Joe Shaw
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Posts posted by Joe Shaw
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Why do birds, suddenly appear, every time dalem is near?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> What? The vultures you mean? I don't know, despite the rain and dark they're hovering over his position in Our game ... maybe they know something?
Joe
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I've not been feeling well lately, nothing serious mind, just a lousy cold, sinus infection, bubonic plauge type of thing. So, in my weakened state I find that I turn to ... my friends, my community, those who truly CARE about me. Having done that I thought I'd come here and tell you swine that my turns will be done when I feel like it which, based upon current evidence, could be a while. Deal with it or not, I couldn't care less {AAAaaaaaCHHHHHoooooOOOOO!} ... sorry about that, it probably hasn't turned into Pneumonic plauge yet so you probably don't have much to worry about ... probably.
Joe
[ 04-29-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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Bah! ... the untimely intrusion of real life and an poorly timed attempt by BTS to clean the waters here (as IF...) prevented me from properly instructing my young and inexperienced squire Speedbump. I see that he has taken upon himself the burden (and burden it would be) of playing the foul MrSpkr in my stead. While I appreciate the loyalty, proactivity and enthusiasm shown by Speedbump, I must publicly berate him as well. It is the duty of Knight to offer correction as well as praise.
Speedbump, MrSpkr is beneath my contempt. I engaged in conversation with him as an act of kindness and continued to demolish his trivial arguments while they amused me ... which wasn't long, but then I'm easily bored. Your acceptance of his challenge ON MY BEHALF gives legitimacy to him and his DEMAND that I play him. He has managed to show up here, on the Mutha Beautiful Thread, for a matter of days. I have resided here and contributed for MONTHS. He has no right to DEMAND anything. In the future, you will engage in combat on my behalf only if I direct you to do so. In short **KICK!** With that said, you have accepted the challenge and I now expect and require that you will fufill your duties promptly and victoriously. Come home with your shield lad ... or on it.
I note also that Lawyer has either challenged me or is contemplating doing so, he is, obviously, a lawyer and actually determining intent from anything he posts is problematical at best. I would inform Lawyer that I am well over my budget for games at present and that he is not even the first attorney on my list. In other words ... get in line pal and wait your turn, which should be good training for your future on the soupline after your efforts have ruined the country.
Finally, I note with approval the return of Hakko Ichiu, if not to the thread then at least to the arena of combat. I'd also like to thank Seanachai for favoring us with another fine example of verbosity without content.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>joey me boy ...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> DekeFentle I really must apologize. In referring to past pages I see that you've made numerous attempts to communicate with me and I've not answered you. I must confess that reading your posts, frankly, puts me to sleep. It must be the endless repitition of the word "Suck" in all of it's wonder. Rather like a metronome in fact ... so soothing and measured ... suck .... sucker ... suckiest ... hmmmm .... zzzzZZZ HHuu?. Oh sorry again. I just seem to drop off and forget you ... I'm sure it happens to you a lot. In any case I do note that you have been attempting to say ... something to me, I'm just not sure what it might be. So here I am lad, what can I do for you?
Joe
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MrSpkr, now that's a bit better. You had some relatively clever comebacks and actually used quotes from my post. You did, regrettably, fall back on the hackneyed and tired tactic of MISquoting (i.e. making up) my post. When will people learn that the true test of a response is to quote accurately and then use that quote to their own purpose. But all in all not bad. With more effort on your part you may yet survive here.
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Joe, I shall make this simple, in deference to you. I challenge you.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes ... I understood that, apparently you didn't understand MY response so allow me to reiterate ... NO! <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You are a
tiny clump in the diarrhea of life and I wish to squish you properly.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'll repeat the advice I gave another ... More Class, Less Crass ... you were doing so well too. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Send me a setup after you're finished crying to mommy about the other kids being mean.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'm sorry, where does it say that I have to play you at all? You, sir, are a scum sucking newbie who has been on this thread for a matter of days. Perhaps you can find some Serf or, if you're really lucky, some Squire who will accomodate you with a game. Perhaps when my new squire, Speedbump, is recognized by Lorak (assuming he emerges from his huffing induced coma ... that Wasp spray is nasty stuff I hear) he can be persuaded to play you. In the meantime, remember Icarus ... he TOO wished to fly too close to the sun.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Jo-shaw, you feckless blighter. {various blatherings omitted because they bored me} I challenge you, Jo-shaw, to come forth from your hole and fight, you pathetic excuse for a cat's ass.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Ah yes, quite so uh ... Mister Sparker is it? No doubt a reference to your ambition as an automotive tune up specialist ... or an arcance reference to that first kiss you hope to obtain soon ... best of luck. I am, however, devastated to respond to your {cough} challenge with the news that you are, not to put too fine a point on it, unworthy. There are rules here, boyo, mostly unwritten because that's the way we like them. You have attempted, in your ham fisted way, to follow the rules of which you know and for that you shall be commended. You have singled out someone to taunt (Me), you have indeed sounded off like you have a pair (small, immature, doubtless unused but still existant) and you have issued a challenge ... be it ever so obtuse: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I challenge you, Jo-shaw, to come forth from your hole and fight, you pathetic excuse for a cat's ass.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Cat's ass, hmmmm, yes I ... I see ... I suppose.
