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Peng is the mother of all challenges


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Originally posted by v42below:

By George, she's got it!

Oh just feck off ya disgusting little twerp... I’ll fight the AI instead. I suppose it'll be able to put up just as 'tough' a fight as a limp salad like you would've done
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The twin battles for the woods of hell AARA Messianic production

Glory ‘it is he!’ Peng appointed, blessed, disowned, tolerated & tested OFFICIAL Messiah of the Peng Challenge thread, Lord Protector of the Holy Sheep of Peng, Stopped Clock of the Apocalypso & MBT 'expert' on treacherous Yankee beetles Sir 37mm Versus that most whipped of thread whipping boys the terrible Nu-Yoika himself Nidan1!

Well I know there’ll be a lot of HOME support for me out there but let’s see if this PEASANT can do any better than in his previous disastrous outing shall we?

Before the battle could begin decisions had to be made on the type of battle to be fought.

Now we wanted it to be interesting and yet not too complex (I think the advanced tactical manoeuvres inherent in a mobile battle would stretch the abilities of Nidan1 when he's only just getting a hang of the move command) so it had to be infantry only (or at least mostly) but then that opens up the problem of infantry being cut down in the open… There was only one option we’d play at night, in a blizzard, in a village surrounded by thick forests!

Even Nidan1 can’t mess this one up… surely?

So how do you write up a totally one sided turkey shoot?

It’s a question I’ve been asking myself for some time… I’m going to try & look at this from the perspective of the poor buggars under Nidan1’s command.

Battle 1

My name is Franz grubben-Halter & I’m a stormentroopen of the tiger-SS sturm brigade PanzerKauphufmannShuglotten. The most famous battle we were involved in (our regiment only lasted two months) was the bloody meat grinder known as the ‘battle for hell wood’. Our battalion was ordered to move out & take a ‘key village’ hidden deep within the woods. The weather was terrible, we couldn’t see but more than a few yards in front of us & our commanding officer Nidanvon was terribly mistrusted… we didn’t want to go. My good friend Hanz Deiter told me that he intended to marry his girlfriend when the unit returned to Germany for leave… I told my friend to not to worry.

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Nidanvon eventually led us to the village but our scouts reported it occupied… I say reported in actual fact a hail of enemy bullets & the resulting screams of agony were the actual format of the ‘report’.

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Nidanvon then ordered us to outflank the village to the east… I was worried by this decision our maps showed large patches of open ground in this locality. It could be murder to cross them especially if the Russians were prepared for us… I hoped we’d stick to the safety of the woods. It was a forlorn hope

Sure enough the lead platoons ‘met’ enemy resistance.

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Nidanvon then demanded that we start crossing the open ground so as to 'take the fight to the enemy', the terrain here was hidden under deep drifts of snow. It was less like walking & more like swimming, it was impossible to run… which was quite the shame really what with the relentless hail of incoming lead.

The lead platoons had been wiped out but Nidanvon ordered yet more forward. Incredibly our men started reaching the enemy occupied woods I myself took part in one such assault.

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The wood was alive with terrible noise a cacophony of wretched screams, thunderous explosions & the vicious crack of automatic fire.

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It was dark I tried firing at enemy flashpoints but was soon struck in the shoulder… I crawled up to Hanz, he was dead. I could barely see his face, then there was light… a beautiful light streaming down towards I & Hanz

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Battle 2 AAR

Okay… it was time to try this again. Twas once again a no holds barred contest for ‘the key village’ hidden deep within the woods. Maybe the Nu-Yoika will put up a tougher fight the second time around?

I decided to pretty much repeat my 'tactics'… I would run two platoons up the roads as fast as possible then occupy as much of the village as possible, then the rest of my troops will move into the village as casually as they like. I decided to advance slightly less ambitiously on my right flank this time… okay it’s a basic flag rush so sue me!

I would have a company in reserve plus a couple of vehicles (including a ISU 152).

Nidan’s advance seemed even more cautious & slow than last time… a scattering of squads finally arrived & were dealt with in a most unfair fashion.

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Enemy vehicles began to move up & my lead squads started to take fire.

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I withdrew several squads & brought up the ISU 152 to the east of the village… scratch one Fritz tank!

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The west of the village was treated to a spectacular bonfire...

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which must have played havoc with the eyes of my assault gun as they missed a sitting target at 50m… result scratch one Commie

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The battle was now raging...

