Joe Shaw
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Posts posted by Joe Shaw
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Well, Shaw, my most Esteemed Excressence (capitalization for truly disfigured Seniour Knights), as the saying goes: When You're Right ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And am I then, {choke} a Seniour Knight? One hopes, nay dreams, of course of becoming acknowledged as a Seniour Knight. One puts in the time reading the posts (yes, even those of Seanachai ... what's a few dozen nights of disturbed dreams and uneasy stomachs, no pain no gain as they say), one deals with the unruly squires and corrects them when the perform the equivilant of piddling on the carpet (yes Speedbump, we haven't forgotten, though we've forgiven) and one even plays the games against the swine whom one is obliged to play (well ... that doesn't really narrow it down much does it). But the days merge into weeks and then to months and while one continues the effort one will, eventually, begin to despair and ... yes, even doubt one's worthyness.
Oh I've paid my dues all right. I've endured the slings and arrows (talk about your gamey weapons) and I've done my part and perhaps more than my part to keep the CessPool free of the riff-raff. I did, after all, originate the term Scum Sucking Newbie and Berli himself acknowledged that my posting of the rules was as compendious as he'd seen and that it was <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>"... a true service to the Mutha Beautiful Thread." <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
But to be made a Seniour Knight ... I'm at a loss for words.
Joe
[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Worthless, lazy good for nothing Minnesotans<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>MrSpkr, must I remind you that this is the CessPool? There is no place for factual, truthful statements about our opponents in HERE. Now either come up with some vicious, nasty lies or pack it in.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Typical of the trailer trash wandering around the 'pool these days?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> If only we COULD get some trailer trash ...
Joe
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Lard! I like that, I shall continue to use that until (or to be more accurate, IF) he becomes a member of the 'pool and is worthy to have his handle spelled correctly and bolded. Based upon the quality of his posts to date I think that is UNLIKELY to occur.
I'm beginning to suspect, however, that he was ... I hesitate to say ... recruited? Surely no one in this august (even though it's only July) body would actually go so far as to ASK someone to enter here would they? We have our standards, fellow 'poolers, and I must remind all that one gains admittance to the CessPool ONLY through the strength of their own virtues (or faults in the case of Berli). Let's not be INVITING participation lads, it looks bad on the outerboards.
Finally, I note with dismay that Lard has not received even a smidgen of the scorn given (with great justification) to the other SSNs such as Stall in Oregon and Missed Her Johnson. Now granted, when placed against those two stellar specimens, Lard is easy to miss, but damnit chaps, WE HAVE STANDARDS TO MAINTAIN.
Therefore, allow me to start, {ahem}:
Lard ... you're a moron (I've always felt it was best to start with the obvious and work up from there. I've no doubt that Lard will, eventually, post SOMETHING that captures our interest long enough to stay awake and make our job easier.)
Finally I'd like to thank jshandorf for posting something that actually made me smile on a very depressing day when he stated: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> ... pain I haven't felt since my doctor splintered the specimen stick in my uretha and I peed blood for a week.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Who’d a thunk it.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Who is this Yaws chap and how did he get a game with a CessPooler (granted it was only Iskander but still)? And furthermore, he's from Minnesota! Do we really want another ... one of THOSE kind around here?
All my turns are out and I am right with the world again ... well ... within reason that is.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Actually (proving that truth is stranger than fiction), Paula Houston (the
Porn Czar of Utah) is in her early forties and a virgin.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh I never claimed it was fiction, though I got the age wrong. It IS an interesting place to live, at one point one of our local communities ruled that you couldn't go into a convenience store and buy just ONE beer, as that was proof positive that you would be drinking it in the car ... as a result, of course, people had to buy an entire six pack and get REALLY blasted ... of course in Utah you're limited to buying 3.2 beer so ...
But enough about me, let's talk about you ... not YOU MrSpkr, NO ONE wants to talk about you. I want to talk about:
Mace ... why hasn't he surrendered? I have the lone VL, the only way TO the lone VL is through the withering fire of my crack troops, his heavy weapons have been eleminated or rendered useless, I suspect he's waiting for me to do my usual something stupid to give him the game. Is that any way to win?
jd has forced me into playing another game ... like an idiot I chose another Rune abortion ... I'll probably lose this one just for that.
