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Joe Shaw

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Posts posted by Joe Shaw

    I Saw a Beast Rise Up Out of the Sea, and Upon His Heads the Name of Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>For you see, Lads, I first posted: Right, Our TWO weapons are Surprise and Innapropriate Touching ... and ...

    But then ... oh the EVIL of it ... Trotsky's Harpsicord DARED to reply:

    the drivel!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Fellow CessPudlians, are we to stand idly by while the works of the immortal Monty Python are called {shudder} DRIVEL!

    Joe

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    I Saw a Beast Rise Up Out of the Sea, and Upon His Heads the Name of Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>btw, in the name of the Holy thesaurus of Seanachai, will our recent allotment of scum, SSNs and recently indocrinated Kannigits please submit their photos to Lorak for posting to the royal records.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Mace, what in the HELL is the matter with you? Opps, sorry, I think the lawyers would call that "asked and answered". Why, pray tell Oh Great Ozzie Goof, would we want the photos of SSNs on the pages reserved for Knights and Squires?

    You want to be careful there MATE, you may be the next one in the sights of The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool.

    Joe

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    I Saw a Beast Rise Up Out of the Sea, and Upon His Heads the Name of Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    It is of course true that the CessPool is the place for taunting, insults, bile and spleen, but some have come to believe that just tossing out names is good enough. Far from it. The ART of taunting is that which makes the point in a humorous, a witty manner and which has value all of its own. Some here are masters of that ART, among them (in no particular order and with no intent to leave anyone out) Agua Perdido, OGSF, Peng, MrSpkr, Lawyer, jd and Berli. Feel free to be insulted if your name wasn't listed, but remember that I don't care enough to go through the whole roster. These and others here are not limited to mere name calling, but craft their taunts and insults with literary references and clever wordplay.

    Alas that ALL within are not so gifted. GeekFender is not the first to be so challenged, but he is apparently intent upon mine own good self, for what reason I've yet to determine. Does he wish a game? He has said he does not. Does he wish to become my squire? He has a strange way of going about it. Does he wish to emulate me? He has MANY lessons to learn first. Or is it just that he is offended by my posts? Now that WOULD be a pity wouldn't it. So let us examine this poor specimin and see if we can untangle this mystery.

    GeekFender is commonly known as DekeFentle, but in accordance with established CessPool procedures his name is NOT bolded nor is his name to be spelled properly until he becomes a squire. I find it telling that he has posted here at some length and for some time (off and on) but has yet to find a sponsor ... one can readily understand THAT I believe. His member number is 4766 and he has posted a grand total of 107 times ... oh and he's from ... wait for it ... Minnesota. Who ELSE lives in Minnesota? That's right, the Knight formerly known as he who shall not be bolded. That, regrettably, is the ONLY thing they have in common as Seanachai is perhaps the foremost authority on the proper FORM of taunting ... though I think I can say that he doesn't actually DO it very often, interesting dichotomy. But I digress, GeekFender is a Computer Geek, I don't hold that against him, many here use computers professionally and obviously ALL use one for CM.

