Peng goes to Sweden

[PeterNZer]

Joe Bore and Lawyer, quit yer whinning, one of you lost to my mighty forces and the other should be happy he's winning, nevermind my comments in emails or not. Some of us are busy, with things to do, and don't feel like spending time blathering on to a couple of pantywasters about the weather at their trailor park or how 'kind' mother was on the weekend.

Get back to the dying (like Croda) or the killing (like Nijis) before I loose all respect for you.

PeterNZ

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- Official owner of the sig files of Dalem, Croda and JeffShandorf -

Der Kessel scenario design group

Combat Vision movies

[mensch]

Two fecking days and the peng thread almost hit second page, and grew to 1.5 pages.. woooh.. damn sweeds.

Anyhow stuck in Braunschweig on my wifes computer, no games.. well except for Moorhuhnjagd.. *guh* at least i have my Drum Tobacco and a book on Panzer Tactics.

Updates

well.. I don't know WHILE MY FECKING GAME IS IN HANNOVER AND I had no chance to play since I worked the whole weekend.. feh.. who cares.

Kitty is up and dead for me, that or she found some new tomcat to go meow with in some alleyway..

LORAK, here ye here ye.. it has been days and days since here since I posted my challange.. one last resort of ICQ'ing here to death and email will be the last chance.. then I give my challange as a cowardess decline and accept her surrender. (jeez if this does not get her to react I don't know what will.. hmmm leather briefs??) anyhow everyone read everyone saw.. the challange states and you all can kiss my bal.. *cough* *looks for matt* yes as I was saying it looks like I will have a new cat fur bathroom mat this week.

and Bullethead yes I got your fecking map.. jeezus rocky fecking mountains or what.. heh .. me likes, only thing is you are a little chinsy on the FO's arn't you.. I'M fecking attacking not doing a fecking sunday stroll.. heres a tip.. this is what I normaly take for such an attack.. 2 120mm mortar FO's 4 105mm FO's and if I can a 81mm FO... get with the program dude!! anyhow I accept your map.. maybe girllylad will decline again on the cheep excuse of "this terrain is undefendable, bla cry.. bla.. i wet my pants".. I set up my troops and will be mailing the git tommorow morning.

well off to smoke, read and cry like a senachapoo, that my CM is in Hannover.

[Guest rune]

Rodentia...

Rune Pak 6 is nearly ready. Included are 2 great new evil rune scenarios for tcp/ip play. Just a little more tweaking and it will be ready. Look for it at a download near you soon...

Rune

Commander

Army of the Porcupine

[David Aitken]

dalem wrote:

Hey, did I miss a joke and is this Hamstrung guy what Meeks used to be, i.e. a nose-thingering, doodlebug-humping gigapoohead?

Once upon a time somebody bumped an old thread up to the top of the forum. Someone else said "Hey, who bumped this old thread up to the top of the forum?". "Hamsters!", replied a third.

This gave Meeks the questionable idea of creating an alter-ego called Hamsters with which to bump old threads up to the top of the forum. This he proceeded to do for about five seconds before everybody got thoroughly pissed off at being ambushed by old threads they assumed were new.

Now it appears Meeks has forgotten his password or something and is as such denied his own personality and is trapped in the consciousness of a treeful of Hamsters. Where he belongs.

------------------

where's the BAR? – ColonelSquirrel

Where's the Bar? This is the most important and critical question I've ever seen on a thread – Rex_Bellator

[DekeFentle]

Having some forced idle time (waiting for a plane) thrust upon me, I would like to put forth a suggestion for the scrutiny of this horrific hive of hairy humanity. While the presentation of title serves to identifying the relative position of a member in this cast of caustic cretins, perhaps the addition of an award structure might bring about an even more muddied, obtuse complexity to the whimsical waters of this forum. These badges of dishonor would be temporal in nature and be placed upon the sig files of the appropriate pretender on any given day.

The caveat to this process is the assumption that any singular tenant of the asylum could be trusted with bestowing these ambiguous honors upon the apathetic personages that inhabit this Byzantine morass of baboons. Berlichtingen comes to mind but as you all have undoubtedly ascertained by now, my mind is not without its inherent gaps of knowledge regarding the protocols present in this petulant swine pen of pompous pinheads. Popular acclaim for transference would of course be grounds for overriding the afore mentioned worthies proclamations. So without further adieu I entreat you to consider the following…

First Kinniget of Combat

The wielder of this decoration would be determined by The Loathsome One as the pooler with the highest winning percentage. A minimum of 10 completed games must be scribed and only an active participant, defined as having completed at least one game in the last 30 days, is eligible.

