I Challenge Peng for a bone to be thrown

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

This is the Peng Thread. Give up hope, all ye who enter here. Since I am the one who is creating this thread, I am also the creator of the rules which you will abide by.

1. Challenge someone. Do not post with nothing important to say. Since you are unimportant in the greater scheme of things, you should think about leaving.

3.14 Do not curse. We will not respect you if you refer to your genitalia or if you are crass in your approach. You may be sent to Coventry for such an offense.

Black Booty Pie. Since you are insignificant worm and should be stomped upon, find somewhere else to spread your malignant disease. If you should choose to stay amongst us, understand that we will verbally eviscerate you. Try not to cry too much.

Booty a-plenty. Do not respect your elders. Instead, heap scorn upon their balding heads. They are unworthy toads who scamper about creating flatulence and dissent.

Heart Shaped Booty. There is a reason why you are not welcome in society. It is the same reason why you are not welcome here. Thank whoever encourages you to leave and follow their instructions.

[MrSpkr]

A little premature, aren't you Hiram?

Then again, I understand that is a recurring problem for you.

Steve

[AUSSIEJEFF]

I Am Her Dais

Are those the un or the ex purgated rules???

Sir AJ

Knight of the HoB

[Boo Radley]

And he didn't say "SOD OFF! once. Is there no tradition? What's the world coming to?

[imported_Hiram Sedai]

I owe turns

I’ve successfully paid off my credit cards and am thinking about buying a house, but I owe turns. I successfully caught the eye of a succulent honey at work, but I owe turns. My free time can be counted in minutes and I’ve wasted some of them getting snockerd this evening. Both of my brain cells are working overtime considering my next move against Fionn but the nagging debt I have with turn sending haunts me. It greets me as I wake in the morning and steals my solace as I engage in frantic loaf pinching. As I console an underling at work, I think of how I might get a draw against one of you. Gamey flag rushing almost became a topic at one of my meetings. They met my inspired soliloquy with blank stares and droopy eyelids. The brainless twits know nothing of Combat Mission and the glory that can be gained by stomping opponents into the ground.

As I go to work and muddle through the tedium, the weight of the debt pushes me down into despondency. Granted, I’m not that far from being despondent anyway, but it contributes. Reality is a harsh mistress and the sting of her whip has torn me asunder.

When I send out my turns, I know that paradise will be mine. An eternity with Anna Nicole Smith before she became a porker will be my fulfillment. There will be no incessant idiocy as is evidenced by the sophomoric posts made by Mister Beman. All will be right in my little world. I will have satisfied the powers that be for approximately 5 minutes and I might even get some restful sleep.

I do hope that my worthy opponents understand that turns are forthcoming inasmuch as when I am sober and not working I will process them. I will dutifully give up any hope of winning and click Go. That is what you want, isn’t it? You don’t really want me to beat you. That would be scary. You wouldn’t be able to show your face in public any more if you actually lost to me. Your co-workers would scorn you and heap abuse upon your head replete with male pattern baldness. Even your teller at the local bank would revile you and expectorate upon your car window as you sit in the Drive Thru.

I will retire to my little bed soon with the demons of inadequacy and mediocrity. I do hope your lives are better than what I have experienced and be sure to process your turns quickly. Otherwise, you may end up like me.

[Panzer Leader]

286 Skidoo! Eh?

I Challenge Peng for a bone to be thrown

Firstandforemostly, the name stinks, is diSTNIKtly lacking in wit, and is not even proper english. If your voice gets any more passive Hiram, you will have to start singing hotel-lobby jazz.

Maybe, if you insist on keeping the drudgery of your theme, you could try:

I Challenge Peng to Throw Me a Bone

I Challenge Me Bone to Peng Bone Me

I Challenge Peng's Bone to Challenge Me

My Bone is a Challenge to All who Peng

My Peng, My Challenge, My Bone, My LIFE!

Throw me a Bone or Challenge Peng

Throw my Peng to a Challenge Bone

Basically, any combination of words would have been batter than your CRAP. SOD ORF!

[Guest PondScum]

[Ye gods, I need stronger coffee. Oh, and mouse's liver on a stick]

[ August 08, 2002, 09:28 PM: Message edited by: PondScum ]

[Guest Mike]

Perhaps Miriam is really Old Mother Hubbard??

