How The Peng Challenge Was Won And Where It Got Us

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by harpoon:

Who do I have to annihilate to make it to knighthood?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Hmm. I don't know that you're quite ready for a kniggethood joust yet. More like a carnival of torture for the enjoyment of the cesspool, then maybe a battle for kniggethood. You should start by carefully selecting one of the more recent additions to the pool, or in their absence, jake the scheming lawyer snake, who lies about setup parameters and is a little too fond of smoke. He also is still a squire (actually he's not even a squire-- more like park-bench dwelling lobbyist looking for a sponsor). I'll provide the scenario-- I think it's pretty well balanced, though it's certainly got some surprises. I actually prefer to rip jake's face off myself though, so I'd recommend that you go slap one of the other new squires with a smelly fish.

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Perhaps you'd all relax if'n you had a respectable number, say, one below 691<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Or better yet, one that is less than 100

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

I raise an eyebrow in your direction and perhaps flare a nostril a little but no more.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And will you wiggle those ears for me as well?....that is so goddam cute!!!!

[harpooner]

Thanks for the sponsorship Chrisl. My own interest is in finding worthy opponents upon which to hone my battle skills. I'm not sure who is a knight and who is a squire. I'd like to play anyone who is currently playing or recently played my cousin, Elijah Meeks. He beats me almost every time, but not by much. We compare notes, and he has taken on some of my favorite opponents already, too.

However, there is one particular knave who needs a bit of straightening out here.....

Stuka--AKA penis-breath--No, no, no, sir you have it all wrong. It's Meeks who thinks that you are barely tolerable...kinda like a recurrant poison ivy infection that one enjoys scratching. But, I still think that you are as dumb as toast. You have the intellect of a bruised marsupial, and I suspect that, like most Aussies, you enjoy the occasional mugwumping of a sheep or two in the backyard when no one is looking.

You are a scurvy, Limey, Penal-implant, living on a primitive desert island lost somewhere in the nether regions of the Indian Ocean. I suspect this island to be somewhere near, and akin to, MADAGASCAR, or perhaps closer in proximity and in level of cultural refinement to TASMANIA.

We here in the civilized areas of the world give your little atoll about as much thought as King George gave to a boil on his ass, in fact, Austrailia IS a boil on the ass of the world, wayyy down on the bottom. I don't think that humans were actually meant to live there...leave it for the lizards and the dingos, I say.

If there were any justice, a typhoon would conjure up a real tsunami tidal-wave to cleanse the place of all the riff-raff. Then we could make something useful out of it as a destination for rich American tourists. We might even inhabit the place with people who don't try to speak the King's English as though they had a mouthful of 'roo and had just quaffed seven Fosters.

Q: What's the difference between yogurt and Austrailia?

A: Yogurt has an active culture.

That's about it though, puss-wank.

[Wesreidau]

I'm teed off.

One, because I'm scheduled to do ten weeks of work in 8 and everyone looks surprised when i have to work overtime (and not paid for it)

And two, because I went to all the trouble of setting up that squire match and THE USELESS BASTARDS Stevetherat and Hamsters won't even post one measly picture or update! Scum!

PeterNZ

[harpooner]

I'll prod Hamsters/Meeks, but like I said, the man is extremely busy as of late and may therefore become lax in his posting duties as such.

Give him a break, man.

Now go away or I will taunt a second time....silly English knnnnnniggets.

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by harpooner:

I'm jealous. I so want to be an Aussie, but they won't have me! Is it because of my poor stature from a lack of a healthy environment? Or is it my relatively low IQ? BOOHOO<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I must admit the good thing about being an Australian is that we're as far as we can possibly get from you lard-mooner!

Just how we like it!

Mace

[Stuka]

HardSpooner old sausage, you are indeed fortunate that in these days of enlightenment, in these days of the New 'Pool, in these days of sensitive new-age guyness , that a Kniggett of the "Old 'pool", may not ride out upon the heath atop his mighty squire and run you through with his lance like the perforated abcess that you are.

I am tempted sorely to crush you like a teenage pimple on prom night, but alas, tradition dictates that you must bitch fight a lesser mortal than I.

