In the Forum the Fools Come and Go, Talking of Challenges to Peng, You Know

[Seanachai]

I do not think that they will challenge me...

I will now, at my great and advanced age, attempt a recitation of the rules.

draws a shaky breath and blinks bleary eyes

Where is my Boo? If an old man cannot lean upon his large, thuggish and magically half-witted henchman while he reads the rules out to a lot of simpletons, than what's he supposed to lean on?

Sod all.

Alright, then, gather round, gather round.

Not so close, damn you! Who touched my arse? That wasn't an accident! Show some respect, you lot!

Now, here at this tumpety-tumpety fecking recitation of the rules...I remember when we first posted some rules...what do you mean, there's no more beer...as I was saying, I remember it very well. Peng wore blue, and Berli was in black, and the Justicar was in feldgrau...and I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the Rose of England in my hair like the Glasgow girls used or shall I wear red yes and how I Challenged him under the Southern Cross and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my post to play yes and then he told me he would and yes to say yes my Evil Fecking Eternal Opponent and first I taunted him yes and mocked him so he could sense how he amused me yes and his response set things going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

Bugger. Where was I?

You lot are chaff. A good breeze would blow you all, and good luck to it for it's lack of discernment.

But, be that as it may, here is something very like a set of rules.

Amuse us. I haven't been fecking amused in ages. You'd be surprised how much it takes to do that, but actually, not, because you're probably too dim to think it takes more than reciting a few jokes from a current sit-com to have us all slapping our thighs.

Hang on, I'm becoming characteristically long-winded.

So, be amusing, avoid excessive vulgarity, leave off personal prejudices, and bring to us a sense of cheerful laughter.

You are very, very welcome here. Unless you fail to amuse us, and then you're a complete load of fecking bollocks and the gentle patter of moisture you find yourself wiping from your forehead is all the rest of us pissing on you from a considerable height.

That height is called 'wit' and 'intelligence'.

Try this for practice: Lie down in the gutter outside an extremely busy pub, and recite your favourite poem. If you can stand up dry at 2 AM, you probably belong here.

Never forget to honour the Ladies of the 'Pool

And never forget, lads, that I'm watching your useless arses...

[ May 06, 2004, 12:15 AM: Message edited by: Seanachai ]

[Joe Shaw]

And you dare to call those rules? Why in MY day we had rules as were WORTHY of the name. They were numbered ... usually in the wrong order but what can do with THIS lot eh? They had style, panache and perhaps a dash of vermouth on the side.

But THESE? Hah, it is to laugh perchance NOT to choke and fall down turning blue in the face.

However, they are at least a semblance of rules and that's to the good, unlike your LAST post in the previous thread, to wit:

I can't be having with trying to get caught up with all this drivel.

Now THAT was just pathetic and I demand, DEMAND I say, that you rewrite it instantly or I shall be forced, FORCED I say, to TAKE OFFENSE!

And we don't want THAT happening do we.

Joe

p.s. Ask Papa Khann about Shermans and PzIVs ... up the middle of the bleeding road like it owned all of creation. Clankety Clank I'm a Tank written all over it and ain't I just the invulnerable one so I am ...

Mind you, things aren't going as well against my former Squire Lars who I think dark thoughts of lately. I had the perfect set up, a three way assault on his Tiger ... luckily there's more Shermans where those came from.

Boo Radley is surely the slowest thing in creation. I'd have thought that the 50m night battle arranged by Kitty and Mace would at LEAST offer some fast action but Boo makes Monty look like Custer.

I'm also playing Jim Boggs who has tanks beyond number AND they're all German AND it's the desert so we GET to engage at 20 miles range or something so NATURALLY he has all the advantage since the freaking American shells break up in terror two feet from the armor of a Tiger.

And ... who else ... oh yeah, Mace ... most boring damned battle I've EVER played, AND I get to play against MR. FIREBALL Mace AND we get MAYBE one turn a day in ... it's not fair.

So ... that's a pretty fair postscript I think.

[Mr. Tittles]

Oh good. Someone threw a Peng thread and noone came...

[Joe Shaw]

Originally posted by Mr. Tittles:

Oh good. Someone threw a Peng thread and noone came...

HOW many times must we tell them do you suppose? I blame Seanachai ... for the fall of the Alamo if nothing else but in THIS case for NOT posting the rule about email addresses and general location in the profile.

I PERSONALLY don't consider TriniBAD to be a proper general location and in any case there is NO email address so we are well within our rights to place THIS one on the [iGNORE] list ... besides it wasn't witty so Seanachai's rules cover that too.

Joe

[Mr. Tittles]

wake me up when its over. I could use 10 pages of sleep..

