I Offer Grog Dorosh the Peng Challenge, And He Be Man Enough

[bauhaus]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Bauhaus is getting all ready for Easter.

Persephone

I hate you......Don't check the thread for two weeks and this is what awaits me. I do have a good body though......Mace get the feck away from me.

[Slapdragon]

Originally posted by bauhaus:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Persephone:

Bauhaus is getting all ready for Easter.

Persephone

I hate you......Don't check the thread for two weeks and this is what awaits me. I do have a good body though......Mace get the feck away from me.</font>

[Mace]

Originally posted by bauhaus:

Mace get the feck away from me.

If you wear a paper bag over your head, I am willing to take you out for dinner.

Mace

[Slapdragon]

Originally posted by Mace:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by bauhaus:

Mace get the feck away from me.

If you wear a paper bag over your head, I am willing to take you out for dinner.

Mace</font>

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Bauhaus is getting all ready for Easter.

Persephone

Oh, I've stared at this for a very long time and I've found that if I screw me eyes up as tight as tight can be I can just see the ears and carrot... It’s Spring you know. THINGS happen in Spring. Trees and bees and sap and green things that burst over the land in riot of colour and exuberant life. Things get frisky in Spring. Does it shamble around and honk?

Not that it would matter very much if it could honk. And those stringy bits that drape across the vast expanse of exposed skin that barely contain its naked and yielding vulnerability would only get in the way. I don't like whiplash.

Oh, I don't want to give the wrong impression... I just noticed the carrot and began thinking aloud, don't mind me. Everyone does.

Just wanted to say life's so intolerable with broadband. "512k download rate", they said.

"Don't suppose its going to work", I replied.

"Yes, its very good. It works particularly well with Via Chipsets and flakey USB ports".

"Oh", I said "does it come with thistles, will it make me life more bearable, can I send turns in a rapid torrent of hopeless despondency?"

"Yes, it works perfectly with every known emailing software package man has designed. You'll never get relay delays and we charge extremely reasonable rates for our support services"

"Oh, well I better have it then"

Bother. It doesn't work. They lied.

Well, it works now, but I don't feel better at all. And I sent lots of turns but no one wants to reply. Pathetic. I mean, I make this effort and look what happens. Misery piled on more misery.

Yeknod Mono-drone de Lurk

[Croda]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Bauhaus is getting all ready for Easter.

Persephone

In the spirit of Easter I just have to say:

Jesus Christ, Bauhaus is hot!

[Yeknodathon]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Hello Yeknod

Hello, Yeknod, well, hello, Yeknod.

It'd be nice to have you back where you belong.

You're looking swell, Yeknod,

we can tell, Yeknod,

you're still lurkin', you're still brayin',

you're still gnomin' strong.

We feel the Cess swayin

for the Donkey's brayin'

one of his old fav-rite brays from way back when.

So, take his wrap, fellas,

find him an empty lap, fellas.

Yeknod'll never go away again.

Hello, Yeknod, well, hello, Yeknod.

It'd be nice to have you back where you belong.

You're looking swell, Yeknod,

we can tell, Yeknod,

you're still lurkin', you're still brayin',

you're still gnomin' strong.

We feel the Cess swayin

for the Donkey's brayin'

one of his old fav-rite brays from way back when.

So, golly gee, fellas,

find him a vacant knee, fellas.

Yeknod'll never go away,

Yeknod'll never go away,

Yeknod'll never go away again.

Dark Lady, *sniff* *sniff* always *sniff* at yer bidding... I trotted back as soon as I heard you and me Liege, swift and polished boot, enquiring as to me whereabouts.

Me Lady, what could be sweeter, more perfect than the gossamer caress of yer fair song in one ear flecked with the gruff and savage guttural stabbings of me rough-hewn Liege in the other? *sniff* me emotions are all askew *sniff*...

