SS_PanzerLeader Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Sorry I meant to write off topic in the subject header Revised a few things too 'Twas the night of Elections, when all through the house Rhetoric was flying, leaving fires to douse; The ballots were collected but with a snare, Messing up the tally, as if we’d care; The candidates were wishing that the other were dead, While visions of grandeur danced in their heads; And Gore threw a tantrum, and Bush talked more crap, Like two spoiled children needing a nap, When down in Florida there arose such a clatter, I switched to CNN to see what was the matter. Away to the Bar Bush flew like a flash, got a DUI on the way, and free-based his stash. The dawn of Gore's loss was just slower than slow. It soiled the name of Democracy we know, When, what to our wondering eyes should appear, It's a “missing” ballot box, Bush said with a sneer, ”We’re old politicians, conniving and slick, I couldn’t be more tricky if my name was just “Dick”. More rapid than eagles his voters they came, And they cursed, and they shouted, and called out their names! "Now, DASH it! now, DAMN it! I’m much slicker than NIXON! Oh, COME Now! Oh COME Now! Those votes need a FIX ’N To the top of the bowl at the end of the stall! Jeb flush away! flush away! flush away all!" As dry heaves that come just before the chunks fly, When politicians meet an obstacle, they move to the sly, So up to the house-top the politicians they flew, With the box full of ballots, and ol' Jeb too And then, in an instance, you could hear through the door. The whining and crying of one named Al Gore. As Bush balled up his fist, and was turning around, Down the chimney ol' Jeb came with a bound. He was dressed like a pimp, from his head to his toes, Ready to party, with Marion Barry and some Ho's; A bundle of ballots he had flung on his back, And he looked like a flamer dealing in smack. Bush’s eyes -- how they twinkled! As he partied and got merry! His cheeks were like roses, his nose working cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, As he sucked on the pipe that was chock full of blow; The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath; Gore put on a mad face and said this is smelly, You just wait George Bush I will expose you on Telly. He was glib and was glee, quite proud of himself, And he laughed when he saw poor Cheney’s bad health; A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, Soon gave voters something to dread; He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work, Of filing lawsuits and petitions like a sore losing jerk, Bush laying his finger aside of his nose, Gave a big snort, and to the Whitehouse he goes; Bush sprang to his Limo, to his team gave a whistle, And cronies they all flew like a nuclear missile. But the voters they heard, This time not a lie... "AMERICAN DEMOCRACY, THE BEST MONEY CAN BUY! THis is a joke and the names reflected herein are not meant to resemble any one living or dead and if they do its purely coincidence MUWAHAHAHA [This message has been edited by SS_PanzerLeader (edited 11-28-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Tom Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 "The Candadian Election" It started today, and ended today. We had no chad problem to cause us a month's delay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BloodyBucket Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 way off topic. ------------------ "Roll on" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
russellmz Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 http://www.battlefront.com/discuss/Forum1/HTML/013005.html repost of my fave election poem: From Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher "How the Grinch Stole the Election" Every Jew down in Jewville liked Election Day a lot But the Grinch who lived over in Austin did not I know they'll be voting for Gore, he was thinking By Wednesday the latest I'll be back to my drinking Election Day came and the voting was close At one point the Grinch started to boast "It's the Grinch by a nose!" all the newsmen exclaimed Even Dan Rather, who was clearly insane But was he the winner? Not so fast Al Gore called him up and said "Grinch, kiss my ass" The race was too tight to say who was elected The Grinch was so stressed his face got infected All eyes turned to Jewville to sort out the mess But Hymen and Herschel and dear old Aunt Bess Were too senile to vote for the one they liked They punched the wrong hole and joined the Third Reich The Jews down in Jewville took to the streets And complained about fraud, not to mention the heat The Grinch said, "some think that couldn't be, go sir, This election is perfectly kosher" Then a judge ruled that each vote be counted by hand "Hey," said the Grinch, "that's not what my brother Jeb had planned" His lawyers filed motions, injunctions, and writs Demanding that Gore and the Jews call it quits But just as the Grinch thought the deal had gone through He met Cindy Lou Lipsitz aged ninety-two "Why", she cried, "did you steal our election?" He just laughed and gave her a lethal injection They say the Grinch's ego grew three sizes that day Unfortunately his brain went the opposite way So here's a lesson for now and for later Don't blame me I voted for Nader! ------------------ "They had their chance- they have not lead!" - GW Bush "They had mechanical pencils- they have not...lead?" - Jon Stewart on The Daily Show [This message has been edited by russellmz (edited 11-28-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver Stars Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 I'm in before it's locked! oh happy day!!! (this is one for the grandkids...) ------------------ "Life is pain. Anyone saying otherwise is selling something." