Marlow

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: Please note that the Management of the Peng Challenge Thread do not advocate releasing Meeks to terrorize Board Members, and make all efforts to restrain said miscreant. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I thought Meeksy was the current management.

Now that work has calmed down a little, I've reviewed the last few pages of the pool. Other than Stuka's being fitted with a ball and chain, and Meek's running amock on the main board, I haven't missed much. Well, back to it: As a further public service to the 'Pool, and the CM community at large, I have taken on the position of Pool fight promoter (I've even let my hair grow like Don King's). For the first matchup on the card, Wildman vs. SteveTheRat. I received the first file from Wildman in the Battle of the newbie gits, and I will be providing a play-by-play of all the gory details of their little love fest: In this corner, in the matted fur trunks, smelling of dead animals, Wildman. His opponent, with the beady red eyes, and naked tail, SteveTheRat. This fight is for the title of Cesspool Doormat, with the winner entitled to the High Honor of having all who enter scrape the crap off of their boots on his back. The loser''s head will be used to replace the Cesspool drain plug that got lost the last time Meek's escaped. A few updates: Its good to see that jd has bailed Croda out of the county lock-up, as the pool just didn't seem right without his senseless ravings. BTW me boy, try to keep your nose clean from here on, I told you that you can't do that with chickens, even in Pennsylvania. In our battle-o-doom, Croda has gained a little bridgehead on my side of the River Styx on the west side of the map (soon to be thrown back across the river with heavy losses no doubt); while I am sending a massive armored attack across the eastern most bridge. Soon the river will run red, and the fish will feast on the severed limbs of the Crodatruppen. My little doglessdalem, it would seem that you have managed to show some uncharacteristic tactical skill in the last few turns, and are gamely hanging on. But I still hold most of the VLs, and outnumber you, so its pay me now, or pay me latter. Lawyer Boy, you gamey bastard. You will be getting my setup whenever the hell I manage to get around to it. What the hell is with locking me into Canadians on a heavily wooded map? Doubtless you will be loaded for bear with SMG equipped Krauts to torment my poor little Canucks. Too bad you have no soul, as if you did, Berli would surely use yours for his hemorrhoid ring for all eternity. No matter, I will rise up and smite you with the smitiest of smites nontheless. Shandorf's men advance on my prepared defensive line. Come a little bit closer Shandy Baby. I am preparing a very warm reception for your men. I hope you have lots of pine boxes ready to ship them home. I am instructing Hiram on the finer points of an infantry defense vs. a combined arms attack. Many of his Brits lie face up in the snow covered valleys of "Chupazuma's Revenge." Battles against Nijis and Elvis are in mop-up mode, and I should be adding a few more ears to my collection very soon. Peter has apparently lost my last file, so I will send it again tonight. The Bazooka of DOOM rides again. Finally, let me say a word about that cheating, gamey, ugly, sore pocked, lice ridden, sheep shagger Speedy. Somehow he has managed edit my files and insert his own orders for my troops. Nothing else could explain how this low life cretin could actually be winning our little fight. ------------------ This message brought to you by Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service, Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by BlackVoid: I challenge anyone who thinks that he can beat me without heavy equipment for a fight. Try to beat me with Stugs or infantry when i have Churchills. You will loose... Badly. Or try to beat me with Shermans when i have Tigers. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'll take some of that action. PBEM Armor battle, you take Tigers, I'll take Americans, and will limit my tank purchases to a max 150 points each (i.e. no Jumbos or Pershings). You choose the points and conditions, but give me at least a little cover.

Go <font size=6 color="purple">RAVENS</font>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wildman: However, the file had some problems with it and it would not open, so until Marlow and I can figure out the problem Stevethecockroach you will have to continue to wait and be ignored as much as possible. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> It's in version 1.1 I had no problems opening it, but I'll send it again tonight as a zipped file.