Yeknod Mono-drone de Lurk

[rleete]

Originally posted by Boo_Radley :

R_Leete, after having half of his reinforcing Panthers get knocked off in the first minute of their appearance, is curiously silent. But he was having computer problems, so I will extend the benefit of the doubt.

Uh, 3 out of 4 is half? What are ya, edge-a-ma-kate-ded in public schools?

It weren't me confuser, it be me damned ISP. They is been told to fix stuff.

And knock off the bolding, dammit. I is a serf.

Edited to say that Patch's latest pic is quite disturbing. I'm glad us lowly types haven't got our pictures posted.

[ March 29, 2002, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: R_Leete ]

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Mace:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by bauhaus:

Mace get the feck away from me.

If you wear a paper bag over your head, I am willing to take you out for dinner.

Mace</font>

[Boo Radley]

Originally posted by R_Leete:

And knock off the bolding, dammit. I is a serf.

Sigh

The Justacar hisself said that bolding among the lower classes was discretionary and I did it out of some obviously misguided attempt to show you a portion of respect due to the interminable time you've languished here in the thread with absolutely no station whatsoever.

Whatever was I thinking?

As for the miscount on the damage done, you're entirely right. It was very poor observaton skills on my part. I really have no excuse either...well...other than the fact that I was laughing so hard I nearly wet my pants.

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Berlichtingen:

Aussie*KICK*Jeff,

Attend

Lastly, It is not your *KICK* place to worry about Slapdragon, nor is it your *KICK* place to worry about MY grand-squire (why, oh why am I collecting all the bloody Oztralians?). And *KICK* that's for being another bloody Oztralian

In the first place, WHERE *KICK* ARE *KICK* YOUR *KICK* POST *KICK* DETAILING *KICK* YOUR *KICK* STRUGGLES *KICK* AT *KICK* ARMES *KICK* WITH *KICK* YOUR *KICK* FELLOW *KICK* BLOODY *KICK* SQUIRES?!

*KICK*

Do not expect my continued kindness... this is my last day smoking, so I expect that, starting tomorrow, I may be a bit... cranky

<SMALL><SMALL>Y<BIG>E<BIG>O<BIG>W<BIG>!<SMALL><SMALL> eeerk..... why, thnak you my most malevolent Evil Liege. An update on matters pertaining to baettles thereof? Yes, yes of course, Sire. So here for the edification of you useless pillocks is the state of decimation for Aussiejeff's opponentry:

<U>Update # 47, Part iiic, listed in Rank Order but with no particular bias</U>

<U>Ye Olde Sir Gnome</U>

True to his word of no more than 1 PBEM turn per full moon phase, accordingly little progress has been made in your cunningly stunning scenario "Rees-am-Rhine", suffice to say that gallons of blood have been spilt on both sides with no end in sight to the horror of it all. However, I have just now cut off Senachai's rear. The Fickle Forces of Floss may indeed be gaining the upper hand as we speak!

<U>Croda</U>

Having mutilated each others armoured units perching so precariously on the hills overlooking the foothills, Croda's Hamstertruppen made a gamey<SMALL><SUP>tm</SUP><BIG> rush to the town centre, only to find Moi had planted a substantial 'Merkin welcoming committee in their absence! Within 2 action packed, (and mirth filled) rounds, 2 x PZIVH's and an SPW 250/9 HT lie a-smoldering at the feet of my intrepid Zooksters. His tidal wave has turned to a trickle..

<U>Lars</U>

His petty, ravaged Axis forces have retreated to the far end of the map and sit quivering and moaning, waiting for the final coup-de-grace to be administered by General Floss. Patience, Lars. All good/bad things will come to those who sit/wait...

<U>Noba</U>

The shifty Noba has, under the guise of a recent yellow streak, self-declared the monstrosity of Grenade that we have been playing for the last 3 millenia as being "not of the 'pool". Mind you, this only after his lot copped a MONUMENTAL FLOGGING from my legions in battles #1 and #2. At the start of battle #3, his feeble, frittered forces lie a-cowering midst the debris of his previous mis-adventures. Ha! Little wonder that he does not want this abject humiliation to continue any longer in the private eye of the 'Pool! Alas, I insist it be so, thus here it appears once more for his no doubt disappointed Sir Slappy to ponder.

