Peng, I Am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public

[Moriarty]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mark IV:

50% well done, Moriarty. Have a nice velvety Macallan for the un-housing of Bau.

'Fraid you'll have to swish it about a bit, then spit it out, though, for the Hiram thing. But it's the flavor that counts, eh?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

That sounds like a dandy idea. When I get home from work, I'll tip about 3 or 4 fingers of Lagavulin ... as I don't have any Macallan at this point in time.

Hiram beat me fair and square. Fought a good fight, he did.

Yes, it's always nice to throw Bau out of his Haus. My green Volksturm gummers thwarted his armor-supported veteran gum-chewers. I cannot claim complete tactical superiority in this one, however, as it was a Berli scenario ... if you get my drift here ... and my green gummers had a few surprises from Sauron that evened the sides.

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"I came to Casablanca for the waters."

[This message has been edited by Moriarty (edited 11-24-2000).]

[Speedy]

Christ thankgod you popped up with that lost2Hiram post Moriarty, I was beginning to think I had clicked onto the PoorBroom thread by mistake.

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Work is the curse of the drinking class.

I have nothing else to say. Ya, quote that you rat bastards.

-Meeks

[Moriarty]

Been there, seen that, Speedy, so I know what you're saying.

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"I came to Casablanca for the waters."

[Roborat]

What the heck is going on here, I check in and the post is about to fall off the page. What's the matter, all you yanks comatose from eating too much turkey and staring at football games all day??? And I suppose the rest of you are sleeping, or other silly things, like earning a living.

Well, I accomplished two things at least, pull the post to the top of the board, and get a post on page 100. Oh, and post meaningless drivel, three things. Time to go now.

I have nothing to say, and will defend to the death my right to say it.

[Berlichtingen]

For those of you that celebrate it, I hope you had a good Thanksgiving.... and stuffed yourselves so full that you explode and die. For those of you who do not celebrate Thanksgiving... well, you're just a bunch of damned foreigners, so just die.

[FurballMagGP]

I dont eat turkey on this day.....turkey sucks......prime rib is top of my list on this most worthless of American holidays.

So, the top ten things I give thanks for are as follows:

10. The ultimate death of the peng thread....it must be so

9. Another 2 months without a president....like we need one?

8. Equality for minorities.... I'm Norsk-American, wheres my damn freebies???? (and quit calling me a caucasian, I've never even seen the caucases)

7. Raiders in the playoffs..... please cod, oh please!

6. Beer nuff said

5. Toyota 4 Wheel Drives ..... like a timex, they keep on ticking and ticking and ticking.......

4. Food samples in supermarkets..... nachos, tuna helper, steak sandwiches, new cereals .... all good

3. The Jim Rome Show .... who else is gonna hate soccer with humor and make as much fun of euros?

2. Coaching Soccer .... girls kick ass, and mine are 14-1-1 in the last 2 years

1. The possibility of the Chargers having a perfect season..... 0-16 its almost there, baby!

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-gp

FBM's CM Resource Center

[Goanna]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Topplement of Bauhaus by Moriarty<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Talk about your "slow news days". This has got to be the best example of the pathetic triumphing over the incipid that I have seen wasting column-inches in recent years.

Why not just keep us posted on which court is currently in control of your executive branch (yawn), or how much you had to eat on turkeyday (double yawn).

[Guest Germanboy]

A short story about the real reason for arty delays, and on how Onassis got the money to buy his first oil tanker:

But first: how many CM-players imagine it to be.

The scene: a nice snug little Gasthaus on the German-French border. An immaculately dressed Captain, surrounded by pictures of his loved ones is thinking about the parade yesterday, and that Private Pistol should receive a reprimand for inadequately cleaned boots.

Enter Private Bardolph, in a pressed uniform and perfect winter equipment, producing an exact salute: Sir, German attack, Lt. Smart requests artillery to break it up.

Capt. Perfect: Well now, you will have to wait until addressed. Report to the company sergeant later for a reprimand. (He picks up the phone.) Artillery? I request a large-scale, corps level bombardment of coordinates 1956283108. Attack on one of my platoons, German strength reported to be two men and a dog.

