Goanna

And a "right awful" visit will be differentiated from your regular visits which include the standard celtic fanfare followed by much retching and weeping by all those in attendance exactly how?

I had some of the same problems with QB's that were identified here (mainly the maps blow and you can't view them before purchase) so I found myself (along with some input from others) finding what I think is the ideal solution and has become the de facto method of setting up a good cesspool match when the denizens there disagree on some issue occasionally. I'll call it the Enhanced Quick Battle, and it really is pretty quick even if it looks complicated. Here's how it works: (1) Pick your opponent and a third party. Not just any third party as this person will function as a deity so the must be as "into" the match as the actual participants. I like to use scenario designers who are creative, a little bit evil and have a few minutes to spare. (2) Pick your map and decide if it is to be a attack/defend or ME. Both players can have a look at it in the editor since there are no forces on it. There are tons of good maps around, so no need to create one yourself. Look at all the ones for the CMMC, or even scenarios that have been played before. You are just a couple snips away from exactly what you are after. (Remember to save it as a new name, however, so you don't lose the original) (3) One player buys his forces in the editor and sends that file to the diety. The other sends his selections to the diety in an e-mail. Either or both of you don't want to buy - that's OK, have the diety pick something reasonable. (4) The diety then adds the forces of the other side to the scenario, saves it and sends it out as a tournament save to the player who starts and you are off. (5) That's the simplest way. Optionally, I prefer the diety to muck around with the scenario a bit to add that element of surprise. Change set up zones a bit to allow an unexpected ambush. Move the flags. Provide some of the forces as reinforcements instead. Take away that second and third fighter bomber and replace them with something more reasonable. Do whatever you want to enhance the immersion without totally upsetting the balance. From the above method I have had some of the best games of CM I have ever played. It addresses what I felt most of the weaknesses of QBs were and still leaves them with plenty of surprise and excitement. I don't want to get a mad rush going or anything, but I would be willing to show someone how it works if they have steps (1) and (2) completed. Oh, and remeber... (6) Thank your diety as its the only scenario review he's going to get. [ 12-26-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Hiram: Making Elvis cry is just plain mean.<hr></blockquote> While I grant you that I do have a penchant for laying in the slipper where it so obviously and easily fits, no one who has actually met me would refer to me as just plain mean. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Football has once again reared its ugly head in the cesspool. What makes this even harder to digest is that it is dealing with crap like the eagles and giants.<hr></blockquote> Not to worry, my little french elven-friend. Time has a way of sorting these things out and I have 20 gringo dollars that says we won't be seeing either of these two pieces of fluff after round one. Now before this turns into the commentary box at some local sports carnival (with SA 225 for 8 after 90 overs on day two) or the warm and fuzzy chat room for brainless SUPs that wander in, I can bring us back to a point of weightier issues than what the lot of you judeo-christian capitalist swine soaked up off the backs of the proletariat the last few days. I have an idea. And it could perhaps be a dangerously good idea. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Patch: So, you say I haven't earned my stripes yet? I guess I will continue in my quest to desecrate the photos of every single bacteria that lives in the Cesspool.<hr></blockquote> Not quite, but my idea involves someone with your obvious talent for forgery. I propose to take this vile maiden under my tutelage as a squire and send her on a quest. Yes a quest. It's a bloody good idea that is past its time here in the mire. And not an easy quest, mind you, but something a bit nasty and painful to all involved. If she chooses to accept, I direct Patch to collect and present three pictures: (š) Something involving Joe Shaw, preferably with a Mormon Wife; (‰) Something with Germanboy which is both insulting and at the same time holds him up as the deity he is, and; (£) Something with YK2 and including at least one decent sized shubbery Your creativity and diligence in collecting those items that make everyone (including the subjects) both laugh and cringe at the same time shall be the criteria upon which you will be judged. Successful completion of the quest will gain(?) you full status as a kanigget (how do we refer to the kanigget of the female variety anyway?) and a title. Bonza idea right? . . . Right? . . . Hey is this thing even on? Now, just before I go . . . <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Joe Shaw: He also wrote "Octapussy" ... well a guy's gotta eat I guess.<hr></blockquote> It's right about 50 that you really begin to master the double entendre isn't it? [edited to quash a couple of filty emoticons that dropped in like a couple of SUPs unexpectedly} [ 12-26-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

How about: "Even as a lad, Mace was already punching above his weight." [ 12-26-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

Dan, your best bet is to copy this post in the tech support forum so the IBM clone folks that patrol there will see it. You are likely to get some help with this problem within a couple of hours over there if you check back.