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiram Sedai Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Hi Mom!! ------------------ An another thing...Ah've go' ten gams on at the moment, boot Ah've sain more mooves out o' a geriatric Japanese peasant lassie! If'n mah opponent's nae climbin' Ben Everest, they're gaddin' aboot some tank museum in Moscow! Yoo that are laift, send mae a bloody turrrn, ye cowerring swine! - OGSF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dirkd1976 Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Woop woop!! ------------------ Never mistake motion for action - Ernest Hemingway Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergei Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Alright guys, I hope you had your fun, because I'm closing this thing... Wait, I just noticed that I'm not Madmatt after all. Geez, what a disappointment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spook Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Well, SS_PL, I gotta grant that you are pretty inspired in your wit. Beyond that, this thread is a prime candidate for a Master Lock commercial (like the old TV ads where a bullet can't shoot the lock off). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Warphead- Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 I made it in! One day a thousand people will write something like this and then they won't close it... ------------------ ["Haben die Krupp-Werke Betriebsausflug? Da rollt ja halb Deutschland auf mich zu..." (Vincent)] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dittohead Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mensch Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 I'm in! damn you know you never get notice about the canuck elections.. and being a canuck I would have wanted to vote.. oh well not like my vote would have counted.. although anything against those damn sepratists.. I would have voted. le schucks!. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sgt CDAT Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 AHH! Another one for me! Hi Mom! This is brought to you by The Sore Loserman 2000 Campaign, All Rights Reserved Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mensch Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 sorry I have to do this before it gets locked up.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrAlimantado Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Hey mensch: that ballot system is never going to work ... what about the color-blind people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maj. Bosco Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 FischerPrice voting specialists already tackled that problem by making all the ballots different shapes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest AbnAirCav Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dittohead: <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Dittohead, LOL! Surprised it's not yet locked up, tho ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holman Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Heh heh... Before the inevitable, here's a list that I wrote for my Dad (much enraging him) in the last days before the balloting. "Top 25 Reasons to Vote for George W. Bush in 2000:" 25) 15-minute review of Death-Row cases leaves plenty of time for golf with Poppy and Jeb. 24) "C" averages at Andover and Yale demonstrate commitment to making the most of the American public education system. 23) Election of two oilmen to the White House guarantees an administration that understands the plight of the typical American worker: the hardworking oil company chief executive. 22) Rush Limbaugh and Dr. Laura can't both be wrong. 21) End to Clinton-Gore fuzzy math, with its so-called "percentages" and "long division." 20) End to Clinton-Gore fuzzy grammar, with its so-called "subject-verb agreement" and "complete sentences." 19) Preventing EPA meddling ultimately benefits struggling American farmers in extreme northern parts of Alaska. 18) Oliver North ready to assume ambassadorship to Iran. 17) Gore still shamelessly trying to scare America's seniors, which is only what you would expect from a candidate who is simply itching for the chance to sell out our great country to his devious evil masters overseas. 16) Increased size of military ensures quick response when it becomes necessary to bomb the United Nations building. 15) Bold stance against Buddhist temple fundraising demonstrates that America will finally stand up to invading onslaught of slanty-eyed jackbooted robe-wearing vegetarian Zen-Taoist missionary thugs. 