Bugger Peng Let's Have A Real Challenge Then!

[Slapdragon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wildman:

Oh nothing, I just forgot to pull my SlapHappy chocks before leaving. He's just a SSN so no loss.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You know, I get back from two evenings on the street in a patrol car, thinking I had done a good deed by making Wildman's wife leave her streetcorner (heck, he is returning to her, she should be home with the little spudlings) and trying to ignore what I thought was Shaw lying in a pool of puked up Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill with small chunks of undigested twinkie and canned meat product (no law against being drunk in public, but there is a law against mixing those three things you shameless bastard), when I read this absolute calumny. No one, to date, has been brave enough to even challenge me to battle, or offer me a squireship, or anything (probably knowing that I carry a Glock, a can of pepper spray, an Asp baton, and a really large can of tactical whoopass scared everyone away).

So here it is. I work the road on Sunday, and am in DC next week, but I want to see if any of you blowhards want to play a game. I am so sick of work I can scream, and eliminating a few pansies will be quite a pleasure (realizing that my last battle I lost to BigDog from the outer forum, and I am not sure I ever sent the poor bastard the last turn...).

Last time I stuck my head in here I got two games against Meeks, which is like going on an expensive date and getting two hugs for the trouble (I know Marlow, its the best you can do, but remember I suggested you just ask them how much first). So who here is willing to defend the Pengdom honor with a game? Do you want me to believe Meeks was a good sample of your capabilities (he was a gamey bastard at that).

[ 09-28-2001: Message edited by: Slapdragon ]

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon:

[i challenge you all without even a general, 'Pool-wide taunt.]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Slappy, Slappy, Slappy--I know all that stuff hanging from your belt makes it hard for you to concentrate sometimes, but RTFM!! It's on the first fecking page of EVERY incarnation of the Thread (except for the ones started by lackwits like Aitken). Why is this so difficult? Allow me to recap:

Lastly). Single out someone specific.

D.12-3c). Say entertaining and unflattering things about them until them demand satisfaction.

Bugger off). Be persistent and bilious, otherwise we'll ignore you. (Ask for posting help from a Russian with hepatitis.)

Hi, I'm SATAN--enjoy the film!). You are always welcome to bugger off (I saw that look of yearning in your eye as you described Joe's puddle of sick.)

Agua Perdido

[Slapdragon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Slappy, Slappy, Slappy--I know all that stuff hanging from your belt makes it hard for you to concentrate sometimes, but RTFM!! It's on the first fecking page of EVERY incarnation of the Thread (except for the ones started by lackwits like Aitken). Why is this so difficult? Allow me to recap:

Lastly). Single out someone specific.

D.12-3c). Say entertaining and unflattering things about them until them demand satisfaction.

Bugger off). Be persistent and bilious, otherwise we'll ignore you. (Ask for posting help from a Russian with hepatitis.)

Hi, I'm SATAN--enjoy the film!). You are always welcome to bugger off (I saw that look of yearning in your eye as you described Joe's puddle of sick.)

Agua Perdido<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well Agua Busceta, I will admit that accusing Joe of being a Boone's Farm drinker and Wildman of being less that satisfying as a husband is not much of an insult, but I tried. Should an insult be untrue to be more effective in the thread?

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon:

I will admit that accusing Joe of being a Boone's Farm drinker and Wildman of being less that satisfying as a husband is not much of an insult, but I tried.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Trafficking in bland truisms won't get you far, here. Be extravagant. Be operatic. Be specific. Be gone.

Agua Perdido

[Editing because the reference to Boone's Farm got me thinking about Happy Hour, which is still 3 hrs away...]

[ 09-28-2001: Message edited by: Agua Perdido ]

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon:

So who here is willing to defend the Pengdom honor with a game? Do you want me to believe Meeks was a good sample of your capabilities (he was a gamey bastard at that).

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey ButtDragin, seems like you failed to answer that other SSNs (what was his name ... Dead or Red or somfink). If you want a battle in the MBT, this is about the best challenge you are going to get. Not is it only protocol, but we love to see Grogs squirm.