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Mr. Tittles:

wake me up when its over. I could use 10 pages of sleep..

Originally posted by Mr. Tittles:

wake me up when its over. I could use 10 pages of sleep..

You could use 10 pages of extremely vulgar castigation, not to mention a good five minutes of something that sounds rather like 'castigation' and that used to only be done to people who'd annoyed the Federal Government by being either too criminal, or too mentally slow, so you could qualify in spades no matter which way you were approached.

Afterwards, of course, you'd be qualified to be one of the highly placed bureaucrats that de facto ran the Chinese Empire, or an operating system originally developed in it's most basic form by IBM, depending on whether one proceeded on the basis of proper spelling, or Internet 'LOL, dude, don't matter I can spel, you no wot I mean' pronounciation.

[dalem]

You keep using the contractive version - "it's" when what you really want is the possessive form - "its".

Other than that, it's fine, mediocre work, Seanachai.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by dalem:

You keep using the contractive version - "it's" when what you really want is the possessive form - "its".

Other than that, it's fine, mediocre work, Seanachai.

Piss off.

That said, when are you going to come to my house and whisk me away for a dream night of beers, finger foods, and hearty, manly conversation in which a word that rhymes with 'duck' is used as a form of punctuation?

Did you know that my Pirate name is Calico Jack Rackham?

[ParaBellum]

After reading through the GF the Peng challenge thread looks like the cuddle corner of a petting zoo.

For girls.

Something's gone horribly wrong.

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by ParaBellum:

After reading through the GF the Peng challenge thread looks like the cuddle corner of a petting zoo.

For girls.

Something's gone horribly wrong.

I've always wanted to spend an evening with you, Parabellum, sipping a fine wine, exchanging slow smiles, and, just before the dessert was served, while looking deeply into your eyes, tell you that I've named a dog after you that I subsequently butchered and ate.

And I like dogs, Parabellum. Which is more than I can say for you right now, you posturing toad.

Do you presume to come in here and tell me that you are, somehow, more afraid of the General Forum than you are of the Peng Challenge Thread?

Reappraise your position. All you're going to see on the GF is either people reaching out to the community, whether in brotherhood or fun, or endlessly needy peckerheads affirming the fact that God (or something like him, it may have been Buddha, or Lenin, or maybe Groucho) turned up at a 'Cocktail and Nibbles' party to tell him that his 'Unutterably Lame and Stupid Position On the Topic of the Day' was, in fact, not simply 'Thought Provoking', but so 'Enchanting to the Powers That Ruled the Universe' that it had won him a free ride on the 'Opinionated Arsehole Express'.

But, in a response to your obvious, if obscurely European, cry for aid, I've begun the first in a series of: Peng Challenge Thread Sponsored threads whose tone is 'Hey, remember when posting didn't involve demanding that everyone look at your penis before you shuffled off to fit it with special fighting gear that would allow you to dick it out with anyone who might happen to disagree with you?'

Parabellum, you daft bugger. Did you post simply to remind us that there was a time in history when people could simply say: 'Hey, that Parabellum bastard. I want to give him a right kicking!'

If so, how refreshing.

[CMplayer]

Originally posted by ParaBellum:

After reading through the GF the Peng challenge thread looks like the cuddle corner of a petting zoo.

Petting zoo? Where?

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by CMplayer:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by ParaBellum:

After reading through the GF the Peng challenge thread looks like the cuddle corner of a petting zoo.

Petting zoo? Where? </font>

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by ParaBellum:

After reading through the GF the Peng challenge thread looks like the cuddle corner of a petting zoo.

For girls.

Something's gone horribly wrong.

When you have conquered the world, where can you go to get away from it all?

That's what's called a koan. I know you don't care, but I felt like telling you anyway. So there.

Michael

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

...peckerheads...

Brrrraaaannnnnnggggggggg! You just said the secret word! You have just won an all expense paid weekend in Loma Linda, California! Congratulations!

!!!!! [extra exclamation points left over from the construction of this post]

Michael

[ParaBellum]

Originally posted by Seanachai:

I've always wanted to spend an evening with you, Parabellum, sipping a fine wine, exchanging slow smiles, and, just before the dessert was served, while looking deeply into your eyes, tell you that...

I've stopped reading your post here. Then I put on something more comfortable, dimming the lights.

Do you presume to come in here and tell me that you are, somehow, more afraid of the General Forum than you are of the Peng Challenge Thread?

Actually I just came here to call you a wanker.

...brotherhood...God...Buddha...Lenin...Groucho...Cocktail...party......Arsehole...

Sadly, this was much more of a coherent statement than the gist of what I've recently read from some people.

