Go, Mohammed, and seek Peng's Challenge on the mountain

[Lars]

MrSpkr and I have completed our re-enactment of the slaughter of Sedan (or was it a station wagon? no matter). It was a faithful re-enactment as I spent the whole time trying to get Pierre to actually advance and shoot at something while MrSpkr sat on a hill and counseled Fritz on the best spots to lob high explosive.

It was a easy job for him, all he had to do was aim for the white flags kept at the ready in their shirt pockets.

Did I mention that the rat bastiche stuck me with the French? Oh, I see I did. Well, it bears repeating.

I will see you on the steppes, MrSpkr. Russian steppes, Courtroom steps, it matters not, but preferably it would be the gallow steps.

Now excuse me, I have to go wash the stains out of some hankies.

[Panzer Leader]

When Two Ugly Ducklings Create a Swan

(A Love Story Between Mrspkr and Gaylord Fokker)

This scene is dedicated to my long-time friend, and boon companion Geire who probably won't read this because he is censoring everything I write.

****

The Scene:

An open pavilion, Seanachai sits atop a pillow placed on a tall dais. Before him Gaylord Fokker, Mrspkr and other youths of the town lounge about the shaded area. YK2 passes in and out of the chamber with a skin of fresh spring wine. The flapping of the cloth can be heard as a stiff breeze blows in from the blue waters of the Œgean Sea.

Seanachai: Well, my friends what shall we discuss today, hmm? Shall we continue on our discourse of yesterday? Has anyone yet named the creature with the two backs?

Gaylord Fokker Looks up: Yes, Seanachai we know of what you speak. In fact, Mrspkr and I created such a beast last night. Our friend Mace in turn asked us a question: "Do you know of the beast with One Back and fists full of fleece?" I don't know that yet, but I have another concern.

Mrspkr rolls his eyes.

Gaylord Fokker asks: Seanachai, tell us: What is the nature of the Mutha Beautiful Thread?

Seanachai sighs as he adjusts his position. His hat, pointed and red, dips slighty: A more difficult question has never been asked. Very well, today we will attempt to discover the mysteries of the MBT.

Mrspkr scoffing: You jest! It is clear to all. The MBT is a bastion of the Righteous, a recluse for the Wise, a golf-club (no Fokkers aloud) for the Rich and Famous. It is all that is good in this world, and within our borders we only tolerate the BEST!

Seanachai Not so quick, youngling, let us pry deeper than the obvious. What is that I hear?

Sounds of whipping, shouting and mewling can be heard from without. A cart, tugged by tattered slaves in reed sandals rolls by. In the cart stands the tall majestic (and somewhat like Frankenstein) form of Berlichengen, driving his quailing servants before him.

Seanachai points thusly: Ahh, Berli, a great captain of our fair land. Let us see what he thinks is the nature of the MBT.

YK2 rushes outside and coaxes the captain down with furtive proddings of her skin. Parched, Berli enters the pavilion and listens to the question.

Berlichengen: What nature? There is no question, it is action! You cannot teach greatness, the best you can do is lead, lead by example, and that is what I do. I whip and scourge, and hate and malign, all in an effort to bring these dogs to the level of myself.

Seanachai: Then it is to teach? Your efforts are to teach wisdom to those around you? Do you not whip them so they will learn? Do you not scold them so they will find a better path next time?

Seanachai: I suggest that the MBT is here as a beacon of light for those who wish to learn. For, without learning, you cannot hope to teach, and without teaching others, you will never truly know what you learn.

Gaylord: How is it we learn? What do we learn, and how can we hope ever to teach?

Berli: This is hogwash! All this talking, Seanachai, your head is in the clouds! You are corrupting these fine young specimens for MY method of teaching. They'll learn from me - they'll learn the feel of the lash! The sting of the Boot!

*****To Be Continued****

[Croda]

Originally posted by Terence:

Well, its nicer than "foul-smelling grog," I suppose.

Hey, Terence, aren't you that guy I obliterated in something like 9 sraight PBEMs? I was certain you would have killed yourself by now. You may even be worse than dalem.

[Gaylord Focker]

Croda , you mispelled neighborhood . Ok now try and solve the puzzle again.

[Nestor]

Originally posted by Goanna:

Damn, and I thought that focker would remain in the old thread posting to himself ad infinitum.

And yet Guano I would have thought the Focker was right up your street, since you:

“particularly enjoy working on those problems that seem impossible, and may have seen numerous failed attempts”

As to your methods:

“I also try to bring an atypical approach to solving problems.... and often apply technology (car battery, jumper cables and baby oil) to areas where it has not been tried before.”