Gyrene, I know you can get the clips with Snapz Pro, but do you know if there is a way to paste them together end to end to make a movie of longer than one minute? I thought it would be kinda cool to lock view to (say) a particular tank on view 2 and get about 5 minutes worth of movie all together.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Dear Mr. Sedai, Are we doing pregame festivities? Love, Elvis<hr></blockquote> Yeah, the standard whooping it up and circle jerk should be sufficient Elvis. You lads better party hardy since New York is likely to be your swan song this year. Oh sure, Philly might just scrape into the playoffs due to the fact that they are in the NFC East (the whole lot of which should be written off and replaced with promising peewee league contenders), but when they start playing real teams they are sure to get their arse handed to them make no mistake {cough cough San Fran cough cough}. The fact is, Philly has two chances against San Fran, Saint Louis, Green Bay or Chicago in the playoffs – slim and none and slim just left town. That’ll teach em to soil the cess with their gridiron talk, eh? Now, FYI South Africa is 1/24 during a rain delay of the Boxing Day test. The Australians are highly likely to win what many are calling this year’s World Cup match. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> LawyerCan one of you tech gits have a look on the Tech forum and help me out.<hr></blockquote> No worries mate, got ya all sorted. What you do see, is pack that whole load of ****e back up in the cartons it came in, take it back to the store where it came from, thrust it at the pimply propellor head who’s standing there giving you the trout look and say in a clear and strong voice, “I’d like a Mac please, preferably a dual G4 tower with a 21 inch monitor.” Then ya take it home, right. Put it on the desk, connect the cables in where they obviously go, plug in your CM CD and you are off and running before you can say, “Bill Gates is a sodding useless pillock”. No thanks necessary. Always interested in helping out the technologically disadvantaged. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Stukes: Dear Tosser, That file was returned to you at 1045am (local).<hr></blockquote> Careful there mate. Timestamping those babies is coming dangerously close to numbering them, and that might just cause Elvis’ head to implode, if my little dissertation above hasn’t already done the trick. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Patch really wears the pants in ol' BeezleBerli's household, I reckon. <hr></blockquote> I told you she was a nasty piece of work didn’t I? Notice how she made me the one who’s lightest in the loafers too. But, careful who you go bolding there, Mace. (wet)Patch hasn’t earned her stripes yet, although I fear she has a bile gland with capacity nearly unbounded and obvious access to all the right technology. We has our eye on her, yesss we do.

Yeah, what he said. You can also make a movie capture using Snapz Pro from Ambrosia on the Mac, but I haven't tried to shoot CM with it . . . yet. www.ambrosiasw.com

Hey, I didn't say we sent Betty Windsor a cake or a gift or anything, just that we take the day off. Had the whole republican referendum not been rigged by those Liberal bastiges, we still would have the day off, but it would be the Governor General's birthday or something like that (let's say Paul Keating's for instance)

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>OgarglePommieSubject: An' Goanna, ye road kill fodder, ye've crossed a leen wi' ye filthy "English" comment. An' ye knoo at. At saims ye've fergotten aboot tha birch thrashin' ye received ain tha second gam we played, an' blown ye accidental firrrst gam win o'er mah brave laddies ain tha bocage death trap aintae some mythological triumph o' tha ancient Goanna clan. Ain ye ain meend ainly, meend ye. Ah'll bae sendin' ye a come-uppence Jimmy. Ye kin commaince ye tremblin' at ye leisure.<hr></blockquote> OK, sorry, but I'm quite uncertain what to do here. Is this Glaswegian poofsaying he'd like to step on the battlefield and be kicked so hard he'll be wearing his bum cheeks for earflaps, or talking about some perverted tryst he had with a birch tree? Perhaps the latter since I see nothing in my inbox that reeks of quisine based on a dare. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>he who I do not believe in: . . . 'Last man standing', which reminds me of a bad Bruce Willis movie. . .{yadda, yadda, sputter} . . . Oh well, what can one expect from a product of the Australian school system, where convicts are heros. I guess he has his personal Crocodile write his posts. Anyways, merry sodding Christmas to you all, and remember, there is a special place in hell for those who have BBQs on Christmas or New Year.<hr></blockquote> It reminds me of a not-so-bad Clint Eastwood flick called "Fistfull of Dollars" but I digress. {ahem}I think it is high time we of the Australian persuasion provide a rebuttal {Can I moon for rebuttal?} to the blatant level of Aussie-bashing that has been rising in the last few MBTs, spurred on, no doubt, by several of the newcomers who we are less than excited about taking credit for. But be that as it may, a question still needs to be raised. The question is this: Where would we as a civilisation be with out Australia, I ask you? Isn't language so much better for us? Wasn't it the Australians who brought the reduction of every word in the English language down to two easy to manage syllables to a fine art? Who among you would not have disappeared from the MBT long ago after suffering through the tedium of typing (and misspelling) Berlichtingen each time had we not produced Berli for you? Where would warfare be? Have not the Australians brought forth their sons to serve as cannon fodder for the imperialist powers in every war from the Boer to present day? And what do we get for it? Nothing I tell you, and no pissing and moaning about it either. Did we protest the intentional omission of the 477th Royal Australian Cooks Bn, or 31st NSW Ambo Recovery Units from CMBO? We did not. And where would tradition be? While increasing productivity is foisted upon the unsuspecting proletariat around the world, we in Australia maintain our rights to a standard four weeks annual leave (with leave loading - can't be going on hols broke now can we?), to chuck the odd sickie, and we still celebrate the Queen's birthday. Hell, even the poms themselves don't get that off anymore. So bring on your slings and arrows, we can take it. We know where we stand in the hierarchy of nations and we are prepared to stand as tall poppies for the superpowers with inferiority complexes to attempt to cut down. As our poet Henry Lawson once said, "Get stuffed ya c@%t, and bring us another schooner while you're up". [ 12-25-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