But, in a response to your obvious, if obscurely European, cry for aid, I've begun the first in a series of: Peng Challenge Thread Sponsored threads whose tone is 'Hey, remember when posting didn't involve demanding that everyone look at your penis before you shuffled off to fit it with special fighting gear that would allow you to dick it out with anyone who might happen to disagree with you?'

That sounds like a fine idea. You're still a wanker though.

Parabellum, you daft bugger. Did you post simply to remind us that there was a time in history when people could simply say: 'Hey, that Parabellum bastard. I want to give him a right kicking!'

If so, how refreshing.

I really just wanted to call you a wanker.

On the other hand, I've never thought a time would come where the senseless banter of the Peng thread would compare to the discussions in the GF like a lecture on greek philosophy to someone smearing poo onto the walls of his padded cell. Not that smearing poo onto the walls of one's padded cell is a bad thing in itself...

I'm so depressed I think I should cut my wrists. Thinking of it again I think I should cut your wrists.

EDIT: somehow, the thought of Seanachai sitting in his padded cell, poo smeared onto the walls, his wrists cut, cheers me up a bit.

[ May 06, 2004, 05:07 AM: Message edited by: ParaBellum ]

[Seanachai]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Seanachai:

...peckerheads...

Brrrraaaannnnnnggggggggg! You just said the secret word! You have just won an all expense paid weekend in Loma Linda, California! Congratulations!

!!!!! [extra exclamation points left over from the construction of this post]

Michael </font>

[Michael Emrys]

Originally posted by ParaBellum:

Not that smearing poo onto the walls of one's padded cell is a bad thing in itself...

I much prefer smearing poo on the walls of other people's padded cells. But then, I'm probably a thread Nazi.

I'm so depressed I think I should cut my wrists. Thinking of it again I think I should cut your wrists.

EDIT: somehow, the thought of Seanachai sitting in his padded cell, poo smeared onto the walls, his wrists cut, cheers me up a bit.

That's the spirit, lad! Now I want you to go out there and be beastly! Kick dogs! Steal candy from children! Push old ladies in front of busses! Quickly now, the police may be on the way.

Michael

[ParaBellum]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

That's the spirit, lad! Now I want you to go out there and be beastly! Kick dogs! Steal candy from children! Push old ladies in front of busses! Quickly now, the police may be on the way.

Michael

I just insulted my rubber plant. Does that count too?

[ May 06, 2004, 05:22 AM: Message edited by: ParaBellum ]

[Mace]

Originally posted by ParaBellum:

I just insulted my rubber plant.

Not to worry. It'll bounce back.

Mace

[Noba]

Originally posted by Mace:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by ParaBellum:

I just insulted my rubber plant.

Not to worry. It'll bounce back.

Mace </font>

[Michael Emrys]

I see a great future for you designing billboards.

Michael

[Noba]

Originally posted by Michael Emrys:

I see a great future for you designing billboards.

Michael

You have no future. Shut the door as you leave.

Noba.

[Hiram Sedai]

So, the Bard wants to spend his evenings sipping wine with assorted men. Am I the only one who finds this to be a bit creepy?

It seems we have the Peng dating service where flabby old men ask for dates with other men.

I'm just creeped out because of how creepy that is.

[Jim Boggs]

Not again! Sheesh!

Something has to be done. The Graveyard Shift of the Peng Challenge Thread has once again allowed all sorts of verminous, mentally challenged, wayward vagabonds to drop in and splatter their excretious pronouncements just about anywhere they choose.

It has reached such pitiful proportions that they have stooped to begging for help from Michael Emrys for crying out loud (Lars' specialty).

This just Will Not Do!. While the brave lads of the "Day Shift" continue to terrorize and squash all the little cockroaches that attempt to gain entry, the "Night Shift" stumbles in and throws open the doors to the Roach Motels and invites everybody in to relieve themselves.

So where are the Twaddles and the PairaBellies today? Back hiding in the shadows? Gazing with fear and paranoia at the sight of a fully manned and sober MBT?

We shall now see if they dare show their pimply, greasy, scum-sucking faces here today.

[Joe Shaw]

Quite right Jim Boggs ... or quite left in my case ... not exactly sure where Seanachai fits into the equation, but there may well be another dimension involved.

Let's start with an examination of your tactical prowess ... {snort} ... Ain't None!

There all done.

The DAY SHIFT is back on the job, let the pretenders scurry away like cockroaches fleeing the light!

Joe

p.s. I really LIKE postscripts, they let you add stuff ... post that is. Seanachai is Emeryboard somebody? I mean is he actually recognized in the CessPool as we'd recognize Grog Dorosh for example. I know we had an Official Grog of the CessPool but I don't think it was Grog Dorosh and I can't recall who it was.