Barbarian!

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Terence:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by rune:

That these people compared to you, the SSN, are Einsteins.

And yet, compared to YOU our intellects, or particularly mine, stand forth like a grand edifice.

</font>

[rune]

Yet, you managed to lose to Croda 9 times in a row? I haven't seen bad play like that since....errr.....well....hmm....Marlow did better.....Buzzsaw is doing better, hell, even Elvis did better...I'll have to get back to you if I can find someone that did worse. Berli, did you have anyone you brought up that sucks as bad as Terrence?

Urban Myth, No kidding. In case you missed the POINT of the MBT , it is NOT facts, if you want that, going argue the mantlet dimensions of the uberkampwagonkitchensink mit, err, with the grogs on the outer boards. No, it is the TAUNT that counts. Notice, that scum sucking lawyer....errr.....Marlow got the point and accepted the challenge. This is what seperates the upper life forms from the amoebas like yourself. Maybe some day you will evolve, but my hopes aren't on it.

Marlow, I will warn you to do a QB, as I have played all the scenarios and then some. Oh Look, I made some as well as Berli and Germanboy [i refuse to use his other handle here in the MBT ] I do, however, prefer tcp/ip if you can get off the porn sites long enough. *Sniff* , it is so nice to see the young ones you've trained develop into something evil. Nothing more evil then a lawyer...

So, Terrence, it is with the upmost contempt, and with as much vile as I can possibly come up with [which is a lot if you played any of my scenarios], that I tell you to SOD OFF

Rune

A semi-old one yet Senior Kniggett

Originally posted by Terence:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by rune:

That these people compared to you, the SSN, are Einsteins.

And yet, compared to YOU our intellects, or particularly mine, stand forth like a grand edifice.

I am a great blazing sun of knowlege and perception, compared to which the tiny flickering match of your mind is a pale weak thing ineed.

To put it more vulgarly, lackwit, none of these lawsuits are true, and none of these people are real.

Toddle off back to the sandpit.</font>

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Pantless Leader:

Papa Khann! Front and center. I have a quest for you, little pillock. Oh, I know, your kaynigget left you at the alter holding the ring, but I will step in for a moment (just a moment, ok Götz von?) and point you to a lesson in humility.

Oh great. Of all the would-be "tutors" in this forsaken sty, freaking Pantless Leader fancies himself capable of stepping up. Well I've got news for you, Mary Jane, if that slag heap dalem couldn't handle me, the likes of you Shirley aren't up to it either.

In fact, as far as I know, I'm the only Squire on record to have driven his lord and master stark raving mad. And so completely that rather than do the sensible thing and cast me back into the Pool like so much rancid fat, dalem renounced his own Knighthood. The poor daft bugger currently wanders the wilderness, half-naked and starving, a beggar by all manner of reckoning.

Of course this is all another way of saying that I really have no idea what position this leaves me in. But whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it SHOULD (whether or not it does) mean that I get to ignore the likes of you, Pantless, and that suits me just fine.

Perhaps I'll declare myself the Anti-Squire.

Papa

[ August 15, 2002, 01:18 PM: Message edited by: Papa Khann ]

[Panzer Leader]

Where's the burlap sack, cur? And while you're at it, where's that huge Ardennes scenario from that Belgian site you were instructed to produce??

I may be cursed, but I am still your better, pappy. And I think you're right that you drove Dalem mad (although he's always been a hippie) - anyone forced to try and knock sense into your thick skull would have an easier time knocking ten-penny nails into a block of uncured oak with a woman's high-heeled shoe.

I believe you have a quest to undertake...

[Joe Shaw]

Blast, damn and hell, if the President can take a freaking FOUR WEEK VACATION why can't I be absent from the MBT for more than two incarnations without ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE!

I'll make this as short as I can and still try to hit the high points.

Papa Khann, you are now, pending approval of the Olde Ones, MY Squire. Can't have masterless Squires wandering hither and yon or someone, sometime, will come up with the Ronin Squire tag, which would remind me of Slapdragon, which is more than I can take.

Panzer Leader ... get a grip lad. You don't make CessPool policy ... I'm not completely sure who does but I KNOW it ain't you.

COVENTRY lads, that's the only reasonable answer I can see to handle Talkative Terry. If approved by the Olde Ones I propose that we send his butt to Coventry with all that entails, i.e. we NEVER, EVER, EVER respond to his posts ... PERIOD! Olde Ones what say you in this matter?

