Goanna

ÜberLizard Update! Reptile central command (ETO) today announced a less-than-completely satisfying topplement of US forces under the command of the Knight Commander of Lost Causes. What would have been a spectacular victory, accompanied by much dancing and shouting, was reduced in its shine due to the most gamey tactics of my opponent including; (part qq) Use of cheap AFVs, (4b) defending the actual VLs, (§3.4) concealed use of multiple ATGs and high quality personal AT weapons (and the added insult of using my own previous tactics against me), and (uno) predictive use of artillery. Clearly the man has no shame. By the numbers then: Axis(Goanna): 139 casualties (28 KIA), 12 AFV destroyed – 70 pts Allies(Moriarty): 274 casualties (76 KIA), 56 captured, 3 mortars, 4 guns and 7 AFV destroyed – 30 pts Axis Tactical Victory after autosurrender The swine is currently being baited into a rematch. The forces of scaliness also wish to announce that we are also interested in having a go at a double blind of "To the Last Man" with a mandatory review. Applicants for dismemberment will be accepted 9am-5pm AEST from suitably qualified kaniggets or their squires.

So, now Joe resorts to straight out slander rather than do any research. I had nothing to do whatever with the battle that wussl had with Peng for the latters moniker, nor would I have. A pox on the would be McCarthy. I am, however, setting up any and all of the quests to return it to it's original, if not rightful, position. That does not, however, mean that these quests will be easy, as some of the simpering mob here have been complaining about.

Franko (and anyone else interested) I have been designing scenarios and releasing one about every six months after they are well tested. I have gotten very positive responses on my work from testers and those that have reviewed my work, but I don't know for sure where I rate in the overall group of designers. Up to now I have always made fictional scenarios because I do not have the time to do a lot of research. I think I am good at making maps that offer a variety of options during play as well as balancing sides and gameplay to make the scenarios enjoyable. I also write detailed briefings to get players immersed in their task. So, what I am saying is that if anyone has research that they want to share in order to produce high quality historically based scenarios, I would be very willing to participate in a team. I would recommend Der Kessel or the Scenario Depot for hosting as I think these two sites offer the best long term quality and viability for the infrastructure of hosting now that Manx's site is defunct.

Point of order Bard. On behalf of the Australians that are the subject of your quixotic fantasy, we have to object to the inclusion of the above named induhvidual in our numbers. If our government has the ability to reject any number of bona fide refugees, we should certainly be able pick and choose among the throng of applicant SSNs who wish to swell the numbers of our already bulging side.

Hmmmm, I don't see my name anywhere in there, so I think I will wait until the paperback comes out.

...and you may get your chance Sludge. As I have been tasked with setting up these challenges to return the name of Peng, I will keep generating them for the daring few until one returns with the trophy. Berli is likely (well, actually we are sure of it) not pure of heart enough to maintain his resolve in the face of adversity. The Bard, while full of song and courage, is likely too tactically inept to grasp the prize. But someday there will be one who put the vile wussl this, this physicist in his rightful place and rend from him the basis of our being here. Being a master of the applied sciences, I myself have been building (at great personal expense) a veritable pitbull of a warrior from discarded limbs and entrails here in the pool. I’ve been nurturing the beast with an iron rod and blowtorch until he reaches his full potential, and feeding him a steady diet of knowledge from FM-22 and Sun Tzu. When the mightiest of knights and meekest of squires proves incapable at eviscerating a single government pampered theoretical scientist, I will release my bad dog upon the pool and you rue the day for eternity. [edited due to the fact that I still don't believe in andreas and am being punished for it] [ February 05, 2002, 04:48 PM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

Sorry Johan, too big for me. But I will do one of your other ones in my next match and provide one for it instead.

My my, doesn't the Old Firm dress their lot up in bright colours. Hardly what I was expecting from a venerable institution of their reputation. And a most excellent and nefarious idea to boot. Even though we despise Simon Foxwith a cold ball of unquenchable hate deep within our inner crodas, we hates these Slappycomeslatelys ever so much more. What an insolent little cur he is to be making demands of that which is but the latest shanker in an immeasurable list of boils broken before him. I second Geier – let the grog have my proxy!!!! Now, we thought that we had alerted customs and border control to repel all cesspoolers, but apparently they are not finsished clubbing defenceless women, children and reporters in the outback. Therefore we must take it on ourselves to demand that Horse Ovaries provide his itinerary to the Australian contingent so that we can monitor his movements properly. Don’t let Mace scare you off with that hummer talk, he stopped all of that when he was given permanent employ with the Victorian government back in the late eighties under a Kennett program to empty other institutions that were not turning a profit.

