Hey, Mr. Tambourine Man, Play the Peng Challenge For Me

[dalem]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

That made me laugh. I hate you for that. Unfortunately, I'm a little booked up at the moment, but I'll be watching....

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well Mark, I'm a funny guy, you couldn't help yourself. But I don't recall asking for either your laughter or your hatred. And as far as you watching me, that kind of flattery may work in your cell, but 'round these parts, not so much.

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

The only people I hate more than Splitters are the freaking Judean People's Front ...

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What about the People's Front of Judea? Are you Ok with them?

"Whatever happened to the People's Front of Judea?"

"He's sitting over there"

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

So, the issue is: Does Meeks remain Inquisitor General of the Cesspool, and is merely in absentia, or has his absence amounted to abandonment of his duties and responsibilities, opening the way to deposing him and instating a successor?

I think a short dialogue among the Old Ones, cogent comments from Seniour Knights, empty posturing by the Knights, mindless quips from Squires, and the usual tossing of empty beer bottles, partially eaten food items, and other people's underwear by one and all should suffice to determine the matter, and probably not take more than the remainder of this Thread, giving it a bit of class.

What say you Berli and Peng? As regards the position of Meeks, the application of Shaw, and the wah-dee-do-dah of the whole thing?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Meeks is the Inquisitor General, and always shall be. Joe is a pale shadow of Meeks

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

Seanachai, if you've time to post the entire Minneapolis telephone directory (and a re-run at that, though droll the first time around), might I prevail upon you for A FRICKIN TURN? There's a good fellow. I hate the thought of my Pickett's charge frozen in mid air between their last step, and the ground.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ah, Mark IV! Is that your finger, or have you turned thoughtful upon seeing me?

I anticipate a day when the slogans of Pawbroon, Germanboy, Mensch, Meeks, Peng, and Colin, the eternal mascot of Stuka's various units (and Colin, dear 'Pooler's, is far wiser and more discerning than most of you), will be gathered into a tome to surpass the wisdom of Sun Tzu, Lao Tse, Mao Tse-Tung, and "that Asian chap that runs the take-out down at the corner, and always give ya' extra egg noodles if you smile and are polite, and don't talk loud and slow at him as though he were a half wit".

Yes, then, Mr. Four? May I call you sushi? Mind, right now it appears to be sashimi grade. Let an Old Man who has fought many a war against you, and who wants nothing more than to see your shattered and mangled bones laid finally to rest in peace, just say: If you call in artillery on my positions while you are assaulting them, and I call in artlllery on your men while they are assaulting my positions, and my lads are lying in foxholes under cover, and your lads are doing some kind of 'heads down, knees up, Morris Dancer quick step to oblivion' , who do you think will have more men playing cribbage when the smoke clears?

Take your time, I know these Math Word Problems are difficult even for Southern Californians, who have the advantage of wearing sandals and who often work these difficult equations out in the bathroom, which allows them to reach twenty-one in their counting.

Mind, I expect to pay for my recent successes with a world of pain.

As long as it's shared, I don't mind a bit, lad.

[Seanachai]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Meeks is the Inquisitor General, and always shall be. Joe is a pale shadow of Meeks<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

About as I expected. Berli arguing in favour of tradition and the status quo, supporting the candidate who's ambition and zealotry nearly brought everything crashing down (well, what would you expect? He was cast out of Heaven for same damn thing, when you get right down to it).

Peng willing to allow anyone the chance to fail horribly as long as they sod off and leave him alone; always interested in seeing how poorly anyone can do.

Myself? I believe in a place for every lunatic, and every lunatic in their place. I believe in the Hierarchy of Good and Evil, and the necessity of uniforms. And I believe in a Universe firmly founded on mystic principles: seven wonders of the world; seven deadly sins; seven brides for seven brothers, and so on.

So, Berli, what say you to a Deputization? An Inquisitor General pro tempore, as it were? While Meeks is playing whist with Walt Disney and Elvis Presley, Shaw shall maintain the power, prestige, and activities of the office, until Meeks returns to take up his duties?

