Those That I Taunt I Do Not Hate, And Who Hates the Peng Challenge I Do Not Love

[Seanachai]

Right, if you're reading this, you're new. None of the rest of the lot bother with 'the Rules' much, except to mock and revile them, and that is a good thing.

We don't actually have 'Rules'. We have a way of doing things that creates a very strange community. Here is how we do things:

This is, by common consent of the inmates, for the public consumption of the Outer Boards, and to maintain the forebearance of the Moderators, a Challenge Thread.

Obviously there are opponent finder forums, there are ladders (paugh), and there are any number of chat areas where one can come by a game.

Here, things are a bit different. To this Thread comes the person who wishes to make of his Challenge a bit more than an 'oh, say, would anyone like to play a game of CM? You would, oh, smashing!'

In this place dwell those who, before flicking a bit of dust from the perfect lace of their cuffs, and removing their glove made of the finest calfskin to throw in your face, will declaim some witty challenge, perhaps recite a few lines of verse, and tweak you with an insult while complimenting you with abuse.

Of course, we also have quite a few that will, while you're watching the whole flicking dust off the sleeve, removing the glove bit, kick you right in the fork and then dance about on your spine while singing some very shoddy lyrics about how great they are, and what a halfwit you are.

But within the heart of every one of them I know there is a deep reverence for the shades of D'Artagnan, Cyrano and Von Münchhausen.

Now, despite the many different approaches to the Art of the Challenge, a few things are held by all in common.

Challenge a Specific Individual: Don't offer general challenges to everyone. This marks you as an idiot. Pick out someone, preferably someone whose style appeals to you, and challenge them. Of course, those of us who've been here a long time have heard everything, and you're not likely to get a game unless your challenge is really quite good. If you flounder around for a while, doing your best but only managing to make an ass of yourself in an amusing way, someone will probably take pity on you and prod one of the other newcomers to give you a game.

When Challenging, Show Some Class: This is relatively simple. Don't frenetically wave your privates about, don't frequently point to the privates of others and make loud and boorish statements, and remember that only the lower primates throw their feces around to get attention.

Challenge With the Heart of a Cyrano: Use wit. And panache. Amuse us, enlighten us, make us realize that yet another brother has joined this hallowed company of fools. Use, in other words, as much beyond half a brain as you are capable of.

Annoy Not the Ladies of the 'Pool: They lounge about, and drink wine, and they are not for you to make mock of . Oh, they may exchange some jests with you, and some will even play a game. But they are not here to be harassed or abused. And remember this, always: Little boys that think manhood is achieved by misogyny and the degradation of women will get short shrift here.

Finally, If You Would Be One of Us, Then Join Us: Fill out your profile. Include an email address, a general location, something about yourself. In the beginning, of course, this will be the little we know about you by which we may mock you. As time goes by, and we come to know you better, we will have all sorts of things at our command with which to mock you. And consider that, if you don't wish us to know anything about you, why should we care to welcome you into this very strange little community?

Finally, there are any number of fools who will wander in to these Threads, firm in the knowledge that there is simply nothing more significant on this planet than themselves. When they don't get the response they're looking for they first become disruptive, then abusive, and usually proceed to hateful. We simply freeze them out. It is known, hereabouts, as being sent to Coventry. It means that no member of this Thread will acknowledge their existence any longer. They generally go away. Some, of course, in their desperate need to be acknowledged as 'a real grown-up', will eventually end up being cautioned by the Moderators, and banning from the Forum is always a possibility.

If you think this just some low-brow flamefest where any vulgarity goes, think again. Try heading over to the Cheery Waffles. Look for Soddball, and tell him I am still not him. But to Challenge here, you must be at least intelligent enough to read and acknowledge the way we do things.

Or, of course, you could just sod off.

[Seanachai]

Now, a quick post to tell all the regulars why I am so happy tonight.