    Let us now examine one of the latest of his posts for more clues, I regret the necessity of inflicting his nonsense upon the MBT AGAIN, but NO PAIN, NO GAIN.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Hey joey you SUCK you prepubescent puss pile,<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And here we see the sad attempt made by GeekFender. The repititious and boring You Suck Dude! approach and the tiresome alliterative prepubescent puss pile ... no doubt he is STILL giggling over THAT rib tickler. Those without wit must use tricks I suppose. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>your incessant ramblings are tiresome in the extreme.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah but you see, I've been here long enough to have EARNED the right to be tiresome, you, on the other hand, wander in and out and expect to be taken seriously because you are "The Whuppin' Boy" . <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> All we ever see in your posts is "I'm not gonna play this guy or that guy or anyone, I am a mighty Kinniget and as such am worthless"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Indeed? And when have I categorically refused to play anyone OTHER THAN YOURSELF? Is that what rankles you so? As to Elvis, if I choose to play him or not is none of YOUR concern. I AM a Knight of the CessPool, and indeed a Seniour Knight, earned by my presence and efforts within ... what have you EARNED ... Whuppin' Boy? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Do you actually play the game or do you just come here to demonstrate your gross ineptitude at the suggestion of some shyster of a shrink?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> There are Knights who do NOT play CM with other Knights. Why? Because CM is merely the vehicle for our taunting, not the be all and end all of the CessPool. But to answer your question, I currently have nine CM matches with CessPool members, all of whom I've CHOSEN to play based upon the fact that they are FUN opponents with whom I enjoy trading turns and emails. I do NOT play everyone in the CessPool because not everyone is FUN. And why, pray tell, would a Shyster suggest that I come here for any reason? A Shrink might make some sense, but a shyster? Please be sure you know what you're blathering about before you post, it makes you look ill informed. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Begone with you laddy, your despotic drivel is falling on deaf ears.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Apparently not, it's obviously gotten YOUR attention, not that you are exactly my target audience. But in any case, I repeat, I've paid my dues, what have YOU done except post fatuous insults? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>For Christ sake Croda plays more and is undoubtedly better than you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah, so you pride yourself on your ABILITY to play CM then? Well, since you can't taunt I suppose you must have something to prop up your fragile ego ... "Whuppin' Boy". In case you have missed it, I'd remind you that competency at CM means NOTHING in the CessPool, if you'd show up more than once a month you might understand that. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The file numbering debate is graduate level education and headliner

    entertainment compared to your paltry offerings of offal.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now you really MUST make up your mind. Are my offerings paltry or are they incessant, you can't have it both ways. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Show some grit son, post an update or two, but first you'll actually have to start a gam.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well ... SON ... I post updates when and if I choose, if you care to review the history of the CessPool you'll find innumerable updates from me, but in any case ... why do YOU care? <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>If you ask real nice I'm sure some scum-deprived newbie will show you how.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I don't play with SSNs unless I CHOOSE to play with them. Nor do I play ANYONE unless I think I'll enjoy the process, it is, after all, MY choice. This isn't some ladder or Grog dominated club where everyone HAS to compete, we play CM for FUN. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> (Deprived because as I have proven in the past there are no SSN's because joey has SUCKED the place clean.)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Ah and there he's done it again, used that awfully clever Suck word ... boy I wish I had the literary ability of ... "The Whuppin' Boy". <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>When the Whuppin' boy speaks, gather round and hearken well. Pain is humanities most eloquent mentor.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Oh ... please. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Winning is why we play!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Uh, NO, actually it isn't, FUN is why we play. If you really are one of those who can't stand to lose then this isn't the place for you ... and trust me ... it isn't.

    Okay, that's YOUR cue to come back and say something terribly witty and clever like ... give me a moment ... You Suck joey. Yes, that should do nicely for you.

    Joe

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    I Saw a Beast Rise Up Out of the Sea, and Upon His Heads the Name of Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Now back to the issue that is really important to me. The useless numbering of files.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now back to the issue that is really important to me. The useless numbering of files issue is ... well ... useless to me. I will NEVER play Elvis if there is a benevolent God and if there isn't then I STILL won't play him because I won't play ANYONE who is as anal and compulsive about such a stupid issue. Since Elvis seems to be the only one who actually cares one way or the other ... I'm safe. Elvis, remember lad, the first step is admitting that you have a problem.

    Joe

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    I Saw a Beast Rise Up Out of the Sea, and Upon His Heads the Name of Peng Challenge

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>YK2, who was, obviously, not paying attention, asked: BTW...... Does this mean Not Guilty as charged?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>To which the lying scum lawyer wannabe (opps, sorry, bit of redundency there) MrSpkr responded: Of course not. It just means good lawyers, silly woman!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Let's clear the record shall we? Seanachai was adjudged GUILTY AS SIN ... and while the punishment may have been felt less than warranted by the charges ... GUILTY HE IS.

