Peng, I Am Still Taking Our Bloody Challenge Public

[Herr Oberst]

Croda, you slimeball...

Such a map and setup as I have never seen.

My poor gerbils will be performing a probe all right, as each ones nose will need to probe his platoon leaders a$$ in order to remain in C&C.

And computer buys for the troops! Sheesh. I doubt that the arty spotters can see far enough to stay out of the blast radius of their delivery vehicles.

Needless to say, this will be one bloody mess, where whoever's final pile of guts and gore is the highest will undoubtedly be the winner.

Prepare your hamstertruppen. They shall be conked on the head and skinned, their fur made into gloves for my men for the winter, their nails made into little screechy toys for use against a blackboard, and their meat roasted slow on a spit, then shipped to McDonalds for processing into Chicken McNuggets.

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I have challenged the QA team to a Bat-Leth contest. They shall not trouble us again.

[PawBroon]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Penged:

YK2, did someone mention that three more posts and your cherry is popped?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I did.

Mind you I NEVER mentioned the fact that the initiating ritual involved popping her cherry.

Haven't your learned to post them SPOILERS warnings?!!

Sheesh.

Now that rabid woman will keep on posting till she's a full blown Knight.

Ow Gawd! Did I just say FULL BLOWN?

<center><h3>Woman Alert, Woman Alert!!!</h3></center>

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Will you trade your Peng for a box of Seanachai?

[Shandorf]

Hear ye! Hear ye! I have been instructed to post as to the victory of that miserable little gerbil twit Meeks over my pathetic Hamstertruppen.

With the number of his vehicles laying in wreck about the field I though victory was within my grasp, alas it was not to be.

Since he is inherently evil in all sorts of mean and nasty ways, least ye not forget his stench, he snuck 2 platoons within my mists and promptly sent my hamsters running for there Kleenex boxes.

But I WILL have my revenge! All I see is a Meeks I want to kill. Give the Meeks a blade.

I will kill him! I will!

Jeff

[Guest Germanboy]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by YK2:

And the proper plural form would be "bananas ARE my business"! Sheeesh!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I guess that depends...

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Andreas

[Mace]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Joe Shaw:

Mace and I are just starting but so far his playing abilities are no more advanced than his writing ability. And if you've read The Forward Observer ... and who hasn't ... you'll see that he's pretty limited there as well.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

In comparison with the bard, I must admit that my writing skills are somewhat lacking.

However, when benchmarked against those of Slow Bore, who pours out words as quick as crap from a poor WW2 German Ostfronter suffering with dysentry*, it is easy to see why I get to write the more interesting articles.

Which brings me to a bit of logical manipulation:

If my playing abilities are no more advanced than my writing abilities, and my writing abilities far exceed those of Slow Bore, does this imply that my playing abilities far exceed those of Mr Bore?

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Right, I'm off ...

Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Slow, as we all know, you're off alright!!!!

Mace

* Amount and content equally as vile!

[Bastables]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by OGSF:

Well if you would stop posting drivel on the board for two minutes, put down your banana bending machine, detach the cane toad from your privates and send me a turn, then you would have a thrashing by OGSF to blather on about. Ya festering ferret-fondling fodzgoblian.

While I'm at it - BurstBoils owes me a turn as well. Bloody typical, he starts a game, buggers off for two weeks until I've completely forgotten what the plot was, comes slinking back jabbering about his ISP and then does it all over again. Sod-stacking acolyte!

I'm in another game with Meeks after handing him his butt on a paper plate last time. This time a reversal of our first "unbalanced" game. Early days, but the only Hamstertruppen I have seen belonging to Meeks so far are dead ones.

Lorak's lads lay languidly dead.

HiramKnockKnockBuggerOffSedai has gone to ground again - guess I won't see a turn out of him until the weekend.

Damn and Blast! I need to be disembowelling another Kannigget to pass the time!

OberGrupenBloodyStompinFeuhrerBastard<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Send me the turn you turgid pile of crud.

(again, my isp is playing tricks)

[PeterNZer]

Not sure if anyone will be too concerned, but it is my duty to report a loss to Chupacrbra.

His specialist night gerbils had it all over my aneamic blind Hamstertruppen, although I did manage to inflict all sorts of pointy pain on him before my eventual surrender.

Good game

PeterNZ

[Geier]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer:

I lost to a real sucky player by playing even suckier, boy do I suck.

Good game <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

What kind of sick, twisted sack of dung are you? No, wait, I don't want to know.