(The scene changes to the arty dug-out), legions of sweaty men haul rounds, mathematicians whose brains would make Einstein gasp with jealousy calculate the exact timing for a TOT fire within the fraction of a second.

Capt. Perfect sits back to a glass of Bourbon and a cigar while schoolbus-sized rounds travel overhead smashing into the German attack. The curtain (an American flag, hugely out of size) falls, while he reminisces about the glory days to the sounds of ‘The last post’.

Now for reality...

The scene: A dug-out in a village deep in a forest in Germany. Rain lashes the houses, low clouds menacingly clog the skies. Wind howls through empty streets. A dead cow is slowly rotting away in the church yard.

A US army Captain, hollow-eyed, unshaven, dirty and famished, stares at a phone receiver.

Capt. Bierman (for it is him): Now is the combat of my discontent… These woods, these dreary woods, swallowing my men like the Whale did with Jonah. The autumn sky, grey and laden, clouds of manevolence gathering, protecting the Krauts from our birds of prey, the sky on their side, dear Lord, whatever have we done to deserve this.

Enter Private Bardolph, the runner: Cry Havoc, Sir! The Krauts have unleashed the hounds of war upon us. Call forth the thunderous punishment upon them, to make them rue the moment they left their slit trenches. Fast now, no time to think, they are almost upon us.

Cpt. What say you Private, they come for us again? Fools, thinking they have us. I shall call forth a bombardment of such might as was never seen by any Kraut on shores here or afar. (wearily, he picks up the receiver)

The scene changes: A magnificent room in a Chateau, 25 Greek-Americans in uniform arguing (as Greeks do), shouting Mallaka at each other repeatedly while swigging wine, French ladies of the night are nicely draped over chaiselongues in the background, watching the scene unfold in utter boredom – the phone rings, an officer picks it up.

B-Battery, Kapitan Onassis speaking, what you want now?

Capt. Bierman: We need immediate fire-support, large calibre, map co-ordinates 9245359781.

Onassis: Kapitan Bierman, nice. How the company?

Bierman: What?! Acknowledge fire-support request. (German heavy artillery detonating in the background, tanks clank, German shouts and the sounds of hand-to-hand fighting can be heard)

Onassis: That difficult.

Bierman: Whaddayamean? Difficult?!

Onassis: Eh, you know, we are very busy. (Soldiers in the background look at each other, nodding, signs of approval, one refilling glasses) What can I say?

Bierman: (Eyes rolling towards the tarpaulin that is the ceiling of the dugout) Not again… What do you want?

Onassis: Well, you know, it is not easy, being here, salary no good. My family, at home, a man must take care of his family. (Nodded approval from the soldiers) How about we say de three boxes of Bourbon?

Bierman: (looking bored, playing out what has obviously become a routine act) One, and we get 155mm, three batteries, 150 rounds each.

Onassis: Ah you are a cruel man (heads are being shaken, soldiers look disgusted at the utter greed personified that must be Kapitan Bierman 155mm, 150 rounds, three batteries, who has ever heard of such a request?). You want to ruin me? How will my children look at their father, with their starving little eyes? They don’t understand, dee young ones. Two and a half, and 81mm – two batteries 50 rounds each. What do you say?

Bierman: One and a half boxes. 105mm, two batteries, 100 rounds each.

Onassis: My father, he very ill. Medicine is expensive, de wife, she likes to buy de nice clothes.

Bierman: Two boxes.

Onassis: You ruin me, but I know you are a good man, you care for dee family, I will go back to my wife, I tell her – Kapitan Bierman, he has heart on the right spot he a good man. (Turns around to his men) He is a good man. (Soldiers in the back nod, slam each others shoulders, dry their tears) My father, he will send you letter of gratitude.

Bierman: Just give the friggin order to fire.

Onassis: Consider it done – now, I have a Troop of de Shermans here for indirect fire. How much they be worth to you?