NOW ... can I go back to my lounger by the beach ... Marguerite has me down for a 2:00 massage and it wouldn't do to be late.

As to my delayed turns ... deal with it, Marguerite is (trust me on this one) FAR more important.

Joe

[Gaylord Focker]

Originally posted by Goanna:

Damn, and I thought

Yes we all feel damned when you attempt a thought and worse though when it crudley spews forth unto this forum in puncuation that is just ledgeble enough for us to be tempted in cursing your Puritan parents for having not used two sheets.

Back to the bell tower you go now!

[Terence]

Originally posted by rune:

Yet, you managed to lose to Croda 9 times in a row?

[/QB]

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

In fact, as far as I know, I'm the only Squire on record to have driven his lord and master stark raving mad.

Papa

Yeah, but you have to admit it was a pretty short drive. Hell, he could've walked from where he was if he hadn't been dragging that damn dog behind him.

[Geier]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Blast, damn and hell

Zactly.

Now I have a plan that is so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel.

Give The Justicar the proper privileges.

Give him moderating rights for Cesspool Threads.

If someone, anyone (especially someone who makes Torquemada seem like a benevolent wishy-washy kind of guy) could just throw the useless morons OUT so that I didn't have to scroll past all the posts filled with pointless drivel written by pointless drivelers (you know who you are) every time I feel like reading The Thread.

Since my Ignore filter works I'm currently skipping past whole pages of drivel. This has led me to believe that idjits like mouse still post drivel here. I can't be certain since I am never ever reading any of that tripe again.

Hell, even posts by MrSpkr, who isn't on the Ignore list even if he's crazier than a snake with armpits, start to make sense and seem reasonable now. Now that is scary.

Bring on the Inquisition and let's start some bonfires.

Your friend,

Johan

[Gaylord Focker]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

COVENTRY lads, that's the only reasonable answer I can see to handle Talkative Terry. If approved by the Olde Ones I propose that we send his butt to Coventry with all that entails, i.e. we NEVER, EVER, EVER respond to his posts ... PERIOD! Olde Ones what say you in this matter?

Joe

I'll tell you what i say on this matter Toe Shaw , i think there is no reason for banning me to coventry. I only have one request, say it Joe for all to hear, tell us that you did not have sexual relations with Ms.Spkr. Two, count them two people get up on a high horse, more like thier high chair and become human squeeky wheels. Out of thier minature clown cars pop Mr.Spkr and his trusty sidetrick R.Leete. They come banging thier chew toys on the table to the old ones for no reason other then i disagreed strongly with them in an unrelated post on the general forum about R.Leete ratting some guy out blowing toll booths. I was completely civil yet i guess there are some who disgress from differences of opinion.

My last couple of posts have been on par, or at least in the same style and taste as anyone else who post here. Mr.Spkr you have no case here in stating that i have no place here. Cry all you want, your not even capable of adressing me with your problem of me you sneaky insignificant joyless wretch of a garden gnome.

Joe, i held you in higher esteem, but i find your judgement as pandering rather then well thought out, let alone just.

I give a vote of no confidence in Joe.

Thank you to all who have been hospitable, and helpful, it was greatly apreciated.

I will finish all my games with those who have been generous enough to include me, and hopefully we can continue to indulge in the great fun of CMBO.

Joe, R.Leete, Mr Spkr..i just want to say you guys are realy cool! I mean that, realy if only i could be as proud and forthwrite and fair as this trinity of bleeps that slither before me.

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Blast, damn and hell, if the President can take a freaking FOUR WEEK VACATION why can't I be absent from the MBT for more than two incarnations without ALL HELL BREAKING LOOSE!

I'll make this as short as I can and still try to hit the high points.

Papa Khann, you are now, pending approval of the Olde Ones, MY Squire. Can't have masterless Squires wandering hither and yon or someone, sometime, will come up with the Ronin Squire tag, which would remind me of Slapdragon, which is more than I can take.

But, but, what did I do? Why would I be subjected to this, this, to put it politely, "living H*ll on Earth"?

No, there has simply GOT to be another way. A better way. A kinder, gentler way. ANY other way.

Olde Ones, surly (you know, I actually misspelled "surely" there... Freudian slip or no?) you don't hate me well enough to impose such a harsh sentence. Well, ok, I'm pretty sure BeerGut does, but what's unique about that? I beseech you all, think of this proposed union as an illicit drug (in BeerGut's case, probably a suppository) and JUST SAY NO.

In closing, I will point out that every sty needs an errant maggot slithering about on it's own, oblivious to the needs of others and caring for them even less. And what better candidate than yours truly?