First, I am happy because it looks very much like my trip North to the Terrestrial Paradise, Lake of the Woods, Ontario, is very likely on again.

But that is only the result of the very important reason that I am truly happy tonight.

A few weeks ago, my Mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. The cancer was determined to be Type II, an invasive cancer. Actual staging of the cancer was yet to be determined. The doctors gave her an immense amount of information, told her what her various options were, and left her to decide what she would do. My Mom opted for mastectomy as the manner of treatment.

Today they did a check of the sentinel nodes to see how far the cancer had progressed, and performed the mastectomy.

The preliminary analysis of the node check indicates they are clear. This is not a full and comprehensive pathology report, but it gives us every reason to hope that the cancer was caught early, had not spread elsewhere in the body, and means that my Mother should be around to despair of having produced a son like me for many years yet to come. The surgery went well, and she was resting comfortably when I left the hospital tonight.

I am filled with indescribable, if guarded, relief, and great joy.

Tonight, I love you all.

Well, not Berli quite so much, because I know it would just annoy him.

We will see how things go, and what the final pathology report shows.

Of course, anyone who wishes to throw our current game out of sympathy for my tension and concern should try to do so in a discrete way that leaves me believing I won by my own tactical superiourity.

[Harv]

Best wishes to you, your mother and your family Seanachai. Our thoughts are with you.

Amd condolences in advance for your annual trek to the frozen wastelands of Cuba North.

Oh, did I mention that Lurker is losing to me yet again? The bastage better quit sandbagging soon, or I'll...do something. Or not. Maybe.

Harv

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Harv:

Amd condolences in advance for your annual trek to the frozen wastelands of Cuba North.

Harv

Ah, Harv. Dweller in that most perfect L7 of provinces. Thank you.

Now bugger off and get me a Labatt's you little prairie flower!

[ng cavscout]

Seanachai, congrats on the news about your mom, it has a special meaning for me, since, my mother-in-law just beat breast cancer.

Of course, you are still a filthy, Moss-Loving, non-driving Minestronean, but I am overjoyed to hear about your mom, and we hope she continues to improve.

[dalem]

Seanachai, I'm happy for you and your family, yet I still loathe you personally. It's because I'm a complex man, and you are a simple foe.

In your honor, I will refrain from any versification at all in this current incarnation of the MBT.

So it is written, so it is done!

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

<font size=-1>Of course, anyone who wishes to throw our current game out of sympathy for my tension and concern should try to do so in a discrete way that leaves me believing I won by my own tactical superiourity.</font>

Since you haven't even returned the first move yet, this would normally be a tricky task.

However, the fact that the only person I have to fool is you trumps whatever trickiness is involved, and makes it a simple task that even a newborn babe could handle.

Indeed, I hear that newborn babes steal candy from YOU. Even candy they don't otherwise like, simply because they can.

PS Mothers rule, and cancer sucks. Please convey our heartfelt best wishes. And our condolences for having you as a son, of course.

[Michael Dorosh]

Seanachai's Mother has indeed suffered enough. Shall we send her a postcard too, saying how much we hate you? To speed her recovery along, I mean?

I shall actually pray for her tonight, for all the usual reasons, but with the added relish of knowing it will spite the agnostics, athiests and other miscreants who make up the majority of the Peng.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by dalem:

In your honor, I will refrain from any versification at all in this current incarnation of the MBT.

So it is written, so it is done!

I...swallows the lump that remains from Dalem's last versification foray in the previous Thread...I don't know what to say, Dalem.

You're a Prince, lad. That means an almost 15% decrease in brain-cell damage from reading this Thread.

And that's just for the run-of-the-mill halfwits! My own retention will be even higher!

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Seanachai, congrats on the news about your mom, it has a special meaning for me, since, my mother-in-law just beat breast cancer.

Of course, you are still a filthy, Moss-Loving, non-driving Minestronean, but I am overjoyed to hear about your mom, and we hope she continues to improve.

Good on you, Cavscout, and your mother-in-law!

