If Peng Challenges No One In The Forest, Will He Still Lose?

[Moriarty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

I'm at a loss for words.

Joe

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Finally.

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Seanachai spewed:

Dear Former Squire,

DALEM, THAT HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN, IS FROM MICHIGAN! HE IS NOT FROM MINNESOTA, NOR WOULD HE MEET THE MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS OF INTELLIGENCE, WIT, KNOWLEDGE, AND HUMOUR TO BELONG TO OUR STATE!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Seanachai:

At first, I simply wanted to point out that, by his own admission, dalem will soon be moving from Michigan to Minnesota, thereby raising the median IQ in both states.

However, after a period of reflection (involving Guinness and a few old friends), I have decided against that course.

Instead, I have a simple statement to make, in my own humble, modest manner:

Ahem.

Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type make me puke. You vaccuous, toffee nosed, malodourous pervert!

Thank you and good night.

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[Seanachai]

An Open Invitation, Originally posted on Winecape's Invitational "Tournament of Stars".

Because, seeing as how we have this whole Thread of Threads available for the acknowledgement of opponents, battles, and abuse, and such, it would seem a shame to waste the opportunity. So if any of Winecape's Invitational participants wished to show up, talk about their games (that is, boast, posture, and carry-on like they were buying the next round), then we could guarantee them a stage worthy of their desire.

And an open invite. For any of the 'Invitation of Stars' Tourney, they've got a place to post, posture, and carry on like drunken sailors. No one will require the standard 'Peng Challenge Thread' rules and 'trial by ordeal'.

Any participant here who cares to show up and carry on like a Knight of the Cesspool, is welcome to do so. A contribution of status, as it were. In a very low club. No wine, Scotch, money, or other acknowldegment than this: All participants, through the duration of the tournament, are acknowledged as Members of the Peng Challenge Thread. If the winner is not currently a member of the Thread, then upon his victory, he has the right to status as a Seniour Knight.

Now here, at last, is an achievement as vile as defeat.

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Mark IV]

Mi-chi-gan.

Say it slowly, dogs. Let it roll from your lips like frothing bubbles of single-malt saliva. You are not worthy, but you can savor the essence in every syllable.

The rivers are thick with fish, the forests teem with game. Women are perky, healthy, provincial, and impressed with gold cards. The Great Lakes frame this shimmering jewel with a glittering cornucopia of fresh seafood and sweet-water abundance.

Sadly, there are 48 other weeks in the year, but Michigan glimpses nirvana in a way that no other state except Maui can realize. The innovative 10-cent deposit law shows that the poor have an alternative to Social Security, and without Detroit we'd have to lease Indian land to try out new anti-personnel weapons, since we crossed Puerto Rico off the list, and I hope they like the Caribbean SSR they're headed for, but I digress.

Long the bastion against Canadian aggression, Michigan was founded by glaciers, who in turn invited Cadillac to land in 1701 (one of my ancestors came with him), and who fitted the native elk with tailfins. Being a frog he lost it in short order to several different nationalities at once. My ancestor got a street name out of the deal and we're really quite vain about it.

Which reminds me that anyone who hasn't read Francis Parkman, has not read American history. Check out the Conspiracy of Pontiac. My man could pen a line or two, talk about voice. Ya wantcher blood and guts? Ya wantcher dead Brits? Ya wanna sacrifice a puppy to the Manitou? Read anything this guy wrote.

So Minnesotan chatter is about what I'd expect from people who think the Siege of Leyden is a WWF event, and that the Duke of Parma was a boxer from the Cleveland area. The Golden Age of Holland was the last most perfect society before the modern US, but they failed to pass the deposit law, and now they're smookijn hasheesh in public and wearing earrings on both sides. Lesson learned.

Obligatory WWII content: Oh yeah, Michigan was also known as the Arsenal of Democracy and made every friggin' tank, gun, and airplane used by all 6 sides, while Minnesotans were still trying to hack a panzer out of stumps with chain saws three years after the war was over.

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

An Open Invitation, Originally posted on Winecape's Invitational "Tournament of Stars".

