Goanna

SuperTed, you are a dude. Thanks for the heads up. OK, now I think this might be an appropriate time to start our long list of unreasonable demands and start screaming and shouting until Steve comes in here to hose us down with some high pressure 2C water. I'll start. Hey BTS, when are you going to start taking pre-orders for this fine piece of kit so that I don't have to wait to get my hands on it while I listen to all the Yankee dogs ooooh and ahhhh over the features? I think a 7 day head start on shipping to your most loyal Australian customers is only reasonable, don't you? OK, barring that, how about releasing to us (in the strictest of confidence you understand) the date when we might just happen to be passing through Maine to collect a copy. Steve? . . . Charles? . . . MadMatt? . . . {tap, tap tap} Is this thing on?

I say a resounding NAY, Bard. Lest the granting of serfdom become an excersize in least common denominators where the latest cro-magnon to score a trifecta in the misuse of language, humour and intellegence be placed at the bottom and thereby drive those only slightly less contemptible up to a level which requires regular discourse with them. Rather, I believe Berli had what now seems a reasonable alternative involving a dog.

Simply because some brainless little twat is able to knock off 300-odd (and I do mean odd) posts that sound as if he has been off his ritalin a few days too long, this does not in fact mean he has anything of value to contribute. A random and completely unscientific survey of his posts reveals that the vast majority of his "contributions" could have been avoided had any level of search been applied, or that neglected primary education been attempted again. If there is one thing I just can't abide, it's seeing an Olde One waste their time on someone with no grasp of sentence structure, grammar, spelling or punctuation. It's like watching Beavis attempt to give Shakespeare a right good dressing down in the Globe. Pathetic. I don't remember anyone calling for a new piss boy, do you? So for now, I say throw the [ignore] switch until his attention span kicks in.

Mr. Shaw your rankness was never in question, I assure you.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Speaketh the Bard: . . . Mind, if Mace is one of you, your mythology will involve near non-stop bestiality.<hr></blockquote> Yeah, and what’s your point? Oh, he’s “in” I can assure you if I have anything to do with the lineup. Let’s see, we have one deranged megalomaniac (check), one vile pervert (double check), one shameless self-promoter (yup) and an insipid and petulant grog that would be banished to the end of the earth if he had not already taken up residence there voluntarily (tick). If we can just find the jaunty larrikin we will pretty much have the microcosm of Oz all sorted. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> and furthermore . . . As regards my temporary inability to "Crush All Australians"; send me a setup, you pillock. Long have I desired to once again meet the Lizard King in Combat Just, and send him yipping back to his proto-mammal fellows.<hr></blockquote> Temporary is a long time in gnome years apparently. Well, what the hell, I have a couple hundred years to spare so I should be just about able to get you to finish a game. Expect an all random computer pick of about 1000 pt directly unless I hear some preferences from you before then. By the way, you are a delightfully nasty little man for taking those two SUPs to task on the Outer Boards on the tired old issue of flags. Thank goodness for insomnia there in the frozen wastelands or I would actually have to be working today. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Stuka quipped: I sent the file around 14 hours ago to the return address on the file you sent me. Dig the sand out of your undies and check again you scaly, Ducati riding nonce!<hr></blockquote> Ah, well therein lies our problem, you see. Had you actually participated in the Yemen Gran Prix back in your riding days, you would be well aware of the fact that we are roughly 4 millenia behind you and files take much longer to appear here if they in fact arrive at all. Once more into the breech lad, and put bells on it this time if you would. Also, for your information, pouring sand down the back of ones undies is in fact a recognised ASTM field method for the classification of coarse and fine grain sands, so I’ll have you stop that sniggering if you don’t mind.

And now for a quick ÜberLizard Update! SK bauhaus has managed to break Cesspool Commandment ¥§.(¼) Thou shalt not park park German assault guns in the open for six turns machine-gunning Yankee dogs when there are allied tank destroyers about. mrspkr is about to face some serious rue-age by making predictions on casualty losses before I had expended all of my ary allotment. Stuka is obviously still grieving over the fact that QLD has been ceded to the coffee and culture crowd of the VIC public service and hence has not returned the first turn. And last but certainly least SK Moriarty has come up with a most entertaining (for those of you with strong stomaches) little quick battle for us to settle a score. 12,000 points a side to decide who controls two buildings, one patch of malee and a carrot patch should just about do it. He has agreed to stack the allied troops up like cordwood so that I can just shoot them where they lay to save space.

Ey ey, Mr. Bard sir. But begging your pardon, I am still trying to figure out exactly what Freiherr Goanna, Rittmeister von Oz und Überlizard means. And you know, bablefish doesn't work quite as fast from the Land-O-Sand as it does from my T1 line in Sydney. I mean, after Berli handed Mace the section of paddock which most clearly and obviously belongs to Stuka, what could he possibly have had in mind for me? To tell you the truth, I was waiting to apply the cane to his groggishness Simon Fox because I didn't think he was finished. These grogs typically go on for pages you know, and I expected that he was perhaps just getting in the opening jab on the issue. Honestly, when is the last time you saw a grog bring up two propellor head issues like phenotyping AND DNA fingerprinting in the same sentence and just stop there? But on to weightier issues, Bard. With your current belittlement at the hands of yet another Australian, how goes the quest to "Crush all Australians". I would think it high time you pronounce us all, as a creed, the crunchiest of all opponents!. Or, would you care for another go at me, Don Quixote?

