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Joe Shaw

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Posts posted by Joe Shaw

    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Decisions, decisions, decisions, here we are at page 11 and nearing the Magic 300 number and we need to decide what to do next. The last time it worked pretty well with Lorak blessing a thread title, but MadMatt is back and we DON'T want to annoy him. OTOH, what do we care if he likes the thread title or not? So ... I'll get the ball rolling with my suggestion which is a follow-on to my previous thread title:

    What is the Sound of One Peng Challenging?

    Now remember lads (yes, yes and lasses too) the thread must be started by a Knight and it must contain a GOOD version of the rules ... modesty forbids my suggesting that MY version was the best but ...

    Lorak can bless the title or MadMatt can jump in with both feet and tell us we're all doing it wrong and he will, BY GAWD, bless ALL thread titles ... in which case he shouldn't have gone on vacation even if he DID enjoy the hell out of it and so there.

    Speaking of which, I surely hope that some 'poolers are involved in CMBB by THIS time. How can BTS have a new version without OUR input? I can see it now:

    Steve: Charles, did you find the correct slope on the hull armor for the T-34 76B-13a/verdad with fuzzy dice?

    Charles: Yes Steve, I've verified that it was face hardened to a bertinelli of ...

    PENGER: {bursts into room with a round wooden lid that has a noticable ... ambiance): HEY GUYS, check out what I found, a geniune Russian cesspool cover from 1942. Can we use it, huh, huh huh?

    Joe

    [ 07-10-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

    0

    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>In the words of Goanna: Now, let me just take a moment to say that JoePshaw is a low-down, game-hacking, multiple-hyphenated piece of gutter trash. How could a M4A1(76)W possibly miss three shots on a piece of Teutonic crap before being taken out by the same without a serious bit of coding tomfoolery? I ask you. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And I'LL answer you. First, I deny that I have ever been in a gutter ... well while sober anyway. Second as to your "coding" question, I refer you to that cavalry genius of the South (we'll ignore his political and moral ... and ethical ... and racial ... and, well you get the idea, I'm just talking MILITARY genius) Nathan Bedford Forrest who said "Get there first with the most" ... or some variant of that. He did NOT say, "Get thar firstest with the mostest." The point, dear Goanna is that my lad was in place with engine idling away while your Sherman managed to MOVE into his line of fire with it's turret aimed elsewhere. What's surprising is that my lads allowed you to get ANY rounds off, but my lads were no doubt stunned that any allied tank would do something that dumb! In short, I don't NEED to hack any code when my opponent creates the same result all by himself.

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Oh my, I seemed to have stirred a bit of a hornet's nest of comment, little of it cogent of course, but still:

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Peng countered: PShaw I wish to point out to you, and jd and MrLawyer will certainly point you to the correct paperwork, That I am in fact the owner of this thread ... blather, more blather and even, wait for it, more blather<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Peng, Peng, Peng ... and while I think of it, Peng. Is jd the very best you can do? It is WELL known that he will say anything for MONEY ... despite THAT admirable trait he's just not to be trusted and therefore I discount his testimony. As to your other source, you must think me as pudding minded as the rest of the CessPool, but there is NO MRLAWYER ... as you well know. I invoke simple logic to devestate your claim, attend now: Were the MEMBERS of the CessPool to die en masse (an admirable idea to be sure), there would be no CessPool. Were the CessPool to be invoked elsewhere under another name, it would still be the CessPool.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>jd found it unutterably clever to misquote me thusly: Well Peng I ALREADY loath you forever but I promise to think of you every time I kneel and abuse myself before the porcelin goddess.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> I'd thought more of you jd ... well, not really ... than to change the wording of my quote which was, as you well know, ABASE. For shame.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Finally, Agua Perdido felt moved to propose: What say you, old man? Let us invoke Berli for a playing field, just to maximize the unpleasantness.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Well, that would certainly do it. As to the Lose, Lose nature of the encounter, I shall have to consider if your education is complete. If so, then I shall allow myself the minor pleasure of beating you. If not, then I may have to allow you to win in order to finish your teaching in the proper manner. I shall think upon it later but by all means, let us have something from Berli ... foul though it will be.

    There {Joe walks away dusting his hands} ... that should answer that.

