Joe Shaw Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 The Young Cesspool Squire adapted by Seanachai ... Olde One and Bard of the 'pool When the Scum Sucking Newbie goes out to the 'Pool 'E acts like a pillock an' 'e posts like a fool, An' 'e weeps because others are frequently cruel And 'e's not fit to serve as a squire. Serve, serve, serve as a squire, Serve, serve, serve as a squire, Serve, serve, serve as a squire, Squire of the Cesspool! Now all you serfs what's drafted to-day, You shut up your cake-hole an' 'ark to my lay, An' I'll sing you a squire as far as I may: A squire what's fit for a 'Pooler. Fit, fit, fit for a squire Fit, fit, fit for a squire Fit, fit, fit for a squire Squire of the Cesspool! First mind you steer clear o' the 'general' taunt, that labels you stupid, useless, and naught -- that shows to the world that you cannot be taught -- An' it's bad for the young Cesspool Squire. Bad, bad, bad for the squire Bad, bad, bad for the squire Bad, bad, bad for the squire Squire of the Cesspool When comes the laughter -- as it will past a doubt -- don't pose and don't preen, and don't go on the shout, For the 'Pool will just sneer, and spit yer arse out, An' it crumples the young Cesspool Squire. Crum-, crum-, crumples the squire Crum-, crum-, crumples the squire Crum-, crum-, crumples the squire Squire of the Cesspool But the worst o' your foes is the other young fools: who'll be set on yer arse, by the powers that rule: they'll send you out battles that make you look like a tool, An' you'll die like a fool of a squire. Fool, fool, fool of a squire Fool, fool, fool of a squire Fool, fool, fool of a squire Squire of the Cesspool If you're belittled and spat on, completely ignored, Don't piss and don't moan, and return to the Board; Be witty and tough, and amusement afford Then it's beer for the young Cesspool Squire. Beer, beer, beer for the squire Beer, beer, beer for the squire Beer, beer, beer for the squire Squire of the Cesspool Now, if you should find a Knight notices your worth and offers to sponsor your place on this earth and offers your pain up to give others mirth, Know that mirth is enough for a squire. 'Nough, 'nough, 'nough for a squire 'Nough, 'nough, 'nough for a squire 'Nough, 'nough, 'nough for a squire Squire of the Cesspool Your Knight's foes will curse you, and laugh at your pain your Knight will laugh too, and you'll feel there's no gain and you'll curse all the 'Pool, and call it insane, An' you'll then know the curse of a squire. Curse, curse, curse of a squire Curse, curse, curse of a squire Curse, curse, curse of a squire Squire of the Cesspool When you first go to taunt, you'll probably suck, And the Knights will run over your arse like a truck, Be thankful you're livin', and trust to your luck And march to new taunts like a squire. Taunt, taunt, taunt like a squire Taunt, taunt, taunt like a squire Taunt, taunt, taunt like a squire Squire of the Cesspool! When 'arf of your taunts fly wide and go wrong, Don't revert to expletives or ****e jokes, you nong; Just buckle down lad, and get set for sing-song, the song of a young Cesspool squire. song, song, song for a squire song, song, song for a squire song, song, song for a squire Squire of the Cesspool And if you should finally arrive as a Knight having taunted and held on and fought the good fight then remember to make the new squires wade through ****e Cause ****e is what makes a good squire, ****e, ****e, ****e for a squire ****e, ****e, ****e for a squire ****e, ****e, ****e for a squire Squire of the Cesspool You're no longer a squire, and now you're a Knight, you've learned how to taunt, and mock, and make light of all of the bastards who once gave you ****e and hate like a young Cesspool squire. hate, hate, hate like a squire hate, hate, hate like a squire hate, hate, hate like a squire Squire of the Cesspool When you're wounded and left in the Cesspool of Peng, And the bastards come out to cut up what remains, Jest roll to the taunt and blow out their brains An' go to your Gawd like a Knight. Go, go, go like a knight, Go, go, go like a knight, Go, go, go like a knight, Knight of the Cesspool! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Now, how about a bit from Brigadoon? Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auggy Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 My... that was touching to say the least. So, I've been here mucking up the place for a while. I've also withstood insults yea long. Alas, I've yet to be challenged. So, are any of you pillocks gonna challenge me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSpkr Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by Sir Augustus: My... that was touching to say the least. So, I've been here mucking up the place for a while. I've also withstood insults yea long. Alas, I've yet to be challenged. So, are any of you pillocks gonna challenge me? See, this is the problem with those off-Broadway musicals. Inbreed monogenetic twits like our little friend Suredisgustsus can't comprehend the lyrics. Next time, just some plain old boring rules would be fine -- not that the current lot of SSNs can understand them. . . By the way, any new Ker Dessel ideas? Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted August 2, 2003 Author Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by MrSpkr: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Sir Augustus: My... that was touching to say the least. So, I've been here mucking up the place for a while. I've also withstood insults yea long. Alas, I've yet to be challenged. So, are any of you pillocks gonna challenge me? See, this is the problem with those off-Broadway musicals. Inbreed monogenetic twits like our little friend Suredisgustsus can't comprehend the lyrics. Next time, just some plain old boring rules would be fine -- not that the current lot of SSNs can understand them. . . By the way, any new Ker Dessel ideas? Steve </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auggy Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 But no MrSpkr, for the dim bulbs that are currently wandering around you tie them face down on the rack, wrench the shirt from their back, heat up the brazier to a nice cozy white heat and BRAND the rules on their back ... BACKWARDS SO THEY COULD READ IT IN A MIRROR ... and they'd still not get it. Oooo, a braizer. Those things are pretty neat. Especially at DQ. That also makes me think of Dry Ice. You know, the kind people use to quiet up certian annoyances by shoving it down their throats? Rules...pfff...blah...ahem...cough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by MrSpkr: By the way, any new Ker Dessel ideas?Why don't you just ask in plain English if he's had a bowel movement? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patchy Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ng cavscout Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by Joe Shaw: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by MrSpkr: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Sir Augustus: My... that was touching to say the least. So, I've been here mucking up the place for a while. I've also withstood insults yea long. Alas, I've yet to be challenged. So, are any of you pillocks gonna challenge me? See, this is the problem with those off-Broadway musicals. Inbreed monogenetic twits like our little friend Suredisgustsus can't comprehend the lyrics. Next time, just some plain old boring rules would be fine -- not that the current lot of SSNs can understand them. . . By the way, any new Ker Dessel ideas? Steve </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Hey Rune! (rhymes with loon) Please teach that idiot of a squire you have that he need not include every single post prior to his own when he quotes. In fact, you might point out that he can edit the quote down to something that actually pertains to his waste of forum space post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auggy Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Of course this is all a moot point since the Twit probably won't get the whole concept of challenging past his sloped, well ridged forehead and into his few correctly firing synapsi of grey matter, and he will then decide to SOD OFF in frustration, kind of like when he tried to learn his alphabet the last time in Junior High. I've got news for you bud. You can address me in two ways heathen, either 'Sir Augustus' or 'Auggy' is sometimes aceptable. You will not refer to my presence as 'Twit'. If not, I'm afraid I'll be forced to mix carcinogens with your food. Also, to the reference of "Sodding Off". I hope surely now that it has come to your attention that I live on a farm. Farmers are also known as Sod Busters. "Oh...look, I'm so scared. Here comes the dreaded 'Sod Off!' Isn't that the biggest piece of dunderhead soup you ever did saw?" (Quote clearified for you less learned folk) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by Sir Augustus: I've got news for you bud. You can address me in two ways heathen, either 'Sir Augustus' or 'Auggy' is sometimes aceptable. You will not refer to my presence as 'Twit'. Ooooooh, doesn't like to be called twit, do 'ee? Cheeky, little toffy-nose, is wot I says. 'Ear 'im now as 'ee puffs up 'is scrawny. bird-like chest an says "Quack, quack, quack! You must call me Slur Hog-bustus or Auggie-Doggy, or ye'll foce me to take out my displeasure on th' farm animals again!" Ohhhhh, aint 'ee the cheeky one! Judas Priest, I take an evening off, come back and what do I find? Joe Shaw is doing show tunes for cryin' out loud! MrSpkr is playing the part of the dimwitted side kick (See, I can be topical, too.) And Jimbo Boggs is fighting for my honor (which, admittedly is more than I ever did for it.)! I think we'll need to start drinking early today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Auggy Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by Boo_Radley: </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Sir Augustus: I've got news for you bud. You can address me in two ways heathen, either 'Sir Augustus' or 'Auggy' is sometimes aceptable. You will not refer to my presence as 'Twit'. Ooooooh, doesn't like to be called twit, do 'ee? Cheeky, little toffy-nose, is wot I says. 