Lots of silly drivel suggesting that a bunch of new lackwits ought to infest the thread.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Do you have any idea what this means? Have you noticed the membership of the Winecape invitational? Aside from the esteemed Berli and the less esteemed but at least skilled in the art of CM Shandorf, the invitees include MrSprinklerhead, and that most unwelcome Farté, who decided one day that he would fill up page 31 or something like that of the thread with posts displaying even less mind than a flatworm. Now you've gone and invited him here to fill page after page with

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Farté:

My dog let me do the typing today<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I would come to Minnesota and punish you in person, but the mosquitos are pretty vicious this time of year, and it's otherwise unpleasantly cold. And you can keep dalem, whatever it is that he turns out to be. Ann Arbor will be much improved with the cloud of his existence removed. Let that serve as your punishment, at least until such time as is convenient to cause a giant icicle to fall from the eaves and impale you like a little bug pinned to the snow.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

An Open Invitation, Originally posted on Winecape's Invitational "Tournament of Stars"...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Seanachai has proven this day is own senility... my full response may be found in the Tounament of Stars thread

[Mr. Johnson--]

7:55 p.m. where are you Stalin? I hope your enjoying yourself what ever your doing. You get any of that kick ass D.B. up their in your parts. Hands down the best brewrey in Kiwiland. I've got another fairly uneventful turn, but no matter, your men will start dieing in droves soon enough.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by chrisl:

I would come to Minnesota and punish you in person, but the mosquitos are pretty vicious this time of year, and it's otherwise unpleasantly cold.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I know that I have opened the Eternal Thread to interlopers. But, they opened their tournament to us. And I opened the Thread to them as a place to taunt, boast, abuse, and posture.

The gods do not desire the destruction of the infidel, but rather their salvation. New souls might be gained to battle 'tedious' on the side of 'inspired'.

If even one Grog, Game Pontificator or Ladder Warriour chooses to forego posting yet another bit of 'erudite, opinionated, but boring as ****e' info, or 'his win record, broken out by unit point ratios', and instead suddenly finds themself with shortened breath, anxious and excited after posting some taunting witticism, then I, for one, may count my life well spent.

Is there anyone on the planet who truly thinks that another painfully precise, technically perfect post on 'penetration values', 'armour thickness', or 'shatter effect', designed to make all things clear to the elite, while excluding anyone except 'those in the know' from any sort of participation, is superiour to a good turn of phrase, a well written taunt, or literary reference aimed at one's opponent?

Is there anyone who truly believes that what counts most is not playing the game, but winning the game? That the ability to keep score supersedes the joy of playing?

Are we to become less than the Ladder junkies, who endlessly point out their 'standing', without ever asking what they've achieved in the eyes of their opponents?

I hate each and every one of you, in a thorough-going and completely, utterly, and above all, 'personal' way. I have arrived at this by taunting, abusing, and, above all, 'playing' each one of you. When I have not yet had the opportunity to play you, I've at least made the effort to read your words, and tell you you're a useless pillock.

When I read things like 'GhostStringOfNumerals' posting endlessly about how he's rated X on the XXX Ladder, and how he doesn't think there's any 'serious' game play going on over at the Peng Challenge Thread, I have to ask myself: Isn't this another individual holding up a ruler and boasting about how many millimeters of penetration he should be capable of?

Is that what playing the game is reduced to? How big you want people to think it is, given your win/loss record and what the Abprufung test charts seem to indicate about your knowledge?

How much more innocent, then, seems the boasting, taunting, and abuse of the Peng Challenge Thread, which doesn't require a significant 'win/loss' record to participate. How naively immature the literary, musical, and historical references appear, especially when their only purpose is to amuse or inform, rather than establish a dominance of knowledge or information with which to dismiss the concepts or opinions of others.