    Now on this incarnation of the thread ... Blllleeeeccccchhhhhhh ... I've seen better titles at the Department of Motor Vehicles registration line. As to the content, I really did doubt that ANYONE would be capable of posting 4 pages of drivel worse than the "Great Turn Numbering Debate" ... I was wrong.

    For those of you awaiting turns ... deal with it, I'll get to them ... when I get to them. I am currently savoring the victory of JUSTICE as typified by the righteous prosecution of heresy on the part of Seanachai.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Seanachai, never let it be said that I am without compassion, that I am mean spirited nor that I harbour grudges (and certainly NOT that I harbour seals). I choose to beleive that you have learned your lesson and I, as Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool say to you ... GO FORTH, AND SIN NO MORE ... or is it Go Sin and Froth No More? No matter. You name is now bolded again and shall remain so until such time as you exhibit recidivist tendencies and should that time come, rest assured that the Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool SHALL BE ON THE CASE AGAIN.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Spkr My boy. Credit for time served and a slap on the wrist. Let's re-do our final billing to our client to take into account (wink) the superlative results from our most Learned and Esteemed Jurist. The quality of mercy is not strained.....etc, etc.

    Yes sir, a fine bit of lawyering, results my boy, always take credit for results , unless it's bad.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> We might have expected this of course, had Lorak ruled that Seanachai be hung, drawn and quartered the Defense would have claimed a victory because they saved their client from the electric chair. Further I would point out that Seanachai HIMSELF was quite upset over not having his name bolded, he obviously felt that was a severe punishment and as to playing Peng ... can there BE worse fate?

    FACTS, my dear jd and MrSpkr (I exempt Lawyer as he contributed nothing ... as usual) cannot be denied. The CessPool, under my inspired leadership and legal talent, PROVED the case against Seanachai and HE WAS FOUND GUILTY! Your twisting of the facts and spinning of the results do not alter the fact that the Prosecution (laboring, I might add, for the pitiful wages paid a civil servant and NOT the inflated hourly charges admitted to by MrSpkr) was triumphant and Seanachai will certainly not be making the same mistake again ... he will, we are certain, be making OTHER mistakes ... such as thinking he can win against my tactics in our game.

    Let all Knights, Squires and Serfs of the CessPool remember ... The Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool is ever vigilant ... btw, the Jury is reminded to return their Official Stenographers ... YES Mace AND the Tee Shirts, yes, you will have to remove it from your head first, but say, if you've been wearing it on your head then what is the Stenog ... OH ... OH MY!

    Joe

    [ 07-20-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>*BUZZzzz* We have a winner, er, loser!

    My Liege Joe Shaw, if this sophomoric challenge meets with your approval, would you be so kind as to send a nice little scenario to inflict upon the still wet behind the ears poopoohead4/2?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> {sigh} I fear me that you are too kind Lars, but as it's an admitted weakness of mine own I cannot berate you for it. I find Panting Woofer 00 to be both boring and childish but if you wish to fight him, so be it. I shall forward your requested scenario, best of luck ... as if you'll need it.

    My Most Gracious and Learned Lord Lorak, your requested summation shall be posted within the hour ... certainly tonight ... sometime before we hit the 13 page wall ... with luck.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>*BUZZzzz* Yo time is up again!

    Please see the very first post in the MBT. RuPaul, what do we have for the little tyke. More Cess Hard Lemonade? Excellent, RuPaul, he obviously needs another draught.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah yes, he (that is to say Lars) is catching on quite nicely. Love the game show theme BTW, nice touch that. But don't forget the UNWRITTEN rule (at least THIS time it was unwritten because SOMEONE forgot to insert it) that any challenges should contain a modicum of WIT, of HUMOR, of STYLE or PANACHE. So far Penny Loafer00 is lacking ANY of the above. You have my permission to fight the stinking SSN, but make sure he offers a GOOD challenge in accordance with CessPool tradition. Keep up the good work and don't forget the paper due ... oh Dear ... tomorrow morning I fear ... on "SSN Ain't Short for Nuclear Submarine YOU TWIT.". Oh and don't forget the references and this time PLEASE double space ... 14 pages should suffice.