Y'all remember the rhyme I'm sure -

Old mother Hubard

went to the cupboard

to fetch her poor doggie a bone

but when she bent over

Rover took over

and gave her a bone of his own

and speaking of bones, I have cast one to the assembled masses, much as they do not deserve my attention - take note that the last Dictator ho longer has reason to sue me!

[ August 08, 2002, 10:13 PM: Message edited by: Mike ]

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by PondScum:

[Ye gods, I need stronger coffee. Oh, and mouse's liver on a stick]

You'd have to burn the stick.

The 'coffee' you'd need to keep you awake during this round is called 'Methedrine'.

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by PondScum:

[Ye gods, I need stronger coffee. Oh, and mouse's liver on a stick]

You'd have to burn the stick.

The 'coffee' you'd need to keep you awake during this round is called 'Methedrine'.</font>

[Guest Mike]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

You'd have to burn the stick.

Awwww......and I thought you despised and loathed me like no other, yet here you are telling the world to use sterilised instruments when probing around in my innards.

Gosh - I bet you wish I was struck dumb, but life just isn't that good for you, despite your new power puff personality.

[ August 08, 2002, 10:54 PM: Message edited by: Mike ]

[Panzer Leader]

I understand that Seanachai was meaning that, much like the native americans who honed their spear and arrow points by charring them in fire, that might help to impale me, but really Mrspkr I don't see how your violent method of destroying the stick would help to skewer me liver.

Also, I need my liver, I use it every night!

[Panzer Leader]

Mein Gott!

If Caesar were alive you'd be chained to the oars!

Make him a squerf, he CAN learn after all! O' Holy Day. Now, if justice truly shines down upon us (no not you, Justicar, and shop showing your teeth when you smile, it makes you look English) if JUSTICE is with us, Mike will continue to learn and improve, rather than a last trick of an old dog. Hmmm, let's run a little test (shhhh):

Mike, what am I?

[ August 08, 2002, 11:01 PM: Message edited by: Panzer Leader ]

[Guest Mike]

Is this a trick question??

You're a dork of course.

Also a pillock, a git, a fly blown lump of organic detritus and generally an all-round waste of space.

What's the prize??

[BFCElvis]

Wankers.

[BFCElvis]

Dear Hiram,

Thanks for cheering me up.

Now where is my file you bandwagon jumping Eagle fan.

Love,

Elvis

[Goanna]

Oh sure Elvis, right when Hiram was just about to bottom out with a sickening sklorp! and begin the long slow crawl back the mediocraty of his existence, you had to go and remind him that he is also an Eagles fan.

[Roxy]

Grog Dorosh has been sent a setup. Hopefully, he can tear himself away from his "German Artillery" thread sometime this week and return a file.

We are playing "Chance Encounter" because he's already played it 27 times, and feels he might have at least a miniscule chance of getting a draw. Being the deceptive and treacherous Lady I am, I have edited the scenario substantially to ensure he doesn't have a chance in Coventry of winning. Specifically, my cute little tanks have been upgraded, and artillery added.

I'm willing to send one more setup out (with the requisite edits to ensure my victory), but am not capable of issuing a proper Peng Challenge unless provoked. This is because I'm a Lady In Waiting. I may be deceptive and treacherous, but I'm not a meany.

Good night, Gentlemen of The MBT

[Guest PondScum]

Originally posted by Mike:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

You'd have to burn the stick.

Awwww......and I thought you despised and loathed me like no other, yet here you are telling the world to use sterilised instruments when probing around in my innards.

</font>

[Mace]

Originally posted by Roxy:

Good night, Gentlemen of The MBT

Gentlemen of the MBT. Another oxymoron.

Mace

[AUSSIEJEFF]

Ladies and Gentlewormage,

It's time for some Authentic Aussie Humour:

MCARTHURS FART

[bleby and Bath 1974]

Back in Donga country there's a tale the old folks tell

Of a man who's name is famous in the town of Bungadell.

And if ya like, I'll tell you all about this little town.

It's a dry and dusty place, until the rain comes down.

Back in 1927, it hadn't rained for weeks.

There was bull-dust in the billabongs and dead sheep in the creeks.

But the hero of our story was soon to help them out

On the day McArthur farted, and saved the town from drought.

