Michael Emrys Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 I'm not really bad, Michael. In fact, I'm fecking horrible. Now, I could stumble around, trying to explain the fact that for the last year I've been deeply involved with issues, that I've been confused about life, that I've been a less than good correspondent... None of which is confined to the last year. You've been a fecking 'orrible correspondent for at least three years now by a hasty count (a more thorough reckoning might extend the date of the onset of this syndrome back even further in time). Own up, Seanachai, you are an irresponsible correspondent with more loose screws than a Midwestern hardware store. Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Emrys Posted February 24, 2009 Author Share Posted February 24, 2009 If you outlive me, I will be SO fecking pissed off... You are living (unfortunately) proof that heaven protects idiots. I have paid, with actual US legal tender, people to push you under oncoming busses, drop heavy objects on you from tall buildings, drill holes in your kayak, put explosives in your cigars and poison in that cheap rotgut you drink, even sprinkle itch powder in your shorts (apparently you never seem to change those). Yet like a bad penny, you continue to turn up. It's almost enough to make a grown man cry. Michael Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 You are living (unfortunately) proof that heaven protects idiots. I have paid, with actual US legal tender, people to push you under oncoming busses, drop heavy objects on you from tall buildings, drill holes in your kayak, put explosives in your cigars and poison in that cheap rotgut you drink, even sprinkle itch powder in your shorts (apparently you never seem to change those). Yet like a bad penny, you continue to turn up. It's almost enough to make a grown man cry. Michael The fact that you keep hiring Wiley Coyote as your henchman speaks volumes about your mind-numbingly poor business acumen. Fail to plan? Plan to fail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkur Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Did the explosives and poison have ACME on the label? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Did the explosives and poison have ACME on the label? Feck that, you sod. WHERE'S MY WAKE?! Do you think I've been drinking here all morning, and that I wouldn't notice that you'd skulked back without any word of my Wake? You bastard. Fast up with it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 BOO! BOOOOO! Help the Puddle arrange my Wake, Godsdammit! I want a wake! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Look at that! It's 2 AM and I'm still awake! Ummm.... Just a second... it's 2 PM. And I am, in fact, still awake. Of course, last time I checked, it was 1 AM. Oh, well. At least I'm still drunk... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkur Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 It would be easier to get into the spirit if you acted more... dead. Or at least dying. hmmm, will BFC let us have a designated Gnome Wake thread, or do we need to move it to dosomefink? We'll need a casket... or at least a garbage bag for the body. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Hooray for drunikng!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 BOO! BOOOOO! Help the Puddle arrange my Wake, Godsdammit! I want a wake! I looked at his itinerary and it doesn't really read as a wake, per se. Seanachai... you've got to realize that Lurkur is from western Pennsylvania. The people there are a reticent and skittish bunch, whose idea of a grand time could only be surpassed in dourness by a family of Wisconsin Lutherans. For your wake, he's reserved an afternoon at the local Chuckie Cheese. Now, I don't know... maybe something like that tickles your weirdness bone, but it really sounds like a far cry from an Irish pub. But hey... it's your funeral. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkur Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 As opposed to eastern Ohio, which is like western Pennsylvania but the interesting topography shaved off by the last ice age, and twice as many strip malls. Actually I was thinking of someplace with a salad bar. That way we could lay the old bastige out on the ice, with the sneeze guards to keep the stink in. Of course, we could always put Seanachi into a wicker man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Sigh, well, we're near the end of our broadcasting day. Soon, Joe Shaw will be rising over the landscape like an Old Testament Prophet with terminal baboon's arse. And Boo will dance about a bit, and sing, and pick watermelon seeds out of his ear... And Stuka will light up a cigar, with shaking, drunken hands, and contemplate, as he does every night, sending me a picture of his wife naked. And, as he does every night, he will tell himself: No, no! Because