Goanna

Naw, I heard they're doing Khe San next and then going right back to the Zulu Wars, or was it the Boer War? I also heard there was a Search function that you could use to look up old **** from the forum (whether or not you login), but that's probably just a myth. [ March 03, 2002, 05:47 AM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

{ahem} One could say the same about you, Mr. Bluegreen Algae. Chop chop now, you can run forward faster than that.

I have a brilliant deduction based on a smattering of seemingly unrelated evidence available on the BTS site at present: (½) Steve Garammond* has posted to the MBT, by his own admission, twice in one week. This has not occurred since the embarrassing "refresh monkey" incident of June 2000. (œ) Steve Garammond has participated vigorously in a Peng/Grog offshoot thread and the subsequent delivery to Coventry of an undesirable. (Þ) Steve Garammond has posted wish list for possible upcoming world domination that obviously took a considerable time to write, let alone a number of thinking sessions on the dunny. (Ð.2) Madmatt remains bald and has begun to reach critical mass stage in the use of exclamation points in his writing. You've certainly come to the obvious conclusion by now, but I will state it for the record and thereby set hearts a fluttering and a stampede to the pawn shop like a new load of rock just hit the streets. Steve has waaaay too much time on his hands because, like any good anal retentive project manager, he has things well in hand and can see the light at the end of the tunnel to the release of CMBB. All he has to do know is apply the lash to Kwazydog to collect and skin the models in rapid fashion and get Madmatt the rabid marketer whipped up into a right good frenzy before cutting him loose. Don't forget, you heard it here first. [edited because, let's face it, there's "god-like" and then there's Germanboy] * I like to use his full name so that it inspires wonder and amazement in the SSN who wonder in and think that since I know his full name and have a member number in god-like range, that we are old buds, despite the fact that Mr. Steve Garammond couldn't tell me from a gecko. [ March 03, 2002, 05:12 AM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

Don't knock it, I might molt on you. And now, just lik you like it . . .an ÜberLizard Update! Mr auosurrender is just about to make the bad man stop in my latest with Berli. Well, even a blind piggy finds an acorn now and then and if he hadn't won one against me soon, the boss was going to move him to a higher level of hell, something with natural light I understand. Plus, did I mention what a gamey boat using bastige he is. Moriarty has obviously worked out a game hack since he is French and NOT dying in droves before my goose steppers. Pondscum has attempted on several occassions to avoid his impending demise through the sending of unreadable files, but has finally stumbled and bumbled his split squads close enough to begin giving them some acute lead poisoning. The addition of a by-line to my signature appears unlikely. dalem, Croda and bauhaus all have new setups in the mail and I am sorry to report that the store is also closed at this end Mr. Mancini and wins will be out of season for some time if you are shopping in thelucky country. Stuka is nearly done writhing, screaming and leaking bodily fluids and will soon begin to tenderise in the hot sun for ten turns or so before I can pick the carcass clean as he is too proud to surrender now. The Bard has not followed through with a setup following our last exchange. I imagine he is too scared at what the damage of losing such a match would do to his ability to form words. Wildma is not forgotten, but being driven into a rage through the application of a small dose of [ignore]. There will be a setup for him shortly if I can stop laughing about the fact that his e-mail actually appears to be in North Dakota. If mrskpr (non-bolded due to accumulation of wuss points) ever returns he should be sent to Coventry for abandoning a game with me that had only 2 turns left in wwhich his arse was being handed to him. [ March 01, 2002, 12:15 PM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

Feral-Dude, don't consider yourself forgotten, despite the fact that you are almost entirely insignificant. I was merely responding in a timely manner to the Bard as I have wont to do on occasion. However, there is a minor rub in the plans for our match. His high Ünterlord and Rauchenfüher Berli has informed me that he does not have any new product on hand at the moment and no other likely candidates have stepped forward. He did, however, pass on to me a new 3 battle campaign (20 turns each) that may be a suitable item with which to impale you if you think you have the time. Otherwise, we must still troll for a third party a bit longer.