You have FAILED, however, to recognize that a Knight of the CessPool does not usually engage in combat with Scum Sucking Newbies! What of my recent match with Speedbump, you ask? First he exhibited some wit and literacy in his posts that intrigued me, he showed, in short, some promise. You show nothing more than a passing acquaintance with a dictionary (though it obviously didn't extend to actually reading the definitions) and an overabundance of bile. Second ... he was the exception that proves the rule.
Taunting, my overblown friend (sit down Bauhaus), is more than just flinging random abuse into a post. TRUE taunting is a subtle blend and is not to be undertaken by the untrained.
With that in mind and wishing you and yours the blessings of an always kind Providence (I understand Rhode Island is lovely this time of year) ... Sod OFF!
Joe
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Phillies Phan don't be too quick to assume ill intent on my part, far from it. We are, IMHO, talking Biblical quality material here. Parting of seas? Kids stuff. Forty years lost in the Sinai? Trivial. Multitudes fed from fish? A carnival trick by comparison. As Elvis rightly points out, you've won your share of games, and who among us is in any position to cast stones (to continue the theme a bit longer), certainly not I. There can be only three possible answers, either you have discovered a bug previously unknown to BTS (unheard of) or we have a documentable case of ... divine intervention! Not, I hasten to add, on the part of Elvis who is practicing to be as evil as Berli, but rather as part of an unknowable master plan designed to strengthen you for some ultimate test ... one which I have confidence you'll pass.
What's that? The third possibility? Oh yes ... well it boils down to ... S**T Happens! and it apparently happened to you. But you can't expect US to ignore it now can you?
{smilie inserted ... because it's been too long.}Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Elvis - Win (100 pints)
Hiramphillyphanbandwagonboy - Lose (0 points) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I blame myself ... for it was I who gave him Jabo! with which to play. I should have known better. Much like the teenagers who stand in front of cars trying to get on some MTV show, or the kids who toss each other around trying to be WWF stars, Phillies Phan ... just wasn't up to it. If you'll recall, it was young Hiram (yes, lad we know you prefer Phillies Phan ... Gawd knows why but there it is, but you'll always be Hiram to us) who mananged to eke out a draw against that, the most evil of rigged scenarios. And now this ...
Perhaps, though, we should consider this in another light. Perhaps science has gone too far and we should judge this on a more primal, metaphysical level. Surely one who accomplishes such acts as a draw in Jabo! and a 100-0 loss in PBEM is ... special. I'm reminded of Chaunce E. Gardner in "Being There", or Forrest Gump in, well, "Forrest Gump" or even the Maid of Orleans, all people who did the impossible ... or at least the extremely unlikely.
I'm thinking of erecting a shrine to the lad ... (sit down Bauhaus).
Joe
[ 04-26-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Sorry - I couldn't resist any longer - been dying to post that!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, please accept our congratulations as well as our suggestion that, having accomplished your ultimate mission in life, you now take your ambition to it's logical conclusion ... AND DIE ... as surely as must this thread.
Joe
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Lorak be it known that I have prevailed in my struggle against young Speedbump. The scenario Jabo! once again proved it's value to the CessPool by inflicting a Total Loss upon the lad with a final score of 92 to 8. The combined forces of Allied airpower, 155 artillery and the odd 76mm AT gun destroyed 29 of the total 32 vehicles. Two vehicles were left on the field immobilized and only ONE poor flakwagen evaded all the traps and escaped off the board. One Allied aircraft was destroyed.