(At this moment, a Panther is poking his 75mm through the entrance to the dug-out. A blast rips Bierman and Bardolph apart. In a foxhole nearby the FOO is counting down – 56, 55, 54… The curtain falls.)

With apologies to Joseph Heller and the bard.

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Andreas

<a href="http://www.geocities.com/greg_mudry/sturm.html">Der Kessel</a >

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 11-24-2000).]

[This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 11-24-2000).]

[PeterNZer]

Lorak

I have to report a draw with Herr Oberst. He should have toppled me but as he was as coordinated as an octopus on crack he failed to incite my topplement.

I have no other comments for you lot. I am concentrating on a jolly good fart which seems to be infinitely more worthwhile than stating the bleed'n obvious about how aweful you all are!

PeterNZ

[Guest Germanboy]

Roight, it is that time again. I must say I am pleased with the turn the thread has taken during the last few days, and if someone could show the French where the door is we would all be better off.

Now, Kommerscheidt is still comfortably in the hands of the doughboys, and our friends the Germans are not really capable of taking it anymore, mefinks. Peter_Bleater wasted the better part of two platoons and most if not all his arty trying to force a breakthrough. No such luck. He is now undertaking a token effort elsewhere, that is bound to fail as well. While it may all be well for him to bleat the ones like Losername or Herr Overst, confronted with a talented and innovative CO like me, he will yet have to face up to his inadequacies and apply for a reassignment to sheepshearing duty in Kiwiland.

Ethan is valiantly throwing in more troops, but he won’t get across the bridge. Looks like a cease-fire soon. Let’s just not mention the folly of my tank ride to death.

Lorak, Joe have sort of disappeared. This is understandable, since they both have a life, and I shall graciously await their return.

Elvis has the slight problem that I am now assaulting him, and his GIs are clearly too far from Mommie and pumpkin pie to offer more than the most token resistance. Instead they prefer to die-a-lot™- well better than facing the diet of Schwarzbrot and Wurst awaiting them in the Stalag.

Mark IV has problems consolidating around Wyler, and that pesky platoon of mine that is busy killing the backbone of his troops must be a bit of a nightmare for him. I will get myself another of his tracked thingies, and then motor to liberate Berlin with it. So far his tactics have consisted of human wave assaults, executed with all the charme and grace of a drunken old lecher proposing to a two-penny whore. Then again, I could just be an anti-american liar, and all this is not true.

Battle with Blousehouse shall be joined shortly, after the player formerly known as Sauron has realised the mistake he made, we may yet be able to declare a lift-off.

Senility is not making much headway in the teeth of a determined SS infantry defense. He prefers using tracked stuff, but his experience with me shows that it dies fast when coming in close, and therefore he does not dare venture forth. This amuses me to no end.

Goriarty has managed to kill my trusty M8 HWC with his Hetzer, but I managed to kill a platoon of his Gerbiltroopers who died faster than you can say ‘Mein Bein’. His left flank is a mess of dead and dying, and elsewhere he seems to prefer not to put in an appearance at all. Must be sobering to see his lads get killed off like that.

Geier is behaving with all the dash, élan and panache of a gouty 85-year old former cavalry officer with one leg, who lives of the glory reputation garnered in some forgotten war in which the main task was to get a leg-over the native wifes after massacring their spear-wielding husbands with long-range artillery and Maxim guns. No really, he does.

Mensch claims he has a wife and she needs help (more likely the other way round). Peng is not returning the file, and if Squawbroom continues to ignore me I shall call myself the moral winner of our contest.

JD Morse has been given the task of defending a zoo. Very apt, since that is where lawyers belong, if you ask me, in the monkey-house. We are playing on one of these awful ASL maps with no cover for the attack, I wonder where the ASLers got the idea of how Europe looks like. Well I am sure that ASL Vet would argue that in fact it is far more important to have maps that look like the ones he used in ASL than to have maps that look like the ground people fought over.

That is all, IIRC.

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Andreas

<a href="http://www.geocities.com/greg_mudry/sturm.html">Der Kessel</a >

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 11-24-2000).]