Oh yeah, like Germanboy (I'm a sucker for the classics) is going to just pop down from on high and knock off something for the likes of we mere mortals. Pass the dummy pipe, my friend. But, I’ll tell you what cowboy (I understand all yanks love to be called cowboy, as it provides that reassuring Marlboro Man feeling to them), how about this for a lark. You pick a map, you but all the forces for both sides and just point me in the right direction. Then, when I kick your arse (mind you I did say when and not if) so bad you’ll be wearing your bum cheeks for earflaps to keep warm this winter you will immediately play and review one of my scenarios at the Scenario Depot. And if you think it's farking great, you will also nominate it for an award. So, do you like apples, or what? And don’t worry about it mate, I have it on good authority that another will be along shortly. Croda you consummate wuss. Had I been able to claim the banishment of a pathetic no-brained weasel like him, I would hang that scalp on the mantel with my favourite pictures. Not near my wife, or up by my Ducati, mind you, but somewhere down among the distant relations and other bric-a-brac. But not you, oh no. Instead you wuss out with some namby-pamby mea culpa about throwing the last stone. Pull your finger out and get that setup in the mail, ya pillock, and I’ll educate you properly on how to gut a man and dance a jolly jig on the corpse.

Couple points of order if you will, Bard. First, while it would apppear that Crodawants to have a go at Simon Fox, it is also apparent that Marlow also wants to get some (and curtly got in the best shot so far). I say let them all continue and lets get a real old-fashioned hair-ball going in here. Second, and more important, I do believe that you have reached your previously agreed to, UN monitored, critical mass of squires. Let's not return to one of those Squire rushes of 2000 and have none left in the following years. Gotta think of the leaving some for the children, my good man. Sustainability, that's the key.

Probably doesn't have his haggis translation script installed correctly. Try using the tartan conversion widget, as that typically works for me when I have a piper down. If that doesn't work, try copying it as a binary file into a text editor with the [jimmy] on and [/jimmy] off tags. PS: Nice work, Kev. Wee navair knooo yee haid aiht ihn ye mayte. [ February 27, 2002, 02:24 PM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

Oh, you will surely smoke a turd in hell for that one mister, and make no mistake. Since the erstwhile scots have not risen to the challenge, as it happens I do, in fact, have space on my dance card, and Wildman is also indeed included on the list of Things to Kill and Eat. I am acquainted with your future landlord personally, and I am sure that the Rauchenfuher himself will be willing to set up a match to hasten your delivery to his fold. If not, we can select a map from the Depot and have a setup prepared by another like croda who has recently proven himself (amazingly) to both read and reply in English to electronic communication and who is also aware that the CM engine has more than two buttons with which to screw with. Only the last year, you sad sad bastard. What catching up you have to do. So much that it makes my eyes nearly bleed from the thought of it all. I have had employees less time than I have heard the bitter statements of Berli, the plaintive wails of Hiram , the attempts by the Bard to join that together that was fowled by chaos itself and the pitiful attempts of Pshaw(bastardised beause I know it pisses him off) to apply rule to that which is in itself formless. And to think you have spied only a year. Oh to be that young again and with some hope in life. Which is precisely why I squired you , dear lady. You are like a circus oddity or space alien. Were you not to post daily, I could not believe that such innocence and naivete could exist in such a world as this. I have been called many things, but forgiving is a first. I may copy this on to my wife and others that know me at length to prove to them that someone still holds such a view. Whether they will view you with the reverence that American Indians hold for the insane, or the derision that we of European extraction have for the mentally challenged is, however, still up for grabs. But to me, you will always be my special possession. That is, until I get hungry and am forced to kill and eat you. [ February 27, 2002, 02:11 PM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

I wrote up a detailed description of how to PBEM(with annotated pictures from the desktop) along with a folder heirarchy that works well for me to provide to my dad when he wanted to get started. However, we both use Macs and I am on the road at the moment and can't send it to you right now. If, however, you want it on or after March 8, send me an e-mail and I can pass it on for you to edit then.

$255 for that, they must be mad. Hell, it has Croda's arse groove in it and everything. Tell you what, I'll give you $50 bucks and one slightly bruised ego from a certain television cook? Act know and I'll throw in his brain - hardly ever driven.