Note that Mace went for the more kinky Black Sheep Love Ewe rather than the classic white. Just the sort of extra effort we expect from the Pool's Grand Poobah of Perversion.

You're not just going to throw out that left over lung are you mensch? . . . mensch? . . Is this thing on? Nice one wwb, now He who I do not believe in will be off celebrating and bathing in accolades when he should ge home toiling over my next fix, or renting planes at huge personal expense to make sure is next map is just so.

Before I go back to the serious ignoring that he so richly deserves, I have to comment on the point which so obviously points him out as an interloper even if he were hacking away under an Olde Ones screen name <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>...have you ever played ip games?<hr></blockquote> To which Elvis could have immediately replied had he not been laughing himself appoplectic, "Does a frog have a watertight arsehole?" Just goes to show you - there are no stupid questions, only stupid people.

BTW, I playtested "Securing the Dropzone" for He who I do not believe in. Once it is up on the Scenario Depot, I will post my compendious review. I found it to be an appalling little piece of filth (high praise from me indeed) that is well suited to kannigget battles, blood hamsters and general grudge matches. A setup for the byte battle will do nicely Mr. Moriarty so that I may exact some satisfaction from your fly ridden corpse.

He's not fooling anyone you know. He'll be dead in a minute.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> mrspkr: Goanna having lost a couple of companies of men, two or three halftracks, a pair of tanks and the battalion dachsund is now sending waves of halftracks in gamey victory flag rushes. Frankly, I'm running out of targets for my artilery. He will lose this one, and badly.<hr></blockquote> Isn't it interesting how FOW, too much crack during law school and being from Texas can combine to provide such an interesting, but disturbingly skewed, picture of the world? While I currently (and from approximately turn 2) hold 1 uber VL so tightly that all colour has drained from the flag, two VLs (an unter and an uber are currently at contest. Losses are, in fact, almost identical and while I move methodically toward securing the remaining VLs, he is driving around a TD like the crazed redneck he is on the way to a hootenanny. This one's in the bag or I ain't the ÜberLizard. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Stuka: (@3) Women who claim to 'love watching sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink beer.<hr></blockquote> Yes, well we've all been sucked into that ploy at least once haven't we. A return file of 'splodey things is currently speeding its way to you from the Gulf where it's going to be {look of shock} 30 degrees and sunny today. Yes, though I promised not to do so again anytime soon, I am currently at residence again in Oman, correcting the work of some British academic (and boy don't we love putting the poms straight) who couldn't quite get that low level employees don't actually want a tertiary education in risk management in order to do their jobs correctly. Oh well, I will be home in time for the second test and will have enough dosh to keep me in beer and crisps through the end of the series. Now then. Moriarty you insufferable pillock. If you weren't such an efficient little clerk of the MBT I'd have your guts for garters. Imagine the nerve of the conniving little sod to take advantage of the fact that I would be en route to the money pot and unable to respond in order to suggest a modification of my status based on the acts of some other SUP that I have never recognised, responded to or braked for as a pedestrian. Send me a setup for satisfaction, you useless gutter-snipe, or its nothing but Berli's borscht for you until springtime. Stinking southern Wisconsinites. [ 12-15-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

Right. I'll second that. I can think of more than one that should have been proclaimed a FUP for a long while now. However, I suggest a simple plurality of those kaniggets available at the time should be sufficient to proclaim one a FUP if one has given cause to be so named. Now then, Satan seems to have dropped the ball on us Stukes me old mate. You reportedly sent him the "Going to Town With Stuka" map a couple of days ago with your pick of feldgraus. I sent in an e-mail with my selection of poms as well and have seen nothing from his evilness. I suspect that he is home stroking his NDA and may need a good poke or two. {POKE!}

See, now I've told you you pack of mongrels what happens when you go off posting in other threads, or even reading tehm for that matter. Best to stay like me and remain pure cess from toes to eyeballs. Now, speaking of doing your reading in the proper place, I suggest that the Bard return to reading Tome 1 of the chronicles of cess and he will find me scribed as early as the oldest of Olde Ones (with a member number to match) and would likely be the senior member from the Lucky Country. I would also like to reiterate the query of Stuka when he asked about the number of Australian's that you have actually bested in this ill-fated quest of yours. I have played most all of them and have determined (through proper scientific methods) that the Australians as a group are the crunchiest opponents around. Way to go diggers. PS: Stukes has the map and will pass it on to you for your input of nastiness Berli. I will pick my forces and send to you on e-mail as he tells me which side he selected.