    Joe

    p.s. Thanks for the backup whilst I'm in court.

    p.p.s. Oh and don't feel obligated to fight him if it would take time away from your CessPool matches. Remember that only CessPool matches count and, after all, he's only an SSN.

    [ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    The Courtroom of The One The True CessPool is abuzz at the allegations of MrSpkr. It looks bad for the Prosecution, surely this stunning revelation will put paid the prosecution of Seanachai. But Joe Shaw appears unfazed, indeed a small smile hovers over his well chiseled and handsome visage, a lovely young lady in the gallery looks at Joe and ... swoons with a small sigh of satisfaction. Joe Shaw stands, adjusts his suit to perfection and ...

    Onlooker: Ohhh look Maude, doesn't his suit fit to perfection then?

    Joe Shaw: May it please Your Lordship, the CessPool would suggest that the allegations of MrSpkr are false on their face. Have we not incarnated SEVERAL versions of the CessPool since the date indicated? And as proof of that, Your Lordship, the CessPool calls as it's first witness ... MrSpkr!

    There is an audible gasp of surprise and shock as the gallery realizes that Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool, has called A MEMBER OF THE DEFENSE to the stand. MrSpkr pales suddenly, and beads of sweat break out upon his brow. But he rises unsteadily to his feet, his shabby, law student, polyster suit gleaming in the flickering torchlight. He makes his way to the witness stand.

    Onlooker: Ohhh, look Maude, the poor lad is all pale ... and that suit?

    Baliff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you Peng?

    MrSpkr: Uh I guess so.

    Joe Shaw: MrSpkr, do you recognize THIS?

    Joe Shaw flashes a transcript of a post to the message board in front of MrSpkr. MrSpkr blanches, his tongue emerges like a fat pink worm from it's burrow to moisten suddenly dry lips. He searches frantically for an escape but, finding none, is forced to reply in a soft, defeated voice ...

    MrSpkr: Yes, yes I do, that's a post I made to the CessPool on July 3rd of this year.

    Joe Shaw: I'm sorry, a post YOU made to where?

    MrSpkr: Why to the CessPo ... too late, MrSpkr realizes his error, he has been caught out.

    Joe Shaw With a benevolent smile on his face: Why of course, MrSpkr, to the CessPool you were going to say I believe. Therefore you acknowledge the existence of the CessPool THIS VERY MONTH. But I digress, please read the transcript MrSpkr ... I refer the Court to page 5, Lines 20-21, please MrSpkr ... we are all waiting.

    MrSpkr in a trembling voice he reads from the official transcript: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>... This Center focuses on this, THE MUTHA BEAUTIFUL THREAD, THE PENG CHALLENGE THREAD, THE ONE TRUE CESSPOOL.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    Joe Shaw: Ah yes, The One True CessPool MrSpkr ... and when was that written BY YOU MrSpkr?

    MrSpkr utterly defeated and just wanted to get it over with: On ... on July 3rd, 2001.

    Joe Shaw: Your Lordship, the CessPool has no further questions AT THIS TIME for MrSpkr ... but we shall have later, My Lord Lorak ... oh yes ... we shall have MANY questions for this ... legal person.

    Joe

    [ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Scene: A tense courtroom somewhere in the bowels of the CessPool, okay TENSE may be a slight exaggeration considering that most of the jury is WELL and truly buzzed. Suddenly, the Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool, Sir Joe Shaw stands before the multitude. His bearing is erect, his eyes flash defiance, he is, clearly, a snappy dresser.

    Onlooker: Ohhhh, look Maude, isn't he a snappy dresser then.

    Joe Shaw: May it please Your Lordship and this Dishonorable Court. It brings me no pleasure to be here in this role today Your Lordship. Seanachai was my friend, but when a friend is in need, it becomes the duty of a friend to reach out and help.