[ 09-05-2001: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[PawBroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

Ah, Mark IV! Is that your finger, or have you turned thoughtful upon seeing me?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Abject plagiarism!!

Monsieur, the Bard in you ought to have made a tune out of that.

Since you are growing Old and Restless (I don't know enough of you to risk Incontinent in my fierce display of "Adjectivery"), I am Haikuing one for you:

Peek a Poke

Mr4? Up the Frock!

Turn and bombs coming.

[Stuka]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

work these difficult equations out in the bathroom, which allows them to reach twenty-one in their counting.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

And that kiddies, is about as close to a '

thingey' reference as your'e likely to get from old Sir Speaksalot.

What the world needs, apart from love, love, love is a good 'thingey' reference now and again. Nothing too overt or vulgar, mind. Just enough to keep the sniggering going on in the background and a twinkle in the eye of those 'thingites' who believe that a man is judged not by the size of his thingey, but by how much he can talk about it at dinner parties without anyone really catching on to just what the hell he is talking about.

"Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more"

[Stuka]

While we're on the subject of how great I am... oh, we were'nt? Too bad, we are now.

It is my odious duty to report yet another Stuken victory, yes yes I know, there are so many of them these days that I actually look forward to a damned good thrashing {Sit down Bauhaus, yes I know you weren't moving but I saw the tinkle in your eye }, but, alas there appears to be none capable of taking on the one, the only, Champion of the original NSSB tourney!!!

*Crowd roars with applause*

Let it be known this day oh Lord Lorak, that Mace has tasted defeat at my hands.

A Major allied victory......

Me: 76

Him: 24

A point to note here, of the 6 AFV's Macey lost, 3 were to my humble 105mm spotter. Thank you,Mace, most abliging of you to park exactly 3 minutes in arrears of my targetting orders. My 2 AFV's survived unscathed, but you already guessed that didn't you.

Somebardy starp mae!

[Mace]

Right....I'm going to put you on my Christmas card list...so I can take you off!!!!

*records Stuka's name on list, then crosses it off with gusto*

That'll teach ya, ya young upstart!

Mace

[ 09-05-2001: Message edited by: Mace ]

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

I know these Math Word Problems are difficult even for Southern Californians, who have the advantage of wearing sandals and who often work these difficult equations out in the bathroom, which allows them to reach twenty-one in their counting.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That would be males wouldn't it? Females would be limited to counting to twenty if they counted their extremities (or would that be 22)?!!

I need to dwell on this a bit more.

Mace

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

I also miss Meeks. He did not conform as most of you do. He did not "suckle at the teat of Peng" like I see many of you line up for. I noticed how Sir Seanachai did not mention my role in the Cesspool Schizm. I am forgotten once more. I was and am the outcast knight.

"Oh poor twisted me, I feast on sympathy" - Metallica

Just know that I still hate some, am apathetic towards others, and am appalled by most of you.

May scabies be your constant companion until you recognize the impact of the outcast knight upon this haven we've made.

[CMplayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JoXia:

If he wants to be IN the CessPool, then by Gawd he'd better post IN the CessPool.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That sounds fair enough, Xia, so by way of getting with the program I'm posting, IN the CessPool, right now, and it's wafting in your general direction. Hear! YOUR GAMEY SQUIRE LARS has let some conscript, pimply-faced German teenager pop one of my AFVs in our match. Outrageous!

Doesn't he know that historically those faust-toting tots were only good for filling foxholes with fecal matter? Haven't you taught him this, being the guardian of tradition that you purport to be?

If my sense of honor and duty [digging frantically through all his pockets...oh there it is] didn't prohibit take-backs, I would demand that our last turn be annulled and replayed.

At least I hope and pray Lars reads it here before seeing the movie, to make the kill go flat like a dead beer. And there are some minor redeeming qualities to the movie...for example next time the outerboarders query Anyone have any success with flamethrowers on the attack??? I'll be there to tell them 'you betcha.' Hear that Lars? Two words: crispy....critters.