Seanachai blessed me with a QB setup ... mind you HE'S attacking ... on a LARGE map with broken LOS ... and I have 1500 points to defend and, of course, I have the Germans so my range advantage is negated. He does have SOME honor, however, he didn't make it at night ... probably so his artillery has a target. It's really sad when someone has to stack the deck in order to win but with Seanachai ...
Bauhaus is becoming positively disgusting with his gloating and preening. He had, of course, the one greatest turn in CM history in which he lost ZERO tanks and I lost 6 or so ... and we started the turn with roughly equal numbers. You'd think his success was due to his skill ... yeah right {snicker}. But I'll not give him the satisfaction of surrendering, he'll have to pry my infantry away from the VLs.
Dalem has informally agreed to a rematch so that I can salvage my self-respect (okay, okay, work with me on this one, I'm trying to make a point) by losing to him but he's not favored me with a setup.
Mensch is still engaged with Real-Life and our game is in hiatus ... or halitosis, whatever.
Hakko Ichiu continues to dribble his turns to me in the Game in the Snow that Never Ends ... the game that is, it's not actually snowing but the white stuff is still everywhere.
I owe turns to Mace, jd, Seanachai and Bauhaus ... I need turns from everyone else.
Joe
As to the "Porn Czar" question. I WON'T repeat my own personal motto about pornography as I've posted it before and NO ONE seemed to appreciate it ... no, no, my mind is made up ... NO, I said I won't ... Oh, well, if you INSIST then:
There's nothing wrong with a little pornography as long as you don't have a little pornograph.
[ 07-02-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Goanna posted thusly, as if we believe ANYTHING he says: Unfortunately JoeBlow the automatic bull**** detector and alternative religion filter here in the land-o-sand must be screening your attempts, even when routed through my otherwise infallible Australian ISP, as I have received excactly zippo from Utah.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You LIE sir ... of course we've come to expect that of you. Well, laddy me lad, I've sent the damned thing AGAIN, and to both ISPs to boot. Kindly advise if you either receive or not. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Perhaps if you state quite clearly and emphatically in your e-mail profile that you do not regularly attend mass and are not even sure who a certain Mr. Smith and Mr. Young are, your mail will be given a pass. Berli and some of that lot (rot?) have had better luck getting through, but then his sort of creeping evil always finds a way, doesn't it?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually I'm not sure what they call their religious services, they're not Jewish but they have temples, they have "Jesus Christ" in their official name but they don't believe in the symbol of the cross, they have Bishops but they are LAY bishops, they believe in Christ but believe that he visited and ministered to the New World as well as the old ... it's all very confusing and I've lived here for 30 years. Mind you most of them are very nice people ... and then there's our Official Utah State Pornography Czar ... who's a twenty-something lass who proudly states that she's a virgin. Living in Utah does require ... a sense of humor. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>If all else fails, perhaps I can be persuaded to pillage SLC on my next raid of the US and finish our little dosh via direct connection.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh sure, that's what you say NOW. Of course when afforded of the opportunity earlier you declined ... mind you from what I've heard that's something I should hope continues.
There is no God but Allah and Goanna is his lizard.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Frankly, I wouldn't want to be part of any list that would have me as a member.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Indeed Goanna? And that would include, doubtless, the list of those with whom you have active games awaiting turns? For, look you lad, I sent a turn to Oman ... or Kuwait or wherever ... and it was bounced by your ISP. I then sent the same turn to your HOME ISP and ... wait for it ... posted that information HERE ... IN THE CESSPOOL FOR ALL TO SEE ... and what did I receive in return ... NADA ... ZIP ... ZILCH. Swine!
BTW, I agree about PL, it's remarkable how the entry of alternative forms of SSNs can make our OLD SSNs look positively benign.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Can any of you slack jawed yokels explain why you use the abrev. SSNs instead of FNGs?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh my, isn't that clever lads, look, he called us slack jawed yokels! By George THAT'S never been done before, I take back everything I said, it certainly appears that THIS SSN is as witty as any of us. Oh and look at his profile, he's going to teach us CessPoolers the fine art of the smackdown, I know I can hardly wait ... wonder when he plans to start, wouldn't do to miss the first day of class.