he can't remember how to attach the file. And Dalem will call me at midnight, and tell me that America is going to hell. And Berli will call me...at some strange arsed time that pretty much defies analysis; that is, at least, I haven't been able to predict it, despite setting up an Excel spreadsheet logging his fecking calls, with an eye to trying to figure out when the bastard might suddenly pop up and go 'Heh.' And ships will rock at their moorings. And the wind will sigh through the boughs of the trees. And children will sigh, and shift in their sleep, and dream the dream that Three Olde Ones are sitting in a landscape of shadow and emptiness, lit only by the flicker of firelight. This morning, I called my friend Jen, and she put me on the speaker phone, and said 'Emma, say hello to Grandma Steve!', and she did, and told me all about how horrible her double-ear infection was, that was so painful, it made her cry. And then her Mom said, 'Nora, say hello to Grandma Steve!' And there was this long silence, on the other end of the speaker. And after a while, a small voice said: 'Where?' So I spoke loudly into the phone 'Hello, Nora! I'm here, on the phone!' And, after a decent interval to take that in, I hear a small, two and a half year old voice say 'Are you coming over tonight?' I cannot die, just yet. Despite the pains, despite the various illnesses. Because, as long as there are small children that ask me to come over and play, I cannot die. I am kept alive by expectation. I am kept alive by the belief that there will be songs, and games, and wonder. Just like with you lot. Except most of you are horrible. But there will be songs, and games, and wonder. Also, pepper spray and tasers. Most of you bastards need a good whipping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Of course, we could always put Seanachi into a wicker man. You better have hoses and extinguishers on hand, lad. Because when I begin to burn, I will take whole landscapes with me! Between the alcohol, and the fat, I am a veritable firestorm. I AM the Wicker Man, you sod. You should put your sacrifices, your puny prayers, curses and fears inside me, and light me up! C'mon, Lurkur! Shuffle forward with your offerings! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I AM the Wicker Man. I thought you were the walrus. I wish to hell you'd make up your mind. A score card is needed to know which personality of yours we may be dealing with at any given time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Seanachai, I'm terribly sorry to inform you that the Policies and Procedures of the Peng Challenge Thread (as amended ... uh ... well pretty much this afternoon) specifically prohibit any Olde One from coiling off the mortal shuffle until such time as ANOTHER Olde One is proclaimed since, as has been well established, there can be only three ... I'm pretty sure that's right ... we have the precedent of Larry, Moe and Shep after all. The proclaimation will, of course, require all Knights of the CessPool, all Others Recognized, all Ladies of the 'pool, all Squires and obviously all Olde Ones to meet in sacred concurrence ... confabulation ... somefink like that and vote on the elevation of another Olde One. Failure to achieve 66.6666666667% of the SOBER vote will require us to burn the chads in such a manner as to reveal purple smoke to the vast throng watching. Likely enough more than one of the Chads will object but that's just tough beans. Once such a vote IS achieved the Chads will be dressed in McDonalds aprons, herded into the square and punched and then hanged to indicate the glad news of a NEW Olde One ... hmmmm ... So you see that it's not to be treated lightly and your presence will be required. Sorry, but rules are rules and nothing less than that. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 I'm pretty sure that's right ... we have the precedent of Larry, Moe and Shep after all. Joe Shep Wooley was one of the Stooges? I didn't know that! Why... that changes EVERYTHING! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lurkur Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Now THAT is an interesting prospect! Will the the fire and heat of an inflamed Seanachi consume the wet dankness of the cesspool? Will the sultry cess of the MBT snuff the infernal bard? Or will they cancel each other out, as if neither ever existed? As for an offering... Oh Seanachi, you horrid, hollow little man of tiny twisted bits. You indeed piss on us from a great height, but only because you stand on the shoulders of giants. And we fear not your insufficient stream of steaming wee, as you have yet to get "it" out of your pants before commencing. No, those of us below watch only in the expectation that this time, as your fumble in vain for your negligible naughty bits, your inebriated brain will lose control of what little balance you have left, and send you hurling to a greasy, sordid