This Peng's not Challenged, He's Bleeding Demised!

[Moriarty]

As I recall, that pic that Patch did of Joe Shaw looked even better with Bauhaus' head on it ... you ain't the first ol' Just-A-Fahrvegnugen.

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Moriarty:

As I recall, that pic that Patch did of Joe Shaw looked even better with Bauhaus' head on it ... you ain't the first ol' Just-A-Fahrvegnugen.<hr></blockquote> What ... I'm, I'm not the first? I ... feel so cheap.

Joe

[Stuka]

Yes Joe, you are cheap, you are a cheap, no good, two-bit 'ho. But you are our two-bit 'ho and that makes it all better.

If you could just find a return file for me, I'd happily proclaim you a cheap, two-bit Aussie 'ho.

Yes Mace, I got your set up, it just takes me a few days to get drunk enough to actually place the units.

With today being friday, I like your chances of seeing a return tonight.

BTW, I'm gonna be the baddies this time.

Stuka A.D(Bus), B(Comm)

{Edited to add hierachical documentation}

[ 12-06-2001: Message edited by: Stuka ]</p>

[Lars]

UPDATE!!!!

In some Godforsaken Scenario called ”A Long And Bloody Mile” by the lazy Prince of Darkness, Berli {to damn lazy to give out a panzershreck or two, grumble, grumble}.

Recall, Lads, that this was a ”Blood Hamster” Match against that pillock CMplayer.

Also recall that the complete and utter pillock MrSpkr {even more of a pillock than CMplayer} gave away the entire German Order of Battle.

And take note of the fact that the best troops the Germans had were GREEN, as opposed to the not so good troops which were CONSCRIPT.

And further more, the Dirty Rotten Teeth side {that be you, CMplayer} had TANKS, and ARTY, and other nasty splody type things.

The Final Results:

Lars (Axis) – 45

CMplayer (Allies) – 55

A DRAW!!!

CMplayer, you should have been able to grind me into toothpaste. A little dash, a little vigor, hell, a little LEADERSHIP and my sig line would have been yours.

All I have to say is,

Neener, Neener, Neener!!!!!!

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Hakko Ichiu:

If anyone is to blame for feckin' SSNs from down unda', it's the UnterGnome himself.

Oh, and Geier, where's my fecking turn. If I don't get it soon, I'm going to send Father Jack in your direction when he's out night walking, so I will. Feck.<hr></blockquote>

Now, I've explained this before. It is not my fault that the extremely and very sadly useless AussieJeff made his way into the Mother Beautiful Thread. I neither challenged him, made any assurances to him, or, actually, noticed him at all until he made his way in here and started behaving like an ejected dog's dinner.

I must needs, as part of my Quest to 'Crush All Australians', make my way out to those places where Australians have been known to congregate, such as 'We Love Us' Australian threads, 'Who's a Good Kiwi, Then' threads, bars, liquor stores, speakeasys, blind crows, pubs, Scotland, soccer stadium men's rooms, Thai whorehouses, and underneath railroad trestle bridges.

I cannot be blamed if, while on this Holy and Most Profound Quest, useless little 'aussie wannabes' take note of my Masterful Presence, and, in a misplaced attempt to raise their social status amongst their malformed kin, follow me around posting like a roundworm infested terrier.

I agree with Shaw that Hakko Ichiu's posting of the Rules was rather limp, but I don't think the "Australian Formerly Known as Dunny" can be laid at his door either (but if you find it there, don't touch it. Soak it down with kerosene and fling a match on it. Fire cleanses.)

AussieJeff has erred, and quite clearly does not understand that fact.

AUSSIEJEFF, ATTEND!

Now, lad, perhaps the greatest joy and truest liberty of the Peng Challenge Thread is the right to gibber on about whatever takes your fancy. Although a place of Holy Taunting, this place is more. Although a place of Boasting and Brag, this place is more. Although a place of Dismissal and Sneering, this place is more. For this is a place where all these things, and the Camaraderie of Humour, may be indulged.

But, and this is the important point, lad: Camaraderie is predicated on acceptance.

Now, many claim that we are an elitist Thread. That our rules are incomprehensible, our ways suspect and vile, our humour degraded. But most of these folk are bloody goddamn idjits (or else just very sadly misguided), for they fail to realize that the process is, actually, quite simple.