Buffoon of the Bottom Feeders

Opposite of the previous commendation, using the same guidelines for presentation.

Champion of Choke

This award would require combatants to post scores instead of just win, loss and as such may place too heavy a burden upon the scribing abilities of Lorak. However its potential popularity may cause the august scribe to be willing to devote more effort to his duties. The holder would be the inept entity who has lost a battle by the widest margin recorded to date. This presents the opportunity for the above mentioned Buffoon to easily hold multiple ribbons. I propose that no minimums be set for presentation as the holder should be long remembered.

Pope of Pundits

Bestowed upon the poster of the best taunt to date. Forgoing consideration of my own ostentatious offerings (although I am sure all of you concur that a reference to an Aussie consuming American malt was truly prophetic) I believe our Head-bobbing Doorman (don’t forget to tip) should be the first holder of this award.

Groveling Grognard of Gameyness

This speaks for itself. Imagine if you can, the whining of the recipient of this malevolent moniker. Barbra wa wa steps to the forefront for the first presentation. (ok Lawyer, send me the ten bucks you promised)

Without doubt I have neglected to include someone’s pet ideas within the confines of the subject matter and anticipate expressions of disdain for having dared to suggest any change in the status quo. Still I find the pool rather stale of late (ignoring very few exceptions) and hope to stimulate the flow and quality of disseminated drivel that occasionally pervades this posturing penthouse of provincial apostles.

When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.

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Winning is why we play!

[Berlichtingen]

Originally posted by DekeFentle:

Having some forced idle time (waiting for a plane) thrust upon me...

So you felt it neccessary to thrust your boredom upon us. We are all infinitely grateful for your brilliant idea. An idea, I might add, that ranks right up there with square wheels. Again, thank you very much. You can run along and play in the traffic now.

[Croda]

DirtyFentle:

A long time ago in a Peng Thread far far away, Meeks (after he was Hamsters the first time, but before this time) proudly proclaimed that the CessPool would have Lordships. We created titles that were far cooler than yours, and began creating maps to fight for those titles on. There was much rejoicing in the Pool.

Then, the Wicked Warlock of the Rhineland sauntered in and decreed that Lordships were stoopid, Knightships were stoopid, Squires were stoopid, the CessPool was stoopid, and that he hadn't been laid in 2 years. Lordships took a downturn after that and nobody liked the CessPool for a week. The qwazy Fwenchman wanted to close it down. He was shot in the back of the head, though, and it continues to this day.

Where was I...oh ya.

No

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Woot! - Maximus2k

The New CessPool

[Iskander]

Originally posted by DekeFentle:

Having some forced idle time waiting for a plane... to crash into me and rid the world of these annoying, feckless posts...

Seconding the Evil One (and that doesn't mean I think highly of you, BerliGirli, in fact, I only think of you the morning after a long night of jalapenos...), why do you not save yourself and us the trouble and go play in a switching yard... or maybe on that tarmac you're staring at.

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"I send you a kaffis of mustard seed, that you may taste and acknowledge the bitterness of my victory."

"Legal advice is very often divorced from reality in my humble opinion" - BTS

[Lawyer]

Originally posted by DekeFentle:

Groveling Grognard of Gameyness

This speaks for itself. Imagine if you can, the whining of the recipient of this malevolent moniker. Barbra wa wa steps to the forefront for the first presentation. (ok Lawyer, send me the ten bucks you promised)

Hehehe.. Well, the blind lady of justice needs a "tip" from time to time.

BTW, I agree with the tremendous insult value inherent in your mention of the original "stanky" beer, Pabst Blue Ribbon. That vile liquid was once ubiquitous in the Land at all colleges. Yet even in my perpetual omnivorous quest for alcohol, I could not stomach it then. America has declined in many, many ways, but the near disappearance of Pabst must be viewed as a step forward.

Foreign pondscum cannot imagine the perverted things that happened to beer when a bunch of Germans who should know better came to America and started mass-producing it here. "Lite beer" is a non-sequitur and an abomination on mankind.

Don't forget to add "Rolling Rock" to your list of watery beer insults. Although I did like those little 7 oz. pony bottles that you could throw like a hand grenade out the car window as you polished them off. Ahhh, the good old days....