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I must admit it was a challenge to keep up the "owie-owie" act when your fuzzy slippers kept tickling my ribs. I thought it gave me a bruise at one point, but it turned out to be a rash from the angora (what's a grown Kanigit doing with angora slippers, anyhow? no, wait, I don't want to know).<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> The angora slippers lad ... {a tear slips silently from an eye} you must have forgotten but ... {sniff} those were the slippers you gave me for my birthday. While pink angora was not my favorite, they were a gift from you, my most loyal and trustworthy squire, and I wore them with pride ... and a certain, difficult to eradicate, fungal growth that came with them. I see that {sob} you've forgotten that gift. It's a sad fact of life that once you raise a squire to Knighthood they all too often forget those that groomed them to their current station.

    But I haven't forgotten, lad, I still recall with affection the late night cocoa you'd bring me ... I never told you of the sleepless nights I spent with stomach aches, you obviously brewed it incorrectly but I wasn't going to hurt your feelings.

    And what of our many practice sessions? Oddly I've not had ANY monitors explode since you left my service, I suppose they've improved quality control, and a good thing too, they were constantly blowing up in my face ... luckily I was usually napping and the glass missed anything vital.

    But of course I assisted you as well. Take the night that those two gentlemen called, Bruno and Bugsy I believe they called themselves. They were under the mistaken impression that I owed some funds to a gentleman named ... Steve? ... Seve? ... no, it was Shiv, that was his name. I was able to give them directions to your home ... you never mentioned their visit but then you were absent for a week after that. You missed out on the riveting lecture series "Berlichtingen, a Handle or an Affliction."

    I don't have that fancy new mouse you gave me, the one called the "Digit Less", I lent it to a friend but it was defective and, sadly, amputated three fingers on his right hand.

    Ah well, an old Knight may be excused his reflections on the Good Old Days I suppose. Best of luck to you, Agua my most loyal and trustworthy squire, you may have forgotten but I {Sob} ... I haven't.

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Squire to Mr. Shaw<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Ah Speedbump, it is time to leave the things of a child behind and to deal with the world as man would. While I've no doubt that your squireship with me was and likely will remain the high point of your life, you are a Knight now and must stand on your own two feet. So lad, while I regret the loss of an adequate squire (there was no hope, of course, of your attaining the heights scaled by Agua Perdido) it it time and past time for you to remove or at least alter your sig. Perhaps you might accomplish the painful task in steps, by changing your sig to Former Squire to Mr. Shaw? Good luck lad, and don't forget "straight back, bend at the knees and keep the backswing low" ... oh wait, that's golf isn't it?

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>SO in keeping with a political model of dictatorship of the anarcho-syndaclist

    and as Father Confessor and OWNER of the 'pool I hereby ammend the rules of double secret probation blood hamster excorcisms to include the following:<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> HOW many times do we have to go over this? You are NOT the OWNER of the thread, it is merely your namesake ... or you're it's namesake. Neither is "he whose name shall not be bolded" the sole representative of the 'pool. Indeed that's the reason for the whole excorcism, that hwnsnbb (see above) took too much upon himself. See to it, oh Peng that you do not make the same mistake.

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Berli hissed the following: Pardon me Sir Idiot, but you did state that she had not been heard from in ages. Any post within recent time would put the lie to that statement...bile or no<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> {Sigh!} And what part of "...doesn't qualify" did you NOT understand. An unqualified post is AS IF IT NEVER WAS ... therefore, pay attention now, IT WASN'T. The lack of bile was just icing on the cake ... or lack of icing, whichever. I note with pleasure, however, that Dame Kitty has rightfully taken Mace to task for his faithless and fickle nature. Oh sure, some might claim that he HAD to since he lost the Blood Hamster match, but a TRUE CHAMPION would have won. She's better off without him.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Righteous indignation is fine if delivered with a brick... spurs should be

    left to your questionable social life.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> But, fool that you are, you fail to note that a brick doesn't go with the equestrian motif I was establishing, while a curb bit and Mexican spurs DO!

    Evil is as evil does, that's what I always say ... well, okay I've probably NEVER said it but that's not the point. We had some moments of agreement early in this thread but now you seem to be looking for confrontation. So be it, I wonder if you can find a setup that DOESN'T contain the words "best played against the A.I." when you are playing the side "best played by" ... unlike the last scenario you foisted upon me.

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Berli responded to my post by stating: Joe, you are an idiot on two counts for your post...<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Hmmmphh, I don't care for your attitude sirrah. And furthermore ...