I have a squire who is proving adequate in both battle and taunt, and should it please me to see Leeo dance on your cremated ashes after he has disposed of David of Aitken, I will ask of the round table of the 'pool for a map and forces to whit your utter humiliation at the hands of the erstwhile Leeo will behold.

Now Sod Off, you annoying adolescent.

[Leeo]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

I have a squire who is proving adequate in both battle and taunt, and should it please me to see Leeo dance on your cremated ashes after he has disposed of David of Aitken, I will ask of the round table of the 'pool for a map and forces to whit your utter humiliation at the hands of the erstwhile Leeo will behold.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

OOoooo, let me at 'im, let me at 'im! I'll moiderize him, I'll play jump-rope with his intestines, I'll give you his skull for a piss-bucket. Please, Sire, unchain me and set me upon the malodorous mangy mongerel (damn, that's what I get for playing that alliterative Deke Fentle).

Updates:

Elvis still hasn't found me, and is complaining loudly. He's wasted much of his artillery on blasting empty bushes, and can claim the glorious victory of having killed exactly one LMG scout.

Agua Perdido has gone missing, but up to this point we've just begun to exchange fire.

Deke Fentle has proven his gamey-ness and fear of catching bullets by purchasing (gasp) bunkers! They are having a somewhat difficult time seeing through the smoke, but the gamey bastidge benefited quite well from the premature charge-lation of a couple of shermans and an idiot FO who ordered HE on a bunker rather than smoke. My Americans have shown their inherent attraction to lead poisoning.

David Aitken is now starting to complain about having chosen a rainy night scenario. He complains with good reason, for after I sprung a reverse slope ambush which destroyed a Churchill and a few squads, mortars, MGs, and other accoutrements of war, his Brits are now shooting up trees, bushes, rocks, and each other.

So, Spooner, I'll stomp you with glee, for you are a dimwit dullard, who's closest relationship is with your own fist. Now toddle off to get a fresh diaper, because you're starting to stink.

Ta ta for now!

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: Leeo ]

[Wesreidau]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by harpooner:

I'll prod Hamsters/Meeks, but like I said, the man is extremely busy as of late and may therefore become lax in his posting duties as such.

Give him a break, man.

Now go away or I will taunt a second time....silly English knnnnnniggets.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You fetid little monkey ass scratching post! You call that a taunt? The Pope's flatulance has more piss and bile, my grandmother could taunt you into the ground if you call that a 'taunt'.

You who are related to Hamster, I care not if he is busy, you are busy, you're both banging each others mothers, or each other, all I care about is that I see NO UPDATES on the squire match. Useless sods. That goes for my squire too who deserves a jolly good beating.

I will not give him a break, nor will i give you a break you horrid little man. Go find Hamsers sister, she does a better line in taunt than either of you.

Now, Stuke, I have Gilligan's Nightmare ready to go for any squire battle. You can, of course, fiddle the points/units as you see fit, but it is amusing. Let me know

PeterNZ

[mensch]

challanges are out to some gits that visit here often.. one it the famous map edge hugging gamey git BERLI and the Gamey complaing JOE SHAW and to that Meekses GIT what ever his name is.

my I hope the refuse my challanges so I can laugh at them very hard here in the cess for being a panty wearing latext dressed sissyboys! hehe... and berli no gamey map edge hugging this time!! you smelly balding old guy.. jeezus 40... I heard Christ has 55!!! the only one older then you is George Burns and he had 2!!

[Speedy]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by harpooner:

...snip....

Q: What's the difference between yogurt and Austrailia?

A: Yogurt has an active culture.

.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'd take beer over culture any day.

[Goanna]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>...leave it for the lizards and the dingos, I say.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Did someone call me?

That'll be the day when we take a pinch from greasy MF like you.

I am on some emergency leave which is why you have all gotten jack out of me for about a week. Anyone wanting to continue to take it like a marsupial can send me the latest at o_two@telstra.com and I can play on the road.

Now, what's MY number. (The real reason I had to drop a note)

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Originally posted by dalem:

[qb]Perhaps you'd all relax if'n you had a respectable number, say, one below 691<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Or better yet, one that is less than 100[/QB]

Well, you don't really count, WhirlyBerli, because I'm really only talking about humans and subhumans, not 3-dimensional cross-sections of multidimensional beings who accidentally get trapped on the CM Boards, which clearly you are. And while lurking as the nasty monster of The Pool "finish your asparagus, child, or The Berli will get you!" since before the dawn of time has served you well, eventually you will run out of victims.