Now, no one knew too much about this joker from the scrub

We'd heard some yarns about him from the Drovers in the pub

Some said he came from Bunker's Run and some from Beula's Park

But the one thing that they all agreed - he sure knew how to fart.

Now Bungadell was dry and hard like a three week stale old crust

The sheep were drinking whisky but were only pissing dust

We had a dam upside the hill, a mile out of town

That should have filled the water tanks, but not a drop come down.

So we sent a deputation there to see what could be wrong

And found we had a problem that we hadn't counted on

Old Bert's dead horse was blocking off the exit to the dam

You think that we could shift it? Na, the bloody thing was jammed.

Fifty blokes with crowbars struggled fifty days and nights

But couldn't shift the bastard, it was stuck there good and tight

The dam was full of water but we couldn't get it out

'Til the day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought.

We blasted it with dynamite and couldn't get it loose

And even Murphy's bullock team wasn't any use.

"There's only one last chance!" said Clancy's brother Blue

"We'll have to get McArthur -- see what he can do!"

Well, the cry went up "McArthur!! He's the one who knows the art

He'll send that dead horse flying with a well constructed fart!"

The people waited eagerly for the day to come about

The day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought.

Well, at last McArthur came and the people gathered 'round

To see the man who's fart was gonna send the waters down

He came on two big horses, with half his bum on each

A bum so wide a man could drive a tram between his cheeks.

Now, McArthur was a quiet man, but thorough, through and through

He said "I'll need some food and drinks, so see what you can do"

So we made the preparations, we made a mighty spread

Fifty tons of onions, and piles of prunes and bread.

Fifty tons of blue veined cheese and fifty kegs of stout

The day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought

He sat back with a knife and fork and really knocked it back

He polished off those kegs of stout in twenty seconds flat.

McArthur got up slowly, then he turned his bum around

And the people drove for shelter as they heard a dreadful sound

A roaring like a lion, and a chill ran through their hearts

As McArthur's body trembled and let off some mighty farts!

He farted and he farted till the earth began to shake

The ills began to tremble and the dams began to break

And still McArthur farted till he made the thunder crack

The winds, they howled, the lightning flared, the skies were turning black

They heard it up in China, where the up-side-downers dwell

They heard it up in Heaven and they heard it down in hell

I hardly need to tell ya, it was really on the snout

On the day McArthur farted and saved the town from drought.

Well that's how McArthur saved the day back there in Bungadell

And still his memory lingers on (and so too does the smell)

Even across in Adelaide, they've heard about his art

And every other year they hold a Festival of Farts!!

--------------------------------------

Ahhh! Brings to mind the smell of,

a dead dingo's bum gone black,

And the whiff of beer and meat pies,

From the dunny out the back.

Sir Aussiejeff

Knight of the Hob

[ August 09, 2002, 07:04 AM: Message edited by: AussieJeff ]

[Mace]

*wipes away a tear*.

That was beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye, that did.

Mace

[ August 09, 2002, 07:22 AM: Message edited by: Mace ]

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Roxy:

Grog Dorosh has been sent a setup. Hopefully, he can tear himself away from his "German Artillery" thread sometime this week and return a file.

We are playing "Chance Encounter" because he's already played it 27 times, and feels he might have at least a miniscule chance of getting a draw. Being the deceptive and treacherous Lady I am, I have edited the scenario substantially to ensure he doesn't have a chance in Coventry of winning. Specifically, my cute little tanks have been upgraded, and artillery added.

I'm willing to send one more setup out (with the requisite edits to ensure my victory), but am not capable of issuing a proper Peng Challenge unless provoked. This is because I'm a Lady In Waiting. I may be deceptive and treacherous, but I'm not a meany.

Good night, Gentlemen of The MBT

I want some of what you're smoking. You can't edit using the demo.

Of course, you originally claimed to be from Arkansas as your "cover", so that may explain things quite a bit.

"Lady in Waiting" or no, I call you out, you, you, Gamey Poseur!

Steve

[MrSpkr]

Originally posted by Panzer Leader:

I understand

See oxymoron.

that Seanachai was meaning that, much like the native americans who honed their spear and arrow points by charring them in fire, that might help to impale me, but really Mrspkr I don't see how your violent method of destroying the stick would help to skewer me liver.

Sigh. You miss the point entirely.

So what else is new?

Steve

[Speedy]

WooHoo I soloed today, look out Australia.