The short answer is, no. He is a huge wuss and should be called out as such. Then, in later games when he gets the KT or Super Pershing, you should deny all knowledge of your earlier discussion of the performance of the KT in your hands and point out that he is a centre-hugging gamey SOB. [ 12-24-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr> Lawyer: and even the faux Arab Goanna all have a Date with Death at the Hands of the Law<hr></blockquote> I will definitely be your huckleberry when you find room on your dance card, bayeetch. It will certainly be cathartic for me to take out years of abuse by various legal systems on one so richly deserving as yourself. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> . . . can rip through stralians like semi-digested habanero peppers through a virgin<hr></blockquote> Methinks that Peng has once again proven himself to be the poster-child for the attention span disorder society. A card carrying asterisk bearer I may be, but that was but an anomaly in what has otherwise been a nightmare of taunts, horror flicks and mea culpa's on your part. Shall I remind you of "South of Sword"; or your last stillborn assault on the forces of scalynes, or have the shudders already begun? Here's hoping that Santa replaces your worn out dummy-pipe this week. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> bauhaus: I made the mistake of letting an Ozzie goof stay at my house once.....still fumigating<hr></blockquote> Sure, take credit for hosting, if by hosting you mean directing me to huddle in a cold dank celler with a few rags to clutch after being poisoned and subjected to the abhorrent behaviour of the fruit of your loins. However, counselling is going quite well and I should be prepared for further visiting in a year or so. {rubs nipples} Ahhhhhh. . . and, what's your point exactly? Let me get this straight. bauhaus has never beaten Berli who is Seanachai's bunny, but bauhaus treats Seanchai like the proverbial red-headed step child. Sounds like a menage-o-trois of ineptitude to me. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>OGNeedISayWhoSF: Tha's reeght, ye snot encrusted cardigan wearin' foot stool, ye've already bin beaten bah an Aussie, at least twice. <hr></blockquote> As have you, ya kilt wearing sad excuse for a celtic bag of English protoplasm. That's right, I called you English. What are you prepared to do about it? BTW, nice work Panzer Leader (unbolded to show disdain). A mere 7 posts after the matter was settled, you go an prove yourself the microcephalic we all suspected as well as turning the MBT into kiddie help line. You bring honour to us all - PILLOCK! Turns for all on the morrow as I had a bit of a brain cramp myself in fleeing the office last night and managed to leave the disk containing incoming rounds here. All the better though since now you will be able to feat on the hate the ÜberLizard has delivered you while bloating yourself on the spoils of the fat bastard in the red suit like the capitalist swine you all are. [ 12-23-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

