The Death Clock of the PENG CHALLENGE Thread Tolls for Thee

[CMplayer]

As a matter of fact, yes, I do get my jollies brewing up poor defenceless halftracks. Ask Panzer Leader.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by CMplayer:

As a matter of fact, yes, I do get my jollies brewing up poor defenceless halftracks.

He also enjoys playing Squat tag in an asparagus patch, but that's another story.

[Panzer Leader]

Originally posted by CMplayer:

As a matter of fact, yes, I do get my jollies brewing up poor defenceless halftracks. Ask Panzer Leader.

Hey! I meant for you to do that!

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Hey! I meant for you to do that!

Sorta like you "meant" for me to roll up your defensive line?

Ahh, what's the use. My hate has gone dormant, only to spew forth from the extinct volcano at a future date. I'm taking names for hate, I am.

Ok, now that I think about it, I hate Berli. Why? Because he's abandoned our little game where I am handing him his horns, and because he has been whining of late like a little girl whose lollipop has been recently coated with cat hair.

Oh, and I hate MrSpkr, because he can't buy a fricken' vowel. It's not so hard for those mouth-breathers on "Spiel of Fortune" now, is it?

Yeah, and there's that right bastich OGSF, who has distracted me from his main force by sacrificing half a company. Who would do that other than the bloody Brits?

And dalem. What can one say that he hasn't attempted to mumble himself? I hate him too.

Wildman. What can one do about Wildman? He's another in that Berli camp of "OOooo, I have important, pressing matters (like their brains are pressing too tightly against their thick skulls) that prohibit me from completing our current PBEM wherein Leeo is currently kicking my ass."

Now that I think about it, I hate you all. I'm still restraining it, however, as there is nothing quite like a full-blown hate geyser with which to spray the MBT. Plus, I can make you wait.

{edited because Sierra Nevada Pale ale is the manna of the dogs. Er, Gods.}

[ July 22, 2002, 12:24 AM: Message edited by: Leeo ]

[Leeo]

Oh, for crying out loud! No-posting makes one fumble and splash like an idiot. Unless you're "the rooster," in which case no posting makes one a bloody genius.

[ July 22, 2002, 12:22 AM: Message edited by: Leeo ]

[CMplayer]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by CMplayer:

As a matter of fact, yes, I do get my jollies brewing up poor defenceless halftracks.

He also enjoys playing Squat tag in an asparagus patch, but that's another story.</font>

[Boo Radley]

It's too hot to hate today. Temp in the 90's with a heat index that's supposed to bump it up to around 105-110. That's what...? Somewhere in the 40's for you Celsius weenies. It takes too much energy to effectively channel my loathing at any one of you annoying little pests. Normally I could even despise you all in my sleep, but today it just isn't worth the effort.

So just sod off, will ya?

[Herr Oberst]

Stolen from an Outerboard thread:

Originally posted by: Andreas

To echo Rune's comments, I am not a trade fair bimbo (and don't look anywhere near as good as those do - hmmmmm, trade fair bimbos...), intent on showing off all the features of a tantalising new product.

Originally posted by: DrAlimantado

Ah, don't be so modest, I always thought you looked good in your own German way, kinda like Nina Hagen.

Surely, our wizardress of the images, Persephone, could find something to do these two statements justice...

[Noba]

Surely, our wizardress of the images, Persephone, could find something to do these two statements justice...

No doubt she could. But the result would be too horrible to contemplate !

Some updates :

Boor_Baby has managed an incompetent Minor Allied win versus my poor Germans. My troops lacked armour support after the StuG got hopelessly mired after travelling 50 metres. The Hetzer got the dreaded "Gun Damaged" after a couple of shots from his Jumbo. The weasle still couldn't overun my defenceless troops. ( Must be because he had run straight into two mortar barrages...)

dalem and I are just starting another. He picks the correct side to attack and runs straight into the strongest part of my defense.

Papal Cant has somehow managed to get the computer to give him regulars, whilst giving me veteran troops. The outcome from this masterfull "manipulation" (I won't say 'cheat') of the computer pick is that I am outnumbered woefully. BTS, please fix him, or do somefink !

Noba.

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Noba:

Boor_Baby has managed an incompetent Minor Allied win versus my poor Germans. My troops lacked armour support after the StuG got hopelessly mired after travelling 50 metres. The Hetzer got the dreaded "Gun Damaged" after a couple of shots from his Jumbo. The weasle still couldn't overun my defenceless troops. ( Must be because he had run straight into two mortar barrages...)

Noba.

Dear Huge Git,

Why would I want to overrun your troops and thereby lose more of my troops? I already had the flags. I'd had the flags from the third move, I believe. I never had any intention of sacrificing my brave lads in trying to run your UberWeenies off the map.