<U>Pondscum</U>

Ah yes ... the errant-of-late Poolfrother is about to sink under a human wave of fanatical Mature Green Volksturm heroes as they sturm his ramparts! Ah! To watch green enemy troops run with wild, rolling eyes and lolling tongues from the flailing walking sticks of my brave Oldermenschen is a sight to behold, Sire!

<U>Yeknodathon</U>

Erstwhile late of this place, but since returned from self-imposed e-Coventry, the poor Ass has made a real ass of himself by charging a-la-Croda style into my vanguard of UberFlosschen. Anybody who charges like a maniac into dense fog at night deserves what they get, I say and the mule is copping a roight horse-whipping as of NOW! His mutilated miniatures lie a-bleeding and a-honking in droves. 'Tis a most sordid sight, my Liege

<U>Boo_Radley</U>

See Pondscum entry above. Like scenario - like results. A crushing win imminent for Der Flosschentruppen.....

<U>Simple Simon Elwin</U>

My Liege ..... forgive me my mischief! Given that The Evil Gnome doth dilly-dally with your immaculate, witty and boggling scenario (R-A-R), methought it would be a good tester for a simple SSN. The poor lad has already lost a Vickers HMG squad and a Veteran Platoon HQ unit in Turn 1, without a single shot being fired at my brave Flosschirmjagers..... I foretell a shellacking for the new scum.

<U>Sledge59</U>

MIA for a loooooong time. May have suffered cardiac shock with the last file I sent. The sight of my squadron of Cromwells and Stuarts cresting the rise on the outskirts of his half demolished town after wiping out his AT defences, and as the remnants of his men ran helter skelter, must have sorely tested his will to continue on....... sigh..

So there you have it, my Evil Liege.

All goes well at the front as Darkness descends on our foes. MUHA-ha-....... err.. sorry, Sire. Must be the heat of baettle etc.

SOB AussieJeff

-----------------------

<FONT COLOR = WHITE><SMALL>

[Thou art] wither'd like an old apple-john.

<FONT COLOR = BLACK><BIG>

<SMALL>Henry IV, Part I.<BIG>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by AussieJeff:

Ye Olde Sir Gnome

True to his word of no more than 1 PBEM turn per full moon phase, accordingly little progress has been made in your cunningly stunning scenario "Rees-am-Rhine", suffice to say that gallons of blood have been spilt on both sides with no end in sight to the horror of it all. However, I have just now cut off Senachai's rear. The Fickle Forces of Floss may indeed be gaining the upper hand as we speak!

SOB AussieJeff

Cut off me rear? Cut off me rear?! What bloody rear is that, in this ever spiraling nightmare of burning buildings and Aussie led troops screaming 'me for out of here, too roight!'

I haven't advanced more strongly against you because my lads are weeping over the shameful loss of life you've already subjected your lot to, and wondering how we can make the last hours of your wounded more bearable. We've found that what sends them to their rest most at peace is joining them in cursing your leadership.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Persephone:

Bauhaus is getting all ready for Easter.

Persephone

Oh, gods. Please, Persephone, I beg of you, no more juxtapositions of hideous Thread participants on the bodies of attractive young women. I'm becoming conflicted to a level that simply beggars sanity.

I see a beautiful young woman on the street, and the next thing I know, Shaw's, or Bauhaus's face floats above her shoulders.

Now, unlike Croda, my gaze actually rises up to take in a woman's face, and especially the eyes, which are the window of the soul, as the poet has said.

What kind of vision of hell am I presented with when, eyes rising to seek out that window into femininity, I'm presented with a quick peek into the eyes of Shaw, or Bauhaus, or Mensch? Beer coming out the nose is the best one can hope for, and searing pain from the aspirated fluid.