    In light of this dictum, I have noticed that the Jury is having difficulty taking notes on the procedings, especially since it's hard to write while holding beverage containers. It is therefore the pleasure of the CessPool, which I represent as Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool to provide, at no extra charge, stenographers for each juror ...

    The doors to the courtroom squeak open and the crowd bursts into excited murmurs as the crew of stenographers sashay in. There is at least one stenographer per juror, each stenographer is wearing very abbreviated, very tight shorts and a tight, thin Tee Shirt emblazoned with the logo "Guilty Your Honor". There is an ample mix of blondes, brunettes and redheads as well as the odd well muscled and Greek God handsome young man ... just in case you understand. The stenographers each have a dictating machine slung on straps that cut deeply into the fabric of the Tee shirt ... pretty much right in the middle of the Tee shirt. The stenographers amble to the Jury box and take their places on the laps of the jurors, there is a bit of jostling and exchanging but soon each juror seems comfortable with the arrangement ... well ... COMFORTABLE may be a slight exaggeration but no complaints are heard.

    Mr. Spkr: Your Honor, I must object to this blatant attempt to influence the jury on the part of the CessPool.

    Lord Lorak: Hmmmm, grave charges there Sir Joe, what say you to this?

    Joe Shaw: Your Lordship, the CessPool is stunned, stunned I say, that the Defense could object to this assistance. But I do have to apologize to the Court, I see that our primary mode of assistance has only JUST arrived. I have noted with concern, Your Lordship, that your hands are becoming worn and your wrists sore from the labor of note taking and the CessPool has taken it as our task to make your onerous duties less taxing. Your Lordship, allow me to present YOUR PERSONAL STENOGRAPHER ... Miss Dixie LeBloeu.

    The doors to the courtroom squeal in protest as they open again, but this time the crowd is stunned to silence as Miss Dixie walks in ... but to suggest that she merely WALKS is to deny a primal force of nature. Her shorts threaten to surrender to the forces of physics at any moment and her Tee shirt appears to be painted on ... and with just one coat at that. Written upon her shirt are the words "You Have Been Judged GUILTY" ... the words "Have" and "Been" are difficult to read, however, distorted as they are. Miss Dixie mounts the podium and takes her place on the lap of Lord Lorak.

    Dixie ... in a high quivering voice: Is there ANYTHING I can do for you Lord Lorak, Sir Joe has told me SO much about you, he says you're the most POWERFUL man in the CessPool.

    Lord Lorak: OBJECTION OVERRULED and the Court wishes to thank Sir Joe Shaw for his assistance in ... uh ... this stuff. Continue Sir Joe.

    Joe Shaw: Thank you Your Lordship, any thing we can do, Your Lordship has only to ask. Joe turns to the Jury And is the Jury comfortable? With this the Stenographers all cross their legs and shift about to be ready for transcription ... the jury sits with eyes unfocused.

    Joe Shaw: I'll take that as a YES ... May it please Your Lordship ... the CessPool has accused Seanachai of Conduct Unbecoming a Knight ... {to be continued}

    Joe

    [ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Look you here, Pansy Wafer42, YOU are a Scum Sucking Newbie, YOU have no right to exist LET ALONE to make judgements upon your betters! And be it known now and forever that Seanachai, be he laid ever so low and his circumstance reduced to near invisibility is and shall always be IMMEASURABLY GREATER THAN YOU CAN EVER HOPE TO BE! Get thee gone foul High School student ... and take your potato guns with you.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    My Lord Lorak it WAS my intention, as Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool, to conduct this trial in an orderly and organized manner that would befit the dignity and honor of this Court. I see that this course of action will not be possible as long as the Defense continues to supply booze to the gallery. Luckily their attempts to bribe the jury have been too late ... I mean, uh ... thwarted. Such unethical behavior must be nipped in the bud.

    By the way, I hope you're enjoying the issue of "BigGuns" I was able to procure for you, may I especially recommend the article "The 120's ... When Size DOES Matter." I'd further like to thank you for publishing the evidence my staff so tirelessly obtained. I shall be referring to it often.