[ 09-05-2001: Message edited by: CMplayer ]

[CMplayer]

And lest anyone worry, there is nothing to fear in a match against Jason Barnes aka Panzer Leader aka Sancho Panza. Why is that? Because the pixellated soldiers under his command are even slower on the uptake than most of you louts (excepting of course the brilliant Marlow and a select few others). A few turns ago, my armor got all lined up and pounded his guys for about a turn and a half. I mean it was get-the-headphones time, turn on high res smoke/explosions and enjoy. Sancho's guys are broken and running and finally, in a lull I hear a pathetic little German voice warble out of the smoke, fire and dust 'Da! Feindisher Panzer!' The realization dawned on that guy just a wee bit late 'fyask me.

[ 09-05-2001: Message edited by: CMplayer ]

[Marlow]

A couple of points:

2((1):

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Comrade Xia:

I don't make the rules Marlow I just enforce them ... and as soon as my appointment as Grand Inquisitor to the CessPool comes through there'll be some SERIOUS enforcement going on around here). [/QB]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I don't know Jo, it seems you are doing a bit of both lately. Like the scorpion in the story of the scorpion and the frog, you can't help yourself, it is your nature to try to impose a totalitarian framework on the 'Pool. Once a power hungry megalomaniac, always a power hungry megalomaniac. It was bad enough when you cajoled the title of Persecuter of the 'Pool out of the Old, Infirm and Incontinent Ones, and now you want to be as Grand Inquisitor to the CessPool or somefink? Saints preserve us.

I guess I'll just have to give you a good spanking on the field of honor to put you in your place. One of the Byte Battles™ will be winging its way to you this very eve.

Bravo:

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Juardis:

ook!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Well put. This is your best work so far.

III.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Stuka:

Shoe Jaw, perhaps you need to borrow the 'Brick' in order to fully explain to Marlow the error of his ways?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Oh, sure, give the Oppressor of the 'Pool one more tool to control the people. Didn't someone once say "blunt trauma to the head is the opiate of the masses"?

Q:

Finally, a question for DER KESSEL boys who frequent the Cess (Yes you too Andreas). A while ago I posted a query to the Scenario Talk part of forum, but got no reply. I am still looking for a map and other information on the battle the CCB of the 4th Armored fought on December 23, 1944. Chaumont is on the southern shoulder of the Bulge, and the 4th was driving to relieve Bastogne.

So far, I've read the versions of the battle in Cole's official history, MacDonald's A Time for Trumpets, some on-line 4th Division stuff, and a few other sources. These versions are a little sketchy and in some respects contradictory. What I think know:

The German units involved were:

- 10 - 15 StuG III's of the 11th Sturmgeschütz Brigade

- Elements of the 5th Parachute Division (probably the 14th Regiment)

- Possibly elements of the 26th Volks Grenadier Division

- Possibly some heavy tank destroyers. Most likely 5 JagdPanthers from Heavy Panzerjager Battalion 559.

The American units involved elements of 4th Armored Division (CBB):

- the 10th Armored Infantry Battalion.

- the 8th Tank Battalion.

Conditions seem to be clear and either mud or wet.

I'm still working on this, but have been unable to come up with a historical map of the area. I would appreciate information on a more specific OB, and anything on available maps. I have created a map from various narratives, but would love to have an accurate map to work from. So any help?

Oh, and one other point:

FINIS:

I have two somewhat playtested fictional battles to offer to the pool. The first is a company attack on a German hamlet late in the war, and the second is a 2000 point battle for a bridge.

[ 09-05-2001: Message edited by: Marlow ]

[CMplayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jo Xia:

Not to mention the fact that his hysterical shunning of your first offer marks him as one who is (a) either SERIOUSLY stupid (for rejecting your offer) or ( just not up to speed yet on CessPool protocol. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The only relevant protocols I have discerned are that:

1) In accordance with the law of gravity ****e always flows DOWN the hierarchy. (I had that bit backwards, I'll be the first to admit, but does that matter?) I get it now fer Cripesakes! It ain't that hard and you're flattering yourself if you think otherwise)

2) In accordance with the law of entropy, tourneys may come and go but the Pool is Forever. In the end, dirt wins, villages are levelled, tall pines turned to toothpicks and the Pool returns to the gibbering outerboards accompanied by Wagnerian Ragnarök bluster.