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>XI) Direct your attention to page 6... note the post from Dame Kitty<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Regretfully, a "Mask of Shame" post really doesn't qualify, especially as it was unaccompanied by any bile. Sorry Dame Kitty, but I must call them as I see them.

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>a) Giving a response to Stupka gives his post legitimacy<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Yes, yes, BUT there are times when the consequences MUST be damned and righteous indignation MUST be allowed to flow forth. Surely (may I call you Shirley?) even YOU can see the wisdom in applying the curb bit and serving notice with the Mexican spurs? I've found the thread to be lacking an equestrian tone for some time and decided that this was the time to rectify that lack ... besides, from the sounds of it Mace might find it an interesting variation.

    Joe

    [ 07-07-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

    0

    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>{The emergency klaxon wails and frightened Cesspoolers stream out from their slit trenches as word is passed that it is the aircraft of their vaunted Kommandant, UberFuhruer Stuka,<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>You WISH! As if the gallant lads (okay, lasses too, though YK2 has been absent of late and Kitty hasn't been seen for ages) of the CessPool would allow themselves to be commanded by ANYONE, let alone some clown who takes the name of an obsolescent dive bomber that was DEAD MEAT to any competent airforce. Do you use sirens to puff YOUR reputation as well? You make too much of yourself sir ... luckily we don't.

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>I believe the chap I played is listed on Lorak's site as a "pissboy" or somefink. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> On those rare occassions when I am mistaken I admit it. Panzer Leader is quite correct, Col. Sanders IS listed as a Serf and therefore the game is eligible for the scroll. HOWEVER ... part of the requirements for a CessPool member (be he/she a Serf, Squire or Knight) is a degree of constancy. We can't have these Serfs wandering in, wasting Lorak's valuable time (okay, okay, work with me on this) and then never posting again! In the case of Col. Sanders I think it's obvious that no Knight will take him to Squire since ... HELLO ... HE'S NOT HERE! Perhaps we need to cull the list a bit.

    Joe

    0

    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Panzer Leader beat the SSN known as Colonel Sander.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> There IS an SSN called Colonel Sander? Not exactly a proflific poster is he? We can't be expected to remember every Tom, Dick and Colonel Sander who wanders in and is given a game through pity.

    Lorak do we count as CessPool games those games played against SSNs? Surely they must be at least a Serf before they're counted. Damnit maybe Seanachai is right (if, of course, it WAS Seanachai), this place is going to the dogs if we allow games against SSNs to be entered onto the scroll of honor. Now perhaps Seanachai put Panzer Leader onto this fool's throat, but the game still should not count UNLESS the SSN was a Serf. Do standards mean nothing?

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    Ah Panzer Leader, and you were doing fairly well too, but then: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>The Panzer Leader: Has proven himself on the field of battle,<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Okay, so far so good, not Hemingway, mind you but okay. Unfortunately you continue with: <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>by slaughtering into a great mound the human excrement that a certain SSN who goes by the distasteful name of Colon Cancer threw at me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Huh? In the first place your ... description makes NO sense at all. In the second place ... if you're going to use cutsie aliases (a practice I decry EXCEPT for SSNs, as this one was) kindly make them clear enough so that even Lorak MIGHT have clue as to who they are. Now perhaps I'm just a bit weary tonight, but I don't know who the hell you might be talking about. <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR> ... Col. Sander: A sad, wasteful loss of human life by a sad lossful waste of human life. A loss.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> Col. Sander huh? Okay, I give up, can I buy a vowel?

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Joe Shaw --

    Professor Doktor Hamster X, eh?

    Hmmmmmmmmm . . .<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> shhhhhh!!! not so loud MrSpkr. PDHX (you'll understand that I don't want to use the ACTUAL name) was ... IS ... an evil personification that represented an offshoot group of hamsters that were bent on world domination (damn it Bauhaus this is SERIOUS). They began by using PDHX to "take over" the persona of Hakko Ichiu, an early Knight of the CessPool who, regrettably, hasn't been seen much recently ... for obvious reasons. I'm sure that someone can provide the URL for the dialog that explains this further but the point is that we fear that Seanachai has now been taken by PDHX and is posing as Seanachai. Let us hope that our fears are unfounded, for PDHX is an able CM commander, unlike ... well you get point.

