While the Rivers Run Backwards From the Sea and the Grass Is Blue - I Challenge Peng

[Seanachai]

Ah, yes, the obligatory reading of 'The Rules'.

The Rules, like the The Truth, are out there. Gods forbid either should ever find us, cowering in a corner beside a broken toilet with a ballpeen hammer in our hands, mumbling something about 'technicolour goldfish'.

This is the Peng Challenge Thread. Amuse us. Do so without obsessing about your manly bits, any personal prejudices that do not reinforce my own (which are legion, but firmly based in the fact that you, without question, are a useless fecking tosser, and I'm what the next Messiah would be like if he had a better sense of humour and was shorter), and if you can manage to do so without unduly annoying the Ladies of the 'Pool.

There's a hierarchy here that is so convoluted and Byzantine that no reasonable human being who hadn't been posting here for the last 6 freaking years could rationally be expected to understand it. That doesn't mean that your ignorance of it will be dealt with reasonably. In fact, it gives everyone here another sock filled with sand to beat you with.

Sorting out what the hell is actually going on, who is who, what is what, what's permitted and what is not, is part of the fun of this place! If you're not up for it, simply sod off now, bugger off after you don't get the strokes and cuddling you expect, or get a furry brown dog up ya' in general.

I could care.

Really. I'm one of the Olde Ones of this Thread, having started the nightmarish original tumpty years ago, and have been everything from banned, to a false god, to the current Chronicler of the Apocalypso. I personally know all four Horsemen of the Apocalypso. And you probably don't even know what the hell I'm talking about, and/or are Finnish.

[ January 14, 2006, 11:41 PM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

...this is as good as it gets.

An Optimist is someone who believes that this is as good as it gets.

A Pessimist is someone with a nagging dread that the Optimist might be right.

Michael </font>

[Mace]

My definition of optimism is a tamper proof bottle, still sealed, of the alcoholic beverage of my choice, served to me by a scantily dressed nubile, again of my choice.

[juan_gigante]

stoat, I return every turn I receive. Re-send it.

Also, Sir Sir 37mm, I understand that my crushing victory over you in our previous match must have been distressing, but you really need to get over it. We haven't even finished setting up and you're already abandoning me?

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Nidan1:

Recently I made contact with the older sister of my long deceased friend Rick Canova... ( Seanachai I blame you for bringing on this bout of melancholy).

Well, you know, when I'm not being humourous, boisterous and loud to the point where other patrons complain to the Wait Staff, I have a tendency towards...melancholy.

Truth be told, sometimes I go away from this fine place for days at a time because...I'm wallowing in a slough of despond. Like Hamlet, I sometimes find that 'I could be bounded within a nutshell, and yet count myself the lord in infinite space, were it not for the fact that I have...bad dreams.'

That's not exact, of course. That was off the top of my 'excessively educated head'.

Now, I'd like to make an important point. When I talk about 'slough of despond', and 'melancholy', and 'bad dreams', I don't think anyone should think about "Oh my goodness! He's depressed! Quick, to the Berliphone!"

I am depressed. Sometimes. I'm short, fat, aging, unemployed and without prospects. On the other hand, I'm still me, and not you lot. Only the contemplation of being most of you tossers could lead one to contemplate suicide, for example. Thankfully, the gods have seen fit to ensure that I will, never, ever have to descend to that depth. I will remain 'me'.

Originally posted by Nidan1:

http://www.thevirtualwall.org/ At this URL is a website run by the Vietnam Memorial Fund, it has a data base containing the names of all of those who sacrificed during the Vietnam War. I visit it from time to time, and plug in the names of guys I knew. My best friend from those days, Rick, is on the wall.

I never had to go. A bit too young. I was the last High School class that still had to register for the draft. Like many, I watched that War on TV. And, despite what some here might think, I always figured that, if called, I would go. Throughout that War, I was supportive. I believed.

