If Peng Challenges No One In The Forest, Will He Still Lose?

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Ah, another fine morning o' Cess. Let's get right into the

UPDATES!

Anyhow, Seanachai's cheating, code-hacked, utterly-rigged map (on which all his defenders are ambushing from reverse-slope positions (sometimes from several directions at once)) is finally proving to be his undoing. My Hetzer from Hell found a nice hull-down spot on the edge of the map (which I've been hugging in a very sporting, totally fair, utterly historical fashion), and has KO'd two 6lbers and two Cromwells over the last few turns. It is ready to wreak further vengeance with its last two rounds of HE. My battered infantry force is closing in from all directions (after marching for nearly 20 turns to get in his rear--Bauhaus, please; even you can't be interested in such an obvious one), and it's become a race to see if I can blast my way to the VLs before the clock runs out. ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Is that a bloody Hetzer? No wonder I haven't been able to kill the sodding thing; I hit it enough times. I would have pulled that first Crommie back if I'd realized it was a Hetzer. Put one of those things where it can't be hit from the rear or sides (for example, two chasis lengths from the edge of the map; not that any of my opponents, of course, would concentrate their entire assault along the farthest edge of the map), and everything just skips endlessly off it. Until I started playing PBEMs I'd never realized that Hetzers were the primary AFV of the German army.

Thank you, indeed, Agua (may I call you Agua? It just seems so right now that I hate you in a very personal and embracing sort of way), for the valuable intelligence that it's a fornicating Hetzer with only 2 rounds of HE left. That's prime info, or, at least, it would be if I could do one freaking thing about it, which I can't. Still, this sort of timely info now frees my defensive resources up to begin dying under your SS Rifle company human wave attacks, without the need to cast their eyes up to the ridge (inches from the map edge) from which came the death of the support units that were maintaining them in their stout-hearted defense against your repeatedly shattered attempts to overrun them.

You're a fine opponent, truly you are, and doubtless your assault will someday be studied by future generations of Peng Challenge Thread members. Especially the first fifteen turns during which you sacrificed an entire rifle platoon, dedicated a tank and light tank(HT?), and most of the fire of 6 HMG 42s, as well as much of your available artillery, in order to destroy one Vickers MG which is still firing at you. The surviving members of the crew have sworn Blood Hamster on you, and I will dedicate all my resources to seeing that their last wishes are carried out. In the immortal words of Corporal John Thomas 'Wally' Knobwandering: "I want the bastard humiliated, I do. I owe it to Teddy, and Ginger, and Llewelyn, Tom and Winkles of Vickers crew T12. And when you do for him, Lord Seanachai (I keep telling the men, there's no Nobility in foxholes, just blokes all together, but they won't listen), I want you to take this picture of the six of us wearin' humourous novelty eyeglasses and noses, and shove it right up his bum until he can see it in front of him."

You may win this battle, my dear Agua Perdido, but whatever the outcome, a reckoning will be required of you. And when the time comes for you to pay your bill to the men of Vickers crew T12, I hope you'll have had only a light breakfast of healthful foodstuffs that won't cause you excessive discomfort as they're run backwards out through your system. Oh, and Corporal Knobwandering will be the one on the left end; Winkles is the one in the middle making the humourous gesture (there's always one).

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by *Captain Foobar*:

[insert potty joke here]

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Roight!

You can sit in the corner with Mace and Zhukov's piano.

Take a good, long look at yourself and think about what youv'e done wrong, young man.

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mr. Johnny-come-lately wrote:

I do spend all of my days of recent dreaming of burning down your house and farm, raping your horses and pillaging your women.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Look at this fellas, one of them is showing signs of a sense of humour! I think we may have to have the other one put down, though, it's lively enough, but sadly lacking in redeeming features.

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Brilliant? Witty? Zany? Sparkling?

No?

Typical of the trailer trash wandering around the 'pool these days?

Sadly, yes.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A perfect sumation old boy! Rarely has one of this thread had such insight.

So what?

BTW when are you going to fess up about the real reasons for chickening out of playing me?

We all know that you lied about not liking the map, because all yo ever received was the purchase turn, and everyone knows that one of the holy tennents of CM is:

XXIV:

Thou shalt not get to see the map before thou shalt purchase thy troops.

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Look at this fellas, one of them is showing signs of a sense of humour! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That was funny? An old Viking joke from the days when men were men and sheep hadn't learned to fear Short thick bashing implement??!

Sheesh - I shall stop trying to be original immediately! Now where's my collection of Hagar comic strips to keep these cretins amused.......