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Ha! Nipped that one in the bud! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE> And not a moment too soon either, from the sounds of it. We did have a minor incursion from ak47_Tommy Boy but turned him back with minimal losses. Let the CessPool note that it's Seniour Knights are ever vigilant and shall not allow the CessPool to become a social club for Grogs and ladder climbing neer-do-wells.

    Needless to say, Berli I still find you as utterly disgusting as ever and would spit on your shadow ... if you had one, but of course as the agent of evil ...

    Mensch is, as you've pointed out so correctly, a flaming idiot. I know this for a fact since the building occupied by his infantry just went up in flames AFTER he moved another squad there. Oh I'll no doubt lose to him in this one, I have my record to consider after all and felt it necessary to take ... steps ... to preserve it after my recent disreputable victory over Dalem.

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    And what did I predict then? Did I not suggest that Seanachai (as I shall call him, though without the BOLDing due to the old Seanachai) would sound like the old Seanachai and would even play like the old Seanachai? And so he did, but the inconsistencies are too great and the pitiful "logic" he used is too feeble.

    The REAL Seanachai would NEVER have communed with grogs and he would NEVER have fallen to the depths required to actually INVITE them into the CessPool and he would have NEVER, NEVER, NEVER have offerred the {shudder} winner of a tourney free entre into the ranks of the Seniour Knight of the CessPool! And based upon what? Not their ability to taunt, nor their wit, nor their community spirit, no, it was to be based solely upon ... their ability to play CM!

    Seanachai's excuse, that the Pool was becoming stale and boring, is a lie ... it was ALWAYS stale and boring, and Seanachai would have known that. And to suggest that bringing in GROGS to liven it up is like suggesting that you should bring the members of a retirement community Bingo club to a Stamp Collecting meeting to "liven" it up.

    Seanachai you may call yourself Seanachai but you are not. Seanachai would NEVER have taken it upon himself to do what was done by Seanachai, for Seanachai would understand, as Seanachai does not, that the CessPool is a community and NOT a dictatorship ruled by any one person. But Seanachai is too smart for you Seanachai, he knows, as you do not, that we would KNOW the real Seanachai from the false. Release him foul fiend, you shall not prevail over the will of The One The True CessPool.

    Joe

    [ 07-04-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

    0

    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    More grist for the Seanachai( quite right Peng we can't go about bolding the names of anyone who might not be who they are ... or were ... or something) mill. This from the last email I received from him ... I THINK it was him ... <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Just so you know, I am leaving next Thursday, the 5th to go to the Winnipeg Folk Festival, and won't be back until Monday the 9th. Last turns out on the 4th, and probably won't resume until Tuesday the 10th (after 4 days of camping, I'll probably be pretty tired Monday night.) <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>Suspicious? I'd say so. In the first place there is NO culture in Winnipeg, even of the folk variety. Second, he's on an AMERICAN holiday in CANADA ... does he think we're stupid? In any case it looks like we have about a week to get ... THINGS ... in order before he returns, so let's be sure our HQ units have ambush markers set and our firing units have LOS ... so to speak.

    Joe

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Oh... and since I wa pretty damn drugged at the time...Is it any good? I enjoyed it then. But is it as good sober?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> MrSpkr (see below) is right and I was wrong ... well there's a first time for everything. Again, as I recall, I wasn't that impressed, it seemed pretty cliche ridden. I'm quite sure that serious drugs would improve it.

    Joe

    [ 07-03-2001: Message edited by: Joe Shaw ]

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    The Twelve Step Program to the PENG Challenge!

    in Combat Mission Archive #3 (2001)

    Posted

    <BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>If that fails, we may have to assume that Seanachai is no more and we will have to treat the imposter as any other SSN<HR></BLOCKQUOTE> But we must be careful Berli, the forces of THIS evil are crafty and clever, unlike the forces of evil we are used to here in the CessP ... oh ... sorry. Anyway they may well WRITE like Seanachai (i.e. interminable, boring, prosy posts that say nothing at great length) and they may even PLAY like Seanachai (so there's SOME good that can come out of this).But they will not BE Seanachai. Let us harden our hearts and do what must be done ... remember, it's for Seanachai that we do this if we must. Let us hope the exorcism works.

    Speaking of exorcisms, I fear that we must counsel MrSpkr NOT to attempt any exorcism without first consulting with Peng, the FATHER CONFESSOR. Frankly, the record of MrSpkr and exorcisms ain't that great.

    Joe

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