Besides, most of those 'babe bodies' are biosculpt flummery. There's something inherently disturbing about the plastic-surgery equivalent of Photoshop editing.

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Persephone:

Bauhaus is getting all ready for Easter.

Persephone

Oh, gods. Please, Persephone, I beg of you, no more juxtapositions of hideous Thread participants on the bodies of attractive young women. I'm becoming conflicted to a level that simply beggars sanity. </font>

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by R_Leete:

And knock off the bolding, dammit. I is a serf.

Serf no longer.

Bold his name, all.

I take R_Leete as Squire.

Oh, and there's been more than a bit of discussion about elevating that idjit Pondscum to Knight. Far as we can tell, he's probably played enough games, faithfully performed penance, and been rather more amusing than new arrivals who use the term 'dudez'. As that sod Lorak has gone missing, I think it's in the hands of the Olde Ones to raise up the new Knights.

Mind, to keep things on the up and up, and keep this from looking like some sort of Secret Society, we'll ask at least one Lady to second the motion, ask the Justicar to say yea or nay, and perhaps, just for the amusement value, another Knight (other than the sod's patron) to stand up, hiccup, and second the motion before falling over. In the gutter. Face down, so that no one will recognize him as a Knight of the Pool.

[Noba]

Originally posted by my Liege

Noba. I have been dealing with some busted fingers. How many games have you won against members of the pool? I think there is some rewards for hard work coming if you have beaten some of the silly buggers here.

Sire. Welcome back to the 'pool.

I have indeed been beating some of the silly buggers in this here dump.

Err, the Bard and his English minnions have fallen in the past. Berli, the Evil one is about to fall, as is the Donkeyboy. Other notabless losers may well be Speedbump after he traded one Panther, two Jagdpanzer IV's (with skirts !) and two Halftracks for a lowly Sherman Jumbo 76 !

Unfortunate and downright gamey winners against me have been Croda and the pimply faced gitPondscum, who inflicted Froglegs on my poor troops and kicked them whilst they were in the ablution block (bushes) removing the offending tainted food.

Lars and myself are trying to see who has the last laugh in a game in which his 155VT has done all sorts of damage. We are reeling but with two tanks to his none left, I might sneak a win.

The late entry goes to Boo Radley who is yet to make contact with my Gerbils in FOG...! Silly bugger is gunna suffer.

Oh yes. Everyone's favourite Aussie, AJ and I are playing a NON POOL GAME !

so it don't count. (We have asked for reinforcements in that game cos otherwise our head is orf again).

So how are the fingers Sire?

Noba.

[Mace]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

and perhaps, just for the amusement value, another Knight (other than the sod's patron) to stand up, hiccup, and second the motion before falling over. In the gutter. Face down, so that no one will recognize him as a Knight of the Pool.

While lying in the gutter, enjoying the cool waters flowing around my inebreet .... inybria .... drunk body, I will raise a hand to the sky (the one not holding the half-full bottle) and second Seanachai's motion with a

BuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuurp!!!!

*scusey*

before relapsing back into a coma.

Mace

[Noba]

In the gutter. Face down, so that no one will recognize him as a Knight of the Pool.

That would apply to all of the Kannigety types in here. Sots.

Noba.

[imported_Wildman]

Dammit Mace becare when you pass out. Found this story and immediately thought of ewe.

Sheep Sleep

It in the year 2001 titled Sleep Sheep

Here is the text

Sheep Sleep

2001 Darwin Award Nominee

Confirmed True by Darwin

(9 March 2001, Cairo) Police were baffled to discover a 20-year-old Bedouin shepherd shot dead in the middle of the desert. No one else was around, and no footprints led to or from the scene of the crime.

Investigators from Sidi Barrani sifted through the meager clues surrounding Mochtar's death, and soon fingered the culprit.

The Egyptian man had fallen asleep amid his sheep without securing his rifle. One moment of neglect, one wooly misstep on the trigger, and a speeding slug sentenced the sleeping shepherd to his final slumber.

