Peng, Your Challenge Necessitates Gamey Manouvrouvrevoouvring!

[Leeo]

Originally posted by bauhaus:

Fleao-

You hath not earned the right to tell me to sit down. Sod off now you sniffer of farts!

Wow. Again with the Name Changing™ . How creative. I'm stabbed to the heart. Really, I am.

My mistake. I was under the assumption (along with 6-plus billion other people) that every breathing thing, with its first respiration, was imbibed with the unalienable right to tell you to sit down. Now as far as getting you to "stand" up in the first place, why I agree that falls exclusively as the sole right of Mace.

[bauhaus]

Originally posted by Leeo:

Wow. Again with the Name Changing™ . How creative. I'm stabbed to the heart. Really, I am.

My mistake. I was under the assumption (along with 6-plus billion other people) that every breathing thing, with its first respiration, was imbibed with the unalienable right to tell you to sit down. Now as far as getting you to "stand" up in the first place, why I agree that falls exclusively as the sole right of Mace.

Fleao, you're like a gnat that just won't stop buzzing about. Time to get the pool a giant flea collar.

[Leeo]

Originally posted by bauhaus:

Fleao, you're like a gnat that just won't stop buzzing about. Time to get the pool a giant flea collar.

Gnaturally.

Oh, I almost forgot the obligatory Name Changing™;

Bugger off, Bath-house

[Agua Perdido]

My, such a busy evening in the Peng Challenge Thread...

Berli wrote (and subsequently reiterated) words to the effect of:

No squire is worth anything.

Joe Shaw, my benevolent sponsor, with whom I am legally bound to agree, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel (like having a parish priest who invites you to sit on his lap during confession so you can "feel the forgiveness"), countered with repeated statements along the lines of:

Maybe your squire's not, but mine is.

Yes, well, thanks for the affirmation and the opprobrium. As Seanachai pointed out, the knight/squire relationship sullies both parties and the 'Pool as hole (more of a stinking pit really, but we'll use 'hole' as a term of art), as aptly demonstrated here.

Berli further threatened:

I expect Foobar to deliver *kick* his useless head to me shortly so I can mount it *kick* over the gates of the Pool as an example

You expect me to quail at the thought of a match with Foobar? Even if he manages the laughably improbably task of defeating me, you might expect a lock of my hair by the 4th millenium, with additional installments to follow at regular intervals. To keep up with his pace of play, I'll have to downgrade my CPU to an adding machine and switch my ISP to a smoke-signal connection.

Leeo, one of the latest to present his backside to the boot that is the Cesspool, actually wrote:

I'm too stupid

Well, you did manage to follow 'Pool protocol enough to single someone out and say something not-nice about him (even if it was yourself). However, your taunts are soggy pieces of overcooked broccoli coated in Shake 'n' Bake that are trying to pass as the delicately-battered tempura of True Taunting. Try to get your taunts more al dente, and consider buying a FryDaddy.

Agua Perdido

[Edited to remove spilled soy sauce.]

[Further edited because I seem to be channeling Croda with my typing.]

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Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

[This message has been edited by Agua Perdido (edited 03-16-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Agua Perdido (edited 03-16-2001).]

[David Aitken]

PBEM Report

As anticipated, Meeks has squandered his forces within 120 seconds and has no hope of prizing the VLs from my two Hetzers and a handful of Sicherung troops. We are now reversing the terms and I shall kick him the other way too.

PS. Allegedly he had a plane but forgot. No matter, he would have died anyway.

[This message has been edited by David Aitken (edited 03-16-2001).]

[Hamsters]

Originally posted by Roborat:

Actually, Hamsters, while you did sponsor Priest, You sponsored me while in your Meeks persona, so I submit: Multiple personalties equals multiple squires. Besides, didn't someone else have two squires at the same time?

Kickass. That's why you're our favorite squire.

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Natter, natter, natter, yes master, oh, I roll and expose my belly to all of you kinnigits, natter, natter, natter;

your taunts are soggy pieces of overcooked broccoli coated in Shake 'n' Bake. Try to get your taunts more al dente, and consider buying a FryDaddy.

Broccoli, that cruciferous vegetable from heaven, will also get stuck in your teeth (to the tooth) and give you gas. If I'm the broccoli, then you, my dear, poor, obsequious squire to pompous, flouncy, trouncy kinnigits, must be the cheese sauce that flows and pools to the bottom of the bowl to congeal in fear of being flushed down the disposal.

And should you have the nerve to ever stop the endless boot-licking of kinnigits and meet me on the field of battle, then I'll surely show you who is your FryDaddy. I can hear your troops sizzle and pop now....