But, by the early 70s, I also had massive doubts. 'Containing Communism' seemed well and good (****e like that would have easily amused Dalem). But how do you 'Spread Democracy' in a Military Dictatorship whose last elected leader was overthrown and executed with American approval? It all seemed a bit murky, ethics-wise.

But I never had to prove or disprove anything. Several years on, when Jimmy Carter had re-instituted 'The Draft', and younger friends were busy opposing it, I told some of them that I still had, and carried my Selective Service Card. They were all drunken enthusiasm, and they wanted me to go with them to 'burn my draft-card'.

I told them 'No, it is my card. I am, actually, well-past the age where I would probably have to serve (amusingly, or perhaps not, I was only in my late twenties, and far younger than many Guardsmen and Reservists currently in combat in Iraq), and, although I do not approve of The Draft, nor of the War I was on the arse-end of, I would serve my country.'

Mind you, I would have been pissed-off.

Originally posted by Nidan1:

I don't know...it just made me think.....if I'm not posting often...you will know why.

Of course I would understand. And I would not accept it, if you include posting here. Or, for that matter, most anywhere. Hell, if you get right down to it, I don't actually accept it at all.

'WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, MARINE? ARE YOU GOING TO CRAWL OFF INTO A CORNER AND SULK ABOUT THE STUPIDITY OF THE WORLD?! ARE YOU GOING TO WRAP YOURSELF IN A COCOON OF HURT AND ANGST, AND TRY TO IGNORE THE FACT THE WORLD NEVER SEEMS TO GET BETTER? OR ARE YOU GOING TO STAND UP HERE, AND EVERYWHERE, AND SPEAK YOUR MIND?'

You and yours fought for this country, and you suffered, and you died, and that makes You mighty. Is the only thing I'm going to hear about War going to come from a self-serving Administration of Liars and PR Whores, none of whom ever served their country, or 17-25 year old video-game arseholes whose only understanding comes from 'Jackass' & 'Fight Club' videos, and most of whom will also never serve their country?

If you stop posting, a short, fat Gnome will haunt your fecking dreams!

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Dr.Love:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

.

One by one, they come to me. I am a fecking god.

Thank goodness it hasn't made me proud, or anything.

I'm

I , I ,

I'm

Yo baby, are you familliar with that wacked out greek dude named Narcicus baby? </font>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Mace:

My definition of optimism is a tamper proof bottle, still sealed, of the alcoholic beverage of my choice, served to me by a scantily dressed nubile, again of my choice.

Well, you can't have that, but if you're an American citizen you are entitled to:

a heated kidney shaped pool,

a microwave oven--don't watch the food cook,

a Dyna-Gym--I'll personally demonstrate it in the privacy of your own home,

a king-size Titanic unsinkable Molly Brown waterbed with polybendum,

a foolproof plan and an airtight alibi,

real simulated Indian jewelry,

a Gucci shoetree,

a year's supply of antibiotics,

a personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth

and Bob Dylan's new unlisted phone number,

a beautifully restored 3rd Reich swizzle stick,

Rosemary's baby,

a dream date in kneepads with Paul Williams,

a new Matador, a new mastodon,

a Maverick, a Mustang, a Montego,

a Merc Montclair, a Mark IV, a meteor,

a Mercedes, an MG, or a Malibu,

a Mort Moriarty, a Maserati, a Mac truck,

a Mazda, a new Monza, or a moped,

a Winnebago--Hell, a herd of Winnebago's we're giving 'em away,

or how about a McCulloch chainsaw,

a Las Vegas wedding,

a Mexican divorce,

a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot,

or a baby's arm holding an apple?

-The Tubes

[Mace]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Well, you can't have that, but if you're an American citizen you are entitled to:

..stuff..

Just as well I'm not an American.

btw there seems to be too much melancholy in this thread.