14) Bold fundraising appearance at Bob Jones University demonstrates dedication to strong anti-Catholic, anti-Jewish, anti-Protestant, anti-Darwinist, anti-feminist, anti-race-mixing values. 13) Bold delayed retraction of Bob Jones University appearance demonstrates dedication to plurality and the GOP's new Big Tent. 12) Periodic sudden reversals on willingness to meet with Gay Republicans demonstrates that Dubyah is a uniter, not a divider. 11) Firm stance against dalliances with interns leaves plenty of time for 15-minute reviews of major policy initiatives or whatever. 10) Peace in the Middle East assured by airlifting "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets to both Yasser Arafat and Ehud Barak. 9) Vietnam-era military experience sends strong message to Mexico. 8) Replacement of government welfare system with faith-based private initiatives ensures that our nation's poor will never lack lukewarm casseroles, Sunday-morning entertainment, and free tracts on "How To Be Saved." 7) One-party rule in the White House and Congress ensures freedom and rights for all real Americans. 6) "A vote for Gore is a vote for Nader!" 5) Colin Powell's and Henry Kissinger's phone numbers on speed-dial in case it becomes necessary to demonstrate that White House is in touch with non-white, non-Christian side of America. 4) Colin Powell's and Henry Kissinger's phone numbers on speed-dial in case it becomes necessary to find Yugoslavia on a map. 3) It's time for a national kegger. 2) To bestore honner and integritability to the Wife House. And the number one reason to vote for George W. Bush in 2000: 1) Proposed tax breaks, corporate welfare grants, and Republican spending measures eradicate the budget for social safety net, thus finally halting the misguided socialisms of the so-called "Great Society," the so-called "New Deal," and the so-called "American Dream." > Vote with your heart and good sense, > > Dad I would, Dad, but Mom is again refusing to run this year. Love, Paul Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nitsud42 Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Just had to get my name in here too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
General Panic Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 It's not closed yet!!! ------------------ Two Rules to Live By: 1. Never Get Out of the Boat. 2. Charlie Doesn't Surf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigmac@work Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Still open? Well shoot, here's my 15 seconds. Kinda depressed that the guy whom invented the internet isn't going to be the next president... The democrats have already taught our youth that blowjobs aren't "sex", may as well teach them that it's OK to be a pathological liar (over and above typical politics, that is...) Now, what is the definition of "is"? [This message has been edited by bigmac@work (edited 11-28-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Tom Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Yes, Bigmac, because we all know that Bush's idea that if we don't talk about it, it won't happen approach works just fine. Because if we do talk, our word thingies get all wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeff Heidman Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by bigmac@work: Still open? Well shoot, here's my 15 seconds. Kinda depressed that the guy whom invented the internet isn't going to be the next president... The democrats have already taught our youth that blowjobs aren't "sex", may as well teach them that it's OK to be a pathological liar (over and above typical politics, that is...) Now, what is the definition of "is"? [This message has been edited by bigmac@work (edited 11-28-2000).]<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, while we are getting away with proverbial murder... If politicians are teaching your kids *anything*, I would suggest that there is a deficiency in your parenting. Both candidates have had their fair share of boneheaded comments. I consider myself reasonably intelligent, and I would not be very keen on a dozen or so reporters following me around and publicizing every ill-considered remark I make. Gore is a bit of a twit (to say the very least, he is actually a huge twit), but the idea that George "I'm my Daddy's son, so vote for me!" Bush being an intellectual is laughable. The guy is of average intelligence, at best. Where is McCain when you need him? Jeff Heidman [This message has been edited by Jeff Heidman (edited 11-28-2000).] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dittohead Posted November 28, 2000 Share Posted November 28, 2000 Actually I heard that GW Bush may refuse to move into the oval office.... well at least until they get all the "stains" out of the carpeting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SS_PanzerLeader Posted November 28, 2000 Author Share Posted November 28, 2000 lol he would just be another "Stain" in the oval office Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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