    Allow me to deviate from my planned 4 hour opening and address some of the comments shouted by the Defense, the jury and the gallery.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Trotsky's Harpsicord: This smacks of grogginess of another sort! ...{a massive amount of something that I didn't bother to read}<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Baliff, please ensure that no further street people wander in, there's a good fellow.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>lawyer: As such, I wield the Hand of the Law, while the lawyers and pretend lawyers abounding on this thread wield only the Hand Cradling Their Own

    Domain. Lorak and Joe Shaw certainly fall into the latter category.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Your Lordship Lorak, I was shocked, shocked I say and disgusted by the lack of respect shown for your esteemed self. May I Humbly and Respectfully suggest that a charge of Contempt of Court be levied against Lawyer? I realize that you, in your devoted exercise of the search for JUSTICE, may have chosen to show leniency as a gesture of fairness, but Lawyeronly understands gestures made with a single finger and I DON'T mean thumbs up if you get my drift.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>jd: May it please this noble court...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The gist of this LENGTHY post was essentially ...Oh but say, Seanachai did so much good that he shouldn't be tried for having done ONE LITTLE THING WRONG! Could not the same be said for Benedict Arnold? A fine and courageous officer, indeed likely the best combat general fighting for the new American nation. A man who won numerous battles for his country. And yet his final act was one of treachery and perfidity unmatched until, of course, we examine the actions of Seanachai. A crime has been comitted My Lord, and the psuedo-Shakesperean drivel of jd does not dispute that fact.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Mark IV: But if he's innocent, why does he have a lawyer? I ask you. Just trying to be impartial, here.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hehe, now, now Mark IV we MUST observe the formalities here ... a fair trial ... THEN the hanging. Golly Defense, looks like the jury may be forming some opinions, hmmm?

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>My Loyal and Trustworthy Squire Lars: jdmorse stole the whole damn thing from Shakespeare. "The Tragedy of

    Julius Caeser", Act 3, Scene 2, Antony's speech to the Romans. He should be brought up on charges of plagerism, literary grogism and disbarred.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes Lars but you must remember that lawyers do that ALL THE TIME. THEY call it using "precedents" ... we know that it's just because they are too lazy and stupid to come up with something original.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Stuka: So when does Seanachai take the stand in his own defense?

    I would advise that the unbolded one take a guilty plea on a charge of temporary insanity and gross alcohol induced stupidity but plead

    'not guilty' on the High Cesspool Treason charge.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> He's not being "charged" with temporary insanity, that's a defense AGAINST a charge. As to the High CessPool Treason, he's not being charged with that either, but rather with Conduct Unbecoming a Knight of the CessPool ... really Stuka if you can't follow the thread don't attempt to comment on it, you'll get yourself all confused. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Was a crime actually committed? Was there a flood of grogs into the 'pool? Would any of us recognise some tourney winner as a Seniour Kniggget? Nay, Nay, & Nay. Ergo, no victum, no crime.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Actually that should be YES, Nay and nay. There WAS a crime committed, I refer all to my usage of Benedict Arnold earlier in this post. Was West Point captured by the British? It was NOT. Was treason committed? It WAS. Seanachai engaged in Conduct Unbecoming a Knight, it was only the prompt action of Berli and other good and noble Knights that prevented the evils that would surely have occurred just as the prompt action of American officers prevented the treachery of Arnold from succeeding. Victimless crime Stuka? We would ALL have been victims.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Leeo: "{Bullocks!! Evidence? Bloddy Evidence! We don't want no stinkin'

    evidence! We wants vague accusations and swift retribution! Evidence, Feh!"<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Patience my young friend, patience. There will be thrills and chills aplenty before long.

    There ... that should take care of the whiners and interlopers, my opening statement and introduction of the first specification will follow shortly.

    Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool.

    [ 07-18-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Lars, let me be the first to congratulate you! Sir Joe is the most noble of Kaniggets. He was able to take the lowest of the low, my humble self, and sheparded me (down Mace, nothing like that here) to the exalted rank of junior Kanigget.