The unregistered weapon was confiscated from the flock.

So you be careful out there, the sheep you have today may take its whoolly revenge.

"The murderous sheep has been sentenced to ewethanasia."

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

Oh, and there's been more than a bit of discussion about elevating that idjit Pondscum to Knight. Far as we can tell, he's probably played enough games, faithfully performed penance, and been rather more amusing than new arrivals who use the term 'dudez'. As that sod Lorak has gone missing, I think it's in the hands of the Olde Ones to raise up the new Knights.

Mind, to keep things on the up and up, and keep this from looking like some sort of Secret Society, we'll ask at least one Lady to second the motion, ask the Justicar to say yea or nay, and perhaps, just for the amusement value, another Knight (other than the sod's patron) to stand up, hiccup, and second the motion before falling over. In the gutter. Face down, so that no one will recognize him as a Knight of the Pool.

I second Seanachai's motion.

Persephone

[dalem]

O how sweet the knowledge is, that one's own Squire is being lifted into the dizzying ranks of Kaniggethood. I am moved to tears and such.

Pondscum, me lad, when the pronouncement is made official, hold your head high, and trumpet your nose flute loud, for you are now truly a member of my House, House Persiflage.

-snif-

[Joe Shaw]

Bah! What kind of evil is afoot and to hand in the CessPool these days! Fist we have complete and utter idjits elevated to the rank of Squire (mind it was done BY complete and utter idjits who then refused to retract their alcohol induced mistakes or even to acknowledge that a mistake was made. I WAS upfront as my error in taking TSWSNBN {the squire who shall not be named} to Squire.)

Now, horror of horrors, we have Squires being named Knight without the proper forms being followed! And by an Olde One no less!

Then, a Lady of the Pool (NOT, note you carefully, THE Lady of the Pool) taking upon herself the mantle of Knight and attempting to second the unlawful and unconsecrated motion of Seanachai!

No one, I hasten to add, holds the Ladies of the CessPool in higher regard than myself, and indeed I have said that were it up to me, they would be accorded all rights and privileges of Knighthood. Sadly, however, MY motion fell on deaf ears and did not pass the group (as I recall the motion failed by two burps ... I hold to my principle that unconcious Knights may NOT have their votes assigned to someone else.) No, though it may have been MY motion and intention, the TRADITIONS of the CessPool are sacred to me and such things may NOT be done.

As to young Pondscum I must admit to a certain feeling of admiration for the lad. It's been long indeed since we saw an SSN enter with a proper enough appreciation of his place in the CessPool that EVEN HIS NAME testified to his station. And I have watched with approval his posts, cogent, biting, witty and humorous and with even a smidgen of literary knowledge tossed in for good measure.

Now Seanachai has stated that he is SURE that enough games have been played ... and Seanachai is an honorable man (HEY ... no snickering damnit, he's an Olde One ... and besides I thought we were out of Snickers and had to make do with Milky Ways ... where IS that Squire of mine, can't keep up with business travel, the Justicariate AND the cupboard all at once). But ignoring the forms will avail us naught and Pondscum would hold his Knighthood cheap were it obtained too easily.

The rule, good young Pondscum, is that:

{VII-A/3.12} a Squire must complete FIVE (5) CessPool games whilst a Squire before the Applicant is to be considered to have met the requirements for Knighthood. NOTE YOU, that the games must have been completed WHILST the applicant were a Squire AND whilst the opponents were at least Serfs of the CessPool UNLESS said games were ORDERED by the Applicant's Knight in which case games against SSNs shall be counted but games against outerboards shall never be counted even IF ordered by Knights.

Now no doubt Berli will pop in and proclaim that he doesn't give a rats ass about the rule and proclaim Les Majesty (never cared for Les myself, pompous jackass if you ask me and who goes by the name of Majesty?) and state that the lad be made Knight and that's that and how's your old man.