Yes the world can be brutal, people can be mean ****s who like nothing better than to kick you in balls. Life itself can also do that, but out there there's also people that can make you smile, people who spare their time to offer a shoulder or at least shout you a drink, so that must count for something?

And besides, as long as the world doesn't get BORING, that's OK with me.

Damn, I think I need to go over there one of these days and get drunk with everyone of you, so much so you'll be too busy to wonder when I'm going to leave when I outstay my welcome to worry about this...melancholy.

[Seanachai]

Do you know, there are times when I think to myself: Goddamn every bloody thing.

Except, of course, for Small Emma.

Although he doesn't, probably, understand it to be so, that complete and utter waste of DNA, Dalem (did you know the tosser was employed, again?), was as near as dammit to death the other night when I showed him pictures on my PDA of Small Emma.

And he said: 'Yeah, so? I guess you want me to say she's a cute kid. I don't like kids.'

Useless piece of butcher's offal encrusting a knife dedicated to killing vermin. Some night he's going to wake up and find me standing on his chest with an axe whispering 'who's your daddy?!'

[Seanachai]

The worst thing about posting in the wee hours here in America is that only the Aussies are around. Not that they're all that bad, but at 6 am, the Thread tends to lack...flavour.

You people are weak. Weak as water!

BRING ME GIANTS!

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by PawBroon:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Gnomed 2.10:

THE FRENCH!!!

No need to be rude you Imp! </font>

[BFCElvis]

Wankers.

[37mm]

Originally posted by juan_gigante:

Also, Sir Sir 37mm, I understand that my crushing victory over you in our previous match must have been distressing, but you really need to get over it. We haven't even finished setting up and you're already abandoning me?

Hey I’ve finished grouping all my platoons & stuff together & I played around with some of my barbed wire… then I saved the set-up for completion later.

I told you it takes me awhile to set-up for a defence

Not that defence is really on my mind that much at the moment, due to my ‘New Years Diet’ I seem to be thinking primarily of various addictive foods… my latest craving being for jam doughnuts.

In the mean time I’m sure you can find something to keep you busy with instead of twiddling your thumbs, occasionally checking your backside is still there & waiting for me to brighten up what you call a life…

…

…

… Don’t they listen to ‘grunge’ where you live?

Go listen to some of that

[37mm]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

The worst thing about posting in the wee hours here in America is that only the Aussies are around

You forgot about Europe

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Sir 37mm:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

The worst thing about posting in the wee hours here in America is that only the Aussies are around

You forgot about Europe </font>

[37mm]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

You people haven't done anything interesting since you dragged the entire world into your attempts to kill each other. Am I supposed to hang on every nuance of your inability to achieve political, economic and social agreement now that you bicker in committees rather than battlefields?

We don’t bicker we merely try to meet a common consensus through reasoned & intelligent debate... and by repeatedly pointing out that the French are a stinky, treacherous lot & shouldn’t be trusted to wipe their own assholes never mind ours

Man, Texas is more interesting than Europe. At least everyone can agree that they need to be stopped.

Surely the unanimous agreement would make it less interesting?

And Tony Blair has stopped returning my calls. Again.

He was probably upset by your attempt to become Pope… you know damn well he’s always had his eye on that position

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Mace:

...served to me by a scantily dressed nubile, again of my choice.

Does this mean right after shearing season?

Michael

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Mace:

Yes the world can be brutal, people can be mean ****s who like nothing better than to kick you in balls. Life itself can also do that, but out there there's also people that can make you smile, people who spare their time to offer a shoulder or at least shout you a drink, so that must count for something?

Yes, and I won't rest until I've hunted down every last one of those goddam bastards and strangled them with their own intestines.

Grrrrrrrrr.

Michael

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Well, you know, when I'm not being humourous, boisterous and loud to the point where other patrons complain to the Wait Staff, I have a tendency towards...melancholy.

Good. That shows you have depth of character, soul.

Either that or you are a hideously deranged monster who should be locked up somewhere far, far underground and forced to watch old Donna Reed reruns 24 hours a day.