Er...I'm a bit puzzled about the moss thing. Mind, there's nothing as soft, cool, and cushiony as a bed of moss...but...well...

Never mind, then. Better, I suspect, not to go there. But you do realize that 'Mother Earth', lad, doesn't necessarily need direct deposit?

As to the non-driving thing: Sigh. I assume this is a reference to the very odd, regretable, and simply bizarre tendency of Minnesotans to drive slowly in the left lane, against all sodding reason? As opposed to the tendency of the FIBs to drive in all lanes and on both shoulders as though 'arseholery' is going to be a required question on the entrance exam for heaven?

[ng cavscout]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by NG cavscout:

Seanachai, congrats on the news about your mom, it has a special meaning for me, since, my mother-in-law just beat breast cancer.

Of course, you are still a filthy, Moss-Loving, non-driving Minestronean, but I am overjoyed to hear about your mom, and we hope she continues to improve.

Good on you, Cavscout, and your mother-in-law!

Er...I'm a bit puzzled about the moss thing. Mind, there's nothing as soft, cool, and cushiony as a bed of moss...but...well...

Never mind, then. Better, I suspect, not to go there. But you do realize that 'Mother Earth', lad, doesn't necessarily need direct deposit?

As to the non-driving thing: Sigh. I assume this is a reference to the very odd, regretable, and simply bizarre tendency of Minnesotans to drive slowly in the left lane, against all sodding reason? As opposed to the tendency of the FIBs to drive in all lanes and on both shoulders as though 'arseholery' is going to be a required question on the entrance exam for heaven? </font>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by PondScum:

Indeed, I hear that newborn babes steal candy from YOU. Even candy they don't otherwise like, simply because they can.

PS Mothers rule, and cancer sucks. Please convey our heartfelt best wishes. And our condolences for having you as a son, of course.

While true that even the veriest babes can take from me even the contents of my wallet, I still hold so much avuncular affection for them that I never hesitate to read many of them bed-time tales from my collection of my written stories.

I understand that some of them suffer 'night terrors' well into the late teens.

Don't make me prove to you, Pondscum, that it's never too late to have a disturbing childhood.

This will be our second 'survivor'. My middle sister overcame Hodgkins at 14, then breast cancer in her 30s (from the radiation treatments for her earlier cancer). My Dad, sadly, succumbed to lung cancer. He was a smoker, of course.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Michael Dorosh:

Seanachai's Mother has indeed suffered enough. Shall we send her a postcard too, saying how much we hate you? To speed her recovery along, I mean?

I shall actually pray for her tonight, for all the usual reasons, but with the added relish of knowing it will spite the agnostics, athiests and other miscreants who make up the majority of the Peng.

Ah, Grog Dorosh. Some day we'll get you to that Canadian cabin, and we'll drown you.

In beer, of course.

I've often brought friends to meet my Mom and my sisters, and they've always said, 'Wow, your sisters are all wonderful, and your Mom is one of the most gracious and endearing people I've ever met...er..."

And I have to tell them:

'I, um, take after my Dad. Well, without the drive, ambition and accomplishment, of course.'

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by NG cavscout:

As much as I detest Minnesotannies, at least, we can unite in our absolute disdain for the horrendous FIB's.

And we here in Minnesota regard you Wisconsinites with that special, older sibling tolerance reserved for the beloved, if somewhat air-headed and 'most likely to get pregnant in the back seat of a car' sister State that you are.

You buggers drink brandy and coca-cola. I mean, really, 'whoops-a-daisy-and-another-Packer-fan-is-born'.

[Berlichtingen]

Seanachai,

Truly glad to hear the news about your mother. With you as a son (daughter, pet, lawn ornament, whatever it is you are), the poor woman has suffered enough

[v42below]

For all those lurking SSN's here is the history of the Peng Challenge/Mutha Beautiful/Cesspool Thread, that I have pieced together for my own benefit and am now sharing with you.