It's done for tradition, something that someone of your age wouldn't understand. We started calling them SSNs and it just stuck, I suspect the same is true of FNG's in 'Nam. But in addition it's because we try to follow the credo:
More Class, Less Crass
Again, something of which you'd have no knowledge.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I see no down-side to this proposal and move it and their immediate execution. All opposed, please lay your head(s) on the block.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Alas, the "down-side" is that we will be infested with them for who knows how long. I personally like the approach of MrSpkr and believe that, with time, ignoring them CAN work.
However, having opened a can of worms (well done Mark IV ... you idiot) and knowing that the only way to re-can them is to find a bigger can, perhaps having them play each other for the privilege of becoming a Serf is a reasonable exercise. It goes without saying that ANY Knight or Squire of the CessPool who agrees to play either of them at this point is a fool (that was a hint Stuka, let's not give these clowns any more credit than they deserve ... failing that and if you INSIST on playing one of them, I have a lovely scenario for you to use called Jabo!)
Frankly I can't stand either of these children with their sophmoric handles and witless posts but then I despise and loath everyone else here as well so ...
Joe
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[serious] Stalin's Organ, what part of Rule #5 did you not understand? To repeat:
5. DON'T Sound off ABOUT your pair.
Now the point is not to stifle your creativity and yes, we are all adults here, BUT MadMatt has made it very clear to us that there are limits and he will take action if we cross those limits. And yes, there is a fine line involved in some cases, but from experience I think this is over the line. So please, if you wish to remain here, give it a rest. Thanks. [/serious]
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>ummm, hi.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Ummmm, bye.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You do understand that I loath you, right? Just making sure before I mention the reason for this post.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>It was never in doubt, don't you worry your pretty little horned head about it. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>That is, perhaps, the best variation on the 'Rules' I have seen yet.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Perhaps? Perhaps says he of the red tint. I would suggest that it's a certainty. Now mind you I'd have followed the request of Lorak and used the rules posted by Mouse but alas the deed was done by the time I read it. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>That is a true service to the Mutha Beautiful Thread.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> That means ... next to nothing coming from you but you're right about the service to the Pool, I'm either a philanthropist or a podiatrist, I forget which. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You might consider continuing your spirit of service by committing suicide as that would improve this place greatly. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I'm so depressed right now that I'd have to cheer up considerably just to be able to consider suicide. But hey, thanks for thinking of me.
Joe
[ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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The time has come, children of the CessPool, to begin again that which never ends, to start the thread that started it all and to proclaim to One And All ... THIS IS THE MUTHA BEAUTIFUL THREAD, THE PENG CHALLENGE THREAD, THE ONE THE TRUE CESSPOOL.
Let all Scum Sucking Newbies (SSN) NOT gather near and pay heed, let them instead slink back to whatever fell corner of the outer board they inhabited and STAY THERE. These are the RULES of the CESSPOOL ... violate them at your peril:
1. Go Away
2. If in doubt as to the meaning of Rule #1, then ... Go Away ... the fact is that we like those who dwell within ... well, LIKE is probably a bit strong but at least we're used to them and we're NOT used to you and don't WANT to be.
3. Since MOST SSNs are too stupid to understand Rules #1 & 2, we have created a process by which you MAY (note the word MAY, as in PERHAPS) be allowed to join us ... one way or another, said procedure follows:
4. Sound off like ya got a pair! None of this namby pamby, "Oh please fellows, may I have a game perchance, it would be ever so jolly to play a CessPooler." Damn right it would be "jolly" but you're not going to get a game THAT way. This is a place for insults, bile, threats, taunts and general mayhem.
5. DON'T Sound off ABOUT your pair. While we are vile, vicious, underhanded and without scruples ... we're polite about it ... in our own way. No racial, sexual, religious or political crusades here.
6. Pick someone specific and challenge them to a game. BE SURE TO REFERENCE Rule #4 above. And say, don't expect to get anything but sneers from one of the Knights of the CessPool, we are far too important to play a game of CM with YOU ... SSN that you are. But if you do it right, you might get one of us to sic a Squire on you for the fun of it.
7. We DON'T give a fig if you're any good at CM or not. The game is the vehicle that allows us to taunt and trash the others here, other than that it's unimportant.