Papa

a.k.a. The Anti-Squire

[athkatla]

Gaylord, I think if you read Joe Shaw's post again, you'll see it isn't you he suggests being sent to Coventry, but Terence!

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Papa Khann, you are now, pending approval of the Olde Ones, MY Squire. Can't have masterless Squires wandering hither and yon or someone, sometime, will come up with the Ronin Squire tag, which would remind me of Slapdragon, which is more than I can take.

Kick him in the yarbles for me... er, I mean that sounds good

[oops, misread your post]

[ August 15, 2002, 02:16 PM: Message edited by: Berlichtingen ]

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

Where's the burlap sack, cur? And while you're at it, where's that huge Ardennes scenario from that Belgian site you were instructed to produce??

I may be cursed, but I am still your better, pappy. And I think you're right that you drove Dalem mad (although he's always been a hippie) - anyone forced to try and knock sense into your thick skull would have an easier time knocking ten-penny nails into a block of uncured oak with a woman's high-heeled shoe.

I believe you have a quest to undertake...

The only quest I'm about to undertake for you, oh Pantless one, is to give you another shot at besting me upon the grassy fields of CM. I suppose now you'll start bleating about how our last game was a draw, even when we both know I was on the verge of glorious victory (your higher point total not withstanding).

So I shall visit your Belgian grog-porn site and select one of the monstrosities that lurk there. I shall even allow you the reins to those Axis stallions you are so enamored of (you're beginning to remind me of Mace). Tis better anyway not to subject you to the wrath of Panzer Armee Khann, should you attempt to make a game of this one.

A setup will wend it's way to you later today.

Papa

a.k.a. The Anti-Squire

[Gaylord Focker]

Originally posted by athkatla:

Gaylord, I think if you read Joe Shaw's post again, you'll see it isn't you he suggests being sent to Coventry, but Terence!

It apears Master Focker has lost his sh@#$@t. Oh, how emberessing....how emberessing,

Well i strike my comments about Joe from the record then.

My mistake. No hard feelings i hope.

[ August 15, 2002, 02:23 PM: Message edited by: Gaylord Focker ]

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Gaylord Focker:

Sniffle.

Just because Coventry was mentioned, doesn't mean he's talking about you. Ponder the wisdom from Peng and above all QUIT YOUR DAMNED WHINNING!

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by Papa Khann:

More whinning... seems to be an epidemic

Get thee to the Justicar and shut your yap

[Panzer Leader]

Roger that, but rather than "Panzer Armee Khann" I think a more fitting title would be something along the lines of "Combat Command Pabst Blue Ribbon."

[dalem]

I've decided that I love you all so much that it hurts. I mean really hurts. Like I'm hugging you all in a big group hug and I'm hugging and hugging and you are basking in my love and then I'm hugging tighter and tighter and maybe you're getting a little uncomfortable and I just love you all so much that I hug tighter and tighter and tighter until finally

-POP!!!-

all your heads pop off like frikkin corks from fifty cheap frikkin champaigne bottles and all the heads go so far that they actually go into low orbit and they're whizzing around past satellites and little digital pictures of your shocked faces are being recorded for all perpetuity and then atmospheric drag slows your heads down and they start to reenter and the friction with the atmosphere heats everything up so hot that normal people that I didn't love so much would have died and been cooked long before but all your misshapen skulls are so thick that not even the heat of reentry can bake what few brain cells you all have and your heads begin hitting the ground like steaming bocce balls and after maybe one or two bounces they come to a stop and all your rapidly-cooling heads are now face down and so you can only see the ground and you can't move and then you get really bored and hope that someone comes along who likes playing bocce with heads but no one really likes that so you have to wait for me to come by and turn you right side up and it will be like your heads are all part of my new zen head garden of people that I love that I will tend with care.

That's how much I love you all today.

[Papa Khann]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Kick him in the yarbles for me... er, I mean that sounds good

Sigh

Can't say I didn't see that vote coming.

Scaly "olde" creatures like BurntBottom live with such daily pain that every twitch of their reptilian hide produces unbearable agony. After existing for so long in such a pitiable state, it's not surprising that the wretched, incontinent, dried-up "olde" windbag would want to inflict a measure of that pain on as many unfortunates as happen to be near him. Today it's my turn.

My only hope now is that the other Olde Ones will exhibit better judgement and shout this nonsense down. SomeNachos, I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but I'm counting on you, lad. I'm counting on you.

Papa

a.k.a. The Anti-Squire