Johan - That was exactly my point in the other thread. I am quite happy with what Keth has done with the Scenario Depot (the guy should get sponsorship cash from BTS) in that it allows me as a scenario designer to collect information both passively (d/loaded counter) and actively (reviews) on interest in my work. Unfortunately, I typically have to rely on the passive info only as few reviews are still posted. In 4 weeks I have had "Where Eagles Dare" d/loaded 100 times, but only reviewed 3 times. I had expected a lot more since it is a vs. AI scenario and can be completed in one sitting. For my other scenarios, while I like getting reviews that say "this is perfect, don't change a thing" it is often more important to get the detailed criticisms of balance, historical plausibility and playability that you only get from a tiny few people that allow you to tune and improve the work product. Getting more 'heroes' who will post reviews of every scenario they play is key to making Keth's site more valuable into the future. I have committed myself to providing a review of EVERY scenario (or map) I play.

Thank you. Thank you. {pause for applause from the millions of adoring fans} Any title that causes more indigestion than Elvis' Suprbowl Chili must be a winner. Now then, since we are highly unlikely to see many turns out of the yanks with their annual sports carnival going on, I might just have to get some work done today.

So this is where I pretend to know what you are on about Isky and you offer me a shot of some home distillery disaster?

Because they are everywhere, that's why. Besides, if I didn't get in there quick, one of the bloody SSNs might have started one. Nature abhoring a vacuum and all that don't you know.

They are Shaw's rules, of course. He's an insufferable pillock, but like any good bureaucrat, he typically gets something right. Don't you owe me a turn, smokey? [ February 02, 2002, 10:51 PM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

Keth, I find the download counter at the Scenario Depot to be a great feature. Since very few people actually go to the trouble of providing a review, it is interesting to note the interest in scenarios I have done through d/load activity. "Where Eagles Dare", for instance has had about 100 d/loads in 4 week, but unfortunately only 3 reviews. Nice to see the others still ticking over too, even though neither has had a review in ages.

And now for my beautifully styled monologue from the aborted incarnation: Just like a good ol’ boy. Eight to eighty, blind, crippled or crazy. Look’s like the only thing Slappy will turn down is a small boy – face down. Now that is quite a feat, Aqua. But having played the both of you two mooks, not surprisng really. Nice to get a mention in there somewhere, Bard Eggggscellent Persephone. You know have acquired the skills to give Hiram a whuppin. I have seen those very tactics cause him such destruction that he flees behind the couch to toss cats at you.

...one Peng to bring them all, and in the cess bind them. Don't know what's going on with the thread Hiram made, perhaps he pulled it out of chagrin over bollocksing up the title so bad. Well, then. How bout this then? {ahem} The CESSPOOL OFFICIAL RULES (ii) Let's cut to the chase here, shall we … SOD OFF! (XIV) Aha, one of THOSE are we? Dense as a brick no doubt and with an incomplete sense of What's Right. Well allow me to clarify then … SOD OFF NOW! (1.43) If you don't know FOR SURE that you belong here and are One Of US, then you are NOT and you are, in fact, an SSN, a Scum Sucking Newbie and there is nothing in this world or the next that is lower than you. You should really leave now. You will be ridiculed, derided, scoffed at, disparaged, mocked and disdained and THAT will be if we're in a GOOD mood. You shouldn't let this happen to you, you should just ... SOD OFF! (ref. e) Now I've no doubt whatever that you are droll beyond comparison … I've also no doubt that you drool beyond belief and if you think you'd fit in here anyway YOU ARE WRONG SO SOD OFF. ( Haven't you SODDED OFF yet? This DOES get tiresome you know. Oh you're not the first, not even the Eleventy First as Bilbo might say. And we tell them all the same thing, to wit (or some portion of that amount in YOUR case), this is the PENG CHALLENGE THREAD, the operative word being CHALLENGE! Therefore, if you choose not to Sod Off, and we DO encourage that option most strongly, Challenge someone … that's some ONE PERSON, not the CessPool as a Hole … to a game of CM. Otherwise we'll know that you are here just to dip your little toe in the water and then scurry off back to the outerboard and tell your friends with a disdainful sniff that you've been in the CessPool, donchaknow, wasn't much and you decided not to stick around. {You have TWO choices, which would be equivalent to the number of nostrils you have available for delving into with your fingers, either post your email and general location in your profile or SOD OFF! We don't accept strangers in these parts and you're about as strange as they come (bracket ommited for clarity) {34} WHEN you challenge, assuming that you don't just Sod Off, challenge an SSN … maybe a Squire, but your challenge of a Knight will be ignored as beneath their notice which it of course is. Post your AARs, for it is by your words that you will be judged and deemed, in your case, to be EMINENTLY UNWORTHY. Some OTHER SSN, not you certainly, may attract the notice of a Knight and MIGHT be proposed to be Serf. After that the Sun could, I suppose, rise in the West OR, alternatively, THAT serf might be chosen as Squire to said Knight. After that … well, let's not get ahead of ourselves shall we? You'll be Sodding Off shortly in any case once you realize what a loathsome creature you really are. {Uiv} SOUND OFF LIKE YA GOT A PAIR! You SHOULD sound off to your opponents and to those whom you'd challenge. But sound off with some humor for the love of Pete or Gawd as you choose. We are looking for MEN of a certain ... STYLE, men of WIT, men of HUMOR ... and women … well, just women would cover it I think. {87/87) Do NOT sound off ABOUT your pair. We tolerate no racial, sexual, political or ethnic crusades ... only good old-fashioned PERSONAL attacks. {We've had people who wandered in, posted once or twice and were never seen again. In MOST cases this a GOOD thing and an option you should consider, never been seen again that is. If, however, you expect to be a part of the CessPool … and YOU certainly shouldn't … then be aware that you will expected to contribute to the community on a regular basis. You should make us laugh, chortle, giggle (in the case of Bauhaus and guffaw. This is your task … YOU will fail, so best just to SOD OFF.} 1. {vii} Have Half A Brain, this will be a stretch for most SSNs but give it a shot. When (or in YOUR case on the rare occassion IF) you taunt someone, make it memorable ... otherwise, HELLO, we won't remember you. {Don't} think that just because you're good at CM that you have a place HERE! We don't care ... we care about taunting, insulting and generally being Gamey, underhanded swine. That's right ... GAMEY ... we LIKE GAMEY because the Outerboards DON'T.