Will do, oh lord of dark laziness. Since we have this opportunity, Stukes, would you care me to crop the map then send to you for a purchase, or straight back to Berli for whatever he chooses to purchase and place for you? Since you have just entered into a pissing contest with the retched sod, I like my chances.

Right. Given that proper etiquette has been followed and I have gobbed on Stukeys clean white Sunday-go-to-meetings shirt, and he has responded directly by kicking dust into the intakes of my fine Italian motorcycle, I do believe the contest is on. Now then, just any old random setup won’t do for two combatants as old and revered as us. So, we will be needing the aid of a bent and twisted creator who has some fitting product sitting around. Where’s menschy these days? He did quite a nice piece of work for the last Elvis duel. Or perhapsBerli has been doing something other than sitting around fingering his NDA and has a suitable map with a few buildings that need levelling? In any case, here’s my preferences that Stuka can either provide silent agrrement to, or comment on so that he can be told to get stuffed, you’ll play with that and like it, mister. o 2500 pt attack/defend o Do be inventive with the setups and reinforcements o No snow since Stuka is a queen (slander) and it would just plain freak him out o No dark since he is also reputedly afraid of that. Anyone care to help out so I can begin beating him like a cane toad with a nine iron sooner rather than later? The ÜberLizard [ 12-06-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

Good point Pshaw. You should wear a hat and cover it up. If we are to have a writer of lore, it should be Lorak who will be back in a while I think.

Perhaps, I should have also called you something, you sad excuse for a noisy dive bomber. Did you not also read a thinly veiled challenge to your right to call yourself an Australian, or ar you still picking your way through the words?

So sorry Mr. Xia, Justicar, Pontificar and Fornicatar. In a search of my home computer scenarios folder, I am finding nothing matching the title or description of "Operation Lizard", if in fact it had that name, nor any title that strikes a chord in my mind as being the file of interest. Since it was a magnificently small an appalling piece of filth, you should have no trouble in knocking it up again in your spare time while you twiddle your thumbs waiting for ATT and watching the snow fall. Good thing we who don’t believe in Andreas don’t celebrate any holidays in December. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Berli grumbled: I don't give a rat's ass (Bauhaus, No!) what my ancestors do.<hr></blockquote> That, my nefarious friend, is because at that Ollie was doing his business, your ancestors were still trying to sort out a culinary use for the beet and giving their all (literally) for Ivan IV. Now, having completed settling back in to my regular domicile, I find that I may be unable to stick to my previous pledge to finish the last of my games and wait for CMBB. (which reminds me – bauhaus pull your thumb out and Mrspkr don’t try that "I’ve lost the password" thing again or you will get more of the same from me.) I am considering another PBEM with a prompt and reliable opponent. Perhaps and Australian comrade such as Stuka who I have yet to play and humiliate, or another with Satan himself?

Hmmm, well now. Here it is my name mentioned. Who’s this Hanns then, astonishingly high member number and all, I think I’ll just check his profile. Holy POD testicles! It’s another square head from the frozen wastelands. I have no idea what he is on about, but it is making me strangely thirsty. Perhaps this is what the Minnehoovians have been reduced to since the Bard skulked off to become a capitalist shill. Frankly if the lot of them had the sense of pond scum they’d evacuate the entire pot-holed mosquito breeding factory in October each year as I have just done. Enjoy the whiteout ya knob ends. See you in the spring. Oh and what’s this. Moriarty as a second to chrisl. Now there’s a pair of feckin bookends if I’ve ever seen a pair. I sure hope someone is videotaping this match as I haven’t had a s much comic relief since I stopped volunteering weekends at the group home. And what’s up with taking advice on anything other than chewing tabbacy from Slappy? For fecks sake he’s a part time deputy sheriff from South Carolina. The theme from Deliverance comes up every time he posts on my computer. Besides that he’s a nancy that wears mittens. Why doesn’t he just have one of the Minnehoovians or Canadonians show him how to put the string through his coat so his girl won’t have to hold them? Finally, just to refresh the record for the denizens of deep southern Wisconsin who have the attention spans of mayflies on Thai-stick, my foray there resulted in the serious counting of coup for the Scaly One and much forlock pulling, toe scraping and lamenting on the part of all of the residents in the vicinity. That should just about do it.

{ahem} He has returned. Let me say happy b-day to Satan. Hope you got those new imps you were hoping for. Now if anyone would care to summarise the bile directed in my direction during my absense, you will be treated with the contempt you deserve.

From my experience all troops will spot AT mines with the same chance based on their experience level. I think that a squad of crack troops (or a sharpshooter) can spot mines better than regular or green troops. I haven't done a scientific test of this theory, however.

No way. It's easier to get vehicles bogged in scattered trees than on open ground (which would have to represent a trail).

Drats, had some work to do and just logged on now so it looks as if that which was meant for verdammte Eidechse has been passed to another less worthy. Pity, because I'm hanging out for another dismembering of the vile sentence parser, Marked4Death. It should rid my mouth of the bad taste that anomoly to Jo Xia left behind. [ 09-04-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]