Goanna Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 ...one Peng to bring them all, and in the cess bind them. Don't know what's going on with the thread Hiram made, perhaps he pulled it out of chagrin over bollocksing up the title so bad. Well, then. How bout this then? {ahem} The CESSPOOL OFFICIAL RULES (ii) Let's cut to the chase here, shall we … SOD OFF! (XIV) Aha, one of THOSE are we? Dense as a brick no doubt and with an incomplete sense of What's Right. Well allow me to clarify then … SOD OFF NOW! (1.43) If you don't know FOR SURE that you belong here and are One Of US, then you are NOT and you are, in fact, an SSN, a Scum Sucking Newbie and there is nothing in this world or the next that is lower than you. You should really leave now. You will be ridiculed, derided, scoffed at, disparaged, mocked and disdained and THAT will be if we're in a GOOD mood. You shouldn't let this happen to you, you should just ... SOD OFF! (ref. e) Now I've no doubt whatever that you are droll beyond comparison … I've also no doubt that you drool beyond belief and if you think you'd fit in here anyway YOU ARE WRONG SO SOD OFF. ( Haven't you SODDED OFF yet? This DOES get tiresome you know. Oh you're not the first, not even the Eleventy First as Bilbo might say. And we tell them all the same thing, to wit (or some portion of that amount in YOUR case), this is the PENG CHALLENGE THREAD, the operative word being CHALLENGE! Therefore, if you choose not to Sod Off, and we DO encourage that option most strongly, Challenge someone … that's some ONE PERSON, not the CessPool as a Hole … to a game of CM. Otherwise we'll know that you are here just to dip your little toe in the water and then scurry off back to the outerboard and tell your friends with a disdainful sniff that you've been in the CessPool, donchaknow, wasn't much and you decided not to stick around. {You have TWO choices, which would be equivalent to the number of nostrils you have available for delving into with your fingers, either post your email and general location in your profile or SOD OFF! We don't accept strangers in these parts and you're about as strange as they come (bracket ommited for clarity) {34} WHEN you challenge, assuming that you don't just Sod Off, challenge an SSN … maybe a Squire, but your challenge of a Knight will be ignored as beneath their notice which it of course is. Post your AARs, for it is by your words that you will be judged and deemed, in your case, to be EMINENTLY UNWORTHY. Some OTHER SSN, not you certainly, may attract the notice of a Knight and MIGHT be proposed to be Serf. After that the Sun could, I suppose, rise in the West OR, alternatively, THAT serf might be chosen as Squire to said Knight. After that … well, let's not get ahead of ourselves shall we? You'll be Sodding Off shortly in any case once you realize what a loathsome creature you really are. {Uiv} SOUND OFF LIKE YA GOT A PAIR! You SHOULD sound off to your opponents and to those whom you'd challenge. But sound off with some humor for the love of Pete or Gawd as you choose. We are looking for MEN of a certain ... STYLE, men of WIT, men of HUMOR ... and women … well, just women would cover it I think. {87/87) Do NOT sound off ABOUT your pair. We tolerate no racial, sexual, political or ethnic crusades ... only good old-fashioned PERSONAL attacks. {We've had people who wandered in, posted once or twice and were never seen again. In MOST cases this a GOOD thing and an option you should consider, never been seen again that is. If, however, you expect to be a part of the CessPool … and YOU certainly shouldn't … then be aware that you will expected to contribute to the community on a regular basis. You should make us laugh, chortle, giggle (in the case of Bauhaus and guffaw. This is your task … YOU will fail, so best just to SOD OFF.} 1. {vii} Have Half A Brain, this will be a stretch for most SSNs but give it a shot. When (or in YOUR case on the rare occassion IF) you taunt someone, make it memorable ... otherwise, HELLO, we won't remember you. {Don't} think that just because you're good at CM that you have a place HERE! We don't care ... we care about taunting, insulting and generally being Gamey, underhanded swine. That's right ... GAMEY ... we LIKE GAMEY because the Outerboards DON'T. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted February 3, 2002 Author Share Posted February 3, 2002 And now for my beautifully styled monologue from the aborted incarnation: A pistol versus a rifle, get them both. Screw the wife and kiddies. Just like a good ol’ boy. Eight to eighty, blind, crippled or crazy. Look’s like the only thing Slappy will turn down is a small boy – face down. I've finally gotten Seanachai to complain about my slowness of play? Now that is quite a feat, Aqua. But having played the both of you two mooks, not surprisng really. Some of the other Aussies have been a bit more troublesome. Nice to get a mention in there somewhere, Bard Played one game against the AI. Didn't do so well. All of my cute little soldier guys died except for one. I had one tank that kept going back and forth trying to get through a hedge and couldn't seem to get through...but it was a very determined little tank...it never gave up. All of my other tanks died. (I did win one flag.) I quit the game to put the remaining survivors out of their misery...it seemed to be the humane thing to do. Eggggscellent Persephone. You know have acquired the skills to give Hiram a whuppin. I have seen those very tactics cause him such destruction that he flees behind the couch to toss cats at you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Goanna, Very nice job with the rules... who'd you get to write them for you? Obviously not the same person who came up with that lame ass title (which actually shows a personal touch and I can believe you came up with it). One point of order... the line is: and in the Darkness bind themThis may be the cesspool, but some things transend even that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted February 3, 2002 Author Share Posted February 3, 2002 They are Shaw's rules, of course. He's an insufferable pillock, but like any good bureaucrat, he typically gets something right. Don't you owe me a turn, smokey? [ February 02, 2002, 10:51 PM: Message edited by: Goanna ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leeo Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Wow. A new thread (didn't we already have a LOTR titled thread? Damn, we're getting to be old men, telling the same story Over and over and...) anyway, a new thread, and I still hate Croda. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskander Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 "Lizards... why'd it'd have to be lizards??" And will Seanachai be gay in this Thread, too? Tragic.