So, will it be "The Black Forest" at 20 paces in a battle of the SSNs, or not? If yes, I'll fling you the file for you two Cess dippers to wade around in. If not, Sod Off. Machts Nicht to me.

Oh, and should you choose to accept, we expect periodic updates on your progress. Not that we care how you are doing, but it may be good for a laugh. Dance for us Slappy.

[Slapdragon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

Hey ButtDragin, seems like you failed to answer that other SSNs (what was his name ... Dead or Red or somfink). If you want a battle in the MBT, this is about the best challenge you are going to get. Not is it only protocol, but we love to see Grogs squirm.

So, will it be "The Black Forest" at 20 paces in a battle of the SSNs, or not? If yes, I'll fling you the file for you two Cess dippers to wade around in. If not, Sod Off. Machts Nicht to me.

Oh, and should you choose to accept, we expect periodic updates on your progress. Not that we care how you are doing, but it may be good for a laugh. Dance for us Slappy.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Marlow you senile implant, what the hell are you talkin about. I accept if you merely please talk English long enough to communicate meaning, then you can return to the addled gibberish you normally spew.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

That's odd. I understood Marlow perfectly and I'm intellectually inept. Go figure.

[Slapdragon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost:

That's odd. I understood Marlow perfectly and I'm intellectually inept. Go figure.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I assume like minds and all that. I accept, just the gibberish to english button on bablefish.com is not longer working.

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon:

Marlow you senile implant, what the hell are you talkin about. I accept if you merely please talk English long enough to communicate meaning, then you can return to the addled gibberish you normally spew.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Understanding gibberish is a 'Pool prereq. When you can understand Mensch and OGSF, thenyou will be ready Grasshopper.

[jshandorf]

Oh, gawd. SlapMonkey is back in the pool... I though I smelled something funny eminating from the cess other than Hiram's toejam. BTW Hiram, I hear cats will take care of that for you.

Hey, CornHole, have your jumped up and down and brayed about your win over me yet? Better hop to it, Cassidy.

Jeff

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorf:

Oh, gawd. SlapMonkey is back in the pool... I though I smelled something funny eminating from the cess other than Hiram's toejam. BTW Hiram, I hear cats will take care of that for you.

Hey, CornHole, have your jumped up and down and brayed about your win over me yet? Better hop to it, Cassidy.

Jeff<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Shandy Duncan!! Long time no suffer!! How are things in your neck of the woods? Have you rented a personality yet?

[jshandorf]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram's Ghost:

Shandy Duncan!! Long time no suffer!! How are things in your neck of the woods? Have you rented a personality yet?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Damn you, man! I am leasing! Not renting! Seesh! You think I am stupid or what!?

Not sure how I like this personality though. I do enjoy the sunroof and leather interior but the handling leaves something to be desired.

Jeff

[Mark IV]

Despite the popular subject matter, "Bugger Peng" is perilously close to the bottom of the page, while the insouciant Washingtonians drink their little guts out.

I am still sick. I am still at work. I still don't have a final-final on the mortgage. Worse, I appear to have started a debate with a mega-grog on a subject so esoteric that I'm not even sure what I was disagreeing with, except that it appears bad tanks are better than good tanks in the long run. I cannot argue with the evidence.

It's just not my best day.

Turns out soon, I'm sure, may your putrescent corpses burst simultaneously. TGIF. Why not load your guns, grab a bottle, and go for a drive?

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>So, will it be "The Black Forest" at 20 paces in a battle of the SSNs, or not? If yes, I'll fling you the file for you two Cess dippers to wade around in. If not, Sod Off. Machts Nicht to me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Marlow I despair of you, I really do. FIRST I objected to your choice of scenario because it was too historical but it was of the right length. NOW you submit Black Forest which is admirably non-historical and appears reasonably bizzare but NOW it's too long! I think we'd best go with Arty Fest '45, it does have the added advantage of having driven off people in the past.