demise—drowning in the cess of your own creation. We are in fact, here waiting for the inevitable burning wreck that the trajectory of your misbegotten path inevitably leads to. You are, the NASCAR of pengdom, except your left turn signal is perpetually blinking, and even on the hottest days in Summer you can be seen wearing a hat, squinting through the steering wheel as you slow traffic to a crawl—leading a virtual parade of honking and cursing. Which is really all the Peng thread is, once you eliminate Joe Shaw, and who could be against that? So receive this offering, o source and object of my derision, hatred, and contempt. From dust we are made, to dust we return. And on Wednesdays we dust and vacuum. Take this, the produce of the dust, in the spirit intended. [holds forth a large zucchini] Well, only one place this is going to fit! [squimpi-squimpi-squimp...POP!] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Shep Wooley was one of the Stooges? I didn't know that! Why... that changes EVERYTHING!Did I say Shep? I MEANT Shemp ... thank you for that important clarification. And actually it probably doesn't change anything. By the way, has it occurred to anyone else that the Third Stooge, the Star Trek redshirt that no one ever heard of before and the drummer for Spinal Tap have a lot in common? Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Words! WORDS! WHERE IS MY PYRE? WHERE IS MY BURNING LONG BOAT?! WHERE IS MY BLOODY WAKE?!!! HOW MUCH LONGER AM I GOING TO HAVE TO BE CONSCIOUS UNTIL YOU SWINE DO WHAT I WANT? I KNOW WHERE YOU BASTARDS LIVE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 You say I took the name in vain I don't even know the name But if I did, well really, what's it to you? There's a blaze of light In every word It doesn't matter which you heard The holy or the broken Hallelujah -Leonard Cohen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 Words! WORDS! WHERE IS MY PYRE? WHERE IS MY BURNING LONG BOAT?! WHERE IS MY BLOODY WAKE?!!! HOW MUCH LONGER AM I GOING TO HAVE TO BE CONSCIOUS UNTIL YOU SWINE DO WHAT I WANT? I KNOW WHERE YOU BASTARDS LIVE!Now make up your mind, do you want pyre or a burning long boat, the two are pretty much incompatible you know. And long boats cost money there pal, since you're not going to be using it anymore couldn't we just use your kayak? We have no real objection to setting things on fire and since the wake would feature BOOZE we're all over that, but I don't think the lads want to part with too much cash in these difficult times. Is that Berli standing up back there? Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seanachai Posted February 24, 2009 Share Posted February 24, 2009 You know, if seems like just moments ago that I was waking up, and going 'Why the hell am I awake?', and that was at 5 am. And now, it's damn near 12 hours later. How they've flown. I've been posting here for hours, and listening to music, and watching the Firefly pilot, and thinking about you lot. And do you know what? Leonard Cohen is playing Minneapolis in May. So, before he and I die, I'll get to hear him live again. So, this thought then, that is always in my heart when I post here: If it be your will That I speak no more And my voice be still As it was before I will speak no more I shall abide until I am spoken for If it be your will If it be your will That a voice be true From this broken hill I will sing to you From this broken hill All your praises they shall ring If it be your will To let me sing From this broken hill All your praises they shall ring If it be your will To let me sing If it be your will If there is a choice Let the rivers fill Let the hills rejoice Let your mercy spill On all these burning hearts in hell If it be your will To make us well And draw us near And bind us tight All your children here In their rags of light In our rags of light All dressed to kill And end this night If it be your will If it be your will. 'If It Be Your Will' -Leonard Cohen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Thinly disguised election campaign This Cesspool's going to hell in a hand basket..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 This Cesspool's going to hell in a hand basket.....Indeed ... well then Stuka me lad allow me to state the following ... If nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve! I was appointed the Justicar for Life of the Peng Challenge Thread ... what greater honor could I find? Granted it was appointment by three Olde Ones who have never, on their best days, been in full possession of their faculties ... possession of student bodies being another issue of course. Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuka Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 If thats the prerequisites for the job we might as well elect Leeo.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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