[Lars]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mr. Johnson-<THC>-:

I can assure you Lars that I am not a fan of wrestling, unless it involes women covered in Redhook ESB. And I'm no child molester even though I do spend all of my days of recent dreaming of burning down your house and farm, raping your horses and pillaging your women.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Jeezus Christ on a crutch, Mr. Johnson, can't you read you idjit! NO BOLDING FOR SSN'S.

When did you decide to move up to beastiality? Did the treatment work and you're just looking for a fellow gelding? Stay with Stalin's soon to fall off Organ.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

When you can think of something clever to say, shut up anyway.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Live by your own rules I say!

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Further the Germanic dive bomber said:

Macey, a Kniggget of the round table should know better.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

We have a Round table?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>and in a unrelated post by Dalek:

AAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

How many eyes have you got?

Mace

[David Aitken]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Stucco wrote:

Take a good, long look at yourself<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Isn't that the whole problem with these nasty little men?

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

And then someone in my gaming group says "tonight we're doing the decisive battle in the War of Spanish Succession" and I burst into tears because I'd never even heard of the War of Spanish Succession and they're all pointing and laughing and I haven't even scratched the surface of the Far East and what about all the rest that I'm leaving out and --

[ 07-02-2001: Message edited by: dalem ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

lip curled with disgust

Dalem doesn't know about the bloody War of the Spanish Succession? I say no one plays any reindeer games with the quivering little lump of ignorance until he shows up here and posts a longish post about Queen Anne's War and it's significance in the European theatre of the time. Pillock.

[Lorak]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

lip curled with disgust

Dalem doesn't know about the bloody War of the Spanish Succession? I say no one plays any reindeer games with the quivering little lump of ignorance until he shows up here and posts a longish post about Queen Anne's War and it's significance in the European theatre of the time. Pillock.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Queen Anne?

Was she the lady that fought for france and then had her head cut off by the green night? Or was she the one who was riding in a big wooden horse and had her eyes plucked out everyday tied to a rock?

Lorak

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Typical of the trailer trash wandering around the 'pool these days?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If only we COULD get some trailer trash ...

Joe

[Stuka]

Originally posted by Stalin's Organ:

BTW when are you going to fess up about the real reasons for chickening out of playing me?

Because you are a juvenile, humourless dork.

Besides which, your social standing places you far, far, far beneath my contempt. The lowest of Serf piss-boys would turn his nose up at the prospect of playing you.

I joust with the elite of the 'pool, the educated classes, the creme de la creme of society. Failing that, I joust with kniggetts.

Frankly, (can I call you Frank?, I prefer Pecker), frankly I find your fascination with me to be rather disturbing.

Do not pine for me, little one. I'm sure somewhere in the world there is a man for you who will return your angst ridden feelings. It is not me.

*Gently* Now away with you.Shoo..Shoo.

[Stalin's Organ]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Because you are a juvenile, humourless dork.

Besides which, your social standing places you far, far, far beneath my contempt<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmm...two obviously self contradictory statements if ever there were any. But at least some honesty. Perhaps there's hope for you and your ilk. Or perhaps not.

And obviously the crankiness quotient is bubbling over too. Never mind, with all the other sort of bubbles being generated here a litle crankiness won't go amiss.

Having wrung a barely intelligible truth from you I shall leave your carcass to recover in hte sun - to dream, perchance to rot and become something useful - like a breeding ground for blowflies.

[ 07-02-2001: Message edited by: Stalin's Organ ]

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Because you are a juvenile, humourless dork.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sir Stuka? I think you forgot something here.

Hmmm.

[serious] Because you are a juvenile, humourless [sic] dork. [/serious]

There. That's much better.

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Sunshine:

lip curled with some sort of inbred defect disgust

Dalem doesn't know about the bloody War of the Spanish Succession? I say no one plays any reindeer games with the quivering little lump of ignorance until he shows up here and posts a longish post about Queen Anne's War and it's significance in the European theatre of the time. Pillock.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hey Papa Hemmingway, perhaps before your next post you could review the proper use of the possessive form of the pronoun "it"? I'll give you a hint: "...and it's significance..." is the Sunshine method. "...and its significance..." is the other, correct method.

And after skimming through the last two millenia of European history, what I've gathered is that in spite of solid, regular efforts to the contrary by most Europeans, and the occasional outside try from the rest of the world, Europe remains depressingly full of Europeans. I assume this "Queen Anne" person was yet another such.

[MrSpkr]

Hey dalem, if you got time to stand around and display your lack of knowledge on matters of military history, YOU HAVE TIME TO RETURN THE SETUP I SENT YOU LAST WEEK!