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There are good reasons why the movie was called "Patton" rather than "Hodges".

[Joe Shaw]

DekeFentle, may I suggest the following:

1) Access to a dictionary and thesaurus does NOT necessarily result in a witty post. If you have something to say, say it, do not obfuscate it.

2) {sigh} ... at some point in time perhaps the lack of navigational skill that results in strangers wandering in from the main board will be rectified (sit DOWN Bauhaus.) Until then I suppose we will have to answer the same questions every time, as FAQ's would be against everything the 'pool stands for (sit ... oh, you ARE sitting down Bauhaus, good lad.) The answer, of course, is that The One The True CessPool was NEVER intended as some form of quirky ladder ... though the quirky part is right enough. Lorak, in his lack of wisdom, decided that he should create a win/loss page along with a listing of the members of the 'pool, but this has been universally ignored (except for the aforementioned Peter N Zer who appears to actually take it seriously ... faint praise for faint hearts one supposes). In short sir, NO ... but thanks for playing our game and Bauhaus has a lovely parting gift for you (YES Bauhaus, now!)

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[Mark IV]

Originally posted by DekeFentle:

Having... apostles.

Keyword Search: "ostentatious"

Delete all else? Yes [ X ] No [ ]

Last time I saw that many syllables dedicated to such a bad idea, it was by Marx and Engels...

[stevetherat]

A whole, yes, a complete, unabridged, fullsome Thread has been and gone without the merest hint (odour) of my presence.

Before this one passes into History, and left to litter the dark alleyway of that shortcut to nowhere that everyone has forgotten about, I would just like to stick my head in and tip my hat.

Games are progressing full steam ahead and much blood is being spilled in the name of Honour and Pride. As soon as circs allow, I will inform you all of the death, decay and utter humiliation suffered by both sides in all battles.

Until then, consider my hat tipped at the appropriate angle and duration to demonstrate the respect and admiration I owe you all.

That's right, it didn't move at all, did it?

StR

On a side, and probably insignificant, note, what ever happened to that Wildman character? I have been waiting patiently for some not inconsiderable weeks for a return file, but nothing. If, as I suspect, he has 'done a runner' would it be prudent or unsportsmanlike to claim a victory over him? Lorak, I may need your judgement call on this, and I will abide by your decision, but it would be nice to chalk up some sort on mark on my Card, be it relevant or not.

[Croda]

I got a mail from that WildBoy character that said he was going to be in Vegas for a while. My guess is that he's holed up in Area 51 feeding styling mouse to the Aliens caged up on sub-level 99. And you know how the powers that be at Area 51 frown on outside communications.

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Woot! - Maximus2k

The New CessPool

[dalem]

Now that David was kind enough to tell me about the horrible truth of who (and what) Pampers really is, I can continue to ignore him.

Thanks Dave!!

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I LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER BATTLE TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS NOW HIS AND I AM HIS SLAVE. PLEASE ABUSE ME AS YOU SEE FIT AND CALL ME A DOO-DOO HEAD. IT IS MY PLACE IN LIFE, I WILLINGLY ACCEPT IT.

[Hamsters]

I know that I shall meet my fate

Somewhere among the clouds above;

Those that I fight I do not hate,

Those that I guard I do not love;

Now for a few updates:

Deke Da Dumbass Doesn't Do Diddly

Well, that's not true, as Deke da Dumbass has managed, so far, to A)Complain about not being able to pick sides and 2)Work himself into a tizzy thinking we shall fight in the snow, which we shan't.

MarkIV, The Setup Non-Sending Whore

Look, you sissified sob, you're supposed to send a file. You have not risen to the standing of longshoreman's bitch for nothing.

Goanna

Is a lizard and also a whore. There has been no action.

Priest and Armornut

Are they still in the Pool? If not, we'll just stop playing them. What's the point, after all? As far as status, we are schooling Priest in the art of asswhuppery as if we was a young student come to Asswhuppery Mountain for proper schooling. Armornut still does not get the joke.

Seanachai

Doesn't return turns but we all ready knew this.

jd

Probably still has our number. What, praytell, is that number sir?

Geier

We're pretty sure the Old Firm received our setup and the only assumption that can be made is that said establishment has toned down it's once energetic nature. Too bad, really, as it would have been good fun to compare notes on death and destruction.