Bloodthirsty little nebbish, aren't you?

[Seanachai]

While sitting here at my temp job, staring into space in an addled stupor (they actually complained last week that I wasn't staring into space vacantly enough, and asked me to pump it up a bit, or I might be mistaken for a regular employee)I suddenly realized what I'd most likely done late Saturday night that made Open Transport quit working.

The good news is, if I've correctly worked it through, turns will go back out this evening when I return to Casa UberGnome.

The bad news, for you lot, at least, is that that means I'll be able to post at length from home again, rather than my furtive and tentative posts here from work.

Hugs and kisses to Michael Emrys, Michael Dorosh, and Doug Beman for being such good sports about being targeted for execution. At least I assume they were good sports, as no local law enforcement officials have arrived yet with warrants or inquiries about making 'terroristic threats'.

[CMplayer]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

At least I assume they were good sports, as no local law enforcement officials have arrived yet with warrants or inquiries about making 'terroristic threats'.

No, they'd just put you under observation on a while. Plz note that WILL include observing your surfing habits.

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Noba:

Papal Cant has somehow managed to get the computer to give him regulars, whilst giving me veteran troops. The outcome from this masterfull "manipulation" (I won't say 'cheat') of the computer pick is that I am outnumbered woefully. BTS, please fix him, or do somefink !

Noba.

Nobutt, it might also help if you stopped blindly marching your Veteran squads one after the other into the the teeth of my guns. Just a thought.

Papa

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Herr Oberst:

Stolen from an Outerboard thread:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by: Andreas

To echo Rune's comments, I am not a trade fair bimbo (and don't look anywhere near as good as those do - hmmmmm, trade fair bimbos...), intent on showing off all the features of a tantalising new product.

Originally posted by: DrAlimantado

Ah, don't be so modest, I always thought you looked good in your own German way, kinda like Nina Hagen.

Surely, our wizardress of the images, Persephone, could find something to do these two statements justice...</font>

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

it might also help if you stopped blindly marching your Veteran squads one after the other into the the teeth of my guns. Just a thought.

Papa

You mean sort of like you've been doing our entire game?

By the way, what exactly does "Palsied Armee Khan" (or whatever) mean, anyway? Raving Loons Whose Parents Were Siblings? Perhaps Addled Nitwits Who Play Russian Roulette With Automatics? Maybe even Candidates For This Year's Darwin Awards?

Care to enlighten us?

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

While sitting here at my temp job, staring into space in an addled stupor (they actually complained last week that I wasn't staring into space vacantly enough, and asked me to pump it up a bit, or I might be mistaken for a regular employee)I suddenly realized what I'd most likely done late Saturday night that made Open Transport quit working.

ÜberGnome, If you need any help improving your "staring in space" skills...I'm sure I could help you out...I've perfected that skill over the years.

The bad news, for you lot, at least, is that that means I'll be able to post at length from home again, rather than my furtive and tentative posts here from work.

More stories!!!!

Persephone

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

Nobutt, it might also help if you stopped blindly marching your Veteran squads one after the other into the the teeth of my guns.

Your guns have teeth? Really? Is that a mod or somefink? Where can I download it?

Steve

[Lars]

Originally posted by CMplayer:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

At least I assume they were good sports, as no local law enforcement officials have arrived yet with warrants or inquiries about making 'terroristic threats'.

No, they'd just put you under observation on a while. Plz note that WILL include observing your surfing habits.</font>

[Seanachai]

Athkatla!

You are required to go to this thread:

I Do Not Believe This!

And there resolve your differences with Mr. Beman.

I think you should apologize to him (you can do that, there, it isn't the MBT) for accusing him of dodging out on the game. Then it would probably be appropriate to hug him. After that, of course, you should insult and belittle him, and continue making the arrangements for your PBEM

[Buzzsaw]

Originally posted by Elvis:

Wankers.

Elvis

A little more variety in your posts would be welcome, but I suspect that drool has short-circuited all keys except W,A,N,K,E, and R. Unfortunately, since the mouse is not located directly under your gaping, toothless pie-hole, you are still able to navigate to the MBT and complete your posts.

I believe that I can help cure your obsessive compulsive disorder. 105mm shock therapy is clearly called for, and I stand ready to administer it. Perhaps there is a legal custodian I could speak to in order to acquire the necessary permission (or are you now a ward of the state)?

[athkatla]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Athkatla!

You are required to go to this thread:

I Do Not Believe This!

And there resolve your differences with Mr. Beman.

I think you should apologize to him (you can do that, there, it isn't the MBT) for accusing him of dodging out on the game. Then it would probably be appropriate to hug him. After that, of course, you should insult and belittle him, and continue making the arrangements for your PBEM

Yeah, right right right right, done it, with bells on! Now can we get back to the matter in hand.