8. IF you do the above properly, show a little moxie, show a GOOD DEAL OF WIT and seem as if you MIGHT fit in ... we MIGHT consider making you a Serf. After that some Knight down on his luck might take pity upon you and make you a Squire. After sufficient time and proof of your ability to play with the big boys you COULD be made that grandest of all creatures ... A Knight of the CessPool ... yeah right like THAT'LL ever happen to you.
Better you should just go away now.
Sir Joe Shaw, Knight of the CessPool
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>My own, modest, contribution: Why is a challenge Peng?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You're quite correct Stall In Oregon (I'd suggest what KIND of stall but that would be wrong), it was a MODEST contribution ... very modest ... humble in fact ... actually, it would be best to just forget it ever happened and hope that you can get it expunged from the record with some good behavior.
Speaking of good behavior ... have you ever considered why you haven't been chosen as Squire for some desperate Knight ... let along for a righteous Knight. Here's a clue, the first page of this thread offers some rules for SSNs (that would be ... let me check ... YOU). One of those rules states that while you should sound off LIKE you have a pair you should NOT sound off ABOUT your pair. Methinks your username COULD violate that precept.
Here's my suggestion, change your username to something less ... obnoxious ... and I'LL nominate you as Serf. From there you can aspire to Squire and, who knows, it COULD happen, finally to Knight.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Run with it Joe<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Damn it Berli you ARE evil. It's just that kind of non-procedural, anarchic behavior that caused the problems LAST time. I nominated Lorak for the job of blessing the new thread because, frankly, you're not exactly my FIRST choice to bless anything, sorry pal, but a rep is a rep you know.
Just be happy that Lawyer didn't make a proposal for handling the new thread, we'd be submerged in parties of the last part and whereas's and numbered paragraphs.
Joe
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Lorak I nominate YOU to bless the new thread, mostly because, well, you're here. SO here is my proposal, nominations for the NEW thread will be posted HERE. Lorak will, before we reach 300, choose one, bless it and the new thread will be created by the lucky winner.
MY Nomination:
If Peng Challenges No One In The Forest, Will He Still Lose?
Joe
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Isn't is just like a Lawyer, specifically THIS Lawyer (seems I say the same thing once a week or so ... go figure) to take the fruit of someone else's labor and make money from it. As Lawyer WELL KNOWS, his whole concept for The CMs came to him after he read MY post about the shameful lack of shameful mods in CM and my comparison to The Sims.
My solution is really quite simple ... I need a piece of the action Jake.
Joe
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Goanna I am a prophet. Actually I've known it for a long time, witness a few of my many predictions that came true:
I'm gonna get yelled at.
I bet I lost it.
She's gonna say NO.
Damn, I'm gonna lose this game.
So I was not at all surprised when I emailed my turn to your Omani ISP and was rewarded with ... Undeliverable Mail. So I sent it to your home ISP ... deal with it.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>We all owe a lot to these dedicated mod makers.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I wish to thank the distinguished member of the CessPool for his thoughtful and informed opinion and ... whoa ... damn, sorry, been watching CSPAN too much I guess. What in the HELL are you blathering on about Lawyer? Dedicated mod makers? Have you seen even ONE naked babe mod? Dedicated indeed, these clowns are out there making all their fancy-shmancy Fallschmirjager uniforms and putting more mud on M3-A1s ... as if they needed any more mud, but do they handle the TOUGH jobs, Bah! Now The Sims wasn't out for a week when someone came out with a naked babe mod, don't talk to ME about dedication until the CM modders match THAT level of dedication.
Joe
[ 06-28-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Goanna admitted: You may reach us in the land-o-sand, or as always at the address listed in our profile.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Right then, you're all witnesses (fat lot of good THAT will do me in a court of law, half of you are likely under indictment now and the other half will be so drunk you'll give the baliff your drink orders), Goanna has admitted that EITHER of his email addresses will be adequate for sending a turn. I mention this because, depend upon it, he WILL complain at one point or another about (a) NOT getting the turn at all when sent to: goanna@jihadallahahkbar.com OR (
cluttering up his home ISP account with duplicate emails.Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>It isn't that wins and losses matter much JoeSlovenly and if I could inspire as much hate with losses as wins, I would surely change my playing style or join you all in the University of the Tactically Inept.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Golly Goanna your CURRENT playing style seems to be working well in OUR game, you know, I'll send out a BUNCH of conflicting email addresses that explain that where ever I am you can't get to me but be sure to send a turn there anyway so I can claim I never got it. I show that I've sent MY turn to you but, {gasp} I've received no reply, kindly advise as to a forwarding address so that you can lose as seems appropriate at this time.