40 indeed.

[chrisl]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

I will ask of the round table of the 'pool for a map and forces to whit your utter humiliation at the hands of the erstwhile Leeo will behold.

.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I shall provide a map and units. They will wing their way to Leeo shortly.

[Joe Shaw]

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, We (We're thinking of adopting the Imperial WE when referring to ourselves in the future so We thought We'd try it out) have been challenged by none other than the infamous and tauntically challenged Mensch! Note the bile and creativity of his taunt: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>... and the Gamey complaing JOE SHAW <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Now REALLY! Is that the best you can do? Had you actually READ Our post (yes, yes it would take you longer to have to sound out ALL the words) you'd have found that We weren't complaining but rather trying to establish a heirarcy of Gamieness. Second, you poor fool, there is no taunt involved in your challenge and this IS the CessPool. Why if some rank newbie had wandered in and offered a challenge in that form we'd have laughed him off the board and rightly so.

Now We can hardly expect Berli or Seanachai quality taunts from someone with a member number like {SNEER} ... 2110 {snort}, but there ARE standards.

Finally, SHOULD We honor you by accepted your FUTURE challenge (this one has gone by the board for the above referenced reasons) kindly send a setup that does NOT include the following which, regrettably, were included in your presumptious and premature setup:

1. NIGHT

2. GREEN troops

3. ARMOR type

4. RAIN

5. COMPUTER purchase

Now any one, two or even THREE of the above might make for a reasonable scenario, but the inclusion of FIVE of them clearly is designed to create a scenario that will be won through LUCK only and will provide NO scope for tactics to prevail! The only reason anyone would send such a scenario would be if they realized that it presented the ONLY hope they had to ... OH ... well, We see.

Should you decide to send another setup that has some resemblence to a reasonable setup, kindly do Us the favor of attaching a jpeg of the setup screen since ... obviously ... you can't be trusted.

Joe

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by dalem:

Hey Marlowbrow-

I owe you a rematch too, don't I? Something to assuage your guilt at the Draw that so curdled the milk in your udders?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes you do. Get on it Bitch Boy.

[jd]

Seen posted on the (gasp!)main board by mensch who is obviously patrolling for nubile young flesh <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>... if you want you can follow me into the cess and we would gladly use you for a beta abuse tester <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: jd ]

[Joe Shaw]

{gag} Well done, jd, nicely spotted.

There now that wasn't so difficult was it?

Well, not difficult perhaps, but it certainly left a foul aftertaste.

Yes, well, referring to lawyers in complimentary terms will do that.

In any case, Mensch cease thy trolling damnit! Why the next thing you know we'll be inundated with newbies mewling for a game ... oh please, sir, may I have a game sir? I'll be ever so nice sir and shall not be at all gamey, if it please your lordship. Bah! Then we have to go to all the trouble of teaching them how to taunt and what the rules and ranks are and ... well ... it JUST WON'T DO!

Joe

[chrisl]

A file is on the way to Leeo, who will be playing Allies. I was too lazy to put in a scenario briefing, but I'll put one here.

It's some time during the war (I can't remember what month I selected) and the Germans are on the run. The allies have pushed them back to some river and are driving madly to get across, because the Germans have developed a secret new weapon known so far only as the "vortex machine" and it's not even known what it does, but it's believed to be so advanced that if it can be put into action it will enable the Germans to handily turn the tide. The laboratories where it's being developed are only a few kilometers beyond the lightly defended river crossing, and both sides are desperately rushing forces into action to attack/defend the river crossing as appropriate. Intelligence reports suggest that the Germans may try to use the new überweapon out of desperation, even though it's not yet been fully tested.

The the Allied player can expect the crossing to be defended by an understrength company, possibly with some static defenses. Air observations report that there are Germans rushing to the crossing from all directions.

The German player should expect a couple lightly reinforced companies to be attacking his positions, but with all available allied forces in the area following to complete and exploit the breach.