Remember when I said I didn't give a fat rat's ass when it comes out? Well I still don't. I haven't even finished off my list of Things to Kill and Eat from the first game. Besides, I have to take the PE exam at the end of April, so I made a special request to Steve to hold off until after then and he said*, "Will, for you buddy, anything. How about a release right around your birthday in July". I, of course, said Steve that's fantastic because now I can try to pput together enough shiny stuff between now and then to pay for it until he told me I also don't have to pay. See, so things are fine. Quit worrying and get back to work. *-actual quote - hey we don't make this **** up

Croda/dalem:In an effort to speed things up a bit (and hasten the arrival of each of your hot flaming deaths), I have selected a couple of highly rated maps from the Scenario Depot and sent them to each of you respectivly (but not respectfully). Please have a look at your final resting places, decide what type of demise you would like to participate in, select your forces and send them in an e-mail to the other. I will do the same (as soon as you tell me what side I have) and then you two can send the tourney save out for the other. Got it? Good. Then let's get it on you two mongoloids and show this pack of molasses coated, no-turn sending, wuss merchants how to do some killin' (or in your case Dying-A-Lot Now™)

OK, so apparently Berli is off knocking up some tandoori to feed his new addiction and Moriarty hasn't been spotted since he went to the loo at work three days ago, so I have a cunning idea. How about dalem you knock up or select a map for my battle vs. Croda and he can do the same for my battle vs. you? Both of you can then send the map to both players and we can buy our forces, then send those back to the respective setup monkey. I couldn't give a hot steamy Hiram what side or type of battle I get vs. either of you two pestules, so tell me what type and which side you want here. Since I am still on the road, let's keep those force sizes under, say, 2000 pts. Weather, flags, zones and reinforcements can all be up to the "person" that does the setup. I know that Croda has made scenrios before {shudder} (Crodaburg) {shudder} so he should be able to sort this out if you can too. If not, one of the regulars should be along eventually to do it.

Ahem. Well then Moriarty or Berli, you got a map handy and a few minutes to purchase some units for me and the earless one?

Well, you could use that tactic in our game too, since it matches up perfectly with what would have to pass for your current set of "tactics". But have it your way, you will meet Berli in good time as I am nothing if not patient. Now then, I have been less than happy with the rate at which several of you chicks send your turns and I have been reviewing and updating my Things to Kill and Eat list of late. Rising sharply to the top of that list due to the quality of their bile, frequency of posting with rants about speed of turn replies and general malodorousness are: dalem: I think it is high time that I plumb the depths of one stupid enough to actually move TO Minnesota. I am also interested in finding out through turn accompanied repartee how well that long hair is going down in the land of the hot dish. Perhaps the real estate agents will show you some places other than near the rendering plants if you catch the inherent suggestion in “maybe we should stop off for a haircut and a shave first?”. Croda: As it appears he will actually be sticking around this time, his debasement by the Forces of Scaliness is also well overdue. Oh sure, he can put the boot into Hiram (and don’t we all love doing that), but I am thinking that facing some stiffer (down bauhaus! I said stiffer not stiffy) competition, he will fold like cheap origami. I am thinking that a third party setup at fifty paces will be the best way to settle these two kaniggets’ hash, but am open to consideration of other options before rejecting them and going with my initial recommendation. Moriarty can typically be counted on to set something up although I personally think Berli might be the go for one of these setups given the current mood he is likely in. And finally, I think it might be time for a rematch with the (SWOHST) Scottish Winter Olympics Haggis Spewing Team. A scenario is certainly good enough for your ilk, so pop off with the name of one you fancy, Jimmy, before I come over there and tie dye all your tartans in pastel colours, jam a rotten herring up your bagpipes and sell your wee spaniel off to work as a mascot for a Welsh footy club. [ February 25, 2002, 01:08 AM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

Actually, I think Croda and Leeo or some other carefully selected pair of "Natural Killers" (do a search now, there's a good lad) should be required to do an AAR like this periodically to smoke out the recto-cranial inversionaries so that they can be properly identified, classified, studied for things like chronic daily intake of lead, then summarily beaten with the brick until they stop quivering, sent to Coventry and had someone around to collect any and all computer hardware available at their domicile. My bet is that ICS is really just Losername posting under a new ID.

FO's have to do the spotting themselves and I believe this is consistent with real life in WWII from information in a previous thread by Steve (BTS) For the other question, my experience through testing shows: FO's make use of the morale bonus (heart) like regular troops. FO's make use of the stealth bonus (question mark) like regular troops. FO's get the benefit of the command bonus (silver star)by rounds arriving on target sooner. FO's do not gain any benefit from accuracy due to the combat bonus (lightning bolt)

Minor point of clarification, Kurtz. CM was designed and built on a Mac and ported to the others, not the other way around.