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted February 3, 2002 Author Share Posted February 3, 2002 Because they are everywhere, that's why. Besides, if I didn't get in there quick, one of the bloody SSNs might have started one. Nature abhoring a vacuum and all that don't you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Croda Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 A new thread needs to be started: Is it gamey to bust up ambushes by running zook teams and tank crews willy-nilly into the enemy lines? I bet Iron Chef could argue that was a standard tactic. I bet that gamey-bastige Leeo would agree. L-e-eeo L-e-eeo L-e-eeo and Gamey Bastige was his name-o [Edited to note that Mace, Hiram, and Speedbump forgot that they were losing to me and no longer send files.] [ February 02, 2002, 11:19 PM: Message edited by: Croda ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskander Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Originally posted by Goanna: Because they are everywhere, that's why.Just like cockroaches and Chinese, which, at least, explains one of the critters I shall soon have scurring about my house. Besides, if I didn't get in there quick, one of the bloody SSNs might have started one. Nature abhoring a vacuum and all that don't you know.Fret not, this sucks enough by itself that Nature shall give it plenty of degrees of freedom. Bleary lizards.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iskander Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 And to clean the Title of this HMT up a bit as I did before (since I seem to be the only one about with any grasp of communication outside of 'poopie' comments -- excepting the Seanachai-Yeknod love affair) here in the kinda-original: Ash Peng durbatuluk, ash Peng gimbatul... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leeo Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Originally posted by Croda: Is it gamey to bust up ambushes by running zook teams and tank crews willy-nilly into the enemy lines? Is it idiotic to send a whole platoon of guys over a ridge when playing someone who was recently thumping their chest about some High Magick tactic of using a reverse-slope defense? That's ok, though, because I hate Croda. I think Elvis has moved down in my gilt-lettering-on-parchment list of Those I hate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goanna Posted February 3, 2002 Author Share Posted February 3, 2002 So this is where I pretend to know what you are on about Isky and you offer me a shot of some home distillery disaster? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Croda Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Reverse slope? No, way! That was reverse psychology. I'm actually coming up behind you right now with big nasty mechanical things that have long, sharp, pokey things (bauhaus)to tear apart your softy bits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sledge59 Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Something witty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Originally posted by Sledge59: Something witty....this way did not come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 DAMNIT GOANNA, You can take my rules if you like, after all they are, as you FINALLY did credit, some of the best ever crafted. BUT ... to blatantly rip off and then ALTER WITHOUT REGARD TO QUALITY, my CLASSIC thread title of: One Peng To Pool Them All, And In The Challenge Malign Them! AND NOT CREDIT ME is ... {quick Lawyer ... is it plagarism or libel ... or maybe both} ... well it's pretty damned bad that's what it is. Note the rhymes Goanna, Peng and Ring, Pool and Rule, Malign and Bind ... your {gag} title bears about as much resemblance to MY Title Of Power as a Cracker Jack plastic giraffe prize ring does to the One Ring of Power. When it comes to LOTR Thread Titles sir, you are Gollum to my Gandalf! Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speedy Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Am I seeing things or are Hiram and Goanna participating in some mutual crossdressing? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Wankers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yeknodathon Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Originally posted by Elvis: Wankers.Give me more of yer naval artillery... I can take it, give me yer best 18-inch shot, Marine-buoy. Yeknod Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hakko Ichiu Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Rank plagiarism. Goanna is obviously bucking for the title of Steven Ambrose of the 'Pool. Feh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Dear Jackass, It is time for you to give up the ghost in our game. A SSN should know better than to try to take a game down to the wire against me. I must put the finishing touchs on my Super Bowl chilli before Hiram arrives. I have not made the 5 alarm style because Peng has wussed out about driving 2 1/2 hours to get here and then drive back 2 1/2 hours loaded off of cheap beer and chilli. I am making his "F**king A Bubba" salsa in his honor though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lars Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 After wiping the floor with AussieJeff's British Airborne 87 to 13, I sent him "The Bloody Causeway". Think he'll like it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yeknodathon Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Originally posted by Elvis: Dear Jackass, It is time for you to give up the ghost in our game. A SSN should know better than to try to take a game down to the wire against me. I must put the finishing touchs on my Super Bowl chilli before Hiram arrives. I have not made the 5 alarm style because Peng has wussed out about driving 2 1/2 hours to get here and then drive back 2 1/2 hours loaded off of cheap beer and chilli. I am making his "F**king A Bubba" salsa in his honor though.Dear Kriegsmarine ... might, might not... depends. Rams beat the Patriots and I hear a cheer for the Rams, in public, on this board, and I'll see what I can do. Failing that, a cheer for Scunthorpe United will do. Idjit Yeknod Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madmatt Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Yeah, this one will do. Madmatt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest PondScum Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Feh. I warned you chili-addled fools. Six hours without an Approved Home* for the MBT and even a sun-crazed lizard with the morals of a flamethrower team will gain the courage to "give it a shot". But nooo, you were all too busy lining up to pay top dollar for ringside seats at "Yeknod does Dallas (and Seanachai too)". And now, when the plagiaristic crime is apparent and the congressional enquiries have started, do I see REGRET? Do I see PAIN? No, because you're all off watching some testosterone-crazed brutes chasing bloated animal skins around a field. Enough! Leave Mace alone to do what he does best, and SEND ME SOME FECKIN' TURNS. You know who you are. If in doubt, look in the mirror for a tattoo on your forehead. It'll be stamped "PROPERTY OF PONDSCUM, SQUIRE TO DALEM". *With those nice sleeves that tie around the back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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