    Just remember the following:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hehehe, now, now Speedbump you needn't make it sound like it's ALL fun and games you know. Don't forget the exhausting book work, the papers, the seminars (did you miss out on "Crews in Combat - Gamey or Gaming", might have been a late addition to the cirriculum.) Oh he'll be run through the wringer, no error there. BTW, it's Chocolate, not Strawberry ... Nestle's Quick specifically.

    But let's not jump the gun (no, no Lards that's figurative, you really don't have to actually JUMP the gun ... yet) until Lorak confirms the appointment and we are all able to use Lards real name AND bold it. Ah, there'll be celebrations in the square when that happens.

    As to the court case, the wheels of justice may move slowly but they move, they move. I've submitted the evidence to Lorak for him to include on his page so that ALL may read the evidence. Once that's ready we'll begin the examination of the charges, specification by specification. Then may the TRUTH be told at last.

    BTW, Lorak I have the new edition of "BigGuns Illustrated" ... they have some great shots of Miss 88DD ... I'd be happy to lend it to you ... Your Lordship and Honor.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Lars (offers ladle): Hey, Stalin’s Organ, being a SSN is thirsty work, can I

    offer you a bit of refreshment?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Hah! Well done lad, well done indeed. While it's not my policy to encourage Serfs I must make an exception and offer to take Lards to squire. I like the cut of his gibe.

    Lorak, make it so.

    Joe

    [ 07-17-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Geier posted a really stupid idea but then we've come to expect that of him.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Geier you bumbling fool, allow me to remind you of three salient facts in this case:

    (1) Seanachai ASKED for a trial, it's not as if we wanted to take this step but as Knight of the CessPool he is allowed to be judged by his peers ... granted it will require that we reduce the I.Q. of the jury by half but rights are rights.

    (2) My member number is WAY lower than yours so shut up.

    (3) I went to a LOT of work on the Specifications and the Evidence. Just wait till you see the evidence, it's cool with line numbers and page numbers and everthing kinda quasi-legal and official looking and I'll be damned if I did all that work for nothing. Besides, I'm already playing him.

    (4) Oh wait, I know I said three but it's really four ... We have an important legal precident to set here, to determine if this CessPool, or any CessPool so created shall perish from the Board.

    Joe

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    On second thought Lorak, I'll post the specifications HERE and use the web page for the documentation. So, without further ado:

    Specifications of Charges

    The CessPool vs. Sir Seanachai

    CessPool Case #1

    Conduct Unbecoming A Knight of the CessPool:

    (1) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did enter the OUTER BOARD and posted thereon a message inviting OUTER BOARDERS into the CessPool. This was and is in clear violation of the long standing agreement that OUTER BOARDERS shall not be solicited to join the CessPool.

    (2) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did offer to said OUTER BOARDERS the opportunity to enter the CessPool without being considered Scum Sucking Newbies and, therefore, without being subject to the ministrations of the CessPool. This act was in clear violation of the rules of the CessPool in effect at that time.

    (3) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did offer to said OUTER BOARDERS the elevation of one of their group to the rank of Seniour Knight without said OUTER BOARDER having posted even one message to the Mutha Beautiful Thread. This is in clear violation of "the way things are done" as evidenced by the CURRENT set of rules to the CessPool, to wit, <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>*/3) Senior members of the Cesspool tend to make up rules as we go along, so do try to keep up and feel free to send any complaints about your

    treatment here to Lorak for summary dismissal.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

    (4) That on or about July 3, 2001 the defendant did compound his crime by inviting not just ANY OUTER BOARDERS but OUTER BOARDERS who were acknowledged Grogs AND PARTICIPATING IN A TOURNEY TO DETERMINE WHO WAS THE BEST AT CM! This flies in the face of ... everything that is near and dear to the CessPool.

    (5) That subsequent to the date aforementioned, the defendant did NOT offer a reasonable explanation of his actions but rather wandered off to listen to folk music in the hinterlands of Canada. This ... is just sick.