SlopDragging, for your information (which would apparently be running a couple of quarts low), RTFM is one of those ever so clever internet abbreviations which advises you to READ THE F***ING MANUAL! In this case you may feel free to substitute the word RULES for MANUAL and refer to that portion of the rules (FIRST post, FIRST page) in which it states QUITE SPECIFICALLY that you should address your challenge to someone of your own miniscule stature. Challenging a Seniour Knight such as myself will gain you, if you're lucky and I'm feeling jolly, a sneer of contempt. I'd take the game with the other SSN, what's his name ... DeadInBed or something ... and be grateful that we're giving you THAT much notice.

Should you choose this course of action, kindly advise and I'll lower myself to send the scenario to you.

Joe

[imported_Wildman]

Now SlapHappy,

Mooning over a woman far out of your league and calling a blowup rubber doll your "mistress" are not valid reasons to be accepted by the poll-at-large. At most it merely confirms that all Grog are Geeks, and you sir have a life time supply of "Steamy Strawberry Handlotion" from Potions & Lotions.

Please let us now even begin to debate how little your testosterone laden levi jacket marks you as a loser and wannabe. When perhaps you have elevated your game (so to speak) I might actually invest the time to respond to you!

Now KICK, try to KICK, remember the KICK, rules you lackwit. KICK,

[ 09-28-2001: Message edited by: Wildman ]

[Slapdragon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wildman:

Now SlapHappy,

Mooning over a woman far out of your league and calling a blowup rubber doll your "mistress" are not valid reasons to be accepted by the poll-at-large. At most it merely confirms that all Grog are Geeks, and you sir have a life time supply of "Steamy Strawberry Handlotion" from Potions & Lotions.

Please let us now even begin to debate how little your testosterone laden levi jacket marks you as a loser and wannabe. When perhaps you have elevated your game (so to speak) I might actually invest the time to respond to you!

Now KICK, try to KICK, remember the KICK, rules you lackwit. KICK,

[ 09-28-2001: Message edited by: Wildman ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well now, I see what the verbally challenged meant, but challenging a person with a member of number of 64 million when my original number was in the 1600s (well, before the damn server crash that everyone blamed on the Peng thread) seems a might below the pale as it were, just so the lot of cowardly Pengers do not have to face the firing squad like men, or whatever the hell Shandorf is after that operation. As for your socially constructed rules, I have read Berger also, and know how to deal with them by a use of hyperthinking. Knowing that only Sean reads stuff my Berger on this list, or shudder to say, Wittgenstien, I will just instead quote from a classic bit of Americana, A Sergeant Rock cartoon, where he says, "Iff you lousy officers think you can keep me out, just watch".

And as for letting Perdiper speak for you, this is sort of letting Gunny Bunny do your PR, but I guess this is in keeping with the minimalistic nature of the thread.

So, send the scenario, but you had better line up some better competition or you get no circus.

And yes, I have a lifetime supply of that lotion, won it from Meeks in our last game. (By the way, where is that sorry waste of biomatter? Did he and Simon Fox get married and move to Tasmania or something?)

[stevetherat]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon:

...my original number was in the 1600s...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Again with the knob jokes!

Look here SlopDrippin', sweet charity is knocking on my door. Hell, I even donated to 'that' cause. Well, when I say 'I' donated, you have to understand that I have a girlfriend with a heart which fills her entire body cavity and thought it would be nice if she used my credit card to pledge a few quid. So, yes, I did donate simply by the fact that the cash came from my bank account.

But I'm straying from the point. I have read your posts on the outside and, at times, you have touched me. Eeeww. NO! Let me get this straight, just so there is no misunderstanding, you haven't literally touched me, as I'm sure you can attest to, just that I found myself in sympathy and alignment with you on the topics you have raised. Did I make that clear?

OK, let's get back on track. I am offering myself... No, no, no. This is getting nowehere.

I would like to play with... ****!

It would be a pleasure to... GOD DAMMIT!

BASTARD! Send me a feckin' setup you PANSY!

StR

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon:

You know, I get back from two evenings on the street in a patrol car<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey, I think I saw you on Cops once.

Weren't you the one being manhandled into the back of the police car while handcuffed?