[Geier]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Germanboy:

Geier is behaving with all the dash, élan and panache of a gouty 85-year old former cavalry officer with one leg, who lives of the glory reputation garnered in some forgotten war in which the main task was to get a leg-over the native wifes after massacring their spear-wielding husbands with long-range artillery and Maxim guns. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Sniff, thanks. Praise indeed and it reminded me of the good ol days, when I had two legs and the zumbiwumbis charged our prepared kill zone. Afterwards, we collected their spears and...

Hrrm, anyway, I rather liked your Catch22 story too. What a nice person you are. Too bad you will soon be one carcass among many, crucified on a telegraph pole beside the bocage.

Again.

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Johan

"The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps."

Dashiell Hammett

[Mark IV]

Mark IV has problems consolidating around Wyler, and that pesky platoon of mine

...which began as a company...

that is busy killing the backbone of his troops

The troops I was issued in this scenario do not HAVE backbones. Another lie.

So far his tactics have consisted of human wave assaults

More like the gentle lapping of a pond against its banks, which has nonetheless been adequate to cast the flotsam of your forces upon the shore of defeat, to labor a metaphor. You have good troops- Veteran paras, in fact- but bereft of leadership. They must be very bitter.

executed with all the charme and grace of a drunken old lecher proposing to a two-penny whore.

That girl never meant a thing to me. We were simply haggling over the price. She misunderstood my accent.

Then again, I could just be an anti-american liar, and all this is not true.

So, you DO have a conscience. An uneasy one, no doubt, considering what you've led your men into. Anti-americanism could indeed explain your tactical decisions as an American commander- you are killing us from within.

Geier: Waiting for 1.1 is clearly the right thing to do. I am astounded that you were able to reach this conclusion on your own, and suspect you have been coached. Expect your setup as soon as I can download the thing.

Goanna: Still posting from the safety of a non-CM environment, I see. Not to worry- we've taken up a collection and sent you a package filled with surveillance gear, pornography, grain alcohol, and pork rinds, addressed to your name, CIA section chief. I'm sure the local authorities will get the joke.

[bauhaus]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Goanna:

Talk about your "slow news days". This has got to be the best example of the pathetic triumphing over the incipid that I have seen wasting column-inches in recent years.

Why not just keep us posted on which court is currently in control of your executive branch (yawn), or how much you had to eat on turkeyday (double yawn). <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Need I remind you ole hip-swayer, you've lost to me the last three games. And you're currently getting spanked, kind of, in the battle of the nipples. Talk about your shame. Now, go wax your ever changing private area.....carpet muncher.

[Chupacabra]

You great bloody wankers:

I will be away this weekend. Gerbiltoy started making mewling noises about "wanting to see the Channel" and casting meaningful glances at the Very lights, shortwave radios and signal flags in his bag, so someone's got to go keep an eye on him.

You get nothing from me, absolutely nothing. I hope you all have perfectly rotten weekends and get food poisoning from your leftovers.

Gah!

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Grand Poobah of the fresh fire of Heh.

[David Aitken]

Germanboy wrote:

> A short story about the real reason for arty delays, and on how Onassis got the money to buy his first oil tanker

Take note – this is the difference between a Refined Scholar and the Great Unwashed. The former, benefiting from an education of distinction and quality, sees his life enhanced by the ability to make literary references. Speaks rubbish like everyone else, but with literary references (and appropriate gestures and mannerisms to leave the Great Unwashed in no doubt that the rubbish being spoken is of a finer quality than the rubbish they are accustomed to).

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'Wake up darling.'

'What is it dear.'

'Those awful Germans want fighting dear.'

'Not again. I killed three yesterday.'