Anybody who says that its gamey to buy any unit type that can be selected is just a simpering wuss. I have never (I repeat never) lost a battle to some mongrel who claims "If I take SMG squads (or AA trailers or 14" arty or whatever) I can always beat you." Total unadulterated crap. You want to know why you get the **** kicked out of you by the AI using SMGs or FJ or Pollacks or whatever? Look no further than the cro-mag running the show. It's crap to mix armour with airborne troops or FJ with GJ or Poles with French (if you're into kinky) but that is only if your opponent and you have agreed not to go there. Otherwise, the rest of it is all just sour grapes by some wuss who couldnt figure out how to make the best out of what he got or bought. Quit your crying and buck up. [ January 31, 2002, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

he hee he chrisl has been rooting his hard drive again . . .uh he he hee Where's that damn bauhaus when we need him?

Ambush drills since the 1960s sure say to close with the enemy and fight your way through an ambush, but I am not sure that was the case in the 1940's. Perhaps JC the Ubergrog can shed some light on this. On another note, I am wondering about the logic of using sneak when it is night to advance. I would typically use the move command (in bounds) where I am already had the concealment of night rather than the slower sneak command.

That's nothing compared to what we would like to do to a Priest. Slicing, dicing and steeping in a jar full of piss (ala Mapelthorpe) before feeding you to a chicken that will then be used in some sacreligious animal sacrifice comes to mind. [edited to ensure that my title, which places me not nearly as high as Andreas, nonetheless still shows] [ January 31, 2002, 01:08 AM: Message edited by: Goanna ]

Lorak as I suggested before, I suggest that you collect some of the better, more representative pictures of Cesspool denizens to put on your site when you do the update. I would also recommend keeping just the loss totals as said before and the asterisk of shame denoting a loss to Peng

If any or all of the following would care to forward a file in our current contests of arms, they could be spared futher slippage toward wussification and derision from down under. Mrspkr Not actually sure if he can be spared as he has proven himself most wussly indeed by not returning the final 2 files of our game for over two weeks. Only his lack of posting in this forum may save him as we suspect he has been shot on campus in this weeks law school uprising. Any of the denizens of deep southern Wisconsin. I had suspected more from Berli at least since his attempts to induce an acute form of emphasema had proved quite effective in the early stages. Moriary and bahuaus, on the other hand, are being dismembered by the numbers and are likely out purchasing new couches to hide behind. Stuka is "camping", which in Queensland refers to the practice of packing up virtually everything you own into several four wheel drives, along with several rented petrol-driven power tools, and inflicting untold amounts of damage on the flora and fauna of sensitive ecosystems. Kinda like modern day bedouins without the culture. Seanachai: Woe is me, blah blah blah, I'm so low. Goanna: I'm lower Apparently, he was less than satisfied with the computer selections purchased for him, so I have agreed to a rematch set up by a third party pooler. So, applications are now being accepted from candidates who hate us both equally and have a modicum of talent in generating an enhanced QB with which I might make sure that his recent topplement of an Austrlian is only an outlier in an otherwise perfect record of defeat.

OOOooooooooo, now that's dirty pool Mace, you festering pustule. No fair doing research and then remembering it you bloody bureaucrat. Here I am, having a fine old time putting the boot into Elvis & Hiram and you have to go and blindside me like that. Edited because of my blind rage over the premature interruption of my current kick-the-helpless-puppy episode. Dammit Mace don't you have a backyard to clean up or some chores down there today!? [ 01-27-2002: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

This is a tender time in a new thread and we wouldn't want to start it off on a wrong note after Mr. Xia did such and amirable job (for an old pedant) of setting the proper tone. With that in mind, I'd just like to say to a hearty Sucked In! to all those Philadelphia Buzzard fans who stuck in their all year only to be shafted in the end. Keep your chins up lads, the Phillies will be great this year for sure - NOT! Ahem. I now return you to your previously scheduled taunting.

Good to hear Manx. Maybe I will start frequenting the CMHQ again if you are working over there. I always thought your site was the best presented and particularly fast loading. I hope to see the CMHQ site improved in the future to your previous standards.