I, therefore, having gone to the trouble of initiating young Speedbump into the ways of the CessPool, do hereby acknowledge him as worthy of entry into the CessPool and recommend him for the rank of SQUIRE and do hereby claim him as my second squire to be raised to the rank of first squire upon the ascendency of the worthy and noble Agua Perdido to the rank of Knight. Oh ... and don't forget:
Speedbump: Ignoble Defeat
Joe Shaw: Glorious Victory
Joe
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nijis I would remind you that THIS is the CessPool, we don't deal in politics, local, national or global as we feel there's more than enough crap floating around as it is. If you want to talk politics lad, go and chat with Bauhaus, he won't listen but he'll be ever so glad for the company especially since his Panther and Jagdpanzer IV had to pop smoke and reverse so they could get out of the sights of my mighty Churchill that was about to pepper them with actual cannon fire donchaknow. Where was I? Oh yes, anyway if I want political commentary I'll tune to CNN, otherwise ... stuff a sock in it. And if Babra is contributing he should too ... the sock thing that is. THE CESSPOOL FOR CESS, that's my motto, well one of them anyway ... another is "There's nothing wrong with a little pornography as long as you don't have a little pornograph." YMMV.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Goanna had the unmitigated gall to suggest that:And you, Joe can hang your head in shame.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> WHAT? You DARE to suggest that I used GAMEY tactics in our late, lamented contest? Did I, EVEN ONCE, use edge hugging? I DID NOT! Did I, EVEN ONCE, use a single crew in a combat role? I DID NOT! Did I, EVEN ONCE, use mines? I DID NOT! Did I, EVEN ONCE, have even a single bloody MG armed Jeep let alone a bunch of them? I DID NOT! And yet you, who used mines AND PILLBOXES (not that even one was facing the right direction ... I guess you have to use something to keep those Volksturm chaps from running like sheep ... sit down Mace) dares to accuse ME of GAMEY tactics because I was constrained by time? BAH!, you sir are a cad and a scoundrel. Why I had gobs of arty left and if I'd had the bloody time I'd have stood off and blown your old geezers to kingdom come with my 105s. I did not have that time so I took the HONORABLE route and charged into the teeth of your defense.
Panzerschreks to the left of us,
Panzerschreks to the right,
Volksturm in front of us, volleyed and thundered. (mind you most of the thundering issued from the thunder JUGS they were using)
I tell you friends it was glorious. Yes two the three AFVs died but the third sped into the very depths of his so-called defense and changed the game from a defeat to a draw and I call that a victory ... hmmmm ... uh ... oh well.
I DEMAND a rematch with the foul lizard boy and this time there will be no draw ... unless it's a tie I suppose.
In any case, Lorak please scribe the following disgusting result of 40 TURNS of Gaming With Lizard Boy:
Joe Shaw the Honorable and Courageous: Draw
Goanna the Cheating and Cowardly: Draw
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>jshandorf complained that: I would rather play patty cake with a baboon then converse with you at length. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>One can readily understand that you would communicate more easily with a baboon than with me, no offense taken.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Edited because I always do.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> No DekeFentle, it was edited because you're always an idiot. I give you points, my lad, for persistence, but that's all. You seem to think that by repeating various incarnations of the word SUCK that you can somehow get my goat (GOAT, Mace Goat, not sheep). Try something different, son, something with some ... wit, some cleverness, some humor, some literacy ... any of the above? No, I suppose that's too much to ask.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Should the females in your life suggest that a co-ed baby shower might be a good idea, take a great fat pointed stick and
thwack them in the noggin with it, several times, until the thought goes away. Baby showers are for WOMEN.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well DUH! Are you telling me that Elvis is so stupid that he actually fell for this? I mean I knew he was stupid but geeze ... even a scum sucking newbie wouldn't tumble to that!
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>In the spirit of the day, is there anyone here I am not currently beating like a
red-headed stepchild (and I should know - I have one)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> YO! BUBBA! Right Here!
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Goanna; a Trustworthy sort...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh come now Peng we were willing to grant you the amusing conceit that the thread was yours simply because it bears your name (as if that has any relevance to anything) but really this goes too far. As you rightly point out, there are scum sucking newbies about ... why they might BELIEVE YOU about Goanna.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Preach on o'proclaimer<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Thank you ... I believe I shall.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>You just say that because you suck. I of coarse place GREAT inportance on CM skill.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> You are, I agree, quite coarse, and that's why you HAVE to place importance on CM skill. Look, I could quote chapter and verse from some of the finest minds in the CessPool ... okay, strike that last part ... from many of the people in the CessPool, that CM skill is indeed the LEAST important attribute of a Knight of the CessPool. Far more important is the ability to string a few words together in a coherent and (preferably) libelous manner. I place into evidence YOUR emails which are bleak to the point of being virtually mute. Obviously you have to place value upon your CM skills ... for you clearly can't communicate worth a damn.
But don't lose heart, continue to attempt, in your own minimalist way, to contribute to this thread. Read the works of Seanachai, of Berli, of Agua Perdido even of ... if may be so immodest ... mine own humble self. One day jshandorf, one day you TOO will post something that is not only worth reading but something that will bring a tear of joy and yes, pride to my eye ... or not.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I think that we should show how sportsman-like the 'Poolers are, and provide old KiwiJoey with lots of games, just like we did for Lizard Boy after his trip.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Marlow I had to reformat and lost my lovely Gorge scenario (a.k.a. The Death Ride of the French Armored) that Goanna played. I really need to create some more scenarios for scum sucking newbies I suppose.
By the way, I should point out that your comments regarding your win ratio were hilarious, one of the best tongue in cheek parodies I have seen. Of course, as a Knight of the CessPool, you understand that competence at CM is hardly something to boast of, but some of the newer lads might actually take you seriously so maybe a BIT more irony next time?