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but Nidan1 was helping me out greatly by bringing his vehicles closer & closer to my infantry…

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…and to the east of the village my flamethrowers!

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To the west of the village a poor decision to advance on my part meant I lost an entire platoon

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In the actual village itself Nidan’s vehicles seemed to be getting lost & confused… my Soviets at least helped end the confusion!

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And then we had to stop playing, the file was eaten by zombified geese or somefink (or at least that's what he told me) & that was that.

A bit of an anti-climax really

[ February 28, 2005, 01:35 PM: Message edited by: Sir 37mm ]

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Originally posted by *YK2*:

Lol Tony....

BTW... I know Dan already passed on my best wishes but all the best for the future...

nice to see you can't keep away.. :D;)

Smilies added cos I paid my dues.... :confused:

Sure he can ... he can keep away for a LONG time ... the longer the better in fact.

Just my opinion of course.

Joe

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I was extremely disappointed in the turn out/response to betting on when I'd kill myself on the Hunter S. Thompson thread on the GF.

Until such time as you lot are willing to bet on my eventual hideous demise at my own hands, I just don't see how I can continue to post here.

I had hoped that a call from an OuterBoarder for bets on my eventual suicide would have been greeted with a cacophony of cries as the more tender natured shouted 'No, Seanachai!, don't do it!', and the roar of the crowd while everyone else fought their way to the railing to try and get their money down.

Until my continued/discontinued existence is greeted with the same carnival spirit and good-natured bloodlust as a bear-baiting or dog-fight, there is no place for me here.

I'm pretty sure that Boo is wrong, and that I shouldn't have any trouble at all holding the bow with both hands and drawing the string with my feet. Steadying the arrow shouldn't be an issue if done in a prone position.

I'll email Berli with the results, so that he can let you know. Unless, of course, there's a hideous accident. And then won't you bastards look stupid for not having gotten your money down!

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Originally posted by *YK2*:

*Removes Joes Robin Hood hat*

Do you Really have to wear that in here?

Looks so stoopid......

Just my opinion......... of course

Ah yes, that reminds me of my days on the Outlaw Justicar Trail ...

Justicar, Justicar, Riding Through the Night

Justicar, Justicar, Fighting for the Right

He stands for the 'pool, 'cause he ain't no fool,

Justicar, Justicar, Justicar!

I STAND FOR THE CESSPOOL

Those were the days ... mind you it's warmer in here and I don't have to remember which side of the horse to go to when I want to ride off.

I needed a sidekick though ... can't do REALLY good outlaw work without a sidekick.

Joe

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Originally posted by Seanachai:

I was extremely disappointed in the turn out/response to betting on when I'd kill myself on the Hunter S. Thompson thread on the GF.

Until such time as you lot are willing to bet on my eventual hideous demise at my own hands, I just don't see how I can continue to post here.

I had hoped that a call from an OuterBoarder for bets on my eventual suicide would have been greeted with a cacophony of cries as the more tender natured shouted 'No, Seanachai!, don't do it!', and the roar of the crowd while everyone else fought their way to the railing to try and get their money down.

Until my continued/discontinued existence is greeted with the same carnival spirit and good-natured bloodlust as a bear-baiting or dog-fight, there is no place for me here.

I'm pretty sure that Boo is wrong, and that I shouldn't have any trouble at all holding the bow with both hands and drawing the string with my feet. Steadying the arrow shouldn't be an issue if done in a prone position.

I'll email Berli with the results, so that he can let you know. Unless, of course, there's a hideous accident. And then won't you bastards look stupid for not having gotten your money down!

Oh for the luv of GAWD ... don't do it Seanachai, where would we be without you Seanachai, it wouldn't be the same here Seanachai ... yada, yada, yada.

I provided EVIDENCE about the bow and arrow thing so Boo is CLEARLY Non Composite Mental on that one.

As to the concept, I find it disturbing that you would ask us to bet on such an outcome ... PAY FOR IT YES, but betting implies an element of chance and I'll be damned if I'm going to put out my good money on the CHANCE that you'll off yourself.

Make it sure thing and I suspect the donations would come ROLLING in.

Joe

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Originally posted by Seanachai:

a load of OLDE horse ****

Is it not kinda sad to see this?

The last Neanderthal looking sorrowfully at the sea as a HUMAN tribe approaches...

Oh well now that he's gone it's time for the new generation to come upto the front & start kicking ass... let's remember Seanachai for what he was... somebody who wasn't Peng but just as old

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