'Here's your sandwiches and rifle. Try and not use the bayonet dear, you know what a mess it makes on the carpet.' – Spike Milligan

[Guest Germanboy]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by David Aitken:

Germanboy wrote:

> A short story about the real reason for arty delays, and on how Onassis got the money to buy his first oil tanker

Take note – this is the difference between a Refined Scholar and the Great Unwashed. The former, benefiting from an education of distinction and quality, sees his life enhanced by the ability to make literary references. Speaks rubbish like everyone else, but with literary references (and appropriate gestures and mannerisms to leave the Great Unwashed in no doubt that the rubbish being spoken is of a finer quality than the rubbish they are accustomed to).

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Aye David, well spoken. 'Tis indeed the case that I rather like to talk rubbish in a manner that maketh others, so correctly identified by you as 'the great unwashed' feel very small (or 'wee', to utilise the quaint yet enarmouring dialect of the northern lands of this sceptred isle) indeed. If my latest offering upon perusal should raise such feelings in them, I may indeed retire with the certainty and satisfaction that only stems from a doing a job well.

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Andreas

<a href="http://www.geocities.com/greg_mudry/sturm.html">Der Kessel</a >

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 11-24-2000).]

[BFCElvis]

Germangirl, you had better have a ton or two of troops because I have SSSOOO much that has just turned from tired to ready status that by the time they become rested you will see the counter attack of your life.

And Lorak you lazy sack of haggis please record my victories against Hiram and Kitty before I have to tell you of my impending loss to Peng.

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What do we do with a terrible liar? Well, Great liars we send into the clergy.

Good liars we groom for politics. Moderate liars we supply with sherrif's badges

and guns, and the bad liars, well, we make them heroin whores. So what the hell

do we do with the Terrible Liars? Well, it seems we turn them into physicists

called "chrisl." Peng

[Roborat]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by FurballMagGP:

... yadda, yadda, yadda..

7. Raiders in the playoffs..... please cod, oh please!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

perhaps if you didn't worship a fish, your team would do better, hmmm?? , Have to agree about the Japanese trucks, though. My Nissan has over 300,000 km and still runs like a top.

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"With cat-like tread, Upon our prey we steal;

In silence dread, Our cautious way we feel." -G&S

[This message has been edited by Roborat (edited 11-24-2000).]

[bauhaus]

I have officially gone from bad to can't lick the lint off of Chuppy's toes. I am now the proud owner of the worst defeat in CM history. *sniff-sniff* The sad part of this entire mess is who I lost to. Moriarty, who at one point sucked more than I.......not any more. I suck 98-2 worth. Yep, you read that right, 98-2. Only thing I could have done worse than that, would be, LOSE TO PENG! Speaking of which, Penileitch, get me my turn.

[Guest Germanboy]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bauhaus:

I have officially gone from bad to can't lick the lint off of Chuppy's toes. I am now the proud owner of the worst defeat in CM history. *sniff-sniff* The sad part of this entire mess is who I lost to. Moriarty, who at one point sucked more than I.......not any more. I suck 98-2 worth. Yep, you read that right, 98-2. Only thing I could have done worse than that, would be, LOSE TO PENG! Speaking of which, Penileitch, get me my turn. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I second that - Peng, where the hell is my friggin turn? Blousehouse, you have a real (3,200:2,000) point chance to kick me around in our next game, which just went off to you.

To the rest of you sheepshaggers and turkeykillers, I am off to Hastings, to worship at the place where William the Bastard (as he was fondly known) showed the English how to have a jolly good time which included poking the eye of their king and getting rid of their nobility. After meeting my first live (barely) Lord of the realm (nothing to aspire to really), I think that 1066 is a bit long ago, and they could do with something like that again.

I will also have a look for German invasion troops. Any invasion at the moment will probably fail, the way trains are running here...

Feck off!

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Andreas

<a href="http://www.geocities.com/greg_mudry/sturm.html">Der Kessel</a >

Home of „Die Sturmgruppe“; Scenario Design Group for Combat Mission.

[This message has been edited by Germanboy (edited 11-24-2000).]

[Moriarty]

By the numbers:

Allies (Bauhaus)

147 casualties; 46 KIA

86 captured

3 mortars whacked

5 vehicles KO

Men OK: 3

Score: 2

Axis (Moriarty)

16 casualties; 0 KIA

Men OK: 96

Score: 98

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"I came to Casablanca for the waters."