And, of course, we all see the hand, do we not, of Patch in this matter? Before she's done we'll HAVE the kinder, gentler Cess that ONCE was proclaimed and more's the pity if you ask me. Oh she has Berli's number, no error there, like a bridgehead with half a dozen 155 TRPs clustered around it he's got no hope at all. For it's Yes Dear to the right, and Certainly Dear to the left and Right Away My Dear for Mornin', Noon and Night.

But I've cast MY vote for the RIGHT OF IT lads. Let's see the accounting of the games, let's PROVE his RIGHT to be Knight and THEN I'll be among the proudest to call him brother.

Joe

[ March 30, 2002, 02:16 PM: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

[Patchy]

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Bah! What kind of evil is afoot and to hand in the CessPool these days! Fist we have complete and utter idjits elevated to the rank of Squire (mind it was done BY complete and utter idjits who then refused to retract their alcohol induced mistakes or even to acknowledge that a mistake was made. I WAS upfront as my error in taking TSWSNBN {the squire who shall not be named} to Squire.)

Joe, go easy on your squire Diceman. Since his location in his profile is an Airforce base...I think it's possible that he might be off on duty right now. Yeknod, don't you know the whereabouts of the Diceman?

Now, horror of horrors, we have Squires being named Knight without the proper forms being followed! And by an Olde One no less!

Maybe the forms are in the mail.

Then, a Lady of the Pool (NOT, note you carefully, THE Lady of the Pool) taking upon herself the mantle of Knight and attempting to second the unlawful and unconsecrated motion of Seanachai!

Seanachai's requirement was for one of the Ladies of the pool to second his motion.

And, of course, we all see the hand, do we not, of Patch in this matter? Before she's done we'll HAVE the kinder, gentler Cess that ONCE was proclaimed and more's the pity if you ask me. Oh she has Berli's number, no error there, like a bridgehead with half a dozen 155 TRPs clustered around it he's got no hope at all. For it's Yes Dear to the right, and Certainly Dear to the left and Right Away My Dear for Mornin', Noon and Night.

The truth is that Berli has never said "Yes Dear", "Certainly Dear", and "Right Away My Dear"...but he has told me to "Piss Off" on numerous occassions. Do you really believe I could influence my GOOD upon the Evil One. Absolutely not...well maybe once in a while I believe some of it rubs off onto him, but in more cases the evil rubs off onto me. If you think that I want a kinder, gentler Cess...not really...I like the Cesspool the way it is...besides, I don't think my pictures are very kind or gentle. If they are...I better become more evil.

Persephone

[ March 30, 2002, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Persephone ]

[Guest PondScum]

Where to begin, where to begin. Ah yes, I must show my proper manners:

Sod off, the lot of you*

Now, on to specifics.

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I take R_Leete as Squire.

You all missed this, didn't you? He's trying to LURE AWAY YET ANOTHER SQUIRE, whilst distracting you with a shiny bauble, viz the proposed elevation of myself to the drunken gutter of Knighthood. Have we all forgotten what happened to his last squire, Sledge59? Have we? I know I have. Where is the little bugger, eh? Just what did his master do to him? Don't do it, R_Leete - they don't tell you this until it's too late, the evil Kaniggets, but you can Just Say No. Run, lad, run!

Originally posted by Persephone:

I second Seanachai's motion.

I am humbled that the fair Lady still has faith in her champion, despite my continuing failure to wrestle the name of Peng (that ungrateful wretch) from the evil chrisl. Or indeed to turn Goanna's scaley hide into a fetching handbag for her. Even though none of these three has sent me a turn for AT LEAST A WEEK, I should have just cracked their passwords, surrendered their forces en masse, and then hired a Yakuza gangster to tattoo the results onto their eyeballs with a rusty nail. That I have so far failed to do so is a source of eternal pain - that I shall visit onto them one-hundred-fold, of course.