How simple and straight-forward the Peng Challenge Thread, where people give each other ****e with a song and a smile, and achieve victories and defeats, make extravagant claims, and horrible rationalizations, and all without being reduced to viewing their opponents as another body-bag on the road to some supposed ladder status which will set to rest their insecurities regarding...their 'penetration' charts, or their insecurities regarding the documentation of their 'Charts comma Penetration comma Testing Ground Z '44 semi-colon using case-hardened arrogance on low-tensile newcomer interest'

The Ladder Junkies will tell you: My Tactical sense is superb! You should shut-up! You are nothing! My win/loss record proves you're worthless and unworthy!

The Grog Threads will tell you: My technical and historical knowledge is extensive. Please be quiet. Your lack of specific knowledge means you are nothing. My ability to quote highly specialized knowledge proves you are worthless and unworthy.

The Peng Challenge Thread will tell you: Our knowledge is imperfect, impromptu, and our abilities whatever we can make you believe! Sod Off! Your lack of any goddamn ability to engage our minds or interest is reason enough to neuter you and keep you from passing on your horrible, disfiguring lack of worthiness to another generation. Your arrogant ramblings about your ladder standing or your myopic and disturbing fixations on ammunition abilities of almost 60 years ago fill us with the hope that you haven't yet bred and passed your lack of humanity on to another generation. Because then we can neuter you, and make sure that your worthless and unworthy genes aren't inflicted on a whole new generation of posters!

Basically, we all share the same message, but we're having more fun with ours. For one thing, our manhood's not in question, and for another, we never, ever have to use the term 'Brinell hardness' and act like it matters a good goddamn in the ultimate scheme of human endeavour.

[Soddball]

Although I am a worthless wossname in the great scheme of things, I feel the need to applaud the sentiments of Seanachai. Thankyou. We are all equally worthless. Except me, who am worthlesser.

Thankyou for ignoring.

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mr. Johnson-<THC>-:

7:55 p.m. where are you Stalin? I hope your enjoying yourself what ever your doing. You get any of that kick ass D.B. up their in your parts. Hands down the best brewrey in Kiwiland. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thus proving your complete lack of taste as well as brains. Clearly you're used to drinking piss mixed with water...this is of course a good thing as it leaves the beer for the rest of us.

Drink up my hale and hearty.

[Mr. Johnson--]

Oh don't tell me you like Tui! In that case I will throw all caution to the wind, and simply kamikazi all of my troops!

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Good Damien ! Senility can sure ramble... without getting to a valid point.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Pray tell us, oh great pillock, how is inviting them in going to stop them from posting their drivel anyway? And since you have kindly allowed them to post here without observing the rules, why should they not post their drivel here?

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Seanachai posted:

Various drunken ramblings inviting the whole bloody bar home with him after last call omitted here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

and then

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Seanachai claimed:

Various feeble excuses about how the grogs of the Outerboards may want to come here and be one of the boys, rather like the forlorn hope he had in sixth grade that Mrs. Crabtree would like him as much as he liked her . . .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Berli, did you leave a bottle open around Seanachai again? Now look what you've done! He's more than fallen off the bloody wagon; he's fallen off the wagon, gotten up, run around front, and thrown himself under its wheels as it passed him by.

He was doing so well - after only five short years, he had climbed to step two on his twelve step program. And now this.

As a reminder of the dangers of mixing any Minnesotan with alcohol, and in hopes of his ultimate recovery (or at least in hopes that Berli or SOMEONE will stop him from posting open invitations to any Sten, Moon or Farte' to "step into the pool and thrill us with tales of their manly prowess"), I propose we name the next incarnation of the Muthah Beautiful Thread the following:

"I Hope I can Complete the Twelve Steps to the Peng Challenge".