Worthless, lazy good for nothing Minnesotans. Geez.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Worthless, lazy good for nothing Minnesotans<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>MrSpkr, must I remind you that this is the CessPool? There is no place for factual, truthful statements about our opponents in HERE. Now either come up with some vicious, nasty lies or pack it in.

Joe

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mr. Johnson-<THC>-:

I can assure you Lars that I am not a fan of wrestling, unless it involes women covered in Redhook ESB.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

takes a quick moment to confirm the label

You useless swine. Now you've ruined that for me, as well. You need dealing with, lad, and you shall have it. And you shall rue the accounting.

[ 07-02-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Hey dalem, if you got time to stand around and display your lack of knowledge on matters of military history, YOU HAVE TIME TO RETURN THE SETUP I SENT YOU LAST WEEK!

Worthless, lazy good for nothing Minnesotans. Geez.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, Spanky, Z) I did send it back to you on 06/27/01 02:03 EST, but I will resend it because I don't like to tease the mentally challenged.

And first, currently I live in Michigan, not Minnesota. However I am planning on moving to Minneapolis soon, so like 50 monkeys banging on 50 typewriters you have managed to produce something cogent.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MrSpkr:

Hey dalem, if you got time to stand around and display your lack of knowledge on matters of military history, YOU HAVE TIME TO RETURN THE SETUP I SENT YOU LAST WEEK!

Worthless, lazy good for nothing Minnesotans. Geez.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Dear Former Squire, Who Until This Moment Made Me...Well, Not Proud, Exactly, But Less Ashamed.

DALEM, THAT HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN, IS FROM MICHIGAN! HE IS NOT FROM MINNESOTA, NOR WOULD HE MEET THE MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS OF INTELLIGENCE, WIT, KNOWLEDGE, AND HUMOUR TO BELONG TO OUR STATE!

Now, should the gods, sometime in the future, decide to grace you with the most minimal ability to distinguish between piss and water, I'm sure you'll do well. Until then, drink deep, laddy. That's right, toss back every drop. Pillock.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

We have our standards, fellow 'poolers, and I must remind all that one gains admittance to the CessPool ONLY through the strength of their own virtues (or faults in the case of Berli). Let's not be INVITING participation lads, it looks bad on the outerboards.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Didn't we go through that whole period where Meeks was recruiting? Not that the results were always bad, but it did lower the bar, and there was a lot of complaining about the lads having to drink on their knees.

By the by, where in the sodding netherworld is Meeks? One could almost miss the useless young bastard.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Finally, I note with dismay that Lard has not received even a smidgen of the scorn given (with great justification) to the other SSNs such as Stall in Oregon and Missed Her Johnson. Now granted, when placed against those two stellar specimens, Lard is easy to miss, but damnit chaps, WE HAVE STANDARDS TO MAINTAIN.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well, Shaw, my most Esteemed Excressence (capitalization for truly disfigured Seniour Knights), as the saying goes: When You're Right, er...it makes me re-check my thinking, as well as performing a whole barrage of tests, like 'sobriety level', 'am I hallucinating on anything?', 'if I'm reading more of Shaw's seemingly endless posts, why aren't I hallucinating on anything?', and 'is that the overhead light, or is the mothership descending', and, finally, 'is that Shaw posting again, note to self: remember to call the attorney and check on the status of our personal injury suit as regards posting of Mormon Wives, and whether that bastarding attorney will confess to having purchased Hetzers yet again in a goddamn game...oh my gods, I have hands! Why aren't I in charge of the Universe? Look at these fabulous devices for manipulating objects and...Shaw, that's bloody right, stay focused on Shaw, and something the useless bastard said...Ah! Abusing that Newcomer from Mound'.

So, Shaw, you toad. You're right. A recent arrival has hardly been acknowledged.

Lars:

Landsmann! I see you are from...Mound. How appropriate. Another wanker from one of the Twin Cities' most appropriately named suburbs. You have posted several times now, in that 'well I guess I'm as good as the next streak of piss, but don't wish to make any issue out of it' way that all self-effacing but stubbornly-determined-to kill-all-enemies-out-of-hand Minnesota Scandos have. Decided to turn off Garrison Keillor for an afternoon or two and post a few quasi-rude remarks on the Peng Challenge Thread, have you?

From your chosen appelative I assume you're another of those stolid, low-affect, 'eyes on the ground, head-shaking' Squareheads with which our otherwise fair State is completely overrun; maintaining with clenched jaw that 'you know a thing or two about a thing or two', and that you're not sure if you should be posting here because, 'hey, I don't know what the Minister would say. These Peng Challengers, I don't think they are church folk, you know? I don't know as how I should be posting with them. I think they're a little too fancy in their thinking and rough speaking for honest folk.'