    Submitted to the Justice of His Lordship Lorak on this 17th day of July, in the Year of our Peng 2001.

    May Peng bless this CessPool and this Dishonorable Court.

    Sir Joe Shaw, Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool.

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    Peng Challenge . . . by Jury

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Hmmm,I see we've had a change of venue, it appears the damned defense team has snuck one in on the Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool ... no matter. I've evidence and enough to convict Seanachai (no bolding though I'll not sully him further by making sport of his name) a dozen times over.

    As to his [sNEER} esteemed [/sNEER] defense team, I've a surprise or two in store them, so I have. It doesn't surprise me that they have all agreed to represent Seanachai, toss some dirty money in the gutter and they'll be on hands and knees for sure. As to jd's obvious attempt to cloud the waters with his legal terminology ... I ain't asceered o' you.

    Lorak I need some web page space on which to post the specifications of the charges as well as the discovery documents for the [sNEER] esteemed [/sNEER] members of the Defense.

    Joe

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    The Peng challenge, a thread that will live in infamy

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And Justice Shall Indeed Prevail, Shaw! As the old saying goes: "The man who allows a lawyer to represent him has a fool for a client."<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Couldn't have said it better myself. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Therefore, I choose as my solicitor: JD, Lawyer, and Mr Spkr! That's roight, you officious sod, I'm going with the OJ Simpson defense: ... <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmm, good choices actually ... since Larry, Moe and Curly are unavailable at present. Too bad they won't be able to actually argue the case since, as soliciters, they will be required to enlist the aid of a BARRISTER to try the case. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Hmm, Lorak would seem to be the most natural choice for a judge, as he's Loathed, and all judges are loathed. All, he's the very recording angel of the Peng Challenge Thread, and that requires a certain level of neutrality. ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah but will he allow cameras in the courtroom, that's the real question. I want to be questioned by Greta Sustren (whatever) and featured on Geraldo ... I can see it now, Geraldo gets word of the conviction and says "My heart soars like an eagle", then everyone looks at him strangely. I'll get a book deal, I'll call it "Faux Irishman, Hysterical Heretic." I'll be famous ... AND RICH! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Are we going to go through the usual Roman Circus of empanneling jurours, just like we do in America, with both sides having to agree?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Don't be ridiculous, sorry, that's not possible is it. EVERY Knight of the CessPool is prejudiced and unfair so it will be eminently fair.

    BTW, I shall have the discovery documentation available for your BARRISTER soon ... sure you wouldn't like a plea bargin at this point? We might be able to arrange for Bauhaus to be EXCLUDED from the sentence.

    Joe

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    The Peng challenge, a thread that will live in infamy

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I CALL FOR A TRIAL! THAT'S ROIGHT, YOU LOT OF SHIFTY FERRETS! A TRIAL! A TRIAL BY LAW BY MY PEERS! (What the hell good is a trial by combat when that's all we bloody well do here?)

    BRING YOUR CHARGES, SHAW, PRODUCE YOUR EVIDENCE, AND EITHER CONVICT AND DAMN ME, OR BY ALL THE BLOODY GODS, SET ME FREE FROM

    YOUR ENDLESS INNUENDOS AND EMBOLDEN MY NAME AGAIN!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And you shall have your trial you vile heretic. I shall take upon myself the role of Prosecutor and Protector of The One The True CessPool. You may, of course, retain counsel for your {snicker} defense, if you can find the legal representation you need Joe stands aside to avoid the rush from Lawyer, jd and MrSpkr.

    Lorak may choose to preside or he may appoint another as judge. The jury, needless to say, shall be twelve True Knights of the CessPool ... or as many as we can find sober at a given moment. I suggest that Lorak appoint these as well.

    I shall produce evidence and present a case that will leave you exposed (sit down Bauhaus ... well, yes, I suppose that AFTER he is convicted then perhaps) as the hypocritical heretic you are.

    Let justice prevail.

    Joe

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