All you true cespoolers already know all this, so feel free to sod off. However, you may choose to relive the magic with SSN's like me.

MrPeng's early taunts/sayings

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=12;t=002103;p=1

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=006273;p=1

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=006813;p=3

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=006970;p=1

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=007143#000004

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=007824#000013

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=007752#000007

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=008210#000018

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=009260#000000

References to the Cesspool

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=009906;p=1

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=010052#000015

The Original Cesspool (pages 1 and 2 are a bit stuffed, best viewed from page 3 onward)

http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/007077-3.html

A Fake Cesspool is Reborn

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=011565;p=1

The True Cesspool is Reborn...

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=011566;p=1

...and BTS admits that is here to stay

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=011566;p=104

The first Aussie Peng thread

http://www.battlefront.com/cgi-bin/bbs/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=13;t=013030;p=1

If you want to know more - use search...I did!

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Seanachai,

Truly glad to hear the news about your mother. With you as a son (daughter, pet, lawn ornament, whatever it is you are), the poor woman has suffered enough

Too true, Berli.

She always asks about you lot, of course. My whole family has been subjected to large doses of 'the Peng Challenge Thread'.

She always says:

"And how is your missionary work amongst the ignorant Combat Mission people going, Steven?"

She calls me Steven.

Simply can't break her of it. You can be an Olde One of the Peng Challenge Thread, conversant with all the devils and vices between heaven and hell; corrupt and illuminated, enlightened and unutterably lost, and to her you're still her 'handsome' young man who was no good at sports but so good with words, and made friends so easily...

Silly woman. They always remember what was best about you, even after it was all gone.

None of us will get into heaven without their memories.

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

None of us will get into heaven without their memories.

The period goes after heaven, dimwit

[Mace]

Excellent news about you mum, Seanachai!

Mother's are such understanding people....yours doubly so.

Mace

[Nidan1]

Seanachai wonderful news about your mother, I am truly happy for her as well. I hope she contiues to have good health.

Mother's are wonderful creatures, they forgive our most vile transgressions, it it obvious that your Mum must be a saint, to have put up with the likes of you for the majority or her adult life would ensure her canonization.

[BFCElvis]

Wankers.

[Patchy]

Steve, that is great news about your Mom! She's in my prayers.

Love,

Karen

[Boo Radley]

"Those That I Taunt I Do Not Hate, And Who Hates the Peng Challenge I Do Not Love ???

Who wrote this dreck? Oh, Seanachai...figures. It reminds me of: "The white zone is for unloading and loading, only." Maybe if you jazzed it up a bit. How about "Those That I Taunt I Do Not Hate, And Who Hates the Peng Challenge I Do Not Love with a Hey-Non-Nonny and a Ha-Cha-Cha!"

See? Now that works.

Steven, my most heartfelt congratulations to your mother. I hope only the best for her.

If it is true that mansions are made in heaven for those who are sorely tried here on earth, then just for being your mother, I'd imagine she's got one under constuction right now that would make Charles Foster Kane's Xanadu look like a van down by the river.

[Jim Boggs]

A Mother's Love, if I could sell

Would eliminate the need for hell

A dose for pain, a dose for sad

A healthy dose when you've been bad

No matter what you say or do

A Mother's Love is there for you

So Steven now, in your time of joy

To Her you're still Her little boy

The above versification is feeble at best. There is really no way to ever explain a Mother's Love. We can only rejoice in it's existence.

All the Best

[Lars]

Well lads, I'm off to the Boundary Waters for another canoe trip. I'll be on the opposite end of it from Seanachai, naturally, now that I've had fair warning.

BTW, Seanachai, best wishes for your Mum.

And stay the h*ll on your side of the woods, the Arrowhead is mine.

Back when I figure out how to use this friggin compass, which will probably take till about Tuesday...

SSN Hint Of The Day: Dish it out, but don’t take it.

Now sod off.