'Ear 'im now as 'ee puffs up 'is scrawny. bird-like chest an says "Quack, quack, quack! You must call me Slur Hog-bustus or Auggie-Doggy, or ye'll foce me to take out my displeasure on th' farm animals again!" Ohhhhh, aint 'ee the cheeky one! I think we'll need to start drinking early today. </font> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Radley Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Fondue. Yet another blitheringly stupid legacy of the 70's. Fondue, that witless form of eating that on a scale of mind-numbingly bad ideas, stands shoulder to shoulder with Leisure suits, Disco, 8-tracks and Le Car. I remember once, going to a fondue restaurant with wife #2 (The Anti-Wife), and having an entire dinner of fondue dishes. In another stupid 70's style, the entire restaurant was carpetted. Even the walls. So, naturally the building retained a lot of heat. Then you have a few dozen tables scattered around with small, open fires and boiling liquids. So, naturally, the room was sweltering. Add on top of that that the dinner lasted hours due to the fact that you're individually cooking each piece of your dinner. The pain of small oil burns. Constantly burning the inside of your mouth. And then when the torture is finally over and you're asking yourself who's brilliant idea this was and where will you hide the body, the check comes and you realize that the final kick in the crotch, the ultimate razor blade filled pie to the face is that you are being charged top dollar for the priveledge of cooking your own food. Fondue can kiss my arse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Wankers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Dear BFC, Why has Emma been banned? I haven't seen her post anything naughty. Please let her back or fix or do somefink. Love, Elvis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted August 2, 2003 Author Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by Elvis: Dear BFC, Why has Emma been banned? I haven't seen her post anything naughty. Please let her back or fix or do somefink. Love, Elvis Dear Elvis what ARE you on about now? What in the world makes you think that Dame YK2 has been banned? Have you been after the cooking sherry again ... and if so does she have a sister? Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Dear Joe, I have recently completed and instant message conversation with Emma. She is very upset. She went to post today after returning from holiday and was given a message that her IP number has been banned. But yes, I have also gotten into the cooking sherry. Love, Elvis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berlichtingen Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by Elvis: Dear BFC, Why has Emma been banned? I haven't seen her post anything naughty. Please let her back or fix or do somefink. Love, Elvis Dear Elvis, You are a whiney, love-sick puppy. Shut up. Fair Emma is on holiday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Dear Berli, Please read above statement. Love, Puppyboy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Shaw Posted August 2, 2003 Author Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by Elvis: Dear Joe, I have recently completed and instant message conversation with Emma. She is very upset. She went to post today after returning from holiday and was given a message that her IP number has been banned. But yes, I have also gotten into the cooking sherry. Love, Elvis That HAS to be a mistake ... you getting into the cooking sherry that is, I mean what kind of fools do you take us for, we've SEEN your photo! As to Dame YK2 that has to be a mistake as well. Unless there's some obscure thread someplace that I haven't seen (granted I don't check out most of the grog threads) I can't imagine any cause for a banning. MadMatt? Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jim Boggs Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 If the Dear YK2 has AOL, it is quite possible that they (AOL) have changed her ISP address, which they do periodically and assigned her a new number which is on the ban list. This has happened to myself and others that I am aware of. The banning is usually temporary, but a royal pain nonetheless. [edit to add]- Joe your thread title reads like an episode for Rocky and Bullwinkle. [ August 02, 2003, 12:49 PM: Message edited by: Jim Boggs ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dalem Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by Jim Boggs: If the Dear YK2 has AOL, it is quite possible that they (AOL) have changed her ISP address, which they do periodically and assigned her a new number which is on the ban list. This has happened to myself and others that I am aware of. The banning is usually temporary, but a royal pain nonetheless. [edit to add]- Joe your thread title reads like an episode for Rocky and Bullwinkle. Don't worry, if it is AOL, they will promtply blame me for it Monday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rleete Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Originally posted by dalem: Don't worry, if it is AOL, they will promtply blame me for it Monday. Why wait until Monday? We blame you now. dalem is responsible for getting Dame Emma banned. Stone him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFCElvis Posted August 2, 2003 Share Posted August 2, 2003 Dear PunkswhothoughtIwasfullofit, Matt is on it. It appears that Emma is not banned but perhaps her IP was very bad. She does have this message : "Light a cigarette, feel the caffeine rush, boot up, sit back, and watch the world disintegrate at your fingertips..." Love, Elvis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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