Ah, well then. Now I get it. The price is the same for arty spotters (and any troops) regardless of their ammo load. This is the sort of thing that the independent third party that typically sets up these non-standard quick battles for you will address (by reducing the ammo load, or purchasing for you based on an e-mail ratehr than and editied scenario file). The bottom line is, you either need to trust your opponent (like you do when you assume that he won't look at the allied purchases), or you have an independent third party do the set-up for you and send it out as a tournement save. The added benefit of having a third party do it for you both is that they can add some wonderful and wicked surprises for you both that add to the overall game. I like it when a particularly nefarious third party (who shall remain nameless) screws around with reinforcement times, VLs, ammo loads and anything else that he feels like that doesn't unbalance the game too much.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Speaketh the Bard: Oh my gods, she's spectacularly cruel. This was at one and the same time both wonderfully precious, and savagely humiliating.<hr></blockquote> Aye, she’s a nasty piece of work, that one. Having met her personally, I can tell you that she is a paragon of her species (i.e a harpy). She’ll draw you in with the quiet talk, the subtle grin and the stifled giggle, then leave you standing their wondering how your lungs ended up on your loafers. Note how, under the guise of characterising you, she gives her own this shot in the pills: <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> from Patch: Hair grays very early, baldness unknown. (Well, Berli is definitely not a Gnome.)<hr></blockquote> Ouch . . . *now that’s gonna leave a mark. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> More from the Bard: We are amongst the harshest of posters, and granted a leeway of personal expression and interaction that you'll never get on the Outer Boards.<hr></blockquote> Quite, given what is also spewing forth from the frozen wastelands these days: <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>From Look Ma’ no Hanns: Arguing with Ozztralians is like competing in the Special Olympics. You may be the winner but you're still a retard.<hr></blockquote> I’d like to see the intellectually impaired try that one out on the OuterBoards for size. Let me add to what our gnomish comrade has apty (if not briefly) summarised for the various SSN that may be wishing to dip their feet this Yule. The reason that you fill out your whole profile is to show how unafraid you are of the assault on your character that will undoubtedly result from your first posting in the pool. By all means, hang around a bit first. Do a little research into hometowns, professions and identified websites available in the profiles. Make sure that when you target your bile the first time that it finds the soft underbelly of your adversary and doesn’t bounce off into the pool of accumulated insults barely causing a ripple. But at the same time, make sure that those present, who you are obviously offering to join (or you wouldn’t be here now would you?) can avail themselves of same opportunities that we present by completing your whole profile. After all, you really should get to know someone, and even be able to appreciate their perspective, if you intend to hate them properly. * Ellipses use authorised by resident punctuation nazi Joe Shaw in the absence of permanent punctuation Nazi MarkIV

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Jo Xia: On a side note, I think that young Donkey-a-thon is a Nog TOO and note that HE hasn't challenged anyone EITHER but has merely posted tripe in large quantities.<hr></blockquote> True, but he did bring a sing-song and you know how that often attracts the favour of the Bard. He also apparently has a grasp of the English language, grammar and punctuation which is more than can be said for some. The fact that his points are completely incomprehensible is not, in itself, a reason to cast him out yet, as where would that have left those such as PawBroon? <blockquote>quote:</font><hr> mrsqkr: BTW, if I left any of you maggots out of this outstanding bit of poetry, it's probably because I find you less interesting than watching grass grow or paint dry.<hr></blockquote> I knew there had to be a reason. It’s either this or the fact that you can’t even bear to type the names of those of us who are thrashing you like a rug on a line just before company arrives. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>More-arty: See me when you're a Kanigget, boy-o.<hr></blockquote> Technically speaking I do beleive he was calling the consigliori out. But thanks for sticking up for your mates in Australia. Me thinks it must be getting pretty cold in deep southern Wisconsin and you are looking for an offer of safe refuge in warmer climes until spring. Perhaps the Herald should do an in-depth study of rural bushfire brigades that they could find someone of experience to cover. Oh, and be sure to bring along a photograhper. [ 12-22-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

I am pretty sure it doesn't work that way at all. HQ units can spot for on board mortars, but all off-board artillary is spotted for by the spotters themselves. All HQ units do for arty spotters is reduce their delay time (if the HQ unit has a command bonus). If an arty spotter can see the place that is being targeted he will have a blue line (or green for retargeting) or a black line if he cannot see the spot. Either way, he can target arty at the point, the difference is how fast it will arrive (and will be subject to HQ bonuses as above). Now here is a free tip. Remeber that you can have your spotter target an area that he CAN see and have the shells arrive there quickly then "walk" them by retargeting to a location your spotter CANNOT see often quicker than the shells would arrive by targeting the unseen target location first.

Quit changing the subject Simon, you groggish boob. We all know you are just trying to muddy the waters since CMBB will make it to Perth about the same time it arrives in Kamchatka.

My vote was obviously in pages ago. Out damn spot!