Come in. Do a bit of shuffling about, proclaiming yourself, and making your presence known. Then, pick out an opponent or two, someone who strikes a chord with you, and Challenge them. Make it good. Show some sense of style. Don't be surprised if those who've been here a while pay you little mind, that's their privilege. If you want to catch their attention, make your damn Challenge really good.

If at first you don't succeed, try again.

But don't just waltz in and offer colour commentary like you'll be buying after the match. You earn the right to post regular and useless idiocy, by playing Combat Mission, and joining this, a Community. It isn't based on wins and losses. It ain't based on supposed tactical prowess. It's all a part of growing up, and being part of the Peng Challenge.

Now, you can carry on, and sneer at the Knights, Squires, and Serfs. You can mock the Entitled Officers. You can even fling ****e at the Olde Ones. But that leaves you another little poseur, a Rommel22, or Fieldmarshall, or Colonel_Deadmarsh. Or you can do all of the above, and still walk the Trail of Jeers (SSN, Serf, Squire, Knight, Member{frankly, at the point of Membership, all the other titles just become a form of fun}).

Or, you can carry on like everyone should kiss yer hand. But you'll win few mates that way, and if you're thinking 'tis better to rule than serve, we already have our Satan.

Now, then, I'm sure you've much 'bad cess' to heap upon the whitening locks of the ÜberGnome, so email me if you've a mind to vent your spleen.

Oh, and as for the rest of you, we need to determine the title of Eldest amongst the Australians. It's all to fecking clear that, between their own natural inclinations, and my Most Holy Quest, that we're going to have a load of the tossers through here, and we need to assign some sort of accountability. Now, far as I can remember, Speedy was the first Aussie git to ever post in the Thread, but Goanna was most likely the first to ever play a game against one of the Olde Ones, but that might have been Mace. We need to sort the Marsupials out.

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted somewhere at the end of an insanely long post that no one in their right mind would bother reading by Seanachai:

We need to sort the Marsupials out.<hr></blockquote>

How aboot we toss their names in a pouch and draw a name?

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Olde Ones<hr></blockquote>

I'm too young and pretty to be an 'Olde One'!

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Stuka:

I'm too young and pretty to be an 'Olde One'!<hr></blockquote>

You tit! You're never after being offered the position of Olde One, nor is anyone else!

Those positions are...well, 'eternal'. It's not something you can achieve.

What we're on about here is Eldest Australian. You folk need sorting out, you do.

[Buzzsaw]

Yes, Lars spoke the truth, our interminable game of Crodaburg finally ended in a most unsatisfying draw. I imagine that Lars, hunkered down in his foxholes and ensconced in his pillboxes found it less tiring than I did.

It is also true that I should have won. Aided by a Jabo that took out a few key guns, and the "23 seconds of baazoka hell", I really had the upperhand -- I just never knew it.

Probably no CMBO until after Christmas. I'll return to begin insulting someone then.

[Stuka]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

You folk need sorting out, you do.<hr></blockquote>

Youv'e been trying to {snigger} 'sort' us out for awhile now haven't you?

{giggle} So hows it going so far? {snerk}

Crushed any {barely stifled guffaw} good Australians lately?

*Tears of mirth streaming down cheeks*

ROFLMAOADFTTS! *

*Rolling On Floor, Laughing My Ass Off And doing Funny Things To Sheep.

[Seanachai]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by rune:

And an old one can use his power against anyone in the pool? What is wrong with that?

As an Olde One with the scroll of NDA, I have mainly stayed out of this power struggle.

I leave you with this infamous word of montezuma...

"What are those Marines doing singing in my halls?"

Rune

Still Commander

Army of the Porcupines<hr></blockquote>

Now, Rune, you're never after being one of the Olde Ones. You came before, after all, and your epitaph, oh vultured one, lies ascribed thusly:

I met a traveler from an antique land

Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert...Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed:

And on a pedesal these words appear:

"My name is Rune, king of kings:

Look on my NDA, ye Mighty, and despair!"

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.

I remember when we, the Olde Ones, first came across Rune's visage in the Wasteland. Peng spoke, and said: "What the hell's that?". And I spoke, and said: "It is a symbol of the decay of all things, and a mighty omen, and sign to all the Peng Challenge Thread of what shall come after." And Berli said: "Yes. Do you think we can set it on fire?"