Mace

[Joe Shaw]

I find that Seanachai has done the Right Thing and admitted his error: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Shaw, the most useless, annoying, contentious and posturing Seniour Knight on the Peng Challenge Thread, and Justicar to same, has the right of it, and I, even one of the Old Ones, was quite wrong.

For Shaw has again reaffirmed that the joy of belonging to the Peng Challenge Thread is the joy of belonging, and specifically belonging to the Peng Challenge Thread.

And, once again, that most totalitarian, Inquisitorial, and tradition-bound Toad has reaffirmed that:

"Everyone comes naked to the Peng Challenge Thread."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Could ... could we perhaps find a DIFFERENT phrase to describe the condition? My stomach hasn't settled down since I read this the first time.

But his point is well taken and illustrates the position of the Justicariate. Let no one think that the Justicariate is ill-disposed toward ANY applicant ... we hate them ALL equally as ALL True CessPoolers should. It matters not whether the SSN is SlopDraggin' or DeadInBed, they will be equally denigrated ... for thus is the Way of the CessPool.

Joe

[Slapdragon]

That being said, let me detail the file I sent the silly rodent. A december 1944 fight with everything random. I choose to play the woefully mismodelled British, giving him the ultimately modelled and extremely evil Germans. A detailing of his ass kicking will be broadcast on this station, expect him to soon be advertising for a grief counsellor.

I pity the poor sims to march to electronic oblivion. Now if I can just keep him from looking at my picture on my web site long enough to get some turns to me.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lawyer:

IDIOT ALERT on the MAINBOARD!!

Attention all Poolers. This just in from Col_Deadmarsh, as published in The_Capt's newest thread on the main forum.

I think it is SCANDALOUS that he misspelled "masturbator", as that is one of Cesspool's treasured allusions.

And I think this is further proof, if any were needed, that "Col_Deadmarsh" is actually David Aitken in disguise. Or maybe Seanachai.....<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'm surprised the halfwit can spell anything at all. He makes me think of Rommel22, without the disturbing Hitler Jugend thing going.

[CMplayer]

Lars for every week you delay sending a turn the agony of your HJ (armed with globulous zits) is only prolonged. Now if you would just be so kind as to either:

1) fight back, or

2) hit ctrl-U and send,

we can get this over with and continue with our lives. Oh and don't shoot at the paras. They're actually a Red Cross mercy shipment of full scale Marlene Dietrich Dolls (with authentically modelled naughty bits) and 200 crates of deluxe xtra soft kleenex. You were complaining by email about how hard it was to find good facial tissue these days, and my heart goes out to ya man.

[CMplayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon:

A december 1944 fight with everything random. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That'd be the ole 'kinky Xristmas' setup. Should make for mildy amusing AARs as the SSNs abuse themselves (or if they rise to the occasion, each other)

[CMplayer]

I accidently knocked the broadband filter onto the floor yesterday, and when I set up back up it started making strange noises. Through the static I could hear someone murmuring softly to himself the following ditty...

Day after day

Alone on the hill

The Stug with the low silhouette is

Keeping perfectly still

But nobody cares about it

Cause they think it's just a Stug,

Fog of war has tricked them

And the Het-zer on the hill

Sees the Sherms coming down

and the gun in his head

plinks them off one by one

doo doo doo doo...

A shrill voice interrupts 'Jason! Jason BARNES! You come to the table right now young man!'

I guess Sancho was in a reverie of wishful thinking, because in actual fact he preferred to drive that Hetzer down the forward face of its hill (negating the slope of its forward armor) to catastrophic effect. Though as he put it, it was just a 'decoy'. In fact, everthing dead I find on the battlefield has 'decoy' stenciled all over it.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Speedy:

I am heading off to Melbourne to watch the mighty Essendon Bombers win back to back premierships (I hope) in the AFL Grand Final<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Fellow cesspoolers,

It is a fine Aussie tradition to slag the supporters of the team that looses the Grand Final.

Yep, you guessed it, Speedy's team lost, and what's worse, they were leading at one stage during the match.

So let's all join in this message to Speedy:

Sucks to be you!!!!

Mace