So Jo, can't you allow a little fender bender of a rule violation, just this once? I been pissed on enough for any serf and I never complained, not a once. Contrary to what you said I am to be trusted. I will be loyal to my liege and stab the rest of you in any soft bits I can reach. There you have it, up front. Whuddaya say?

[ 09-05-2001: Message edited by: CMplayer ]

[Marlow]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by CMplayer:

I will be loyal to my liege and stab the rest of you in any soft bits I can reach. There you have it, up front. Whuddaya say?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

The best part, my faithful little Toady, [rubs hands gleefully] is that he has NO SAY. [HE HE HO HO] The only one that matters in these decisions is Sir Lorak the Loathed. Oh, sure, Comrade Xia can posture, whine, complain, threaten and bluster all he wants, but it is all the rant of an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

[MrSpkr]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

Finally, a question for DER KESSEL boys who frequent the Cess (Yes you too Andreas). A while ago I posted a query to the Scenario Talk part of forum, but got no reply. I am still looking for a map and other information on the battle the CCB of the 4th Armored fought on December 23, 1944. Chaumont is on the southern shoulder of the Bulge, and the 4th was driving to relieve Bastogne.

So far, I've read the versions of the battle in Cole's official history, MacDonald's A Time for Trumpets, some on-line 4th Division stuff, and a few other sources. These versions are a little sketchy and in some respects contradictory. What I think know:

The German units involved were:

- 10 - 15 StuG III's of the 11th Sturmgeschütz Brigade

- Elements of the 5th Parachute Division (probably the 14th Regiment)

- Possibly elements of the 26th Volks Grenadier Division

- Possibly some heavy tank destroyers. Most likely 5 JagdPanthers from Heavy Panzerjager Battalion 559.

The American units involved elements of 4th Armored Division (CBB):

- the 10th Armored Infantry Battalion.

- the 8th Tank Battalion.

Conditions seem to be clear and either mud or wet.

I'm still working on this, but have been unable to come up with a historical map of the area. I would appreciate information on a more specific OB, and anything on available maps. I have created a map from various narratives, but would love to have an accurate map to work from. So any help?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<font size=7><font color=red>ACKKK!! GROG SPEAK!!!</font size=7> </font color =red>

[ 09-05-2001: Message edited by: MrSpkr ]

[CMplayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Marlow:

Oh, sure, Comrade Xia can posture, whine, complain, threaten and bluster all he wants, but it is all the rant of an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Your boots are ready, my liege. Good luck in your coming joust and may that son of Satan fall hard.

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Meeks is the Inquisitor General, and always shall be. Joe is a pale shadow of Meeks<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Berli we have your number (#40 IIRC) and The Office of The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool is ready to reveal it's evidence (no, no Bauhaus it will only be MrSpkr ... not worth your time I suspect):

MrSpkr: Sir Joe, as you can see from this slide {a slide showing a complicated graph appears}, one week prior to the date of the schism and attempted coup a large shipment was received by the late Meeks.

Joe Shaw: And the return address of that shipment, Sir MrSpkr?

MrSpkr: {a second slide appears showing a photograph of a shipping label} As can be plainly seen, Sir Joe, the crate was sent from {another slide, showing an enlarged section of the label appears} ... Sir Berlichtigen, c/o Hell.

{an excited murmur fills the auditorium as speculation runs rampant ... luckily Bauhaus is able to grab speculation by the ankles and calm ensues}

Joe Shaw: Yes indeed, Sir MrSpkr, and what was in the crates?

MrSpkr: Four cases of commas, six of periods and a whopping dozen of assorted UBB commands.

Joe Shaw: EXACTLY SO ... here we have proof positive that Berli not only KNEW of the attempted coup beforehand BUT ACTIVELY SUPPORTED IT! And THIS is the man we turn to for advice on the late Meeks? Of course he'll support the late Meeks ... he'll do anything to keep this knowledge quiet ... too late Berli ... too late.