Let me just make you most welcome. I always have a wink and a nod for another Minnesotan, especially for you hardinger fiddle, nickleharpe listening Scandinavian sociopaths who are still working through whether Luther or Calvin was hard enough on the sinners, and brooding about what was said to your Grandfather when he first married, and whether it was finally time to avenge the insult, if it was an insult, although the family's been rehashing it for 40 years and are pretty damn sure it wasn't meant as a compliment, you know.

Now that, you lack-witted swine, is at least the beginnings of the way to insult a Minnesotan.

Note to Lars: Most of these idjits are still wound up with some kind of mental aberration that makes them swing between 'Little House on the Prairie' and the Cohen Brothers movie 'Fargo' when dealing with us. Don't expect too much when it comes to 'regional' abuse.

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[bauhaus]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stalin's Organ:

What fantasy world did you say your brain cell is inhabiting? I have no such illusions.

My presence here is obviously embarrasing to many people made uncomfortable by my brilliance, wit, zany sense of humour and sparkling personality.

Of course all you inadequate excuses for humanity want me to leave so you no longer are illuminated by my brilliance.

However I am feeling unusually charitable this millenium, so have bought my light to this dark, damp corner of the universe. Your lives will be better for having known me, and my reward shall come in heaven, where I shall surely go once my work here is complete.

For the liturgically impaired this means: why would I care about anything you have to say?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You bore me.

[Stuka]

Seanoop doggy dog, less posting more turn mailing is required of you.

I am leaving work early today and am eager to drive the final nail into your coffin.

Toodles

[Goanna]

OK, just to clear up a few points in the last few pages I have missed while sleeping.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> . . . they have Bishops but they are LAY bishops ... and then there's our Official Utah State Pornography Czar ... who's a twenty-something lass who proudly states that she's a virgin.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Perhaps that’s just to allow them to be pre-stigmatised when they get caught doing the choirboys? Or is that the Catholics? Better get bauhaus or one of the other mackerel-snappers in here for adjudication on that one.

So, how exactly would a 40 year old virgin be able to recognise hard core porn from, say, a bad Brooke Shields film (I know, I know, bad Brooke shields flick is repetitive, but you get my point)? Although, I could understand her being able to rate appliances.

Aside from that Shaw, you will be pleased to know that your two-months stale turn has now been received, sanitised, processed and returned.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Mouse squeaked:

By the way, this has got to be the stupidest thread title the Mutha B has ever been cursed to wear.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Rubbish! You should have been around back in December of '99 when we experimented with the whole ABBA motif. Those would give SSN’s an aneurysm before the site even totally loaded.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Verbal diarrhea from the Bard:

Note to Lars: Most of these idjits are still wound up with some kind of mental aberration that makes them swing between 'Little House on the Prairie' and the Cohen Brothers movie 'Fargo' when dealing with us. Don't expect too much when it comes to 'regional' abuse.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You call that a welcome, do you? How about you put some teeth in it next time, or perhaps you are looking for some new buddies you can share a hot dish with before rushing off to catch whether the effete elitists from Edina are going to best the battlers from Bemidji in the state hockey tournament? Pillock indeed.

I am kicking everyone's arse so bad they will be using their cheeks for earflaps come winter. Well, all except for Speedy, but he'll get his too, I can assure you. New set-ups coming tomorrow for Berli, bauhaus and Mace which should fill my plate for a while.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well, Shaw, my most Esteemed Excressence (capitalization for truly disfigured Seniour Knights), as the saying goes: When You're Right ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And am I then, {choke} a Seniour Knight? One hopes, nay dreams, of course of becoming acknowledged as a Seniour Knight. One puts in the time reading the posts (yes, even those of Seanachai ... what's a few dozen nights of disturbed dreams and uneasy stomachs, no pain no gain as they say), one deals with the unruly squires and corrects them when the perform the equivilant of piddling on the carpet (yes Speedbump, we haven't forgotten, though we've forgiven) and one even plays the games against the swine whom one is obliged to play (well ... that doesn't really narrow it down much does it). But the days merge into weeks and then to months and while one continues the effort one will, eventually, begin to despair and ... yes, even doubt one's worthyness.

Oh I've paid my dues all right. I've endured the slings and arrows (talk about your gamey weapons) and I've done my part and perhaps more than my part to keep the CessPool free of the riff-raff. I did, after all, originate the term Scum Sucking Newbie and Berli himself acknowledged that my posting of the rules was as compendious as he'd seen and that it was <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>"... a true service to the Mutha Beautiful Thread." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

But to be made a Seniour Knight ... I'm at a loss for words.

Joe

[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]