Joe
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[disdain]DekeFentle[/disdain]
Joe
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jd actually I know the feeling, I have too many going on now too, so don't feel obligated. If, on the other hand, you'd like to try another game I'll shoot you an email with a suggestion.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>And how you can even stand the humiliation is beyond me...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well jshandorf, sometimes ... stuff happens! Witness our game. I would certainly have thought that after my Sdkfz 250/8 of Death had dispatched Three of your AFVs and then beat the snot out of a platoon of your finest that the rest of our fight would be a cakewalk. Alas it is not to be. I would appear that the forces of evil (Jeff's, not to put too fine a point on it) will eventually prevail THROUGH GAMEY ... nah, I can't even say that. See what I mean? Stuff happens.
In other gaming news today:
Berli and I have completed our armor only, view one only test game. I emerged victorious with NO losses while he lost (or bogged) every AFV he had. Since this was a test scenario, however, it will NOT count and the evil one and I are planning another fight shortly. I do recommend the View One only games, however, they're great fun and nice change of pace ... Berli may disagree.
Dalem and I are engaged in a relatively small, night and rain combined forces mish-mash that has barely started. I shall, obviously, win ... you have to wonder why these people bother don't you.
Speedbump (no bolding for serfs) is dying nicely and according to plans. I do like his style however, he dies with panache.
Mace seems to have managed to get his lads well pinned down in our View One infantry game while I have the VL and the stronger position ... and God on my side.
Mensch has managed to sneak in a lucky shot and has nailed one of my AFVs, he seems inordinately proud of this lucky shot. The poor bloody infantry accompanying his Stug did not, unfortunately, fare so well as they scurried into the open and were shredded by my lads. It's early but it's going to be over very soon. Mensch has an interesting strategy (I deny that he has ANY tactics). He has created a tenny-tiny small map, short LOS , 500 pt. QB ME. He obviously hopes that he will get the one lucky shot that often decides these fights. He has ONE lucky shot ... I think he'll need more.
Bauhaus claims that we have a showdown coming! He neglects to mention that the showdown is between a Panther and JgPz IV on his side and ... a crummy Churchill on my side! Some showdown. Nonetheless, I have made great progress in this game and shortly expect his troops to begin their rout.
Seanachai ... Seanachai, Seanachai, Seanachai {sigh}. It's OVER lad, much as you choose to deny the obvious, as often as you might decry the injustice, frequently though you protest that you STILL have the means to resist ... IT'S OVER! Your AFVs are in one of two states, rusting and abandoned or smoking and spewing the occassional round that's cooked off. There is no shame in defeat (unless it's to Peng or Croda of course) and the sooner started the sooner over. I could, of course, force a humiliating global defeat on you at any time, but I prefer to allow you the shred of honor that your surrender will allow.
Goanna and I have reached the end game, only a couple of turns left and the issue is still in doubt. I have courageously ordered my tanks forward to the VL, yes some will die at the hands of his 'schrecks and 'fausts, but HONOR demands that the VL be taken and taken it shall be ... I WILL NOT BE DENIED!
jd has promised another game but has so far failed to follow through. Fine, MY honor is unsullied, I made the offer.
Hakko Ichiu still sounds like a sneeze.
Joe
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<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Ok, make the little git a knight, but Joe, quit bolding his name until its official <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Actually Berli I've been bolding the names of both Knights AND squires for some time now. It's my feeling that squires, while lowlife of the most noisome variety, are still part of the CessPool and therefore vastly more important than anything that populates the Outer Board. Since they MAY ... MAY, Berli someday aspire to Knighthood (and who has proven this more than the estimable Auga Perdido, by your own admission) we should acknowledge that they ARE official members of the CessPool. I will never, of course, stoop to bolding the names of scum sucking newbies or serfs.
Joe
{smilie inserted ... because it's been too long.}
Welcome to Peng Challengeville!
in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)
Posted
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Do you know something I don't?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Oh I think we can safely make THAT leap of faith. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>'Cuz in the game I'm playing I'm either a)kicking your ass, or
really kicking your ass.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Now I see what your problem has been with winning CM games. I really shouldn't ... I mean NORMALLY giving an opponent critical information like this could cause me to lose the match, but as it's YOU that I'm playing ... The little flags on the field? The ones that either show your flag, my flag or a question mark? They are NOT there simply for decoration. HINT They are rather important to the actual winning of the game. You might note that the sole flag on the board has MY colors. Add to that the jolly sight of your squad running about on fire from my flamer and the arty rounds impacting on the woods where your lads are cowering and we have yet ANOTHER thing I know that you don't. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Not as hard as I'm kicking whomever else I'm playing though.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Jolly good then, you'll be having a win to celebrate ... should bring your spirits up after the loss to me.
Joe