Lawyer

Is a git like never a git before was gitted. Almost as bad as PeterNZer but without the stupid, stupid name. In the immortal words of Bruce Campbell, come get some.

[Croda]

Check out the SPW 251/1 thread to see Jeff pick fights with people for no apparent reason. It's quite funny.

As for the faux Bard, Senility is an apt name for him. He of the burning armor and plush chew-toys seems to have conveniently forgotten the life-lessons I've been teaching him. Send the file.

As for ArmoredNuts, he dies like bugs in a bug zapper: loud, often, and leaving you with the strange smell you've done something morally wrong. If he's still in the Pool he'll be floating belly up very shortly.

Dalem, well he's Dead as a Dalem. Note to the people who write CM tactical books: Giving your enemy the VLs so that you can die counter-attacking him is a good way to lose. Dalem is dying in droves.

I'd also like to take this moment to curse Herr Ovaries because he's still murdering my infantry with his big tankee things. But then again, they are Frenchmen and probably deserve it for being snooty to foreigners.

jd is also losing to me because he is not yet winning and I may not get the chance to say I'm winning later.

Hammy Hamsters I have your password. Now you can go back to being the old contemtable Meeks. The Password is: ********. I masked it for security reasons. Enjoy.

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Woot! - Maximus2k

The New CessPool

[jshandorf]

Originally posted by Croda:

Check out the SPW 251/1 thread to see Jeff pick fights with people for no apparent reason. It's quite funny.

Yes, like a ravenous, rabid dog on a bag of Alpo.

I just hate dim people. It's a wonder why I hang out here then...

Jeff

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When nuclear weapons are frozen then only freezers will have nuclear weapons.

[David Aitken]

Talking of picking fights for no reason, on my Searchonaut travels I came across a thread which presents an interesting angle on the man responsible for getting Mr. Kelly banned.

can we flatten them??

Nice quote, eighth post (yes, flamewar well underway by this stage):

NCrawler wrote:

I've come to realize after reading several of your posts that you are an idiot.

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where's the BAR? – ColonelSquirrel

Where's the Bar? This is the most important and critical question I've ever seen on a thread – Rex_Bellator

[Mace]

Originally posted by DekeFentle:

Having some forced idle time thrust upon me, ....ad nuseum

Prison time has that affect.

I however do appreciate the time taken by you Dekey to come up with some perceived improvements to the Pool. I'm sure that you spent a lot of valuable time thinking this out, time that could have been otherwise spent pacing your cell, or dropping soap in the shower, etc.

It has taken me however less time to think about it (circa 1 second), and to come up with a response....

NO!!!!

Now for an update:

Speedy: Nothing good has ever come out of South Australia, the current game proves it. I shall just say Speedy is a gamey mongrel who doesn't realise the aim of this game is for him to loose, and me to win (and not vice-versa). Lorak, expect a Speedy gloat shortly.

JD: Started well with an my well executed tank ambush removing several panthers, a Hetzer and a PzJg IV L70s over a couple of turns. However, JD has chosen to ignore Fionn's 75mm rule and his better endowed AFVs (packing 88s) pick mine off at long range while I hunt down his last remaining Panther.

Nuff said!

Sir OGSF: A good battle this one (ie one that is going my way), although he has had the audacity to plug my remaining M18 Hellcat with a Hetzer. He will pay for this, I will not feed the POWs when he surrenders.

Joe Moore: Read Joe's excellent reports on our battle in previous posts. Something about him wallowing in dispair as my uberhamstertruppen move into the far corner where his troops are contained to deliver the coup de grace (or just to gloat).

Elvis: Stalemate at the Rune Valley. One of of us are going to stick our heads out and get it shot off, hopefully it'll be him rather than me! I did however enjoy ambushing a group of half tracks crossing a river bridge..this is a poignant moment that will stay with me the rest of my life (which indicates that I don't have one).

Mensch: Mensch loves artillery, it is obvious because he has so much of the stuff. However, Artillery and snow don't mix and his fire has been somewhat inaccurate. The brave French on the other hand have decimated one of his platoons already.

Stuka: Mace's Kittymod Macey SS vs Stuka's Kittmod Stuka (big ears)Paras now underway (a moderate sized battle to be completed in *GACK* 30 turns?!!!...I better start running then)

If I forgot anyone else it was probably intentional.

Mace

[This message has been edited by Mace (edited 03-12-2001).]