The real question should be does the current game reflect historical reality to the extent possible. I think that the answer to that question depends upon whether the increased effectiveness of allied tank destroyers tracks historical success. In other posts, Slapdragon has stated that the M18 had a 10 to 1 kill ratio against Axis armor. So it could be that Allied tank destroyers really were death to German tanks, especially when they got the first shot, and that the German armor's supposed superiority was mainly vis-a-vis American tanks (i.e. Shermans). If it is a play balance issue, change the points, don't make the game's modeling historically inaccurate. [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 01-16-2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rodent Boy Meeks: I still have a massive amount of personal crap to take care of, including ... going to the AFC Championship Game (MUhahaha!!!) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Did you have a good time Meeksy?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Seanachai: If you're nice about this, we'll get your dogs ears back from Croda and help you staple them back on. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I doubt Croda the Amazing Dog Eared Boy is going to part with them. He has become quite attached to them, since I have removed his own ears. WildMary, Since StevetheRatTurd has not responded in a timely manner, the battle will be winging its way to you this evening. I'll leave it to you to work out the details with your less than esteemed opponent. That said, there are certain rules of engagement for your little tete-a-tete: 1. Updates are to be posted regularly to the 'Pool by both parties. Make it funny, insulting, etc … or else we send Croda after your pets. 2. No pooftas 3. The loser of the battle will use a signature that is selected by a committee of three pool regulars (Squires or Kaniggets) until he defeats one of the same. 4. There is no rule 4. Anyone else have conditions to add? ------------------ This message brought to you by Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service, Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 01-12-2001).]

Ok, so that one in ring. Smellslikearat, are you game, or just gamey?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks: Stop that, stop that, there'll be no frickin' Haiku while I'm here. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Idiot king on his throne Meek's grand delusions Only fevered dreams ------------------ This message brought to you by Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service, Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 01-12-2001).]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks: So I will iterate my desire for the two of these insignificant, poorly taunting, rectally gifted cripples to fight each other to the death for our amusement. We should build a map of doom, ignoring any post by either of these two mooks until one or the other emerges vicorious. We can then accept the victor as a minor character and we can forever refer to that person he had to rape, stew and eat to get in. Yes, I like that. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I've got a battle-o-doom ready for the torment of newcomers, and the entertainment of the Pool already prepared. So step up to the plate Mildman (aka "Mary") and Smellslikearat you degenerate wanabees. Come dance for our amusement. Tell me which one of you knuckle draggers I should send the file to. ------------------ This message brought to you by Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service, Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 01-12-2001).]

Tanks burning and men bleeding The pasty Golem Sulks in a dank lair

The Frog's ceaseless croaking But does it disturb Night's indifference?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by The Commissar: Ive done it myself, and when used wisely, a platoon of M-18's will do wonders for destroying the fiercest of German Uber-tanks. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Amen Brother. Pound for pound the little hotrod M18 is the best tank killer in the game.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally blatheredby Monte99 in another thread: Seems to me the best way to encourage brilliant repartee here is just to leave a complimentary post when somebody adds something particularly clever. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No soup for you.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Hiram Sedai: I feel like ...crap on a stick. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken: Marlow wrote: > You will be a useful distraction on my journey to the Source of the Schloss Peng. What does the source of a castle look like? A quarry?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I see that all this time my fellow Cesspool inmates have let me make more of a fool of myself than I already was. Apparently, through a translation error, I mistook "schloss" for "fluss." I detest you all.

While I'm at it, some updates: Crodachoo, are you really considering running your poor little Joes across The Bridge of Death as it appears you are? If you do, you had better know the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow. Elvis will soon learn that the old adage is true: Things look darkest just before they go completely black. We are busy confirming the historical lesson that frontal attack by Shermans against Panthers is a messy proposition. I am still rolling up Nijis like a Bedouin's blanket. I hates dalems is busy valiantly (and futilely) struggling to overcome the early demolition of two thirds of his panzers. Meanwhile, the killing of his unsupported infantry has started in earnest. A e-mail from Toomai of the Sheep notified me that he is back in action. The "Night of the Bazooka" will resume shortly. LoserEagleBoy has managed to finally reduce my forward strongpoint to two HMG teams, and is now busy sending his men to their icy deaths across snow covered valleys and into the teeth of my MLR. Just getting set up in round 2 battles against jd and Shandy Duncan. They have already lost, they just don't know it yet. You can start shaking in your boots whenever you are ready.

Ah Lorak my good … whatever you are, It would appear that either your risperidone prescription has lapsed again, or that Fionn has indeed stumbled (albeit indirectly) into the Pool of Cess. I cannot imagine a more appropriate place for him as he will fit in quite well with the assorted floaty bits, both in appearance and stench. Fionn (rhymes with peon?), I accept your challenge, in much the same way I accept that you are challenged (in the "I ride to school in the short bus" sense of the word). You will be a useful distraction on my journey to the Source of the Schloss Peng. I look forward to adding your ears to my growing necklace, and will reserve a special place of honor for your taxidermied butt (right next to Shandorf's), so that I can give it good swift kick whenever the urge strikes. If by some remote chance I happen to lose, well, I will always have my Inner Croda to console me, as he is quite familiar and comfortable with the agony of defeat. ------------------ This message brought to you by Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service, Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread

Letting your Inner Croda get the better of you Hiram?