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Now, I've explained this before. It is not my fault that the extremely and very sadly useless AussieJeff made his way into the Mother Beautiful Thread. I neither challenged him, made any assurances to him, or, actually, noticed him at all until he made his way in here and started behaving like an ejected dog's dinner.<hr></blockquote> Oh no Seanachai, as Cardigan said after the ill fated charge "It was no fault of mine." And, like you, he believed it absolutely. No Seanachai you issued no challenge, made no assurances nor likely even noticed him as you say ... but you showed him the way didn't you! It was YOU who went to that thread (and who the hell appointed you as CessPool Ambassador anyway) and left a virtual trail of bread crumbs that led ... HERE!

That, you see, is the danger of wandering upon the outerboard and proclaiming the wonders of the CessPool. Oh yes, we all set foot there at times, slumming as it were, but there is a large difference between showing up there ... AND ASKING PEOPLE TO COME HERE ... as you did Seanachai. Yes, yes, the lad you choose for the invitation was a likely lad, no error there. But the invitation ... WAS PUBLIC! Others could, and indeed DID see it ... and were tempted.

So yes, Seanachai I DO lay the blame at YOUR door. And I also lay it at the door of Hakko Ichiu AS I PROMISED I WOULD. The only rule is to Sound Off Like Ya Got A Pair! The ONLY rule he said. Is FlossieJeff to be blamed for taking that injunction to heart? No ... mind his blame is practically unfathomable but NOT FOR THIS.

THIS is why we have we have rules, this is why we have procedures, this ... is why we have ... The Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread. You ignore it at your peril.

Joe

[Stuka]

Joe and Seanachai, Confucius once said "Time to post, time to return files", or sumfink.

Anyway, I think theres a little pearl of wisdom there for some of us hmmm?

[Moriarty]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Seanachai:

What we're on about here is Eldest Australian. You folk need sorting out, you do.<hr></blockquote>

Whyn't you set up a gamey ladder match for the honor of being old. Then all you'd have to do is figure out who qualifies. Sounds like Speedy and Goanna are in ... an' Stuka's already about 15 years older than his wife.

[Herr Oberst]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

How aboot we toss their names in a pouch and draw a name?<hr></blockquote>

Why don't we just stuff them all in a 'roo pouch and send them on their ways?

If we did in the dark of night, I don't think that the SPCA would catch us. And if there was trouble, all we need do is trot out a couple of AussieJeff's posts, and no jury in the northern hemisphere would convict us.

True, one of two might find their way back, but we could put em up in a zoo on display, "The Bizarre Lifeforms of Downunder" or somefink like that.

[Goanna]

See, now I've told you you pack of mongrels what happens when you go off posting in other threads, or even reading tehm for that matter. Best to stay like me and remain pure cess from toes to eyeballs.

Now, speaking of doing your reading in the proper place, I suggest that the Bard return to reading Tome 1 of the chronicles of cess and he will find me scribed as early as the oldest of Olde Ones (with a member number to match) and would likely be the senior member from the Lucky Country.

I would also like to reiterate the query of Stuka when he asked about the number of Australian's that you have actually bested in this ill-fated quest of yours. I have played most all of them and have determined (through proper scientific methods) that the Australians as a group are the crunchiest opponents around. Way to go diggers.

PS: Stukes has the map and will pass it on to you for your input of nastiness Berli. I will pick my forces and send to you on e-mail as he tells me which side he selected.

[Joe Shaw]

Since there are Australians about I thought it might be wise to REITERATE the procedure for establishing a new thread. No, no I'LL not be starting it this time, no, no use in begging, that'll be quite enough whining out of you Bauhaus, yes, yes MY threads are by FAR the best but it's just not ON.

Now ...

• PROCEDURES FOR A NEW MBT
• Come up with something clever, something witty, something with PENG and CHALLENGE in it.
• Send your substandard (if it's not MINE then it's substandard) choice to MadMatt via email ... NOT POSTED HERE!
• WAIT until he blesses the new title ... in the interim you might come up with SOME RULES!
• Start the new MBT in the approved manner AND POST SOME RULES DAMNIT!

If you are pressed for time, you might consider some slight edit of Seanachai's 11:01 post, it's actually not bad as an explanation of the CessPool.