[Priest]

PBEM report

Hammie goes for his best rendition of Picketts Charge. Does better than Pickett did. Now it is Pickett's Charge II this time performed by me Priest. Also just for those who were counting 1 Dailmer from hell (I think I actually saw horns and a tail on them) is still around. DAMN!!!

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Sir are you sure you want to go to red alert...it would mean changing the bulb

-Kryton of Red Dwarf

[jd]

will some one Please see that Leeo gets his daily ritalin. Either that or some Depakote or Respirdal. I think he is entering his manic phase..........

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•Non illegitimi carborundum est

•If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[Joe Shaw]

I think he is entering his manic phase..........

There does seem to be some form of duality going on. His more recent posts were starting to show some minor signs of promise after his initial disasters, but now this ... a lot of uneven posts of late from the wannabes.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Croda]

Gentlemen, I'd like to go into the weekend by announcing the imminent Crodafication of both Dalem and Armornut, neither of which was a worthy opponent, but at least died without complaint. Armornut even went so far as to field a gamey-assed United Nations force against me, only to have it systematically segregated and slaughtered. As for Dalem, well he just begins dying on turn one and finishes dying somewhere near the last turn. It is good that even I get a whipping boy.

In other matches:

Seanachai laments that I have better armor than him. He also laments that I have armor and his is all dead. Oh ya, and so are the 2 platoons that tried to push my center. You getting the picture?

jd is beginning the Bataan death march toward my gritty defenders. We will stack him like cordwood and sell him to the Swedes to keep them warm in the summer.

shandorff is too busy picking fights on the forum to send me turns.

chupacabra and Marlow seem to be on permanent vacation, as neither seems to be playing anymore. They had better return soon.

Mr. Happy is so crappy, I'm gonna give his face a little slappy and say to him "Son, I'm really your pappy." He likes to claim he's winning, fact is he's already lost. Funny thing is, there isn't a casualty on either side yet.

Rat has no infantry. He bombs me. He must be studying Meeks' tactics.

Hamsters - Round 1 of Crodaburg sits in my inbox. He lined his armor up in a historical Civil War formation. One long line of guns. Most will die now, some will die later.

The rest of you I'm skipping because my fingers are tired and you aren't important enough for me to warrant my continuing.

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Woot! - Maximus2k

Stick around while the clown who is sick does the trick of disaster.

The New CessPool

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Leeo:

[Mixed culinary metaphor]

We were talking tempura, you dirt-palated KFC-aficionado, not fondue. If you can't keep your methods of immersion-cooking straight, then you have no chance in the deadly a la carte menu of the Cesspool. The Red Chef can not save you here, lad.

Mind you, the "I'll show you who's your FryDaddy" at the end of your otherwise-flavorless post shows that you are not entirely without promise, however utterly unrealized it must be.

I will consider a game if you can come up with a more consistent taunt (or if I can use it as a means to further disparage Croda).

Your Zagat Ratings: F-7, D-4, S-5

Agua Perdido

[Edited to remind Croda that if he has enough energy to rant about how he's doing in games where I'm not blasting the snot out of him with my Mortars of Culinary Vengeance, he can fecking well send me a fecking turn!]

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Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

[This message has been edited by Agua Perdido (edited 03-16-2001).]

[jshandorf]

Originally posted by Croda:

shandorff is too busy picking fights on the forum to send me turns.

Just be glad I don't vent my anger on you in our games, dweeb-boy.

BTW I sent the turn for our original BIG BATTLE but I have failed to get my first orders turn out in our NEW BIG BATTLE. BTW if anyone cares, which you probably don't but I could care less if you don't, we are playing a 7500 point battle. Just frickin' crazy assed if you ask me. I have never had so many King Tigers and JadgTigers. Heh.. Just kiddin' Croda. But I do have ALOT of tanks and it makes me feel goooood.

Jeff

[This message has been edited by jshandorf (edited 03-16-2001).]

[jd]

Originally posted by Croda:

jd is beginning the Bataan death march toward my gritty defenders. We will stack him like cordwood and sell him to the Swedes to keep them warm in the summer.

After numrerous judicious laying in of The strap of correction and butch slapping of my formersquirewhowillneverbeknighted, I consented to play a scenario so outlandish and crooked that even Crocklet can win. A Bn+ sized compensation for his own lacks, I am tasked with sending my troops through the forest of the wicked witch while his "flying spanking monkeys" keep watch.

There are all of 3 exits on a large map which requires me to snake through the woods. Woods mind you so that he can concentrate 5000 pts in the equvalent of 200 meters of open space. If this boy chose to put minefields, I personally will rio his guts out, stringing them from his ears with the tendons and sinew that I first removed, then I'll get nasty.

So as his fomer Liege lord, I have to throw him a bone and play such an unequal board, but then, hell, I'll still probably pummel the poxy prole.