[Joe Shaw]

Mace somehow managed to rouse himself from his customary alcohol induced coma to report:Joe Moore: Read Joe's excellent reports on our battle in

previous posts. Something about him wallowing in dispair as my uberhamstertruppen move into the far corner where his troops are contained to deliver the coup de grace (or just to gloat).

I must admit that I, for a while, amused myself by creating alternative names for those in the pool based up their chosen moniker (not to be confused with Monica ... sit Down Bauhaus). My favorite was Eathanwhosenamesoundslikeasneeze since Hakko Ichiu ... well ... sounds pretty much ... like a sneeze. Nonetheless, I have chosen to cease this practice since it has become (a) hackneyed and overdone and ( boring. I am now able to add a third reason NOT to do it ... that in the hands of certain, less well educated persons, the name becomes completely unintelligible unless you have a clue as to who the idiot posting MEANT! In my case, for example, I know that I am playing Mace and I know that the ROUGH description of the battle is close to reality. But Joe MOORE? I presume that Mace finds this inexpressibly droll and is likely still chortling ... which I imagine has his co-workers eyeing the exits with concern, but it doesn't help the rest of the pool since IT MAKES NO SENSE!

As to the battle, Mace did, it's true, manage through SHEER LUCK to decimate my armor some time ago ... it has taken him this long to realize that and come to the conclusion that SOMETHING SHOULD BE DONE! He has chosen, big surprise ... the WRONG thing.

Joe

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I HAVE LOST A BLOOD HAMSTER TO PETERNZ. MY SIG FILE IS

HIS. PLEASE TICKLE MY FANCY BY GOING TO DER KESSEL .IF

YOU GO HE MIGHT STOP BEATING ME AND USING MY POOR

INNOCENT BODY FOR HIS OWN DEVIOUS PLEASURES

[David Aitken]

Classic post alert, responsibility rests squarely on the rickets of MadMensch.

[armornut]

Posted by Croda;

As for ArmoredNuts, he dies like bugs in a bug zapper: loud, often, and leaving you with the strange smell you've done something morally wrong. If he's still in the Pool he'll be floating belly up very shortly.

While it is true that my men are not doing so well, I think it is because of your gamey tactics. I get a file that is supposed to be an attack, but with two Panthers, one Tiger, and a Hummel, I think you ment to say assult. Those tanks plus the four halftracks you used to have are about all you will have left when I am done with you. I will make it my mission to use what I have left to hunt down the men you have left and dismember as many of them as I can. So, you may be winning but it is only because you are a gamey little maggot who's fear of lossing to me is so great that you resort to the lowest of tactics.......well almost.

You could be like Meeks. This silly bass-turd sent me an Armor buy and he picks a plane and a butt load of mines! He has them strung across the entire map!

Dispite this I have managed to get inside his mine fields and all I have found is Mg's and a few snipers. I am very afraid that I have played the two most gamey, heterosexualy challenged, metally retarded, short, ugly, boys in this pool.

So, Hamsters if you would like to try and best me, send me a file. I will however reserve the right to classify you as a gamey piece of dung like Weeks and Cruda if the title is deserved. Or is your man-hood the reason you are named Hamsters?

Armornut

[Hamsters]

Originally posted by armornut:

Waaaaaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Gamey? GAMEY?!?! Take a look at your bloody taunts, you nincompoop, that'll show you gamey. They're bad, boring, hackneyed, loser taunts. They deserve an interesting, sick, twisted destruction on the field of battle. You fool, if we were gamey, we'd do something so that we could beat you at the game of CM. Our purchases preclude any kind of victory. We are not, therefor, gamey, rather, you pulsating mass of useless flesh, we are interesting and we are subjecting you to an interesting torture. Being wholly uninteresting, it is no surprise that you do not understand this.

[Priest]

Oh don't worry Hammie i am still here. I was busy this weekend but not busy enough it would seem to help you reduce your armor assets to a more manageable level (of course those little AC bastards now need to die a horrible hamster on fire style death but that is another problem). Once I get rid of that pesky infantry then all should be well. SO SEND ME A TURN ALREADY!

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Sir are you sure you want to go to red alert...it would mean changing the bulb

-Kryton of Red Dwarf

[bauhaus]

Originally posted by Iskander:

Kitty and YK2... front and center!!!

Bauhaus... to the rear!

[edited to remove clarity]

?!?!?!?!?!? Even I have to draw the line here!!!!!! _________________(line)