Joe

[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]</p>

[OGSF]

Just because Ah hadnae posted fer a wee while, didnae mean Ah hate tha festerin' lot of ye stringy-snotty minkey-spankers any laiss.

An' didnae fergat at.

Bastaarrrds.

SirMacOberGruppenBloodyStompinSicFeuhrerBastardABCDJimmy

[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: OGSF ]</p>

[Moriarty]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Goanna:

Now, speaking of doing your reading in the proper place, I suggest that the Bard return to reading Tome 1 of the chronicles of cess and he will find me scribed as early as the oldest of Olde Ones (with a member number to match) and would likely be the senior member from the Lucky Country.

<hr></blockquote>

Hey, Berli, you wanna let the Scaly One in on The Secret?

[ 12-07-2001: Message edited by: Moriarty ]</p>

[CMplayer]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lars:

A DRAW!!!

<hr></blockquote>

FOUL! What evil file butchery have you been engaged in you dirty cheat?

The scenario is 45 turns long, but suddenly the game ends on turn 38. Plus I get up a game end map, but you ALREADY know the result AND the game wants to make ANOTHER THIRD AAR FILE to send to you. AND the file crashes my copy of CM.

That is very strange, to say the least. I will not accept the result until a complete enquiry has been made into the circumstances of this very suspicious 'draw'.

[MrPeng]

Gentleworms:

PShaw did actually send a turn finally, at long last, after sending turns from games he was playing with OTHER PEOPLE. Of course this was amusing to me, not at all irritating. No. Didn't have the desired effect at all. Nope. Just made me smile quietly to myself. Yup "that PShaw sure is a funny clever fellah" I said to myself when he sent me a turn from a game he is or was playing with MrIV. "A clever fellah to send 'a turn' ha ha ha."

By golly, chalk one up for Old Foul Joe. He really had me going there - mail comes in with an attachment -aha! a turn! But no! it is not my turn, it's someone else's! HEE HEE HA HA HO HO. Such a wit.

NOW, Let me reiterate, however, the conditions of retaining the Drain Commission post were to send the correct file to me on the night of 12/5/01 (which was "now" then) NOT on the afternoon of 12/6/01 (also "now" but a later now than the original "now" of "Send me a turn 'now' or lose the position of Drain Commissioner"

In other words, PShaw THE CLOCK RAN OUT ON YOU PISS-BOY. Oh sure you thought you were being clever and cute sending just any old file, didn't you? Well by gawd it was clever and cute of you, and there is nothing I find more repulsive than clever and cute, ipso facto you lose the Title of Drain Commissioner and all of the honors attached to it.

Remove it from your sig line NOW (not later now or yesterday now or an "extended psychological present" now, but this INSTANT, or the rage and fury of all of the Pods of Pengdom will rain down upon your furry head.

Peng

[Hakko Ichiu]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

So yes, Seanachai I DO lay the blame at YOUR door. And I also lay it at the door of Hakko Ichiu AS I PROMISED I WOULD. The only rule is to Sound Off Like Ya Got A Pair! The ONLY rule he said. Is FlossieJeff to be blamed for taking that injunction to heart? No ... mind his blame is practically unfathomable but NOT FOR THIS.

THIS is why we have we have rules, this is why we have procedures, this ... is why we have ... The Justicariate of the Peng Challenge Thread. You ignore it at your peril.

<hr></blockquote>

This post offers further proof, if proof were needed, that bureaucracy -- even the quasi-pseudo-cod-bureaucracy that we have in the 'Pool -- is the haven of second-class minds. The first rule of the pool, I stated, was "sound off like you got a pair." The rest, I noted, is commentary. To the enlightened, to those with eyes that see and minds that reason, that means that every other rule of the pool can be inferred from the first.

"Sound off like you got a pair" does not mean "sound off about your pair." This is clear to anyone with a modicum of a brain. That various Strines from the foetor are incapable of deducing as much is, in retrospect, obvious, but that is not a fault of the rules.

Keeping out undesirable elements is the role of law enforcement. If those charged with enforcing the law are incapable of carrying out their mandate (SD,B), then either the mandate must change or the mandatee. Which shall it be, Herr Justapersonenkraftwagen? Hmm?