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•Non illegitimi carborundum est

•If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[Joe Shaw]

I'll still probably pummel the poxy prole.

You don't suppose, do you lads, that whatever horrible illness Deke had is ... contagious?

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[jd]

No Joe, I have long been alliteratively challenged.......that's what happened after watching our mutual annihilation fest.......

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•Non illegitimi carborundum est

•If frogs had uzi's, snakes woudn't mess with them so much. - Hiram

[This message has been edited by jd (edited 03-16-2001).]

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

I will consider a game if you can come up with a more consistent taunt ...

Oh, you mean as consistently as the frequency and vigor with which you prostrate yourself and display your nether regions to all and sundry kinnigits that happen along?

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Leeo:

prostrate yourself and display your nether regions

You seem to be off your meds.

By my understanding of things (which seems less enthusiastic than yours on this particular matter), one cannot display one's "nether regions" while lying prostrate. I believe one must be recumbent to do so. Take your lithium, lad--moderating the manic extremes may improve your cognition.

Now, you'll have to improve if you want a spot on my schedule. The broccoli-and-cheese-sauce one was better than this (even though it was obviously a store-bought frozen side-dish, and not made fresh).

Agua Perdido

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Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

[DekeFentle]

Game Update:

Berlichtingen:

Ol’long of tooth occupies the primary VL and a small scrap may develop over the only other minor one right next door. (I doubt my halftrack will prevail) It would appear that our meeting engagement has turned into an axis attack. Shrug I will not whine (much) I will instead conquer or die well. I am waiting for his signature smoke barrage that I have seen referenced here in order to launch my assault.

Agua Perdido:

Squire to the “castrated conglomeration of guano who abased himself with kiasu towards The Whuppin' boy has drawn the short end of the stick I use to “scrape the poo-poo off my shoes” (see how ridiculous that looks Leeo?) and is advancing bravely across the “feckin pool table” remind me to tell you a story at the end of this one AP.

Hamsters

The schizophrenic rodent over-came his brief bout of hysterical neurosis and finally returned a turn. I am not so happily staring at a machine gun bunker, which leaves me to wonder about the mine fields it undoubtedly over-watches. Mmm wonder if I bought engineers for this one… Interesting map though, can’t remember ever having seen this many VL’s.

Sharndorf

Street, avenue, who gives a damn? Regular patrons know where it is and have a hell of a time reading the damn street signs as they leave anyway. I believe in some past meandering you alluded to the possibility of being open for a TCP/IP game? Please forward RL phone via e-mail and I’ll call at the time you suggest.

When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.

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Winning is why we play!

[DekeFentle]

Did the knighted guano say something?

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Winning is why we play!

[Leeo]

Originally posted by Agua Perdido:

Now, you'll have to improve if you want a spot on my schedule.

If by improve, you mean "develop my sense of snobbery and poofery", well, I'll pass. You've developed the affectations of those pompous, lacey kinnigits you've been suc.., er, I mean, cozying up to.

And I can certainly understand your wanting to limit the people on your schedule who can play you like a drum.

Oh, and, "ahem",

"prostrate:

verb; to throw or put (oneself) in a humble and submissive posture or state.

adj; stretched out with face on the ground in adoration or submission."

And as far as nether regions exposed while prostrate, well, you can have someone else draw the picture, but if you haven't yet figured out what the kinnigits plan to do with you, then I'll not be the one to burst your bubble of innocence.

[Agua Perdido]

Originally posted by Leeo:

Mmmm... nether regions... *sigh*

Get bent, you de-feathered shuttlecock[1].

You have to leave the geometry of naughty bits aside to construct a good taunt. There's no value added in thinly-rehashed "thingy" jousting[2].

Now put up something with venom and originality or go home.

Agua Perdido

Notes:

[1] No, this is not something requiring admonition of Bauhaus, but rather a casting of Leeo as a useless gutta-percha nub, insufficient even for smacking around in a dainty game like badminton.

[2] Almost certainly something that requires admonition of Bauhaus, although we leave it as an exercise to the reader.

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Feel the pain of outlaw cinema!

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by DekeFentle:

Game Update:

Berlichtingen:

Ol’long of tooth occupies the primary VL and a small scrap may develop over the only other minor one right next door. (I doubt my halftrack will prevail) It would appear that our meeting engagement has turned into an axis attack. Shrug I will not whine (much) I will instead die well

No need to die well... just die

[Phillies Phan]

Originally posted by Leeo:

Oh, you mean as consistently as the frequency and vigor with which you prostrate yourself and display your nether regions to all and sundry kinnigits that happen along?

Dude, that was funny.

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http://www.derkessel.com/

[Mace]

It is ...so... cute when all the squires and squire wannabees play nicely together!

Aren't they adorable?

Mace