Furthermore I have never suggested that I be named Inquisitor General, Pro-Tempore or any other kind of breading you chose to use. How would it look, I.G.P.T.? Nonsense, that sounds like the type of agency that Lawyer probably works for. No, I prefer (and shall insist upon) the title of Grand Inquisitor pro-Tempore. Note the lower case "pro" which indicates the unlikelihood of the late Meeks returning from the grave. Further, it abbreviates nicely to ... G.I.T.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>So Jo, can't you allow a little fender bender of a rule violation, just this once? I been pissed on enough for any serf and I never complained, not a once. Contrary to what you said I am to be trusted. I will be loyal to my liege and stab the rest of you in any soft bits I can reach. There you have it, up front. Whuddaya say?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually SimPlayer I'd prefer if you wouldn't discriminate about those to be stabbed, if ever a man NEEDED a shiv 'tween the ribs it would be Marlow. BUT ... I read with a lessened degree of disgust your posts to this board and found myself actually able to finish them without the urge to vomit. THEREFORE ... I withdraw my objection to your elevation to the rank of Serf, after that Marlow may do as he likes ... and may Gawd Have Mercy On Your Soul. BUT ... no more talk of MY LIEGE until Lord Lorak makes it official, there are FORMS to be filled out you know, mostly notification of next of kin.

Speaking of which Marlow, you are a swine and a pimple upon the face of the 'Pool but I simply CANNOT take on any more games at present. I am WAY over my limit and don't want to play YOU anyway ... you probably play with FOW off and therefore you may feel free to FOW OFF!

Joe

[ 09-05-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai:

well, what would you expect? He was cast out of Heaven for same damn thing, when you get right down to it<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Better to rule in Hell...

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>So, Berli, what say you to a Deputization? An Inquisitor General pro tempore, as it were? While Meeks is playing whist with Walt Disney and Elvis Presley, Shaw shall maintain the power, prestige, and activities of the office, until Meeks returns to take up his duties?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Perhaps that would work... he should have to answer to the Father Confessor until the Inquisitor General returns

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Perhaps that would work... he should have to answer to the Father Confessor until the Inquisitor General returns<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> NONSENSE ... who ever heard of a Grand Inquisitor reporting to a simple (and I MEAN simple) parish priest. HE should report to ME ... except that I desire as little contact with HIM as possible.

Let's give it a test spin shall we?

Sir Joe Shaw, Grand Inquisitor pro-Tempore ... ah yes, mighty fine ... LARS, oh LARS warm up the braziers lad, there's work to be done ... Bwahahahahha

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

EXACTLY SO ... here we have proof positive that Berli not only KNEW of the attempted coup beforehand BUT ACTIVELY SUPPORTED IT! And THIS is the man we turn to for advice on the late Meeks? Of course he'll support the late Meeks ... he'll do anything to keep this knowledge quiet ... too late Berli ... too late.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Ah Joe, you really are a simple minded idiot. Of course I supported Meeks... in fact I supported both sides, as I always do in civil wars. I take it that theology is not one of your strong points (not that I am implying that you have any strong points)

[Joe Shaw]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Of course I supported Meeks...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hah! And here we have it, the confession wrung from the lips of the heretic ... man I KNEW I was born for this job. Yeah, yeah he said some other stuff but like a TRUE GRAND INQUISITOR I ignored it and went right to the heart of the matter. Mind you Lars was a bit upset ... he REALLY wanted to try out the new thumbscrew.

Joe

[Berlichtingen]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Hah! And here we have it, the confession wrung from the lips of the heretic ... man I KNEW I was born for this job. Yeah, yeah he said some other stuff but like a TRUE GRAND INQUISITOR I ignored it and went right to the heart of the matter. Mind you Lars was a bit upset ... he REALLY wanted to try out the new thumbscrew.

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Just remember where the final judgement can lead

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Just remember where the final judgement can lead<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

To Disney Land? No wait I got it! Microsoft Home Office!

*eeew* now I feel all icky inside.