No offense Pvt. Ryan, but you obviously weren't around at the time that the CMBO demo went gold and the orders started shipping. I think their original burn was 10,000 units and they sold them all in about 2 weeks. It all got very screwed up and some of us who had been around for a long time waiting and who had pre-ordered had to sit and wait what seemed an eternity while we listened to people who were lucky enough to live in the US on the BBS discuss details of the game ad nauseum. However, I didn't bitch then and I won't bitch this time no matter what happens. I am very appreciative of the work and culture of BTS regardless of the price I pay for their product. All I wanted to do was open for discussion the possibility of those who have been loyal fans getting some priority of delivery over those who might read about the game on release day and put their order in then. I also don't want for BTS to waste any time on some complicated process in an attempt to try to satisfy me, or those like me. How about this option - shut down the BBS for two weeks at release date so at least I need not hear about it when you are all playing with CMBB and I am still dreaming about it? And now on a personal note. <blockquote>quote:</font><hr>From DjB: Thanks for giving me proper credit for SlackAss Poster Boy. How 'bout a PBEM?<hr></blockquote> Touch me on your own time, you SPB. I am spending the holidays in the Gulf working each and every day between now and New Years. And to top it off, both webmail and the regular e-mail servers here seem to be rooted. However, you are welcome to attempt to get a setup through along with a large cheque in your gringo-dollars since you are obviously loaded. [edited to add extra nauseum] [ 12-20-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

Well, let's see. I know that Berli was an FO, and he is certainly a drunken bastard, but he isn't too fat though. This is most probably due to the fact that he is a chain smoking fiend and also a meth addict unless I miss my guess. Did I forget to mention . . . Hi Mom!

Right so it does follow the text exactly and the first movie ends at the end of Volume 1 (damn, hasn't Satan become pedantic) Precisely, screw em.

Thanks for the heads up oh Prince of Darkness. Now before we get into a major discussion on the subject and I have to bypass every post that even smells of Tolkien so as not to spoil the experience for me, riddle me this. Does the first movie go right up to where book one did? I think this was right up to where the G9 (thats' the good guys, you pillock not the ringwraiths) break up and go the two seperate directions (well technically three, but you know, Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas eventually catch up with the half of the halflings). Not to put too fine a point on it or anything. The movie opens on Boxing Day in Australia.

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>From Madmatt in another thread: No plans for pre-orders are expected at this time.<hr></blockquote> If this is BTS policy, I would like to question it on several grounds. First, planning. I fail to see how not doing pre-orders would help out BTS. Remember all the problems in getting a whole bunch of extra CDs generated in a hurry after the first lot sold out so quickly? Doesn't allowing pre-orders allow you to plan for the original number of CD burns, manuals printed, etc. help BTS in their planning? Especially in making a more realistic estimate of the popularity of the game? Second, rewarding loyalty. Why should those of us who have been around since Madmatt was a slack-ass poster boy* have to wait to get a copy of the game with first time buyers who might have the luck of timing? For instance, let's say CMBB is going to be a huge hit and there is no pre-order. When the game gets released it is likely to be daytime in the US - let's say Friday morning for the sake of argument. That means it will be Saturday night in Australia. Add to that the fact that Stuka, Mace, me and quite a number of other people in that part of the world go get pissed on the weekend and might not even check the BBS until about Sunday at the crack of noon. By then the game could be sold out and we get screwed and are standing in line with the rest of the mob waiting for another CD burn. Is that justice? Finally, cash. I run a small business and if someone told me that I could have say US$350,000(US$35 x 10,000 copies) now for a product that I was going to release in three to six months, I'd be all over that money like stink on **** my friend. Cashflow is king in the small business world and if you don't think that cashflow injection would help BTS out in a number of ways, you need to return to first year Economics. Any thoughts from Steve on this? * - courtesy Doug Beamn [ 12-20-2001: Message edited by: Goanna ]</p>

<blockquote>quote:</font><hr>Hiram's Ghost: He was the one who created {insert scenraio here} and it was I who lost at it.<hr></blockquote> Oh, that narrows it down quite a bit doesn't it. I still have our last abandoned game available to send if you can get Naomi to give you a kitchen pass. For any and all of my current opponents (and I am using the term very loosely here) please accept my oppology for not returning files as promptly as you are accustomed to from me. My webmail provider is an unmitigated pile of ****e (Telstra) and I will be seeking another directly. Please send me a note if you are waiting on me to my regular address and I will rectify the situation directly from a borrowed address in the Land-O-Sand.