In other news, Geier remains locked in his lutfisk-induced hibernation. I would issue challenges to various worthies, but I shall be going on vacation next week for a month or so, and I'd hate to be a tease.

[Lars]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by CMplayer:

FOUL! What evil file butchery have you been engaged in you dirty cheat?

The scenario is 45 turns long, but suddenly the game ends on turn 38. Plus I get up a game end map, but you ALREADY know the result AND the game wants to make ANOTHER THIRD AAR FILE to send to you. AND the file crashes my copy of CM.

That is very strange, to say the least. I will not accept the result until a complete enquiry has been made into the circumstances of this very suspicious 'draw'.<hr></blockquote>

I wondered about that myself. But then I remembered that this was a Berli scenario. I suggest you send all inquiries to the Dark One.

I'd rather be lucky than good any day.

[Joe Shaw]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MrPeng:

Gentleworms:

PShaw did actually send a turn finally, at long last, after sending turns from games he was playing with OTHER PEOPLE. Of course this was amusing to me, not at all irritating. No. Didn't have the desired effect at all. Nope. Just made me smile quietly to myself. Yup "that PShaw sure is a funny clever fellah" I said to myself when he sent me a turn from a game he is or was playing with MrIV. "A clever fellah to send 'a turn' ha ha ha."

By golly, chalk one up for Old Foul Joe. He really had me going there - mail comes in with an attachment -aha! a turn! But no! it is not my turn, it's someone else's! HEE HEE HA HA HO HO. Such a wit.

NOW, Let me reiterate, however, the conditions of retaining the Drain Commission post were to send the correct file to me on the night of 12/5/01 (which was "now" then) NOT on the afternoon of 12/6/01 (also "now" but a later now than the original "now" of "Send me a turn 'now' or lose the position of Drain Commissioner"

In other words, PShaw THE CLOCK RAN OUT ON YOU PISS-BOY. Oh sure you thought you were being clever and cute sending just any old file, didn't you? Well by gawd it was clever and cute of you, and there is nothing I find more repulsive than clever and cute, ipso facto you lose the Title of Drain Commissioner and all of the honors attached to it.

Remove it from your sig line NOW (not later now or yesterday now or an "extended psychological present" now, but this INSTANT, or the rage and fury of all of the Pods of Pengdom will rain down upon your furry head.

Peng<hr></blockquote>Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

Now we can SEE the violence inherent in the system , now we can SEE what fruit is borne from unchecked power, now we can SEE what an utter pillock Peng really is!

I put it to you Greg ... damn ... Animal House was really a good movie wasn't it. Sorry.

Yes I sent the wrong file to Peng, I was upset, frantic with worry almost and admitted such here and in my email to him.

Am I to be crucified (Out of the door. Line on the left. One cross each. Next. Crucifixion?) on the cross of swapped turns? Who among us has NOT inadvertantly, unwittingly, mistakenly swapped one person's file for anothers? Why my last turn from Seanachai was just such an occurrence. Shall we strip from him the mantle of Olde One MERELY because of a misplaced file? Mind I can think of MANY reasons to remove him from the Olde Ones (not least of which is FlossieJeff) but not, surely, for that.

And yet I discovered my error PRIOR to any correspondence with him and RECTIFIED it (for Gawd's Sake Bauhaus I'm fighting for my titles here, do you MIND). Let him deny that my correct turn has been sent, let him deny it IF HE CAN!

No, Peng is out for blood now, that much is clear. It's become personal to him and revenge will be the only balm for his fragile ego. Fine, let it be resolved then in the time tested and approved CessPool manner.

Upon completion of our current match he and I shall embark upon ANOTHER match of CM. I shall appoint a second and he can try to find someone who cares. Should HE win ... I will abandon my claim to the title of CessPool Drain Commissioner. Should I win, my title shall be CessPool Drain Commissioner for LIFE!

You are a foul and vicious little creature Peng, I'd have been silent on the issue were it not for your overweening pride and ambition, but it's not to be so ... I feel ... sorry for you Peng.

Joe

[Berlichtingen]

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

now we can SEE what an utter pillock Peng really is!<hr></blockquote>

Anyone with eyes saw this long ago.

Now Joe, answer me these questions three:

14) Did you send Peng a file?

iv) When you sent it was it now?

BB) Is that Bauhaus stalking Mace's sheep?