Yeknodathon

Everyone knows God came from Scunthorpe.

That's an extremely astute observation... one can't argue with it at all. I personally like a tight leather outfit and pushed into a dark cupboard. Some like stilettos... but if truth be known, one can't..ahem... beat a good, taut pointy hat. Thrills don't come near it...

Sloe Paw...

And how does one actually "apply" lettuce, eh? Lettuce cannot be "applied" - its sodding limp.. well in its unwrapped form. Now, you may argue that a rock hard, tightly packed iceberg or a couple of those minature gem lettuces might do the job but why or why persist with salad when a perfectly good brassica or carefully chosen root veg will do, eh? Sure, there may be advantages with a liberal application of ranch dressing but why all the messy bother?

No wonder they built pyramids...

Come on lad, come and join and you can tell us all about your discoveries? See, I suspect you're one of those serious, disciplinarian types and the place needs a damn good measure of good old thrashing... *thwack* *thwack* *thwack* ... order... *thwack* ...and you're just the ticket to *thwack* .... to lick us into shape with some *thwack* ... discipline. Now laddie, if yer spot a little, red pointy hat... GO FOR IT WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT *thwack* *thwack* *thwack* *thwack* *thwack* *thwack* *thwack*

... so, when a daddy monster really loves a mommy monster and they get to the village why would they stop at the lettuce juggler? I know prophylactics should be at the..er..forefront of one's mind when there is even the slightest possibility of a unplanned Justaboo but I should think a lettuce is not the safest vegetable...

.. oh... I don't really think we need to explore daddy monster and daddy monster or mommy... oh... Which village was it?

Ick! Bad Image, Bad Image!

Its an irony that one can appreciate the sheer majesty of a creature composed from the head of a Shaw and the feet of a Boo to form one of nature's more interesting monsters found on the world's rim... the Justaboo... and marvel with enough irony to coat some buttered toast... how such a monster could be conceived?

Cat's karma must be extremely bad having to be constantly stroked by the chrome ball Boo ICK, ICK, ICK! Its like Sisyphus gone very wrong...

... not that I'd ever hint at the awful thought that popped into me head. No, not me. Ever. "Constipation", "prunes", "Justicar"

Of course, some flesh is more alive than others, some more wrinkly and leathery than a sodden prune...

Crunchy, of course! See, like Chinese food one must contrast the warm, soft, velvety texture of live flesh with the hard crunchy nut roughness of a good chunky peanut butter carefully spread with a slightly flexible spatula to accentuate the little dimples and contours of, say a forearm or shin. And I ain't talking about that abhorrent mixture of "jello" gunk Merkins like to squirt into their jars. Like sodding swirling clotted cream and jam on a hot scone.. Still, when it comes to Boo one might consider a lowering of standards for a quick result...one shouldn't delay gratification in emergencies.

... sometimes, it involves very large quantities of tepid baked beans. I suppose it must be something to do with the texture...

With every utterance from Boo I get this very urgent need to slather peanut butter on live flesh...

Yes, I'm quite sure it was Leonard Cohen... [leafing through the Paddock Book of the Leonard's Finest Nerologically Challenging Ditties] ... yes, quite certain Your faith was strong but you needed proof You saw me bathing on the roof Me beauty and the moonlight overthrew you You tried some verse but it were flat And then enticed me with da pointy hat And from your lips you drew the Honkey-hoo-haa Honkey-hoo-haa, Honkey-hoo-haa Honkey-hoo-haa, Honkey-hoo-haa

I'm sure I heard Leonard Cohen...

[Trotting across the Paddock in the other direction as an even bigger Chihuahua...] Con-sti-pation is quite heavy, is quite heavy, is quite heavy, con-sti-pation is quite heavy when one wants to blow...

[Perambulating across the Paddock as a giant Chihuahua...] Fibrous thistles keeps things steady, keeps things steady, keeps things steady, fibrous thistles keeps things steady when everything wants to flow...

Sweetly sings the Donkey At the break of day. If you do not feed him This is what he'll say Honk honk, Honk honk, Honk honk, honk honk, honk honk!

where is the piccy? *Honk*

Back in the darkest corner of the paddock....Something large and grey is standing over a small rubber gnome.....there is a trickling sound.....

Honk Honk Honkety Hoooooooooonk

Oi! Pillocks! Hello from Patchy from Darwin Land.