True, but it is also likely to have the synchronistic effect of providing you the opportunity to miss out on this year's carnal knowledge. Personally, I'd advise you pop round to the local gaol with bail money toot sweet. Perhaps then you will find something more "productive" to do with the 3-4 am portion of your day.

oooOOOOgha oooOOOOgha DANGEROUS CESS LEAKAGE IN OUTERBOARD!!! I REPEAT ... DANGEROUS CESS LEAKAGE IN OUTERBOARD!!! Will the cerebrally challenged please plug all orifices in the bumpy bit at the tops of their bodies, and will an Olde One please affect immediate Cess containment measures. We now retrun you to the previously scheduled repeat of "George Bush: Poisonous Plant or Noxious Weed"

OK, let me just break up this little Peng/Shaw tryst preparatio to say... Ha ha ha ha ha ha aha ahahahahah aha ha ahaha aha a Oh thank you Persephone You are one delightfully evil harpy. The skewering of Berli was so ever well done and the valentine shandorf, mucho beullo (or however it goes)

Pondscum has deemed himself worthy of a challenge on the forces of scaliness. Normally, this would be treated with derision and peals of laughter at his impudence. However, a quick review of his profile reviewed that he is, in fact, a pom. And possibly a descendent of the powdered-wig elite by his address. He has been heard to snivel about some accused illegal appropriation of a subtitle that we may, or may not have find lying abandoned and given a good home. We have therefore decided to remove this subtitle legally (with the assistance of our solicitors, jdmorse and Associate Rottweilers, along with several large strips of flesh from this annoying phytoplankton, then treat the wounds with a salve of agent orange. Mace if you have not found something to your satisfaction already, I suggest either "Fertile Ground" or "A Midnight Clear" from my good self that are available at the Scenario Depot. I also have another, "die Lehrer" still in testing that you might also find amusing. All are well balanced and have several options for victory to both sides.

Dumb? . . . perhaps. Oblivious? . . . Guilty as charged your honour Deadly as cancer when backed into a corner . . . You be the judge based on the next movie. Personally, I'd say that's one platoon of gum chewers that's standing in front of St. Peter wondering what the feck just happened to them. And since that lucky bastige M4 has just used up his last life, this two front attack has now been reduced to unity.

ÜberLizard Update! Forces of Scaliness Central Command (ETO) have today announced the complete and utter topplement once again (boy this is getting to be repetitive) of a large contingent of Fallingguythingies and their associated nonturreted pointy things under the command (if we can call it that) of St. bauhaus. This one really could have been over in 6-8 turns rather than the 48 it actually took had I suspected that bauhaus would use the ‘novel’ defence he decided to mount (steady on there bauhaus). Given a map of approximately 17 km in length, he decided to forego any sort of defence-in-depth nonsense and stage 2 divisions of infantry in three small patches of trees located within 35 m of the edge of his setup zone and que up several dozen AFVs behind 4 large buildings reminiscent of the chop shop down the block from his tenement. Consequently, 30 turns of magnificently executed bounding overwatch were witnessed only by a flock of European starlings (which sounded amazingly similar to North American robins) and a couple of squirrels. Following the clearance of 95% of the map without loss, the Germans positions were completely identified through the application of several thousand rounds of HE delivered air mail from Division HQ and the subsequent screaming, shouting and running about that we have come to expect from bauhaus. Then, of course it was time for the bbq and we witnessed a first – Germans surrendering to a flamethrower unit rather than the large volley of ball ammunition that typically accompanies a spotting. By the numbers then: Allies (Goanna): 432 casualties(139 KIA), 8 AFVs lost – 62 pts (not loss) Axis (bauhaus: 396 casualties(94 KIA), 48 captured, 9 AFV lost – 38 pts (loss) No parties were mentioned in dispatches, due to the high number of slip trip and fall injuries sustained during the required rapid advance across the undefended terrain. In other news, Moriarty has agreed to terms in his next lesson and will allow me to complete a scenario that the ultimate wuss Hiram bailed out of prior to his last disappearance (and oh how we long for his next one).