Oh, my lady? About Idjit Yeknod. History does not hold good omens for Queens who sing to Asses, at least if Shakespeare is to be believed. And the Kings get mighty pissed off, too, even though they are but Fairey Kings. Shall I add a little extra heft to that handbag, just in case?

Originally posted by Dalem:

I am moved to tears and such.

Mon petite general, I cannot adequately thank you for your guidance on the road to Proposed Knighthood. No, really, I can't thank you. But what fun we had, eh? I shall always remember the little smile playing across your lips as you said "Pondscum, lad, you shall play as THE FRENCH". You have no idea how hard it is to replicate that smile on a voodoo doll. Oh yes, there shall be persiflaging aplenty before this is all over.

Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

[i tried to find a short representative quote but GAVE UP. Dear god, can't we break his knuckles or something? Wait, here's one:]

Let's see the accounting of the games.

"Part the first": Yeknod surrendered to Pierre My Trusty FO in the arty-fest that is Sollies-Ville.

(: Noba couldn't hold onto Le Camp Crossroads when the flouncing French waiters came to town.

<font size=-1>6.6.6: Berli gamily took advantage of my backwards-facing pillboxes in Kogenbroich.</font>

[iv]: Sledge59 (WHERE IS HE NOW, EH? EH?) surrendered to the French before all the bloodletting was done on the Road To Toulon.

<101>: Noba and I undertook a historical reenactment of the Destruction Of The 112th, with him taking the role of said 112th Panzergrenadiers.

Of my current opponents, it is deeply hurtful to report that the Oztrilians (in the person of Aussie Jeff) are the only ones returning turns. My ramparts are being sturmed, oh yes. His battalion of aged old gummers got so lost in the dark that they somehow ended up behind my company of 105mm guns. The panzerschreck rounds are falling like rain on my cheese-eating surrender-monkeys, and I fear this may not be a fair day for France.

In the time it took me to dictate this to the court stenographer (who bears a striking resemblance to Bauhaus, only without the facial hair), I STILL haven't received any turns from Peng, chrisl, or Goanna. And Yeknod's gone on ANOTHER thistle-filled holiday. Bastards, the lot of them.

*Ladies of the Pool excepted, of course.

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

What calumny is this? Am I the only one who noticed that our usual abomination of a thread has also become an atrocity? I was aghast when I noticed that the home of all that is indecent and improper became a play-toy for the Bard. I was more disappointed than surprised. I’ve known the Bard to whore himself out time and again to recruit members into our brotherhood so he may squire and mount them. I, alone was able to squirm out of the requisite mounting. My dismay was amplified when I saw the Justicar posting as if nothing had happened. He can usually be counted upon to alert the other members (sit down Bauhaus) to unlawful actions. He must have been busy with his Doctrine and Covenants or perhaps The Pearl of Great Price.

I was so perturbed, I couldn’t post for a couple of days. Don’t pretend you noticed. I know that the Bard is above responding to this post because he is busy looking for new “soon to be squires”. If you should happen to bump into him as he shops for man-sized lingerie, would you please remind him that we are about “Peng” and not grogs? We all know that grogs are fun to play with and throw things at. But, why has he suddenly gotten this fascination with this Canadian gentleman?

Here is my theory. I think that when the Bard lost his job, his life partner, Enrique, packed up his bags and said “Adios”. This caused the Minnesota poet to seek another partner to warm his bed. Since he had become tired of “All night Chalupa dancing” he wanted someone a bit cooler. He thought this over carefully and knew that this one thread would bait his new paramour to our domain.

I try to keep an open mind about such things and do hope the both of them are happy. Perhaps they can adopt later on. I would request just one thing. Even if the thread title is the embodiment of suckitude…don’t change it to attract a man. It makes my skin crawl. Oh, and for some of you who think that I’m all too homophobic, you can continue to give in to the nefarious machinations of the Old Ones. Let them decide for you what is just and proper. I’ll continue to think for myself.

Okay…now that I got that off my chest…who’s up for some TCPIP?