[This message has been edited by Moriarty (edited 11-24-2000).]

[Geier]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bauhaus:

I have officially gone from bad to can't lick the lint off of Chuppy's toes. I suck 98-2 worth. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Let's see... To achieve that, you must put all your troops in one small spot, become surrounded by heavy tanks and quad-AA guns whilst being hit by naval artillery. And then you counterattack with your conscripts.

That is the only possible explanation.

You don't suck. You don't even suck rocks.

You suck planet-size rocks. And don't even think about sitting down. Ever again.

In other graves:

Goebbelsboy has no clue what he's doing but he thinks he's really clever anyway. Can't comment on any specifics (here's looking at you rune) but suffice to say that the Polish-Lithuanian cavalry in their charge at Nowy Dwor, July 1656, was better led than GB's poor troops. I should know.

Sheepshagger will manage to wrest defeat out of the unfamiliar jaws of victory yet. I have tried helping him out by setting up poorly, making child-like mistakes, all to no avail. I've met doorstops and even Kalifornians with a better grasp of tactics than what he's displaying.

Ethan: The Old Firm is thinking about coming out of retirement and start applying their

knowledge of "How to Make Dead Things, five easy steps" to this game. Not that I'm losing mind you but I'm not really winning either. I fear this smells like a possible draw unless I go ahead with my Master Plan.

(Yes, I have one and yes, it is pretty awful and degenerate) Still, a lovely amount of Dead Things litter the map and Ethan (even if I smell the stain of the old Prof X in this) has promised more "Death, doom, destruction and disco" in the following turns.

Moriarty, I've come up with some Nasty Things we can do with that map. I'll write you tomorrow.

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Johan

"The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps."

Dashiell Hammett

[Chupacabra]

Bah. Dammit Blousehouse, how could you spoil my record of simultaneously possessing the best and worst scores in 'Pool history? I was an icon, I was a legend, I was, dare I say it, your god. And now, look at me. My accomplishments scattered to the winds, all alone, all alone.

I shall now proceed to keen eerily, in the manner of the professional mourners employed by the Ancient Egyptians.

EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeEEEEEEEeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEE eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Well, at least Snoreiarty has an inkling of the difficulty I had keeping a straight face while I was administering his plastering.

Speaking of Maurice Chevalier-worshipping croque madame Frenchies (I wasn't, but I'm sure someone was), where the hell is PushBroom? Send me a setup, you incontinent camel! Que les flammes d'Islam consomment vos train de vie degenere!

Feh, does anyone know how to make an American standard keyboard add accents? The Word shortcuts aren't working.

Anyway. Hop to it, before someone invades!

xoxoxo,

Chup

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Grand Poobah of the fresh fire of Heh.

[bauhaus]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Geier:

Originally posted by bauhaus:

I have officially gone from bad to can't lick the lint off of Chuppy's toes. I suck 98-2 worth. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Let's see... To achieve that, you must put all your troops in one small spot, become surrounded by heavy tanks and quad-AA guns whilst being hit by naval artillery. And then you counterattack with your conscripts.

That is the only possible explanation.

You don't suck. You don't even suck rocks.

You suck planet-size rocks. And don't even think about sitting down. Ever again.

While you speaketh the truth, you sir must die. So put your tallywhacker away and name the terms of your impending death. You see, my biggest flaw in the game was not realizing the truth powers of Berli's evilness. Yes, this was a map designed by him and if I would have known of two key objects being where they were on set up, my strategy (and I use that term loosely) would have drastically changed. Believe me, Moriarty ain't that good.....though I may be that bad. I shake my thingy in your general direction.

[Geier]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Germanboy:

I will also have a look for German invasion troops. Any invasion at the moment will probably fail, the way trains are running here...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, we've read Eye of the Needle. Yes, we know exactly what it is you're really doing.

Yes, we have the encryption key via Enigma Zwei.

And no, you don't look a bit like Donald Sutherland.

Frag off and goodnight,

Johan