Let's go through this one more time:

Rules of engagement a la Cesspool:

1. Don't lose. Seems only me and Elvis has grasped that one.

1a. If you lose, make sure it's not to Peng or your wife.

1b. If you lose, make sure to tell the world that your opponent is

a)cheating.

b)lying and you never played him.

c)using ALL the OBVIOUS faults in the FLAWED CM engine to his advantage.

d)chose an UNBALANCED scenario.

e) all of the above and lots more.

1c If you lose, never ever state that your opponent played a "good game". What kind of sicko are you? Really.

Get a grip.

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Johan

"The succesful execution of a well devised plan often looks like luck to saps."

Dashiell Hammett

[mensch]

I humbly surrender to all my pbem players.. what the hell am I saying ..gee whats in this coffee this morning??

News update:

Gagaboy: he has apparently a new tatctic.. killing civies before he moves in... go figure.. my boys are sitting back and enjoying the fireworks aside for a harmless scratch on a foward fodder unit my lads are way back and laughing hard how Andy likes to throw arty rounds the battle field..btw.. a shell landed on a mother taking her child out for a walk.. not good for your propaganda machine Gerbilboy.

Pengsywengsy: still to early.. dark ... cold and having a visibility of 75m is going to make things belly to belly, ooh yummy.

Scroda: fight-o-plenty is called the pbem and all I see is scroda-die-o-plenty.. maybe I got to change the pbem name.

Spuka: Since my brain leeked out of my head I forgot to send him the return pbem.. tough luck... live with it.

so you furby lovers prepare to feel the burn, the kinda burn you feel after eating a hot spicy meal yup you will not forget me me lads you may try to consume me but beware I leave a slight pumpernikle aftertaste.

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"shoot him again his toe is still twitching"

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>blabbered by PeterNZer:

1a. If you lose, make sure it's not to Peng or your wife.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

what you trying to say?

here's a penny now go leave me alone.

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"here I'll trade with you, but I keep the pin from the grenade"

[Croda]

Herr O-Christmas-Tree, do you think you're little soldier boys can even find my defenses? Make sure you don't walk clear off the map in this disgusting gloom. 28m visibility. That is unheard of. The beauty of it is that by the time you realize that their is a large howitzer in front of you, you'll already be picking shrapenel from your teeth, oh no wait, you'll be dead! HA HA!

And Mr. Wonderful, Paul Shandorfffffff...Are you going to attack or drink coffee? I have beautiful little ambushes set up at every possible route of advance, and you claim you're waiting for your arty to drop. Where are you going to drop it? You haven't the first clue where death sits in joyful anticipation of your advance. HA HA!

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"Nuts!"

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mensch:

Scroda: fight-o-plenty is called the pbem and all I see is scroda-die-o-plenty.. maybe I got to change the pbem name.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Yes, maybe you should change the name of the file to "It's my file and I'm not sharing it!" Send the darn thing back to me so I can watch my men die too, you feeble-minded fiend! We haven't played a turn in three days, so unless you're watching the same movie over and over again (and adding up the casualties), you're making it all up, and everyone knows that embellishment is shunned in this sanctuary. Now send the file!

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"Nuts!"

[PeterNZer]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>A moose-lover said in a funny accent:

What kind of sick, twisted sack of dung are you? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Bloody Swedes, go for a crap and one is in the toilet bowl saying hi, post a game result and they try to nibble your testicals while tap-dancing to ABBA. Well PISS OFF mr High and Mighty!

As for what kinda sack of dung I am, well if you managed to send a turn file more than once every ice age you might have found out by now!

I think now I shall torment you some more, poor fool.

- Germanboy is a good player

- JD Morse is a nice guy, he tries hard

- Herr Oberst is such a sporting chap

- And gosh darn it, you're a super guy too!

PeterNZ - Tormenter of souls and other peoples mars bars

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>ramblings from Scroda:

Yes, maybe you should change the name of the file to "It's my file and I'm not sharing it!" <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

oh we have to share these things... I was having so much fun watching those arms and legs flying I forgot, tough luck.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>ramblings from Scroda:

We haven't played a turn in three days<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

took me this long to clean up the little stains I left on the rug from laughing so hard.. again, tough titties

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>ramblings from Scroda:

Now send the file!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

ok ok my "I got mildew for a brain" friend the file is a comming as soon as I get home.. you see unlike people like you who spend thier time asking for change on the street for the next meal I have a real job... so here's a penny go leave me alone.

