri-motors in the air at the same time. Three were Fords, one a Stinson, and the last was the Ju-52 in the appropriate Nazi regalia.

Also saw a Sikorsky S-29 and a S-38 flying boat in the air together. There's a flight nobody has seen in the last 70 years.

Oh, and they flew a IL-16 Rata for you WWII flight sim freaks {and you know who you are...}

And I took a very nice flight in my cousin's 1946 Aeronca Champ. Great evening for flying, the air was perfectly calm. Almost took out two sandhill cranes on the takeoff though. And the cousin is a game warden, sheesh. Of couse, there would have been nobody in the county to arrest us, hmmm...

Turns out tonight.

SSN Hint Of The Day: Always take the last cup and never, ever make coffee.

Now sod off.