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[boy_Recon]

hnmgh, hnmgh. urrghhh urrrgh mm-mm?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> The gods do not desire the destruction of the infidel, but rather their salvation. New souls might be gained to battle 'tedious' on the side of 'inspired'. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

ggrrhh gggrrrgh, hmphff ggrr-ggrr.

ungah-ungah!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> However, after a period of reflection (involving Guinness and a few old friends), I have decided against that course.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

whhrrrrrrrrrrrrr! thweep thweep! gnungh phhhtttt!!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Your lack of any ------- ability to engage our minds or interest is reason enough to neuter you and keep you from passing on your horrible, disfiguring lack of worthiness to another generation. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

groo phwtt groo, mmphthrup nngg nngg, wahufft grr phhtttt: OOGAHHH!!!

whzzzzle nngg ung oog . oograh oograh

[Panzer Leader]

Wow I think we havea winner. Get that boy-raised-by-raccoons outta here and shame on you O' my liege. Its one thing to give the homeless a quarter, but its QUITE another to invite them home. I tell you this now: I'll not be cleaning up their piss stains. They can sleep in the pig sty if you must have them, but leave me out of it! They are cretins and dolts, not worth the bandwidth they so carelessly suck up.

Onto another topic, I heartily agree with my nemisis Mrspkr with the thread title, but let's change it around to something like "The Twelve Step Program to the PENG CHALLENGE THREAD" or something a little more alliterative than Mrspkr's chunks of words hammered crudely into shape. A title needs to be a well crafted piece that rolls off the tongue with a ticklish brogue, not a steel-plated heavy chain of iron.

In my games, I am mostly dying alot. I was causing my opponents to die alot, but lately that well has pretty much dried up.

Oh, Lorak do I get a win for my and Dame Achin's aborted abortion where I managed to scrape a victory out of odds weighted so heavily in my favor that I wished I could've charged with my 88mm pillboxes.

Incidentally, I was a prepared defense line in a 9 battle operation, and Dame Achin' performed SO BADLY that I gained land at the end of the battle! Ha ha, I had a few hundred meters PAST my impenetrable Maginot Line!

In other news, I hate Lard.

[Goanna]

Newt, you may have a winner on your hands there. So, it is up to you to stay up and on line continuously from now on until Ol' Baldy sez start up a new un.

Bard they clearly ain't listening to you fella since not 30 minutes after your last dissertaion, a new thread started up about some Pershing T33 APBC yadda yadda gooney goo goo ****e.

What's the good of knowing everything about the pointy thing you got there unless you can periodically stick it in your buddy and watch him scream. Where's the hate, I ask you?

Example 1:

Sgt. Rock: What have you got their private?

Pvt. Pyle: Well gosh sergeant, this here's the latest gutmogrifyer type GM59B/6(7GR). It will eviserate a man in 59 milliseconds while leaving his uniform spotless. It uses a standard NATO power cell and can be used in all weather fighting against enemies in multivariant clothing types. Plus, since its the GR model, it comes with a 7 inch ganglia wrench attachment that allows us to hollow out the same man's skull and extract his spinal column coincidently with his eviseration and recover his hat in useable form. I have read all 3 volumes of the training manual on the gutmogrifyer and can strip it, clean it and reassemble it in the dark in a force 3 topical storm.

Sgt Rock: {zzzzz....} {nudge} Oh, uh... you ever use that thing private?

Pvt Pyle: Ummm, uhhhh, no I haven't sarge, what will all the reading and practicing and all.

Sgt Rock: {zzzzzzz}

Example 2:

Sgt Rock: What you got there private?

Pvt Peng: A sharpened stick.

Sgt Rock: What the hell is that good for?

Pvt Peng: Well, see how you can jab it into that exposed bit of Elvis' flesh there {jab}

Pvt Elvis: Owww! You mo*#$^%f*$&%^#!!

Pvt Peng: Hee hee {jab}

Sgt Rock: Hey let me give that a try {jab}

Pvt. Elvis: Owww! Dirty rotten c*$^su#%er!!!

Sgt. Rock: Wow, this is fun private!

Pvt. Peng: You think that's fun, hang on to these wires a minute and spray Elvis with this salt water hose whie I start up the generator...

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]

[Stuka]

Lets all poke Elvis with sharp sticks!

*Heres one I made earlier*

*Poke, Poke*

Well gosh darn it, this is fun!

BTW, this would be the same Elvis who is currently dropping as much of his steeenky French rickets on his own head as he is on mine.

Foo!