-------

"Nothing explodes better then Croda Tigers"

[mensch]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally spewed by Croda:

HA HA!… HA HA!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

what you be smoking boy. and why are you not sharing it with us?

[Chupacabra]

UPDATES!

PuppyBeaterNZer Diiiiispatched. Let him tell you the story of how my Sherman 75 blew the kitty litter out of his Panther from the front. Next?

Choada Where does it say in the M20 owner's manual that it's a good idea to drive those things next to infantry? Bye bye, Mr. Flamethrower. Too bad you were driving with Croda the Speeding Suicide Artist. Also, that has got to be the most transparent flanking maneuver I've ever seen. Could you be any more obvious? Your howitzer thing has two, maybe three turns to live. Have fun! And your Sherman, being immobilized, will surely have a good time getting Pantherized. With my arty coming down like rain, your men will soon be flying ChupAir, and liking it.

Dr. AlimentaryCanal Hehe, FIRE!! FIRE FIRE FIRE!!! Hehe. Hehe. FIRE!!!

Boreiarty Dunno, he's there, I guess. Looks like he's trying to attack, I think. Or something. Who can tell?

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Soy super bien, soy super super bien, soy bien bien super bien bien bien super super.

[Hiram Sedai]

My PBEM Update:

Moriarty - Must be a bug or somefink. He has entirely too many flags and he wants mine too. I am trying to smash him, but have to continually ask him for advice on how to do that. Oh, the struggles of a Neophyte.

Meeks - If he gave me a turn, I'd let you all in on how our game is going. So, no turn, no secrets revealed.

Elvis - He's preparing to smack me around like an ugly stepchild and I deserve it. Actually, I'm certain that he's cheating too and I might need some more stuff to beat him. Bigger stuff. yeah thats the ticket.

Croda - He is a hermaphroditic, crossdressing, democrat with liberal leanings. His neighbors shun him and his family has to hose him down when he insists on mounting the neighbor's chihuahua. Oh...CM. He got to the Flag before I did because (yes, you guessed it) He is cheating!!! Don't tell Mr. Clamidia, but I might use my human wave technique on him.

JDMorse - He's hiding in a really big building and I can't get him out because he blew up my armor and my soldiers are running away. So, its time to group my last two squads and try that wave thing. Oddly enough, he is the only one who isn't cheating. It appears that its a computer glitch and I deserve some more armor. Perhaps I should have my own flag too.

OGSF - Slow and Sloppy. This is like a Squire purgatory. I have started and finished so many games while playing this toad. I am destined to be a squire for the rest of my sad little existance. Since my french lads have soiled themselves repeatedly, I have no white cloth to present to my opponent in this farce of a scenario. I'm tempted to leave my comfy flag zone and search the map for his Geriatric Germans.

A warning to all of you: I'm not very good at CM right now, but give me a year and you will be in so much doo doo. Watchoutnow!!!

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Did someone compare this to the Peng thread? I've apologized for less.

-Anonymous

[Herr Oberst]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by mensch:

Pengsywengsy: still to early.. dark ... cold and having a visibility of 75m is going to make things belly to belly, ooh yummy.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

75m! 75m!!! I would kill for 75m of visibility. Damnable fog drifting around the battle field with 28m of visibility.

I have vivid portents of what this battle with Scroda is going to be like...

Turns 1-8: Otherwise known as "The Wandering Time"

Gerbil #1: See anything Joe?

Gerbil #2: Nope.

Hamster #1: Sehen Sie alles, Fritz?

Hamster #2: Nein.

Turn 9: "First Contact"

*clank*

*pause*

Gerbil #1: Was that you, Joe?

Hamster #1: Ist der Sie, Fritz?

Gerbil #1 & Hamster #1: Fire!! Schießen!!

General Noises:

Shoot!! *boom* Das Blut!! *rat-tat-tat* I'm hit!! *carump* The Pain!!! *thump* *thump* *rat-tat-tat* Oh, die menschlichkeit.

Scroda & HerrOberst looking down:

"They're gone, all gone..."

[Chupacabra]

Further musings on my game with Dr. AllyMcBealo:

FIRE!!! FIRE!!! FIRE!!! Hehe. FIRE!!!

That is all.

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Soy super bien, soy super super bien, soy bien bien super bien bien bien super super.

[This message has been edited by Chupacabra (edited 10-18-2000).]