<font size = 6>PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FOR ALL VISITERS TO THE CESSPOOL</font> Please read the following advice originally posted by jd long long ago in a Cesspool far far away: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> ...As for the general "I taunt you all, give me a game", I am afraid you ceberal cortex will be unable to handle the depth of our ennui as far as you are concerned. As Gertrude Stein observed about Oakland that there is no there, there applies equally well to you. I have fondness for youngsters such as your self, and as a simple country lawyer, let me give you some advice. Pick out a victim as a pride of lions does, concentrating on the weak, except Hiram, he doesn't count. Then wade in as a berserker, a rampage of invectitude and bilious spew that splatter the walls and on lookers. Use some interesting language. The lingua franca of the pool is transcendant in it's vitupertude, allusion and if possible alliteration. [no sing songs though] Like a zen penitent seeking admission to the temple thru the ordeal of tangaryo, so you must be driven from the pool and we shall judge your mettle. So in the words of another immortal, BUGGER OFF JD, scum sucking esq. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now my personal advice is that you most vigorously GET THE HELL OUT. But of you ignore that, at least make an attempt to follow the above advice from jd. ------------------ This message brought to you by Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service, Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jd: My heavens it must be old home week or the pool reunion. Kitty starts posting, even YK2 chimes in, and meekly the deranged reappears as well. Now if ole sean can rouse himself from the stupor he's probably drunk himself into (must be a dame, it's always a dame) it'll seem like old times. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> We still need the French to make it complete.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Elijah Meeks: … Blah, Blah, If you don't like Football and the Raiders, you suck, Blah, Blah … <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Welcome back O Defender of The Peng. Since your back, and didn't have the courtesy to let that polar bear eat you, I guess I'll have to change the sig. However. I did notice that your are walking a little funny. Just what were you and that bear doing? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> There's a new sheriff in town <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> More like Deputy Dog, you schismatic, corpulent, crapulent, penguin gut smelling egomaniac. You could no more be sheriff of the 'Pool than smellslikearat connect two stray thoughts. Stop you incomprehensible jabbering, and do something useful like self administer the brick, or cut off your sack to ensure that no future Meeksettes enter the genetic pool. And while your busy doing stupid Meeks tricks for the entertainment of all, why don’t you stick a 2x4 up your ass, head back to whatever frozen hell you just came from, play popsicle, and give the poor bear another shot at you. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> Come on, gimme a kiss. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Go keep Hiram company. I understand that he is still lonely now that Audrey is gone, and he could use your some of your special attention. ------------------ This message brought to you by Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service, Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Lorak: In other news... I am really ashamed at the whole lot of you. It seems that none of you have been man enough or foolish enough to taunt Fionn into a game yet. Speedy's attempt feel way short. Hell that attempt wouldn't even get a game from me. But he at least he had the gonads to try. Keeping the thread alive Lorak the loathed <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Lorak, It was not fear that kept me from responding, instead I just thought that the "Fionn" challenge was more than likely a manifestation of your schizoPengia rather than a real offer for a martial contest. However, even assuming that it wasn't just your mad ramblings, so friggin what if Fionn wants a game; even if it was Patton himself, there are still forms to be observed. If he wants a game from the 'Pool, he has to come a-tauntin (obviously through his you, his Medium) like anyone else, and none of this "oooh … ooooh … I challenge you all!!!!" crap either, but a suitable personal affront. Why in Berli's name would I try to taunt him, or even acknowledge his existence without receiving a suitable invitation to battle that either makes my eyes bulge in righteous fury, or makes me fall out of my chair laughing. In fact I am deeply disappointed in Speedy for replying to Fionn's feeble attempt. And I don't want to be hearing any "Oh, but its Fionn, he is soooooo good that the normal rules don’t apply" bull****. We all know that actual CM ability has nothing to do with the 'Pool, as is evidenced by a number of the current inmates of the Schloss Peng. However, if I were to receive a appropriate invitation to battle, I might just be able to open a spot on the ol' schedule and squeeze him in. ------------------ This message brought to you by Marlow's Salvage and Wrecking Service, Proud Sponsor of The Cesspool formerly The 'Meeks currently exists as Polar Bear excrement' Memorial Thread

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Slapdragon: No, the whole pipe exploded except, they were dangerous as hell to use and were withdrawn from service after world way two. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> They are still used (maybe a different design?). I got a chance to use them in 1993. Lots of fun. Also, we didn't set them off with any six-second fuse. Instead, we wrapped several turns of det cord around the pipe, and attached this to a fuse cut for a minute or so. [This message has been edited by Marlow (edited 01-09-2001).]