[boy_Recon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Get that boy-raised-by-raccoons outta here and shame on you O' my liege. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

snnfff ssnnff. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

An Open Invitation, Originally posted on Winecape's Invitational "Tournament of Chumps".

...

And an open invite. For any of the 'Invitation of Stars' Tourney, they've got a place to post, posture, and carry on like drunken sailors. No one will require the standard 'Peng Challenge Thread' rules and 'trial by ordeal'

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Kurtz-a-chai,

It is obvious that your methods have become unsound. The invitation of the unworthy "Tournament of Stars" participants shows that you are operating outside all the standards of Pooligan conduct. This is likely the result of some blow to the head. The high Brinell hardness of your skull has resulted in a far lower resistance to damage that its thickness would otherwise suggest, and like some modern day Phineas Gage, you have begun exhibit a marked change in behavior.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

[QB … then upon his victory, he has the right to status as a Seniour Knight.

[/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You, a one time Defender of the Faith have taken steps unheard of for one of the Old Ones. Steps that border on hearsay. You would confer the elevated status of not only Kannaggethood, but Senior Kannaggethood, on an unworthy individual on the basis of tournament wins?!? This is contrary to all the 'Pool has stood for, as a Beacon of hope in a forum overrun with Grogs and Ladderheads. I say stoning is to good for you. You will be terminated. Terminated with extreme prejudice. Expect a set-up monkeyboy.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Mi-chi-gan.

The Women are perky, healthy, provincial, and impressed with gold cards. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Is "Perky and Healthy" some sort of left coast euphemism for having per capita the largest posteriors in the nation, and perhaps the world?

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

[MrPeng]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

DALEM, THAT HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN, IS FROM MICHIGAN! HE IS NOT FROM MINNESOTA, NOR WOULD HE MEET THE MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS OF INTELLIGENCE, WIT, KNOWLEDGE, AND HUMOUR TO BELONG TO OUR STATE!

Now, should the gods, sometime in the future, decide to grace you with the most minimal ability to distinguish between piss and water, I'm sure you'll do well. Until then, drink deep, laddy. That's right, toss back every drop. Pillock.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OK, yes this is a good one MrSenileTea. You come from the state that has such the grand, intelligent, witty and brilliant collective funny bone that it elected Jesse "the Body" Ventura Governor.

WOOT

Peng

[Terence]

Oh look, I get to post right after peng, my post nestled up against his, in a way that should delight, disgust or at least dismay the rest of you.

pbbbttttt!

[MrSpkr]

Okay, move along to the new thread.

Go on.

Move along, that's a good lad.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by chrisl:

And you can keep dalem, whatever it is that he turns out to be. Ann Arbor will be much improved with the cloud of his existence removed. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I sentence you to the dark streets of Ypsilanti for that one.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by boy_scouter:

hnmgh, hnmgh. urrghhh urrrgh mm-mm?

groo phwtt groo, mmphthrup nngg nngg, wahufft grr phhtttt: OOGAHHH!!!

whzzzzle nngg ung oog . oograh oograh <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dammit Sunshine, this is YOUR FAULT!! You clean it up!!!

[Agua Perdido]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Terence:

pbbbttttt!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Most intelligent thing you've posted yet. Now stop spitting and send me a file, you wank. You've had my turn for over thirty minutes. Chop-chop! You've got a lot more Dying-A-Lot to do.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Is that a bloody Hetzer?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Famous last words.

Yes, I put it right by the map edge--the only feckin' place on the map not covered by overlapping, reverse-slope, grazing, skipping, treebursting, all-singing-all-dancing Killzones of the Apocalypse. Don't whine to me about leaving your flanks exposed (get 'im, Bauhaus!).

As for your uber-Vickers, I've decided I'm just going to ignore it. After I've killed every single one of your other units, I'll take the surrendered Vickers crew and strap 'em into chairs with their eyes forced open a la A Clockwork Orange and make 'em read every post rexford has ever made. Now send me a feckin' turn and make with the Dying-A-Lot.

Agua Perdido