Joe
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Dear Dr. Ruth: I recently had a PBEM game with someone that I'll call Mister D cause I'm pretty sure he'd be embarrassed to have his name made public. I have to admit that when he said he wanted to try it in the dark and the rain I was hesitant, I mean, I'm not that kind of player, but he was insistent so I figured what the heck, ya know? I figured, hey, let's make it special so I went and bought the best I could afford, Veterans ya know. Of course I couldn't buy a LOT but I figured that he'd appreciate the quality more than the quantity.
Anyway, he wasn't real impressive, he stumbled around, first here, then there, making a lot of noise but not really accomplishing much. His troops would rush my position but then evacuate as soon as I fired. Many times they'd get into range and START to direct fire on my troops but they'd stop firing when I fired at them. I was REALLY surprised when the game ended and he started complaining about my equipment. Turns out that he just bought REGULARS, sheesh, like I'm some kind of cheap and easy player who's not WORTH better than regulars. So he goes and COMPLAINS about my guys being better than his, like that was what made the difference! So anyway, Dr. Ruth, is he some kind of schmuck or what?
Saltlaker
Dear Saltlaker: It certainly sounds that way to me. Your Mister D likely suffers from what we call "premature evacuation" which is normally caused by having inferior troops try to assault better troops. His problem with his troops not being able to keep their fire up is a tragic illness known as "direct-fire dysfunction". Such a man is to be pitied and not ridiculed ... on the other hand it IS kind of funny.
Dr. Ruth
[ 06-27-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Dalem stated, with some justification: "Stale Rim"? "Stale Rim"? What the hell is that, a cry for help? Using
"Stale Rim" in place of "dalem" isn't clever, isn't insulting, hell, it isn't even possible.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> As disgusting as I find this, I must agree with Dalem. MrSpkr must have O.D.ed on fried okra if the best he could come up with was Stale Rim. I am not an advocate of the "change the name" school of taunting ... except for SSNs, of course. But if one MUST attempt it, at least do it right. For shame MrSpkr.
Joe
cluttering up his home ISP account with duplicate emails.
The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
Posted
Well, as long as MY version of the rules have been used as introduction I SUPPOSE I can stomach this incarnation, despite it's dubious title. I agree with a previous poster (don't recall who and I'm too lazy to look it up again) who suggested an alternative to the "Twelve Step" title but here we are so there you go.
What, oh what, my fellow CessPudlians, is to be done with poor Seanachai? It's clear that his mental "driver" has veered off the road and is now venturing into a minefield ... and a daisy chain minefield at that. Why it was but a page ago on the old thread where he agreed with me as to the inadvisability of inviting anyone into our midst and now he's not just inviting anyone, my Gawd he's inviting the groggiest of the grog, those participating in a tourney to find the BEST CM PLAYER! This is not just travesty my friends ... okay, strike the last two words ... it is HERESY!
I fear for Seanachai, I really do. I fear that he has been co-opted by the forces of evil (no Berli not you, these clowns make YOU look like Mother Theresa). I believe, and I hope I'm wrong, that the Grogs have gotten to him at last.
Either that or he's been mixing his medication again.
So, as a Seniour Knight of the CessPool, allow me to reiterate the warning of MrSpkr ... if you are a member of the Invitational Tourney and you are NOT a member of the CessPool ... SOD OFF, GET LOST, GO AWAY, STAND NOT UPON THE ORDER OF YOUR GOING BUT GO! and finally Pffffttttttttt ... we don't want YOUR KIND around here.
Oh my, I hope that wasn't too harsh!
Joe
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Am I a newbie and unwelcome here? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> ak47_Tommy Boy, To respond quickly ... YES and ... hang on, let me check the rules ... YES. If you can't understand that ... read the rules.
{see what you made me do Seanachai I was so upset I had to edit TWICE ... get a grip lad.}
[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
[ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]