[DrAlimantado]

Chuppie:

That is not all. You are probably the most ungrateful person I have met in my whole life, (and that includes myself). Here I am, working my royal butt off to give you a lesson in how to die properly, and the only thing you can do is talk about that fire thingie that you apparently have no control over as it spewed fire all over the place. Please, pay attention how my troops rushed forward and got slaughtered by your incompetent troops. Repeat that lesson for the rest of the game, and you will probably have learned something. If that is possible that is.

Yours disgusted truly

M. Mouse

[PeterNZer]

Chupie, incapable of stringing a paragraph together? What on earth is 'fire fire' all about! Please illustrate your comments with some amusing anecdote or wry observation. Even some rhetoric and references to Dr Al's parentage or nation of birth and inability to drink as much as a good European should! Anything would be accepted but 'fire fire'!

Perhaps that drunken student lifestyle is getting to you and addling your mind further. After all, you almost failed to crush a total newby to night battles such as I. As for the 75mm at close range on the Panther, it was a low down and underhanded move considering my Panther was engaged with another target and couldn't take your Sherman on in an honorable gun dual.

However, my valiant Hamsters managed to grenade an m18, and my Wespe blew up a Sherman at close range, and these events WERE worthy of mention, pity all that alcohol is effecting your short term memory.

PeterNZ

[This message has been edited by PeterNZer (edited 10-18-2000).]

[jdmorse]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PeterNZer:

- JD Morse is a nice guy, he tries hard

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

A proper taunt needs a spice of truth to be really effective. I submit that 1) I am a lawyer and make my living living off others misery and sucking the marrow from their splintered bones and 2) I sponsored Croda, 'nuff said

BTW that VL you claim to own? Why are my squads camping out there?

JD

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Official 3000th poster to the original Peng thread and present at it's demise

[PeterNZer]

Mr Morse, you failed to see my taunt was directed not at you but at Queier. It seems a good taunt pleases him, and since he is an annoying little speck, I prefer to torment him with niceties.

What VLs do you own? Last time I looked the Red White and Blue flew over each and every one. O, I forgot, you have 3 of a crew hidding like a bunch of girls in a the location. Fortunately I outnumber them about 2 to 1 in that area and rightfully have control of the flag, you gamey little lawyer freak.

It seems you might be trying to rush some stuff around the back to one of the three VLs, but that still won't be enough to secure your ownership.

Lets be frank here, your infantry is pretty decimated, your halftracks nearly all knocked out and you're trying to nip around the back and somehow catch me 'unawares'. Perhaps it's just time to give up, I have more than a company just waiting to do some mop-up, but it will take a while, better just to admit defeat and move on.

PeterNZ

[jshandorf]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Croda:

And Mr. Wonderful, Paul Shandorfffffff...Are you going to attack or drink coffee? I have beautiful little ambushes set up at every possible route of advance, and you claim you're waiting for your arty to drop. Where are you going to drop it? You haven't the first clue where death sits in joyful anticipation of your advance. HA HA!

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Cruuud-da,

It DOES take time to walk my legions of Hamstertruppen across the board. Give them time Crud-da to bring their gift of death and pain to your troops.

The computer was nice enough to give me an AMPLE supply of artillery and considering your pathetic skills at defense all I need to do is pick the most obvious spot and flatten that area like a pancake.

Your gerbils with flee like sissy girls with scraped knees after I am through with them.

And who's Paul?

Jeff

[Croda]

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by jshandorfffffffff:

...considering your pathetic skills at defense all I need to do is pick the most obvious spot and flatten that area like a pancake.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Have my defensive skills reached legendary status already? I was unaware that word of my prowess had spread so quickly. If that's the case, then I can only imagine how awestruck you must be when you hear stories about some of my other "talents." Don't you worry about my men...They are dug in and intend to stay and fight. One word...try to avoid all of those wide open areas. I would hate to fill MadMatt's mailbox up with screenshots of your men dieing by the truckload in that GLORIOUS field of fire.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And who's Paul?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Apparently you're not an old WWF fan. Mr. Wonderful, Paul Orndorff was a premiere rassler back in the day. Just exhibiting another chink in your armor...lack of culture. Now, when I hit that chink with a 105mm shell, it'll become slightly more than a chink. Drop your silly artillery! I clear my throat at you! You are like the last days of a tube of toothpaste: you know it's trash waiting to happen, but you just feel compelled to get your money's worth by squeezing the last bits of life out of it, chewing it up, and spitting it out.

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"Nuts!"

[This message has been edited by Croda (edited 10-18-2000).]