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

[QBIn any case, Mensch cease thy trolling damnit! Why the next thing you know we'll be inundated with newbies [/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ladies and GentleWorms, Children of all ages, Hurry, Hurry, Hurry, Come one, Come all, and behold the freaks of the Cesspool.

See the amazing collection of semi-human abominations dalem the earless wonder and SteveTheGit

Be shocked by the incomprehensible gibberish of Mensch the Addled and OBGYN

Be astounded as Meeks/Hamster kisses his own ass

Frighten the young'ens with the sights of Mace the SheepBoy and Wildman

Enjoy hourly close order manooovering by We are Croda, and daily Elvis sightings.

Win prizes at the world famous Squire Shooting Gallery. All your favorite newbie morons are here, Leeo, DishWater, DekeFentle and of course, everyone's favorite target Lawyer) …

We also have Miss Kitty's Burlesque, featuring: dancing Lawyers, Hiram juggling, the disappearing Nijis, and the celebrated Mr. Kite on trampoline.

Amazing sights and sounds from other 'Poolers disturbed beyond mention await within. Hurry, Hurry, Hurry.

[Leeo]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by chrisl:

A file is on the way to Leeo, who will be playing Allies. I was too lazy to put in a scenario briefing, but I'll put one here.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>The Allies? I can't stand them!

<LI>A river crossing? I can't swim!

<LI>An uber weapon? I can't believe it!

<LI>A chance to kick spooner's arse so bad he'll have to wipe his lips every time he takes a dump? I can't wait!

Now sod off, all you low-numbered, "Look-how-lovely-and-special-I-am-in-a-lacey,-foppish-sort-of-way" knee-benders. Ya gits.

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Original winey blurbs by Joe Shaw:

Second, you poor fool, there is no taunt involved in your challenge and this IS the CessPool. Why if some rank newbie had wandered in and offered a challenge in that form we'd have laughed him off the board and rightly so.

Finally, SHOULD We honor you by accepted your FUTURE challenge (this one has gone by the board for the above referenced reasons) kindly send a setup that does NOT include the following which, regrettably, were included in your presumptious and premature setup:

1. NIGHT

2. GREEN troops

3. ARMOR type

4. RAIN

5. COMPUTER purchase

Now any one, two or even THREE of the

Joe

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: Joe the picky git who can't stand the sight of smelling mistakes Shaw ]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

well JOE you harried ass sex monkey it appears your decline to my battle shows that you are not only a one handed willy wacker but acctually showed fear in my set up!!! my my, it appears Joe has met his match this time you my sir are the first to decline a battle from me!! even the lowly pong accepted a nasty mix of crap I slurred together, heck Senachoman accepted a challange from me without knowing the mad mench can even bring him to his knees (sit down Mace).

Now an official challange you want? I would have like to insult you, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me.

joe your cruelly depriving a village somewhere of an idiot, best you ask around people will obviously point you in the right direction so just to get rid of you.

so whats with this member number thing??? That's a low blow - and talking of low blows, how's your mother?

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally typed by Marlow:

I have a keyboard and look everyone!!! I can use my hands other then touching myself all day!!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

hey Marlow pardon me, but you're obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a damn what you write.

lad, whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly.

I like you Marlow. People say I've got no taste, but I like you.

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www.derkessel.com Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"

-The_Capt

[ 04-10-2001: Message edited by: mensch ]

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jd:

Seen posted on the (gasp!)main board by mensch who is obviously patrolling for nubile young flesh<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

well JD.. may I call you buttmunch? well Mr. Munch as unlike you who have a main squeeze here in the Cess (your que Joe - *stands and bows*) I look for new "flesh" as you may call it.. but hark my words all this inbreeding causes nothing but sorrow, just look at Marlow for example he's so ugly, when he was a little boy, they had to put a pot roast in his lap so the dog would play with him. What a shame the mutt got carried away! still, the chewed-up look is in this season.

you don't like it... do something about it, I dare you to actually fire half of your one brain synap to think of something, take your time I wouldn't want to be the cause of any accident, I heard its hard enough for you breathing and moving your eyes at the same time.

Here's a scoopy snack chill.

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www.derkessel.com Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

"So if it is a coy of flamethowers lighting up everything in sight like a Mongolian barbecue chef gone postal, and your opponent is OK with it, PLAY ON!"

-The_Capt