Michael

[Joe Shaw]

I haven't posted much here of late ... I've been busy and, let's face it, you lot are very boring lately ... I blame ... Oh, yes ... I BLAME Seanachai!

Seanachai makes mock of my dedication to the rules and procedures of this, HIS Peng Challenge Thread, with no more consideration for MY feelings than the consideration I'd give to a snot nosed SSN without an email address in his profile.

HE'D like to see it more democratic no doubt, more Open Door, without considering the effects on the membership of an UNQUALIFIED Serf in our midst.

HE'D like to see Squires elevated to the SACRED rank of Knight of the CessPool with virtually NO instruction (indeed the term "Latchkey Squire" came about from his treatment of Squires) and naught but a trivial and meaningless quest to complete. MY Squires were required to complete five, that's FIVE full games of CM against opponents WITH AARs before they were allowed to join our ranks.

HE'D probably like to see more Australians so that his drunken mewlings to the heavens posted in the wee hours when RESPECTABLE folk are all abed could be read REAL TIME by something approximating human beings ... sort of.

Well I don't have to put up with it ... I'm going to Texas for a week (Houston and then San Antonio) and I may not post while I'm there ... so ... so ... so there.

And why has no one challenged ME to a game, eh ... other than the fact that I've not been here much ... and that I'd have to actually find my CMAK disk ... and remember how to play ... and send turns on a semi-regular basis ...

Joe

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

You and yours fought for this country, and you suffered, and you died, and that makes You mighty. Is the only thing I'm going to hear about War going to come from a self-serving Administration of Liars and PR Whores, none of whom ever served their country, or 17-25 year old video-game arseholes whose only understanding comes from 'Jackass' & 'Fight Club' videos, and most of whom will also never serve their country?

If you stop posting, a short, fat Gnome will haunt your fecking dreams!

Damn...

Every once in a great... great while, you actually say someonething worth hearing

Semper Fi Seanachai... now you may return to the worthless stite bag we all loath so much

[Lars]

Originally posted by Boo Radley:

DO NOT MOCK MUSKRAT HEAD!!!

(...or whatever that critter is.)

Never seen a coyote, eh?

Skunk hats more the norm in Ohio?

[dalem]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Although he doesn't, probably, understand it to be so, that complete and utter waste of DNA, Dalem (did you know the tosser was employed, again?), was as near as dammit to death the other night when I showed him pictures on my PDA of Small Emma.

And he said: 'Yeah, so? I guess you want me to say she's a cute kid. I don't like kids.'

Useless piece of butcher's offal encrusting a knife dedicated to killing vermin. Some night he's going to wake up and find me standing on his chest with an axe whispering 'who's your daddy?!'

Kids. Bah!

[Lars]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

If it's a glass of goddamn poodle urine, then I'm all over the concept that 'the glass is only half full'. Who in the name of the Christ wants an entire glass of poodle urine? Except, perhaps, our Lars, who, in his pursuit of even semi-Suburban prey has probably coated himself with every freaking form of urine in the Universe in the hopes that he's going to get the chance to kill something.

I can just see him, crouched there amid the yew bushes and stunted junipers of some hideous Mound suburban house, panting, thinking to himself 'Goddamn! That freaking Pug dog is never going to suspect I'm here until I plunge this 'lemon zester' through his narrow canine skull! He's simply going to think another incontinent poodle has been by!' (takes another swig from the glass bottle attached to his belt by a leather thong...)

No limit on Pugs, the season is always open and the Chinese place down the street still pays well.

[Stuka]

Dammit!!

Packing up my belongings for the big o/seas jaunt and do you think I can find my CMBO disk? Got CMBB no worries but CMBO?.......

Seanachai, have you been pole-vaulting in through the cat-flap and stealing my games again? I also noticed the Jamesons and the Glenfiddich was missing....or did I just drink those?