The matter in hand being my dismal defeat at the hands of a snidey, gamey bastiche, CMSlayer. Damn your stupid tourney Joes Squaw what a load of ****e I was dealt with to play in the dark, a sharpshooter and an 81 mm mortar! 94-6 I lost, ok I can hear you laughing, but I am better than that, the dice were loaded, and I fear some kind of a fiddle is going on here to make this lowly serf seem worse than he actually is. But I am better than all of you, you hear, I AM!

You can all sod off in triplicate!

As for you CMSlayer you low life snake in the grass. I'm gonna send you a real game to play, see if you can beat me in real combat, not sneaking up behind an immobilised HT and sticking a round up it's butt, or surrounding a poor mortar team with 3 tin cans and blasting hell out of them.

[ July 22, 2002, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: athkatla ]

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by athkatla:

Yeah, right right right right, done it, with bells on! Now can we get back to the matter in hand.

Did he actually say that out loud?

Papa

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley:

You mean sort of like you've been doing our entire game?

By the way, what exactly does "Palsied Armee Khan" (or whatever) mean, anyway? Raving Loons Whose Parents Were Siblings? Perhaps Addled Nitwits Who Play Russian Roulette With Automatics? Maybe even Candidates For This Year's Darwin Awards?

Care to enlighten us?

My dear Boo-Boo,

Meds wearing off again? Must be. How else would you manage to wrap that wet noodle you call a brain around the idea that Panzer Armee Khann was doing anything other than crushing the life out of those flower children you call troops?

Give it up, man. And no, I'm not asking for that which Mace has asked of your flock. I mean give in, er, um, oh heck just hit the blasted auto-surrender key and click 'Yes', will you? It pains me to continue to humiliate you like this. Well, ok, not really... but still.

Papa

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by athkatla:

Yeah, right right right right, done it, with bells on! Now can we get back to the matter in hand.

Did he actually say that out loud?

Papa</font>

[CMplayer]

Originally posted by athkatla:

<big><big><big><big><big><big><big><big><big><big><big><big> 94-6 I lost</big></big></big></big></big></big></big></big></big></big></big></big>

No point screaming, my man, it's not like winning and losing matter.

CMSlayer you low life snake in the grass. I'm gonna send you a real game to play, see if you can beat me in real combat, not sneaking up behind an immobilised HT and sticking a round up it's butt, or surrounding a poor mortar team with 3 tin cans and blasting hell out of them.

Well, to be fair, the tin cans didn't all shoot at once. They took turns.

This was a game with such bad visibility that my Stuart and Athie's Stug crashed head first into each other. The Stug pushed the Stuart out of the way, without even spotting it. You see, Athie's stug was BUTTONED because he'd just spent half the turn firing HE at a hapless MMG team of mine from 20 yards out like a big ugly elephant snorting golfballs thru its trunk backwards in slow motion. Well the MMG shot back, and made him batton the hatches. Then he decided to use the conscript, buttoned Stug to do a quick flanking maneuver. He must have seen someone at tournement house do that with some Jacksons or Hellcats sometime. Stug attack! That's when he crashed into and physically pushed aside my Honey. Unbuttoned vs buttoned in collision, turreted vs turretless...unspotted vs spotted... 10 yards... plink. Then the Stuart mowed down the bailing crew in passing, as an afterthought before disappearing again into the dark and fog.

After that he had nothing to stop my mad raging Stuart, since he'd seen fit to SCOUT the main VL with his only panzershreck and gotten it whacked. Joe, this was vintage, priceless stuff.

HT met and vanquished, various conscript dudes turned to fertilizer. Mostly because they kept dribbling piecemeal up to the VL where 4 50cals and 2 30 cals mounted in various ways were lying in wait. Out of my 6 casualties, 5 were caused by friendly fire.

Then Athkatla mentioned in a letter another immobilized HT in a stand of trees on the other side of the board. Well what was I supposed to do? I tried, I really tried to stay put and pump 37mm into a stone building where I thought he was hiding, but it was like my hands wouldn't obey the orders coming from my brain (a common occurrence for me, I'm afraid). And so came the Halftrack disposal which Athie so quaintly referred to with a 'posterior insertion' reference.

This was a game that was simply umplayable thanks to Joe's unbelievably corkheaded tourney idea, but I'll have you know that for all that, Athkatla played it with all the tactical foresight of a mule driver. Scratch that. Of a mule. Take the AI, subtract the clever stunts it pulls, and you get Athkatla's playing style. I only cite these gems of gamey and incompetent play because I must humbly cede the TRUE game, the game of gaminess and taunts to my all-other-than-humble opponent Athkatla.